I’m not sure what else to do

[Tink500525]

Hello I been married since 2011.But on the day I got engaged my dad kicked me out the house and my dad was abusive and controlling.I ended up going to live with my boyfriend now husband.But over the years and the first year I felt like I married him to escape my controlling dad.I also was sexually abused by my dad even though he tries to say I made it all up.Crazy.Anyways I was in foster care and they believed me.Anyways I went back home and thought things would get better but they didn’t.Well as I got older I wanted a way to leave the house.So by marrying my boyfriend then husband now I thought life would be good.But honestly I’m not happy.He hardly goes out with me to have fun.All he do is play video games n watch tv.I be wanting to go out me and him and dance or just go to a bar but he mainly just stays at home.We go out to eat but besides that I just be bored with him.I have a more sex drive than he does and I’m thankful for him but I just feel my marriage is boring.What do I do?

[spiderowl]

Try talking to him first of all. Let him know how you would like to go and do more with him. If you have already done this and it hasn't worked, you could try marital counselling.

 

Of course, you could consider leaving your husband but you would need to find somewhere to live and a means of supporting yourself.

 

Do you love your husband?

[Tink500525]

I love my husband but I don’t know maybe this is just one of the worst years EVER.And I do talk to him.But at times things just seem the same boring.Does marriage counseling even work?

[d0nnivain]

MC works but you also need individual therapy because I don't think you ever fully addressed all the other horrible things in life that happened to you.

 

 

Do you have friends or activities you enjoy without your husband? Concentrate on some of those to make your life richer. As you feel better about yourself it will be easier & more productive to address the problems in your marriage. Until you work on yourself getting divorced will just make you divorced & miserable instead of married & miserable. You, the common denominator need to work on yourself too.

 

 

Best wishes. I hope you find the happiness & inner peace you seek

[Tink500525]

I do have happiness.But I also want to go and meet new friends.In the town I live in I don’t know anyone.My husband isn’t that socialable and so I don’t who to trust since most of my friends live in my other town I grew up in.People talk about hanging with other people besides my husband and sadly I feel like I have no one.At least not in this town.My best friend made the sorry excuse of people grow apart and I thought me and her would be the type that would be married and have kids together but she pushed away.But she said she did that with a lot of people.And what do you mean horrible things that happened to me? Why do you say that?

[d0nnivain]

I do have happiness.But I also want to go and meet new friends.In the town I live in I don’t know anyone.My husband isn’t that socialable and so I don’t who to trust since most of my friends live in my other town I grew up in.People talk about hanging with other people besides my husband and sadly I feel like I have no one.At least not in this town.My best friend made the sorry excuse of people grow apart and I thought me and her would be the type that would be married and have kids together but she pushed away.But she said she did that with a lot of people.And what do you mean horrible things that happened to me? Why do you say that?

 

In your post you said you were sexually abused by your dad. You lived in foster care & before your wedding, you were kicked out. Those are awful things to happen to anybody. The sexual abuse especially probably left lasting damage. It needs to be addressed for you to heal & grow.

 

Making new friends takes time. Do you talk to the neighbors? Try saying hello. Volunteer somewhere doing something you are passionate about: raising money to fight a disease, helping the arts, caring for animals, getting political. Go out & become active in your community to meet new people. Ask somebody from work to sit with you at lunch eventually lead up to doing things together out of work. Find a meet up group that interests you: a hobby, board games, going to movies, investing, a book club . . .whatever. Attend these events & get to know the other participants. You have to put yourself out there.

[Gaeta]

You and your husband have different views on how to spend your free time, it's not a reason to question your marriage it's a question of adapting. You need to build a new network of friends where you are and you do this by getting involved in sports, or groups sharing same activity whether it's reading, painting or kayaking. Your pick. You cannot look toward your husband to make you happy and whole as a human being, it doesn't work that way. You need to fill your life with things you enjoy, not him.

[BaileyB]

I agree. It's his decision whether he wants to stay at home watching video games. It's your decision whether that kind of a life is enough for you.

 

There is nothing stopping you from going out to build your own friendships. In fact, that's a very important and healthy thing to do.

[Noproblem]

Do you have a decent job?

 

Do you have a higher education?

 

I find going back to school can spice up your life and make you meet friends and everything.

 

Start with a community college and decide later what you want to become.

 

You are still very young 24 or something, your whole life ahead of you, you can do a lot of meaningful stuff

As for friendships and meeting people

 

Start with Meetup

There you can all find of people

 

some people who like to read books, run together, go to restaurants together or play bowling

 

All kind of meets up in your area.

 

If you don't love him anymore, leave him now not later!

Edited November 20, 2017 by Noproblem