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When is infidelity most likely, women vs men


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This article presents the findings of two different studies on infidelity. The first concerns at what point in a R women are more likely to be unfaithful, and finds it’s most likely between 6 and 10 years into the R. Men, OTOH, are more likely to be unfaithful after 11 years.

 

The second article they discuss considers American vs European men and women, and examines the top reasons given by each for infidelity. While the top reason for both American and European women was the same (my partner stopped paying attention to me) and likewise for American and European men (the other person was really hot), geographic differences become more pronounced below that on the list. The differences between men and women were also interesting.

 

The first study is behind a paywall, but the second one is only a click away, if you’re interested.

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Cookiesandough

It's hard to say. I think I've read younger women more likely to cheat, but there's conflicting data with men. Ashleymadison male users average in their 40s, but a lot of younger men cheat earlier in the marriage and never really tell anyone. They don't need a pay site to do it. People who cheat earlier in the marriage do it because they're young & dumb/raging hormones and having trouble acclimating to marriage. People older do it because they're unhappy/bored and want something different after so long of that. It's hard to say.

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GunslingerRoland
Only thing interesting about those articles is roughly 4% of them thinks intercourse isn't cheating.

 

Not surprising, people have an amazing capacity to rationalize that what they are doing isn't wrong. It ranges to things far more horrible than infidelity.

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BarbedFenceRider
Not surprising, people have an amazing capacity to rationalize that what they are doing isn't wrong. It ranges to things far more horrible than infidelity.

 

I thought of the same thing. I remembered a post a little while back of an older gentleman that was dealing with past infidelity and his W only described sex as a pleasant "handshake". Nothing more. It floored me. That kind of compartmentalization takes some serious mental gymnastics...

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From Reader's Digest plus links to other good articles. I have been cheated on twice and been the other guy a few times so I know a little about it. The clueless partners, like I was, are the easiest to fool. I never once thought it was a possibility or questioned anything. Now I have a healthy dose of mistrust of everyone, especially when it comes to sex and money. Both times my girls cheated with good friends of mine.

 

https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/time-marriage-partner-likely-cheat/

 

Also beware about how sincere and trustworthy a cheating partner can sound. Plus thy will deflect back to you. You are the crazy one or the one who is forcing them to cheat because you are never home and instead wasting time working so she can drive around in a BMW and not have to work. Bitter, oh yeh.

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IME, most MW's I interacted with were most active in their 20's with only a minority of experiences being later in life. Only a few exceptions, by their own words or actions, participated for the first time in their 40's, as comparison.

 

The tricky part, as the second linked article alluded to, is what people consider inappropriate behavior for a married person. I think, in retrospect, those who aligned with genital sex being the demarcation line appeared to strike the best bargain between validation, power, satisfaction and responsibility. All the other non-sexual stuff can be spun, effectively because, well, we want to believe the best about women, as sincere care, friendship, platonic love, you name it. The MW's who developed those boundary and communication skills early seemed to get the best shake IME.

 

I would opine nearly all the ones who admittedly exceeded the sexual boundary and stayed in their M's expressed regret. The exit affairs, not so much. Expressed regret also appeared to be more tied to discovery/disclosure. However, where no belief of exceeding boundaries occurred, disclosure and/or regret were far less likely which makes sense because why regret or disclose something one doesn't believe is wrong, improper or detrimental to one's relationship? To them it would be like regretting or disclosing every handshake.

 

Anyway, interesting article, the second one, and those are my observations over the decades. IME, male peers are just as likely to match up with the statistics as MW's do but they never admit to anything, ala Bill Clinton. They simply don't talk about it, even with friends, before, during or after. I've noted a couple of incidences where the man doth protest too much but that is different from discussing things openly like women often have. Hence, reading the male responses to the survey was helpful.

 

The running joke when I was young was being the milkman's baby. Little has changed, apparently ;)

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