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Talking to your SO about yourselves


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Old 9th November 2017, 7:13 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by No_Go View Post
Well occasional affirmation is fine.Too much: drives people crazy because it is a *symptom* (that the parties need to convince themselves things are okay - ie insecurities).
Hum, I like affirmations. I guess we don't day "gee don't we have the best relationship ever", but we do say that we appreciate each other. That we are lucky to have each other.

And the little things "thanks for doing the dishes" etc. we say those every day. Again - work in progress stuff. At one point I was doing practically all the household chores and that wasn't working for me any more. So I told him I needed more help, and more acknowledgment of what I do around here.

And he listened! Started doing more chores without being hounded, and if I came home to a freshly vacuumed house - you bet he heard about. "Hey, place looks great, thank you so much for picking up and vacuuming"

And he thanks me specifically for the things I do around the house. It lets me know he noticed and appreciates the effort.

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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
Sand mutually agreed beforehand that they were really going to need their alone time to just sit and read or just in general be alone, and that neither should take that personally lol! They are very much alike, but I think the key is in totally respecting the needs/wishes of the other person <3.
Hahaha like I said work in progress.

For instance we used to get in this crazy tail chase…. I would ask “what are your plans? Are you going to be home for dinner?”

And he would interpret that as “I want you home for dinner” – and get worked up about trying to get back in time yadda yadda. He says he will be there, meanwhile its getting later, and I am getting hangry.

But the thing is, I didn’t CARE if he was going to be home for dinner I was just trying to figure out if I would be cooking for two, or just feeding myself – and honestly often I would prefer the latter!

But him being him – Mr. social, he assumed he should join me for dinner. Me Ms independent, I kinda would rather a dinner to myself so I can eat the funky things I like. And me being me, I was assuming he would be insulted by “don’t come home for dinner, I didn’t want to feed you any way” - so I would try to delay dinner for him.

Eventually we figured out how to verbalize that “honey, I don’t mind if you aren’t home for dinner – I rather eat my weirdo food any way. Stay out, and enjoy yourself!” Its not that I don’t like cooking for him, but I didn’t want him to feel obligated to join me. Don’t take it personally boo!

Which was a relief for him, because he assumed I would want him home – and I get my me time. We are just different in some ways.
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Old 9th November 2017, 7:19 PM   #17
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[...]
Eventually we figured out how to verbalize that “honey, I don’t mind if you aren’t home for dinner – I rather eat my weirdo food any way. Stay out, and enjoy yourself!” Its not that I don’t like cooking for him, but I didn’t want him to feel obligated to join me. Don’t take it personally boo! [...]
Yes, those types of talks are indeed very necessary and hard to do without. Even if you don't talk about your relationship in general, making sure that you are clear about your expectations and needs helps a lot.
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Old 9th November 2017, 9:25 PM   #18
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Well expressing gratitude is a whole other game -
it is normal and respectful thing to do.

I meant more like the type of statements of affirmation 'Aren't we the greatest couple in the world' and alike.


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Originally Posted by RecentChange View Post
Hum, I like affirmations. I guess we don't day "gee don't we have the best relationship ever", but we do say that we appreciate each other. That we are lucky to have each other.

And the little things "thanks for doing the dishes" etc. we say those every day. Again - work in progress stuff. At one point I was doing practically all the household chores and that wasn't working for me any more. So I told him I needed more help, and more acknowledgment of what I do around here.

And he listened! Started doing more chores without being hounded, and if I came home to a freshly vacuumed house - you bet he heard about. "Hey, place looks great, thank you so much for picking up and vacuuming"

And he thanks me specifically for the things I do around the house. It lets me know he noticed and appreciates the effort.

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