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Romantic/Friendships Choice Quality


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Old 9th November 2017, 5:32 AM   #1
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Romantic/Friendships Choice Quality

You know what I don't get. Every time I run across someone I could date or think would be a great match. It seems like they are attached in some way.

All my love choices are sort of wrong and I am not even coming from a Sex angle or have the need to be heavy duty from the start.

Yet when it comes to my friendships. I am on point and there is no one that I am really on the outs with, and my friendships are rich in choice.

What is going on. Its almost like the quality of Friends are better in my social environment, than my love choices, but they are all from the same space so to speak.

Any insights?
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Old 9th November 2017, 7:48 AM   #2
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Well, unfortunately as you get older the range of possible unattached candidates diminishes. People who have mainstream-appealing qualities and are interested in a serious, monogamous relationship have often found one by then. So as more of those people disappear from the dating pool, you find more and more:

- people who are less mainstream-appealing (this doesn't necessarily mean ugly, it may mean odd personalities, unusual interests, extreme shyness, etc. things that made it harder for them to find a match.)
- people who aren't interested in serious relationships OR have only recently become interested (the wild party girl/boy who finally wants to settle down)
- people who were in a serious relationship but have recently been through a traumatic breakup/divorce/loss
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Old 9th November 2017, 3:55 PM   #3
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If I meet a male/female friend. There really is no issue. Its when I run into a woman that sparks my GF candidate radar. Thats when its like she is hung up on an ex/Married/Seperated. I could see one or two, but both. The last two women I was interested. Both are married.

I feels like women would more likley be in a bad relationship, until they can't take it anymore. Than be single and take their time.

I see myself as a good guy. Real. Not fake. I don't put up any pretense. Even when I was young. If my GF started acting up with something unreasnable. I called them on it.

Maybe I don't trust women romantically. Or thy type of woman I want is a real hard find. I want the Girl next door type. Than the Glamour Girl that is demanding and wants to be catored to.
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Old 9th November 2017, 4:18 PM   #4
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Yeah...the good ones get snatched up quick ... :'(
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Old 9th November 2017, 4:24 PM   #5
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I mean, that makes sense in a few ways.

First and most obvious is that (assuming monogamous relationships) you only take one lover, whereas you can have many friends. So competition is obviously a lot lower.

Secondly there are so many more factors to consider with your SO than your friends. I don't care about the belief system of my friends, I don't care about the hours they work, whether they want to have kids or not, I don't care about getting along with their families, I don't care about how much money they make, when they want to retire, what the age difference is, I don't care about their sexual preferences, I care that they are a good person, but I'm more forgiving if I don't agree 100% with all of their morals. With an SO all that stuff is important.

And that was just tip of the iceberg off the top of my head, I could probably list 1000 more things I care about in my SO that I don't care about in my friends if you gave me a couple of hours.
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Old 9th November 2017, 5:18 PM   #6
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I see your point. I guess it feels like two people matched well is hard. Even if you have all the right situations in place. Like I keep saying on various posts. It feels like all my choices are wrong and that I would be better off letting a woman come to me. Or someone else matches me.

My ex is having problems meeting someone as well. She wants to have a baby. So the guys she meets are not about that at all.

Perhaps doing nothing is what will work in the end for me. Seems like I get matched up better when the universe does it for me than when I do it myself. What I think I want is not workable. Even when I look at the women I have made an effort with, vs the ones that come to me. The ones that come to me were way more compatable even for a short term thing. I don't get that. I still can't figure out why the friendship choice is better than the love choice.

Its all about radar. My buddy S broke up with his wife and they were together 29 yrs. 19 married. He now has a new woman in his life. Yet he says he has few friends and I am one of them. I have no problems making friends, but I don't date that much or it feels more barren to me.
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Old 9th November 2017, 5:20 PM   #7
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I see your point. I guess it feels like two people matched well is hard. Even if you have all the right situations in place. Like I keep saying on various posts. It feels like all my choices are wrong and that I would be better off letting a woman come to me. Or someone else matches me.

My ex is having problems meeting someone as well. She wants to have a baby. So the guys she meets are not about that at all.

Perhaps doing nothing is what will work in the end for me. Seems like I get matched up better when the universe does it for me than when I do it myself. What I think I want is not workable. Even when I look at the women I have made an effort with, vs the ones that come to me. The ones that come to me were way more compatable even for a short term thing. I don't get that. I still can't figure out why the friendship choice is better than the love choice.

Its all about radar. My buddy S broke up with his wife and they were together 29 yrs. 19 married. He now has a new woman in his life. Yet he says he has few friends and I am one of them. I have no problems making friends, but I don't date that much or it feels more barren to me. I feel that I am more with my friends/family more than going out on dates.
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