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OW/MM pair more common than the OM/MW pair? Why is this?


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Old 7th November 2017, 3:35 PM   #1
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OW/MM pair more common than the OM/MW pair? Why is this?

I have noticed that there are normally more MM/OW pairs than vice versa.
I always wondered why that is.
thoughts?
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Old 7th November 2017, 3:47 PM   #2
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Cause more men than women want to cheat.
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Old 7th November 2017, 3:51 PM   #3
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Power dynamics I think.

These men usually hold the power in the affair, they control the contact, how it's going to work, do the push and pull etc. Nor many men would be willing to be in a subordinate position to a married woman like that.
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Old 7th November 2017, 4:31 PM   #4
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Notice is probably the operative word. MW's are crafty. Also, women are generally receivers, not penetrators so the men's actions are more noticeable. Also, married people are less likely to be sharing their dalliances and among singles women talk more than men as a rule. Not an indictment just that they tend to share more. Men keep stuff to themselves.

IME, it's been pretty even. I've known some pretty powerful guys who actually enjoy messing with married women. Great way to stick it to an enemy, so to speak, not the woman, rather her husband. For men it's about power. Control. Being the top dog, the head honcho, the big cheese
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Old 7th November 2017, 4:41 PM   #5
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I agree.... There are men who pursue married women, they like that they are taking something that is not theirs..

I think many are often married themselves, but there are also single men who play that game.

That said, I think it is often simply about sex for them, and not these "love affairs" single women find themselves in with married men.
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Old 7th November 2017, 5:03 PM   #6
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IME, for women, the most desirable man is the one that's already taken....But i'd have to slightly disagree that men actively pursue taken women... Most guys don't mess with other guys women for fear of getting their teeth knocked out...


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Old 7th November 2017, 6:01 PM   #7
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Because women are generally much cleverer at hiding their affairs.
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Old 7th November 2017, 6:47 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HiCrunchy View Post
I have noticed that there are normally more MM/OW pairs than vice versa.
I always wondered why that is.
thoughts?
An awful lot of the OWs who post here are married themselves. They literally are the vice-versa just the same, they are MWs with OM.

The biggest difference on the forums is that there are almost 0 MM who come hang out in the OW/OM forum and angst about whether the married woman they are seeing really loves them. Other Men posters who are fretting over their partners are generally single themselves.

Is that because few MM actually care enough to worry? Or because they know they'd get their heads bitten off if they posted?
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Old 7th November 2017, 7:56 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Shanex View Post
Because women are generally much cleverer at hiding their affairs.
I think this is largely true. Women are more clever at manipulating.
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Old 8th November 2017, 6:52 AM   #10
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Most single men aren't going to stick around and be the OM to married woman. They might sleep with a married woman, and some might even have a short affair but it won't last. Men aren't emotional like women. Men hate drama, and affairs are drama. Where the MM will deal with it because hia opportunities are limited, a single man doesn't. He can go out and find a single woman and have a real relationship, or sleep with whoever he wants without the drama. Women are emotion based. Single or not, women will put up with almost anything if she falls in love.
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Old 8th November 2017, 7:01 AM   #11
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I think studies have shown they men and women cheat at similar rates, with women falling only a little shorter than men.

It's not as wide of a difference as believed. I think the reason for any difference would be that men are more tempted by sexuality irrespective of being in a satisfactory relationship. Not having one only makes it worse. A novel partner excites them because of their biology. Women, on the other hand, generally cheat only when they are dissatisfied with their partner or relationship in some way.

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 8th November 2017 at 7:08 AM..
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Old 8th November 2017, 9:06 AM   #12
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(Slightly off topic, and over-generalised, but still related I feel....)

I think that if there truly are fewer MW in affairs than MMs, this may indicate that affairs are more of a "big deal" for MW than for MM. Hence, a MW will think very carefully before getting involved, whereas a MM might just grab an opportunity with less thought.

To explain further....for MM, affairs are quite often just for extra sex and even if feelings do develop, they can compartmentalise better. For an MW to get into an affair, however, it is ususally for deeper reasons than simply a desire for extra sex and usually indicates that her marriage is already flawed and not meeting her needs. If the A goes on for more than a few months, it may quickly get to the point where she completely checks out of her marriage, even if she didn't originally intend to. Whereas a compartmentalising MM can keep a connection going in both relationships. For an MM, an affair is often viewed as "extra". For an MW, it is more likely to be viewed as "replacement".

This is why on D-day, an MM quite often ends the affair immediately and recommits to his marriage. He may spend a few weeks tormented, but will generally get over it fairly quickly and take a "It was good while it lasted, but it was never going to last forever" attitude. But MW tend to develop deeper bonds much more quickly in an A and are often truly heartbroken for many months when the affair ends. If a MW has a D-day, it is much more likely that she will leave the marriage than is the case for an MM. How many OW threads do we see expressing heartbreak that a MM will not leave his marriage? Lots.

I also think that it was a great point that other posters made about women being bigger talkers and better communicators in general and so this can skew perceptions. If you look on the OW board, for example, there are probably 10 OW for every OM poster. Does this reflect that there are 10 times more OW in the world than OMs....or simply that women are more likely to communicate and seek support than men? Probably a bit of both!

Last edited by jenkins95; 8th November 2017 at 9:08 AM..
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Old 8th November 2017, 2:34 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by jenkins95 View Post
I also think that it was a great point that other posters made about women being bigger talkers and better communicators in general and so this can skew perceptions. If you look on the OW board, for example, there are probably 10 OW for every OM poster. Does this reflect that there are 10 times more OW in the world than OMs....or simply that women are more likely to communicate and seek support than men? Probably a bit of both!
... and 8 of those 10 OWs will be married, thus meaning that their AP is himself an OM.

It's like the old joke about heterosexual men supposedly claiming to have way more sex with way more partners than heterosexual women do. But to get a real picture, you have to consider who they're having sex with!
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Old 8th November 2017, 2:39 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by jenkins95 View Post
(Slightly off topic, and over-generalised, but still related I feel....)

I think that if there truly are fewer MW in affairs than MMs, this may indicate that affairs are more of a "big deal" for MW than for MM. Hence, a MW will think very carefully before getting involved, whereas a MM might just grab an opportunity with less thought.

To explain further....for MM, affairs are quite often just for extra sex and even if feelings do develop, they can compartmentalise better. For an MW to get into an affair, however, it is ususally for deeper reasons than simply a desire for extra sex and usually indicates that her marriage is already flawed and not meeting her needs. If the A goes on for more than a few months, it may quickly get to the point where she completely checks out of her marriage, even if she didn't originally intend to. Whereas a compartmentalising MM can keep a connection going in both relationships. For an MM, an affair is often viewed as "extra". For an MW, it is more likely to be viewed as "replacement".

This is why on D-day, an MM quite often ends the affair immediately and recommits to his marriage. He may spend a few weeks tormented, but will generally get over it fairly quickly and take a "It was good while it lasted, but it was never going to last forever" attitude. But MW tend to develop deeper bonds much more quickly in an A and are often truly heartbroken for many months when the affair ends. If a MW has a D-day, it is much more likely that she will leave the marriage than is the case for an MM. How many OW threads do we see expressing heartbreak that a MM will not leave his marriage? Lots.

I also think that it was a great point that other posters made about women being bigger talkers and better communicators in general and so this can skew perceptions. If you look on the OW board, for example, there are probably 10 OW for every OM poster. Does this reflect that there are 10 times more OW in the world than OMs....or simply that women are more likely to communicate and seek support than men? Probably a bit of both!
I think it's important to note that it isn't always the marriage that's the problem. Some people are just fundamentally unhappy and are always wanting "more".

My brother's ex-wife is like that. It was a second marriage for both of them. It started as an affair, and she went on to cheat on him. He was more disappointed than angry, and I really do think she is a fundamentally unhappy person who is always looking for a salve for her emotional wounds. It's almost as if she is self medicating.

he told me that she has been diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder, and that she's like a bottomless pit that no one can fill. She goes from guy to guy thinking it will help, but it never does.
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Old 8th November 2017, 6:11 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by somanymistakes View Post
... and 8 of those 10 OWs will be married, thus meaning that their AP is himself an OM.

It's like the old joke about heterosexual men supposedly claiming to have way more sex with way more partners than heterosexual women do. But to get a real picture, you have to consider who they're having sex with!
Yes! That's a very good point!

Not sure that as many as 8 out of 10 of the OW on the OM/OW forum are married though. I would estimate it to be more like 3/10.
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