LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > General > General Relationship Discussion

Views on statutory rape


General Relationship Discussion Everything else under the sun. Not sure where to post? This is the place!

Like Tree9Likes
  • 1 Post By CryForNoOne
  • 1 Post By CautiouslyOptimistic
  • 4 Post By RecentChange
  • 2 Post By amaysngrace
  • 1 Post By grays
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 6th November 2017, 7:59 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,140
Views on statutory rape

Another thread, which had nothing to do with this topic, reminded me of relationships back in high school. One that came to mind was a skinny gawky girl I was very good friends with in junior high school. For anyone who grew up in the 80's, she really had the Sarah Jessica Parker "Square Pegs" look going. Braces, glasses, she read a ton of fantasy novels, had mermaids and unicorns in her bedroom etc... Somewhere around age 14, she got contacts, lost the braces, and really blossomed. Being tall, she looked much older than her actual age by 15. She started dating this 20 or 21 year old goth guy, who looked like Robert Smith from the Cure. I'm fairly certain he was sleeping with her. In retrospect, I think that was beyond the age of consent in any state so it was full on statutory rape. But it wasn't exactly like he was some 40 or 50 something creeper. None of us viewed it that way (except we were jealous that cool "college guy" was stealing a girl our age), nor did it seem her parents did anything other than "disapprove". Have views about these things changed or were we just oblivious teenagers back in the 80s?
basil67 likes this.
__________________
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years
CryForNoOne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th November 2017, 8:08 PM   #2
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,870
Quote:
Originally Posted by CryForNoOne View Post
Another thread, which had nothing to do with this topic, reminded me of relationships back in high school. One that came to mind was a skinny gawky girl I was very good friends with in junior high school. For anyone who grew up in the 80's, she really had the Sarah Jessica Parker "Square Pegs" look going. Braces, glasses, she read a ton of fantasy novels, had mermaids and unicorns in her bedroom etc... Somewhere around age 14, she got contacts, lost the braces, and really blossomed. Being tall, she looked much older than her actual age by 15. She started dating this 20 or 21 year old goth guy, who looked like Robert Smith from the Cure. I'm fairly certain he was sleeping with her. In retrospect, I think that was beyond the age of consent in any state so it was full on statutory rape. But it wasn't exactly like he was some 40 or 50 something creeper. None of us viewed it that way (except we were jealous that cool "college guy" was stealing a girl our age), nor did it seem her parents did anything other than "disapprove". Have views about these things changed or were we just oblivious teenagers back in the 80s?
I think views have definitely changed/parents have become smarter. One of my best adult friends was 13 when she had her first boyfriend, a 20 year old. Now that her own daughter is approaching 13, she's horrified at the memory!
basil67 likes this.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th November 2017, 8:15 PM   #3
Established Member
 
RecentChange's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 3,958
Hum...

I was in high school in 1993-1997....

My bestie was this tall, blond, stacked rich girl who turned heads everywhere - she was often getting approached by guys in their 20's.

And among us girls that hung out? We usually agreed that any guy who wasn't in highschool, but tried to pick up on high school girls was a loser.

Why can't he get girls his own age? Why is he trolling high school girls who can't even drive yet?

I am glad we had this foresight, and self regulated before any parents had to get involved.

14 and 20 something? Ugh...

In my opinion teens should be dating their peers,
RecentChange is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th November 2017, 9:07 PM   #4
New Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1
My only question is..whats the hurry??
pebbles15 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th November 2017, 12:38 AM   #5
SJS
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 557
I've thought about this a lot. Once my best friend and I turned 14, we didn't date anyone under age 18, and 21/22 was our oldest. Her parents were fully aware (and highly disapproved so we did a lot of sneaking around), but mine weren't because I lied to them. They were ok with 18 because some of them were seniors, or graduated a year prior, so every guy was 18.

Like CO mentioned, now that my own daughter is 13 and I'm remembering what I did at her age, I'm petrified! lol. I think things have changed because back then you never really heard the term sex offender, now you can get emails when one moves into a 10 mile radius. If a parent had an issue, dad would go beat the snot out of the guy. Now you have him arrested.
SJS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th November 2017, 12:48 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: east coast
Posts: 6,785
When I was growing up, many of the prettiest girls in middle school were dating guys from high school and the prettiest high school girls had college aged BF's.
enigma32 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th November 2017, 1:06 AM   #7
Established Member
 
amaysngrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Jersey Shore
Posts: 23,216
I was willingly with guys who were older than I was and so were my friends. The older guys had money and we could do more fun things with them than with boys our own age.

We didn't sleep with all of them but if we did hook up it wasn't a big deal. Mostly we were just hanging out and partying though.
__________________
just dance
amaysngrace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th November 2017, 1:20 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,140
Quote:
Originally Posted by SJS View Post
I've thought about this a lot. Once my best friend and I turned 14, we didn't date anyone under age 18, and 21/22 was our oldest. Her parents were fully aware (and highly disapproved so we did a lot of sneaking around), but mine weren't because I lied to them. They were ok with 18 because some of them were seniors, or graduated a year prior, so every guy was 18.

Like CO mentioned, now that my own daughter is 13 and I'm remembering what I did at her age, I'm petrified! lol. I think things have changed because back then you never really heard the term sex offender, now you can get emails when one moves into a 10 mile radius. If a parent had an issue, dad would go beat the snot out of the guy. Now you have him arrested.
So I'm not imagining things. It sure seems like in our day it was frowned upon but not much else happened. Now, everyone goes into full freak out mode and a 19 year old could be labelled a sex offender for basically being a loser that can't get a GF his own age. 13 and 20 crosses the line for me, but 15 and 20 I'm not sure. This is a difficult subject because I imagine my own daughter and it's all very disturbing. But I must say as a teenager, my perspective was totally different. I got to know Rob (the guy I mentioned above) and we actually became friends later. In a strange twist of irony, after he broke up with her, he and I still hung out and and boy did she hate that. He wasn't creepy at all though. A few years later and nobody would have thought twice about either his relationship with her or with me...
CryForNoOne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th November 2017, 1:43 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 46,225
Journal Entries: 39
Heh, my best friend was married and had two kids by the time he was 19 and that wasn't uncommon in my demographic. People grew up fast in the old days and in the rural areas and it was common to be a working man with a family at a young age and girls, yup, got pregnant at a young age, 14-15 not rare.

My mom's sister, one of eight girls, was courted at 16 by a 26 yo war veteran, married at 17 and stayed married until her husband died in his 80's, so well over 50 years. Now, if they were having sex and I have no idea but knowing him he was a horndog even in his 70's, was that statutory rape? Did they really care?

When I was younger, I don't think I met a father who thought any man of any age was good enough for his daughter Men were evil creatures with penises. Of course fathers didn't want to be reminded that they were evil creatures with penises ogling anything in a skirt. Oh, the hypocrisy!
carhill is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th November 2017, 3:55 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 777
I think about this a lot these days, probably because I have a 14 year old and ewww, thinking about what I was doing then is kinda creepy.

I was really only into older guys from the minute I started having sex at 15. First guy was 19 and I we were crazy about each other. I don't think anyone saw anything wrong or creepy about it then. My mother loved him and totally knew we were having sex. I can't imagine feeling ok about that for my kid. Second boyfriend was 22. I was still only 15. He was already a recovering alcoholic. I was crazy over him, I think he just wanted to ****. He broke up with me after the first time we hung out with his friends. I think seeing it through their eyes made it more obvious how weird it was and he was pretty mortified.

But the worse couplings for me were legal. Im not sure what the age of consent was in my state but I feel like 16 is pretty standard? Are there higher ones? Anyway, when I was 16 I started a pretty serious relationship with a 31 year old. We werent actually that far off in some ways. I had a lot more sexual experience than he had and I was already living on my own. But still... Ugh. At 17 I had a fwb-type thing with a guy who was 39 and also had a sexual relationship w a 42 year old. Ive been thinking about this last guy a fair amount lately because he was a pretty famous actor in the 70's and I still see him in stuff here and there. I keep wondering if all this Hollywood sexual misconduct stuff is making him think of me at all. lol

At the time I never felt victimized in any way by these guys. And, in fact, I kinda think they were safe choices for me -- those later ones were already so old that they were relatively calm. But both as a mom and as a single person dating in my 40's (and, let me tell you, this is a true thing about the young guys chasing older women!) I have to really struggle to feel ok about those guys.
enigma32 likes this.
grays is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th November 2017, 4:11 AM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: east coast
Posts: 6,785
I remember when I was 22 this 16 YO girl had a crush on me. She was friends with my buddy's younger sister. I had met the young girl's mom before and she actually tried to get me to date her daughter, despite the age difference. I was a bit creeped out by the whole thing and decided to pass on the girl.
enigma32 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is Statutory Rape Harmful? Rocketbutt General Relationship Discussion 17 23rd July 2012 3:54 AM
Is This Rape? Suerenity Marriage & Life Partnerships 82 10th November 2010 5:08 PM
The statutory rape laws and money relationships Dariush Friends and Lovers 2 23rd December 2005 12:27 PM
A Different Rape Thread, Another Rape Survivor: My Story RapeSurvivor Abuse 15 4th August 2004 2:58 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 3:52 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.