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Struggling guys told to "date-within-your-league"


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Old 5th November 2017, 10:44 AM   #1
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Struggling guys told to "date-within-your-league"

So often it seems that struggling guys are accused of only being attracted to superhot women and so are told to "stay in their league" in order to be more successful. I can't help but wonder if this can really lead to any kind of relationship, whether casual or committed, that is mutually exciting for both partners. After all, if the guy in his own mind is basically pre-settling before he even talks to a woman, can you really expect him become satisfied - at least to the point where he doesn't consider himself to be "struggling" anymore?

I never intentionally dated "up" or "down" based on physical looks, but it did turn out that with the few GFs I had when I was single, I was always the one who was more interested and it always resulted in them monkeybranching to other guys. With my wife, she was the one who was more interested - while in many ways we have a good life, neither situation is ideal.

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Old 5th November 2017, 10:47 AM   #2
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90% of the time women do the choosing when it comes to dating and mating. females know all about staying within your league.
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Old 5th November 2017, 11:37 AM   #3
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Well-matched partners will have the most stable and durable relationships, for obvious reasons. Dating within one's league is a recipe for success. If one finds that the members of one's league are not appealing (*), then the logical response would be to rev up one's game - be it exercise, clothes, personality, finances, grooming, socializing, education - and advance to a higher league. Everyone can do this, at least to some extent and often dramatically.

(*) Think about that.
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Old 5th November 2017, 11:42 AM   #4
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Well-matched partners will have the most stable and durable relationships, for obvious reasons. Dating within one's league is a recipe for success. If one finds that the members of one's league are not appealing (*), then the logical response would be to rev up one's game - be it exercise, clothes, personality, finances, grooming, socializing, education - and advance to a higher league. Everyone can do this, at least to some extent and often dramatically.

(*) Think about that.
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Old 5th November 2017, 6:49 PM   #5
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Though men want the most attractive woman they can
marry. This does not mean they will always desire a model.
This does not mean they settled in a bad way.

They know they never will get a 10 does not mean
they will not be happy with the one they get or have
regrets because they settled for less then a 10.

The are happy that they settled for in a good way for a woman
that they find very attractive and takes good care of them.

It is called being a realist. There can be 1,000 boys in a high
school or young men at a college. 999 of them never get to
date the prom queen or the head cheerleader.

They never felt they settled for the one they dated. They
were happy that they pulled in catch that was good as they
got.

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Old 5th November 2017, 7:07 PM   #6
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Having a fear of "settling" seems to be the hallmark of a struggling guy.
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Old 5th November 2017, 7:28 PM   #7
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90% of the time women do the choosing when it comes to dating and mating. females know all about staying within your league.
Women typically try to date above their league too. They have the unique ability to do so which few men have. Men often drop their standards for quick/easy/novel sex partner. So if a woman is readily available for sex and sexually exciting, she can, in essence, play above her league for a bit. The problem comes into play when she confuses sexual interest with romantic interest. It artificially inflates her dating market value in her mind, so she won't be as content with plain old Joe Schmo'.


That's the problem with people who date below their league. They're never fully satisfied but they're more comfortable and there is an advantage to having someone give you most of what you want very easily.
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Old 5th November 2017, 7:37 PM   #8
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That's the problem with people who date below their league. They're never fully satisfied but they're more comfortable and there is an advantage to having someone give you most of what you want very easily.
This isn't a league thing. This is reality. Nobody is 100% perfect, therefore most of us won't be *fully* satisfied. I reckon if we can find a partner who meets most of our needs, it's a very good outcome.
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Old 5th November 2017, 8:10 PM   #9
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Oh absolutely, basil. I was talking specifically about people who take advantage of the position of power believing they have more/better options and therefore care the least/ have less interest. To give an example, a woman dates a man who she is not that attracted to, but he is very caring and sweet and she doesn't have to do anything. Same with a man who dates a woman who is constantly giving sex and doing things for him and he has to do nothing. Both know they can go out and do better tomorrow(and often do), but they are currently in a comfortable circumstance and taking advantage of it.
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Old 5th November 2017, 8:12 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
Women typically try to date above their league too. They have the unique ability to do so which few men have. Men often drop their standards for quick/easy/novel sex partner. So if a woman is readily available for sex and sexually exciting, she can, in essence, play above her league for a bit. The problem comes into play when she confuses sexual interest with romantic interest. It artificially inflates her dating market value in her mind, so she won't be as content with plain old Joe Schmo'.


That's the problem with people who date below their league. They're never fully satisfied but they're more comfortable and there is an advantage to having someone give you most of what you want very easily.
*handclap*
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Old 5th November 2017, 8:28 PM   #11
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I never intentionally dated "up" or "down" based on physical looks, but it did turn out that with the few GFs I had when I was single, I was always the one who was more interested and it always resulted in them monkeybranching to other guys.

What is monkeybranching exactly?
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Old 5th November 2017, 8:45 PM   #12
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What is monkeybranching exactly?
Breaking off a relationship with one person and immediately starting one with a new person.
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Old 5th November 2017, 8:56 PM   #13
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I can't help but wonder if this can really lead to any kind of relationship, whether casual or committed, that is mutually exciting for both partners. After all, if the guy in his own mind is basically pre-settling before he even talks to a woman, can you really expect him become satisfied - at least to the point where he doesn't consider himself to be "struggling" anymore?
I have thought about this as well and I have to say not. If you feel you are settling I do not think there will ever be a time you will never struggle with it. It may not be on your mind 24/7 (though it may 0.0), but certainly in the back of your mind. Intimate relationships are already fickle enough. As Basil pointed out, there is a difference between having respect, attraction, adoration and all the other things associated with deep romantic feelings and still seeing things you dislike/are flawed in the person versus feeling you could do better and yet you are settling for ease/comfort(desire to be in a relationship, security and other things the person provides, practical reasons like starting a family asap, etc)
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Old 5th November 2017, 10:35 PM   #14
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My view used to be - an immature one - was that dating within or even slightly below my league was better for security and fidelity and devotion to me. It was not about my power.

Unfortunately there is no significant firm correlation that I found.

however, as someone mentioned - I also found it easier to let the woman choose me.
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Old 5th November 2017, 11:15 PM   #15
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however, as someone mentioned - I also found it easier to let the woman choose me.
that was me, I mentioned that
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