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How do men see single women who go to bars alone?


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I've never been comfortable going to places like that alone, but I recently discovered that a friend of mine goes to bars alone and just enjoys a few drinks by herself.

 

Are single women at bars viewed in a certain way? I was surprised to hear this not because it's unusual, but because she's rarely ever approached. I always thought that women who are alone and in that environment automatically become easier to approach.

 

What has been your experience?

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I think men see them as "free meal". Although one time, when I was at a bar, I notice a beautiful girl walked in and she sat at the bar by herself. Every guy in the bar turn their heads. I assume all the other men were thinking what I was thinking "she must be waiting for her man to show". Well, she order a beer, she drank her beer, watch a little tv, and then pay her bill and left. I remember hearing the one man in the bar call out "WTF no one approach????!!!" LOL :laugh:

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She goes alone to end up with someone, nothing else.

 

If you just want to have a glass of wine, you can just light some candles at home and have a bath or listen to music.

 

I wouldnt consider a woman alone in a bar a good match for a long relationship

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I'm happy going to a bar alone but I wouldn't go late evening/night time to a party type bar.

 

The art to not being approached is not to make eye contact or continually looking around. It works 95% of the time. Most men know to look for a signal prior to an approach.

 

Usually, if I do go for a drink alone it'll be late afternoon/dusk, not too late and I'll pick a place where there's the ability to watch the world go by or I'll have a book with me - something to focus on.

It's better to take an e-reader or a newspaper if you don't want someone to approach and use whatever you're reading as an opener.

 

Someone above posted about the TV lady, I suspect she was just watching the TV and not looking around much. Anyone could have approached an the opener would have been whatever was on but it sounds like not one of the men in there got any strong signals as she wasn't giving them out and was just doing her thing.

 

Utmost to me though is safety in these situations though, from the moment I walk in I'll be friendly with the staff, if I interact with anyone it'll be groups of people, family type groups - that kind of thing. I pick those I interact with very carefully.

 

If you are thinking of going alone to a bar to meet men then you're likely to be actively looking around and making eye contact - in this case someone or a few may spot that you are not just looking at them and sense what you're doing. In this case you could come across an opportunist up for some fun who doesn't care that you're looking around and is just up for some fun or something more sinister.

I wouldn't recommend going to a bar alone in order to meet men for that very reason.

Pick a safer place, a café/diner, coffee shop, a library even, somewhere you can make a regular place to go where you get to know the staff and regulars a bit.

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I'm not saying a woman doesn't have the right to go get a drink alone!

 

But TBH it doesn't set a good impression with anyone. We've had this thread before, and all there was, was a ton of women screaming about their rights, and who said a can't and all that crap. We not talking about that here. It's what people think or get an impression of when they see a woman go to a bar alone....that's it. All kinds of things come to mind, most negative.

 

Time, place, demographics, can make a difference. Like one person said it wasn't uncommon in a big city to go out alone and it was the norm.

 

So OP, if it's not a normal or common thing where you go to or live, then you will be setting a negative impression on most.

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I've never been comfortable going to places like that alone, but I recently discovered that a friend of mine goes to bars alone and just enjoys a few drinks by herself.
Everyone socializes differently. When single, it's common to do things alone, or at least make a solitary decision to do something. Myself, I've no real interest in bars in general, even when I was married, but do other stuff alone, and have for decades. The lady does what she does.

 

Are single women at bars viewed in a certain way?
Can't read minds, don't know. When I've run into ostensibly single ladies at bars, I thought there's a lady at a bar like I'm a man at a bar. We drink, we talk, maybe shoot some pool, watch the tube, dance, whatever. It's social.
I was surprised to hear this not because it's unusual, but because she's rarely ever approached. I always thought that women who are alone and in that environment automatically become easier to approach.
Some are, some aren't. Women are pretty good at giving off a vibe of 'come hither' or 'stay away'. They learned that, generally, from before puberty.

What has been your experience?
Women are all different. The vast majority of women I've run into in bars and clubs are with friends and are generally married, whether they're with their spouses or not.

 

I recall one LS'er, single, taking me to a local bar one evening and we were there most of the night, I think until 1:30am or so, and no one hit on her and trust me, men hit on her. My guess? Local place, she's a regular and they've all had their go. Didn't know for sure and didn't matter. As a stranger I might have wondered. Usually the barkeeps are chatty with attractive women too but nada. Odd? IDK. Different.

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Some are, some aren't. Women are pretty good at giving off a vibe of 'come hither' or 'stay away'. They learned that, generally, from before puberty.

Unfortunately some guys are terrible at reading that vibe, and end up harassing them. Not many but from what I've heard it's enough to be a problem. Which I think is why this thread exists, to see how big the problem is.

 

I recall one LS'er, single, taking me to a local bar one evening and we were there most of the night, I think until 1:30am or so, and no one hit on her and trust me, men hit on her. My guess? Local place, she's a regular and they've all had their go. Didn't know for sure and didn't matter. As a stranger I might have wondered. Usually the barkeeps are chatty with attractive women too but nada. Odd? IDK. Different.

 

I'm guessing that's because there were two (or more?) of you? Groups often feel a bit more intimidating so there is less chance of being hit on. Although the chances don't reduce to zero so I'm still surprised. It would be interesting to test that theory more.

 

Anyone I see alone at a bar screams confidence (or an attempt at it), which I really appreciate as I don't think I have the same confidence! Although as a few others have hinted it really depends strongly on the type of place you go to.

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translucentsoul
She goes alone to end up with someone, nothing else.

 

If you just want to have a glass of wine, you can just light some candles at home and have a bath or listen to music.

 

I wouldnt consider a woman alone in a bar a good match for a long relationship

 

 

I go to bars for live music.

I almost always go alone, although I often know several people there in the fan base.

 

I have a buddy who uses the local bar as a forced break from work. She puts 80 hours a week into her business, and forces herself to get out of her office and house to get away so she can think more clearly. She comes back several hours later with a second wind.

Does she occasionally met new people there? Sure. But not often. It's a locals place.

 

To paint all women or men in any bar, anywhere is incredibly simple and thoughtless.

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[...]

To paint all women or men in any bar, anywhere is incredibly simple and thoughtless.

 

And similarly not all bars are created equal, and will attract different crowds for different purposes at different times of the day. My neighborhood wine bar is just a place to meet neighbors, really nothing much more. I know a bunch of dive bars that are very similar in that regard.

 

Now the bar of a hotel attached to a convention center late at night is a different question.

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thefooloftheyear

I think most women see the practical side of it....Bars can be frequented by undesirables, drunks, losers, whatever...A woman alone could be an easy target late at night if she's all alone....I'd certainly hope any woman I know would have more sense in her head...

 

I do know that maybe some women would go to a bar alone because they know someone in a band playing there, a bartender, a bouncer, whatever...That's different..She has people there who would be concerned with her welfare..

 

TFY

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I met a woman at a bar who was by herself. Pumped a couple of drinks in her then we went to her car and had sex. And she was pretty good looking. Fun time for me.

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It varies by man.

 

See this thread. The subject has been hashed out here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/636842-going-bar-alone-meet-guys

 

My opinion is that it depends on a lot of factors: the woman, the man, the bar, & everyone's attitude.

 

If you are a woman & want to go to a bar alone, go. Be safe & smart but go. If you are man & think that's a terrible thing, don't talk to the woman. Live & let live.

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I don't have a tv at home, so I'll go to a bar to watch the game(s) and enjoy a drink and apps. I talk to everyone at the bar, and we all have a fun time, but that's it. F*** what anyone else thinks.

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I am married... (So not single) and I will occasionally go to bars alone.

 

Either an upscale cocktail lounge, or a craft beer bar.

 

Usually I am waiting on someone, or killing some time before meeting people somewhere else, now and then an after work drink.

 

I enjoy conversation and meeting strangers (so I rather go out than drink at home alone as suggested).

 

I would say I get approached in some manner the vast majority of the time. Usually a man will ask to sit next to me and attempt to start a conversation. Sometimes it will be more direct, and they will offer to buy me a drink or try to exchange numbers.

 

I am an approachable person, I am far from shy. I make eye contact. I smile freely, I am open to conversation.

 

As for what do men think about a woman out alone? I don't know, and lucky for me don't care ;)

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I am married... (So not single) and I will occasionally go to bars alone.

 

Either an upscale cocktail lounge, or a craft beer bar.

 

Usually I am waiting on someone, or killing some time before meeting people somewhere else, now and then an after work drink.

 

I enjoy conversation and meeting strangers (so I rather go out than drink at home alone as suggested).

 

I would say I get approached in some manner the vast majority of the time. Usually a man will ask to sit next to me and attempt to start a conversation. Sometimes it will be more direct, and they will offer to buy me a drink or try to exchange numbers.

 

I am an approachable person, I am far from shy. I make eye contact. I smile freely, I am open to conversation.

 

As for what do men think about a woman out alone? I don't know, and lucky for me don't care ;)

 

so basically you just tease them? :lmao:

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so basically you just tease them? :lmao:

 

I wear a wedding ring and mention my husband repeatedly. If they want to keep chatting that's up to them. I like conversation - not my fault that many men seem to think conversation = interest.

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I'll mention that I've noticed a difference between the 5-8 and the after 8 pm crowd, with the earlier crowd being more likely being working people who seem genuine and the ladder a little more shady.

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