matty145 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Girl text So this girl I’ve been hanging out with lately just texted me this last night. Me: I thought we had fun Her: Yeah I did too but honestly I’m afraid to get attached or anything because it always turns out bad for me in the long run What do I say to this and how do I play this situation? She texted me this last night. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 It's a rejection. Tell her you understand and good luck, good bye. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 You could try to assure her you are a good guy but this is definitely not a conversation for text. It requires face to face communication. I do agree with Geata that she's too scared & too lacking in self confidence to take a risk on you Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted October 28, 2017 Author Share Posted October 28, 2017 It's a rejection. Tell her you understand and good luck, good bye. How do you figure its a rejection? Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 That's an outlandish response to someone simply saying they thought the evening is fun. If that isn't a rejection then it's a huge red flag that this girl is going to be drama. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 That's an outlandish response to someone simply saying they thought the evening is fun. If that isn't a rejection then it's a huge red flag that this girl is going to be drama. It also explains why her relationships go sideways. She is the common denominator. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 That's an outlandish response to someone simply saying they thought the evening is fun. If that isn't a rejection then it's a huge red flag that this girl is going to be drama. Word. I wouldn't call it rejection. Only someone really complicated and who screw up every of her relationships. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Otherwise it could just be some pretext words for rejection... but I doubt it. She warned you in a way that she ''don't want to be attached'', as she's afraid of it? Not R. Material in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 How do you figure its a rejection? It's an excuse we hear often from women that feel so-so about a man. I am sure she spoke to her friends about it and they all said to not hurt your feelings too much and just tell you that the problem is 'her' and her fear. I am afraid of getting attached is the same as 'don't get attached to me'. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
staggerlee71 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 I don't take it as a flat out rejection. But it is a huge red flag. She is laying the ground work for hot and cold behavior. To me it is her way of controlling the situation, and having the safety of having one foot out the door, a sort of " I told you so" when challenges happen and she doesn't know how to handle them other than a break up. If you choose to pursue, I would suggest meeting her in person and have direct conversation with her. discuss how you would like to build a connection but based on her text it doesn't make sense, and address her concerns. Skip the selling of yourself. She needs to clearly state a firm position on her end and why you should or shouldn't pursue. I'm afraid to get attached is not a firm position as it could be true. Essentially, if you ask the correct questions, you will either have learned her fears which could be built on or you will move on. If you do continue to see her, I am sure it will be a drama filled challenge. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted October 28, 2017 Author Share Posted October 28, 2017 (edited) I don't think you guys quite understand the situation. We went out 3-4 times and we both really had a lot of fun. I know she had fun. I truly believe she has been hurt in the recent past and is probably very skeptical about people now. My question is how do I go about telling/showing her that she can trust me? She is definitely scared of getting hurt or getting played. Edited October 28, 2017 by matty145 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 I don't think you guys quite understand the situation. We went out 3-4 times and we both really had a lot of fun. I know she had fun. I truly believe she has been hurt in the recent past and is probably very skeptical about people now. My question is how do I go about telling/showing her that she can trust me? She is definitely scared of getting hurt or getting played. Well, now that we have the background of your story, we can help more. You should have a real life - in person conversation. About how much you are a good guy, assuming you are and you like her after these couple dates. May I ask your age? I think it's relevant.. if she's young she cannot be jaded already? We've all been hurt, and we have all moved on to better partners and relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
staggerlee71 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 you can be a good person, treat her right, be caring considerate, understanding, a do good by her. You cant make her trust you, she has to come to that on her own Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 It's a rejection. Tell her you understand and good luck, good bye. I agree with Gaeta, it's a flat out rejection. It's unambiguous and actually a pretty good one; she's told you the fault lies with her, not you, so there's really nothing you can do. Look at it this way, she gave you a real shot, 3 or 4 dates, not just a single one. And you had a good time, but people can and do have good times with people they have absolutely no romantic attraction to all the time. You're just not what she's looking for and she realizes it. Not your fault, not her fault, it just is what it is. Is she supposed to string you along for a bunch more dates that lead nowhere? Link to post Share on other sites
Author matty145 Posted October 28, 2017 Author Share Posted October 28, 2017 Yea I don’t get it, she will initiate texts and snaps all the time, and it seams like she’s actually interested, because she asks me questions and explains things in detail. You don’t think that she is maybe starting to get away because she fears she’ll get hurt again.? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Yea I don’t get it, she will initiate texts and snaps all the time, and it seams like she’s actually interested, because she asks me questions and explains things in detail. You don’t think that she is maybe starting to get away because she fears she’ll get hurt again.? Yes, she is afraid of getting hurt. She's telling you that she makes bad relationship decisions. How she has a approached this telegraphs that she has some kind of self esteem / lack of confidence problem Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 I see it as rejection too. Sorry she's just not that into you. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Impossible to say for sure, but I think there's a chance it is not a rejection and it's just her way of saying, "Please don't hurt me." The next time she says something like this you could just say, "I understand. There's no rush, no pressure, but I'm not planning on going anywhere" and see what she says. If it seems to loosen her up, she's into you. If she continues to make more excuses, she might not be. Link to post Share on other sites
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