Jan318 Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 I'm new to posting on here but have used it many times to look at others experiences. Now I'm having a real issue that I don't know if it's just me being too sensitive or if it's something deeper. I work in a hotel as a receptionist my boss is married with 2little kids, we get on really well as we both have the same juvenile way of thinking we laugh and joke a lot and talk not like manager and worker but like friends. This seems to be a pattern not that I've seen but others have pointed out to me in other places regarding me and managers male and female. Yesterday I was at work and he made a few comments to me that got me thinking 1- You're my soft flower, 2- You're my beautiful flower 3- I found a kids toy peas in a pod and he said that's just like you and me. A few times comments have been made about us being a team and he calls me jental aka mental but this was the only time the conversation has made me stop and think. I didn't think anything of them at the time except to laugh at it as I'm not so good at reading these little signs he talks about his wife and his girls all the time and I talk about my boyfriend. Now this has got me rethinking all of our conversations to see if he has said anything more than banter. From what other colleagues tell me he isn't very authoritative and let's people walk all over him at times. But our friendship is just always fun and games. I was going to ask another receptionist if he's made these comments to her but I didn't want to bring something out of it was my mind playing tricks on me. I'm worried that because it's not a professional relationship and it's always non serious when we talk that I'm turning this into something more. Has anyone been in this situation before or am I making too big of a fuss any help would be greatly appreciated Jan Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 "You're my soft flower," "You're my beautiful flower," seem to be inappropriate comments to me. Would you want your bf saying something like that to a work colleague? Also, not sure I'd ask another receptionist if he's said anything like that to her. Even if he has, it's still inappropriate. And what if she tells other you asked her? Or says something to him about it? If anything is said to him, imo, it should come from you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jan318 Posted October 17, 2017 Author Share Posted October 17, 2017 Thanks LWP I definitely wouldn't want my bf saying this to anyone else but me. I need to talk to my manager the next time we're working together 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Myword Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 This banter does not sound like much to me. Maybe it is wishful thinking on your part, assuming you like him? The tone and feeling of his words are as important as what he says. Again, for now, don't build this up out of proportion in your head. Link to post Share on other sites
Chuff Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 It's completely inappropriate. "You're my soft flower"??? Ewww... If you laugh at or make jokes about it, it tells him you're okay with being called these little pet names. He's only going to follow your lead on this, so maybe it's time to stop all the banter and juvenile humor. Shut him down! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 If the comments are public and you observe similar public comments to others, then that's his personality, for better or worse. Nothing special relevant to you. If it's private, slippery slope, IMO. That comes from decades of watching that stuff and dealing with MW's. You're both 'safe' so it's easy to blur boundaries. Very common. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jan318 Posted October 22, 2017 Author Share Posted October 22, 2017 On my part there's no fancying him he's a nice guy but I haven't ever looked at him in that fashion married or not. When he stays back to finish work we do talk. We're not always alone as I have a security with me during the nights but most of the time it would be us two.. But yeah I think me laughing things off and seeing it as a joke and just assuming well he's married seemingly happily so he would never cross the line is probably naive of me which is why it came as a shock to me when he said it maybe I was giving him the green light to say more things. I don't see him interacting with others this way as I'm not there in the days so I can't observe how he is with others and talking to others about it may make it bigger than what it is plus people around here gossip enough as it is. I've not seen him since I've been off but reading comments I'm more determined to shut it down. It's not worth getting into a situation here 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 In light of what’s in the news, shut it down now. Same thing happened to me when I was in my early 20s and it wasn’t innocent. The “good” ones know to walk a fine line so that YOU feel bad for the grossness. Then they act incredulous that you’d th8nk such things about them. Nothing original here, but def unprofessional. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 I would ask other women there if he says that crap to them. If not, you're going to have to start discouraging him which he's not going to like and you might end up having to report it to HR if he doesn't cool his jets and not retaliate. He sounds like a yo. Other reason to know if he does it to others is if you do report him do it anonymously and he won't know for sure who did it so less chance of retaliation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jan318 Posted October 22, 2017 Author Share Posted October 22, 2017 There are 2 other girls here one has been there for 2 years one a couple of months. I can enquire about how he is to work with but not necessarily tell them about what he's said directly to me I don't want it going round the whole company that he says this or that I've accused him. Now I'm thinking about his behaviour more and how he comes across to the other staff members he seems very quiet and unassuming which may be his cover. I definitely need my plan incase he decides to retaliate. If the other girls don't mention anything negative I'll just go it alone. Shut him down first if that doesn't work then I'll go higher up and repot him Link to post Share on other sites
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