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Good looking guys and discrimination, social trends..etc


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I have been studying the ways that people discriminate against good looking men (and women) lately. I see a lot of times a good looking man who has qualities that a women enjoys getting subtly or overtly abused in social situations. It can be kind of humorous at times. It seems people mostly are acting from their own hurt feelings, perceptions and jealousy. ( Im great, why don't you like me?)

 

If a guy is attractive and confident, right away he is a suspect player. I notice women taking out their agressions and on guys like this without even knowing them. Trying to show him that his looks are not all that and trying to play it like he is a fake or something. And then the man needing to prove himself. It is so lame.

 

I think attractive people end up being being mirrors for everyone's insicurities about sex, attraction, love and the oppostie gender.

 

Another thing that I notice is people try to go out of their way to prove that an attractive person is unnatractive in other ways. What is the point in doing that?

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You're watching social interactions, but you have no idea what the history or background is. You speak of women taking out their aggression on handsome men, but you have absolutely no idea if this man is behaving as a general a** all the time, and this is just a byproduct of HIS a**h*** behavior.

 

You're speaking goobly-glop and not providing precise examples of this discrimination you speak of. I question if this so-called discrimination is real. Most people are good people and don't react violently to normal, every day situations. There's more going on under the surface if someone lashes out, in public.

 

How do you know a woman is trying to put a handsome man in his place? How do you know whether this woman knows the man or if this is a first meet or a very new situation?

 

OP, if you're posting this because you are constantly being met with angry behavior from women, I think you need to take a good look at yourself and what you're doing to cause this reaction.

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Cookiesandough

A lot of it might be envy... or just the notion they have it better in a lot of ways and can take it.

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I'm with ya Smart Dude; this envy and rude behavior over my sexiness has GOT to stop. That really can be the only reason people treat me the way they do.

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Mmm, as expected..

 

And no this is not about me. I am watching multiple encounters and social interactions with other people.

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Cookiesandough
Mmm, as expected..

 

And no this is not about me. I am watching multiple encounters and social interactions with other people.

 

It definitely happens. Ive seen it occur quite frequently too. Another thing I've noticed it being okay to take pride in intelligence but pride physical appearance is 'shallow'(when they are both qualities that people are pretty much born with and have no control over) The truth is physically attractive people do have advantages in a lot of ways, so people can justify being harsher to them. Same reason why it's okay to poke fun at other privileged people like the wealthy. Same reason why it's more PC to point out someones thinness but not their weight. Same reason why people are more critical of powerful people or societies.

 

It sucks but it's just the way people are.

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Maybe times have changed, but I've not seen any women discriminating against good looking guys. One friend of mine one time made a comment about too good looking, they'll play around, but she herself was a major player. I mean, some women can take care of themselves even with a player. If the woman is also considered hot and on the same level, she has some leverage.

 

Although what a person is like inside, whether they have the ability or desire to love or be faithful or have any other ethics does NOT depend on looks. Where I see good looking men discriminated against is by less good looking men who envy them and try to tell women they're all bad guys. It's not true. A guy is who his mom and dad raised, as a rule. A good looking guy doesn't automatically have bad morals and his looks don't determine how he treats women. Granted, he may have a bigger selection, but less good looking guys are just as apt to be unethical and unloving and unfaithful and perhaps even more so if they've worked themselves up into a bitter angry state because they can't get the top tier of women that the top tier of men can get.

 

The best looking guy I knew didn't go with the best looking women. I would call them slightly above average. He didn't cheat once he was in a relationship, though it being the 70s, he slept around plenty before he found ones he'd stay with. But then didn't we all.

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littleblackheart

This reminds me of a guy once at a dinner party who was saying more or less what you're saying, OP, only he was talking about himself. There was this awkward silence around the table as I'm sure some of us were trying to muster the courage to tell him he wasn't even really that good looking.

 

In the end no-one dared to dash his illusions about himself. He probably thought we were all ganging up on him and may not be aware of the fact there's more to life than being handsome.

 

Also, a guy who is handsome, confident and has good character will not be treated with suspicion at all; more like the holy grail, tbh.

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Cookiesandough

It's definitely not a common occurrence, peraph. Overall attractive men are at an advantage by far, but there is some discrimination. Some women are automatically distrustful. I don't want to put anyone on the spot but there was another thread where someone said they don't really date attractive men because they assume they'd be in front of the mirror all the time. Now if someone said "I don't date ugly people because I'd assume theyve never looked in a mirror" I think people would say something to me about how rude I'm being

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We're all attractive under our own eyes. Yes if others are breaking the veil of silence to that conclusion to respect others by merely by attraction only.

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Are you sure about that?

 

Yes I am.

I first noticed it happening to me so I decided to study it in others.

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The Urbanyst

People do the same thing to very successful people and celebrities.

 

Most people have built-in CRAB mentality. We try to bring others down to our level rather than lift ourselves up to their level (because its much easier).

 

As I've become more successful, I've noticed I have to watch my back more and I can't trust as many people. Especially at work. People are just lying in wait like lions for you to make a mistake so they can pounce.

 

Its really sad. But that's the world we live in.

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Everyone has their struggles and challenges in life. That said, it’s no fun being on the other side of the spectrum and never having any women drawn to you physically. I think I’d take my chances at being thought of as a player. ;)

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Eternal Sunshine

Eh on average, I don't think that's true. I am sure there are exceptions but...from what I have observed, very attractive men and women tend to me more popular socially among both men and women.

 

Those that are not have some other offputting traits. Either they are too arrogant/condescending, or too socially awkward or they just plain treat others like c..

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Attractive people get way better treatment than average Joes and Janes. They have exponentially more options on the romantic front, they get more job offers for the same profile, make more money, are given the benefit of the doubt when they misstep, etc. That's not just my anecdotal observations. Those are well documented phenomena in study after study!

 

Where there's a disconnect is when a person mistakenly believes he (or she) is more attractive than he actually is. Then the dating market will seem quite harsh from their perspective. That's just a disconnect, however, between what they think they should be able to pull, and where they should in fact be focused. The dating market is very efficient about signaling your overall value as a potential partner. That's why a small segment of people struggle so much with OLD, even though that's where most people meet their partners. OLD isn't your friends...trying to "let you down easily" and expending energy to come up with excuses that won't hurt your feelings when you keep trying where there's no hope. Strangers are less patient when faced with self-delusion.

 

The more unrealistic one's self-view, the more unpleasant and frustrating the whole experience of trying to date will be.

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A recent study in UK, women said their ideal man was between 5-8 out of 10. They feared the competition of other women going after their man if he was a 9 or 10.

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Cookiesandough
Everyone has their struggles and challenges in life. That said, it’s no fun being on the other side of the spectrum and never having any women drawn to you physically. I think I’d take my chances at being thought of as a player. ;)

 

True lol. . If he's really good looking, women throw themselves at him based on his looks. Just on this sight, many women will think he's got so many options he must be a player. Nice guys will call him a Chad and say women always fall for that dumb ******. Others will assume because hes got it so good with his body he's "never had to develop a personality. " Still, I'm sure it's a good problem to have.

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I think there is an underlying stereotype that goes along with attractive middle aged people ("THEY'RE HOT SO THERE MUST BE A BAD REASON WHY THEY'RE SINGLE!") but it is certainly a misconception.

 

I have had bad experiences with arrogant people who were all over the "beauty" spectrum. And, I have had good experiences as well. I believe there is a big difference between OLD and RL dating in this aspect. OLD seems to establish a "beauty hierarchy" as potential suitors are one click away. So, it becomes easier to put one's self up on a pedestal. I know that I have done it...

 

But, it's a different story when meeting people in RL. It's easier for me to date in RL as I make conversation with an attractive woman, see where it goes and ask them out. There's a quicker and deeper connection there.

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  • 2 weeks later...
It definitely happens. Ive seen it occur quite frequently too. Another thing I've noticed it being okay to take pride in intelligence but pride physical appearance is 'shallow'(when they are both qualities that people are pretty much born with and have no control over) The truth is physically attractive people do have advantages in a lot of ways, so people can justify being harsher to them. Same reason why it's okay to poke fun at other privileged people like the wealthy. Same reason why it's more PC to point out someones thinness but not their weight. Same reason why people are more critical of powerful people or societies.

 

It sucks but it's just the way people are.

 

Agree with most of the post, but the first part, at least as you get older, physical attractiveness is more about action than it is birthright. It takes a lot of time/effort/money to be physically attractive for both men and women as you get older; it's a big effort, not like intelligence that's a "gift", more like a reflection of your work ethic physically. Sure, some things are a given, your face, height, etc. But most of the "stunning" women I see who are my age (40) aren't stunning because they were born that way. They are stunning because they spend hours in the gym, eat healthy food (those 2 are about 80% of it) and dress well/good makeup/nice hair (the other 20%). And then there's the wildcard of surgery, which could make up some more "attractive" points.

 

But, in general, the things that make a woman really attractive to me aren't the things she was born with, it was the things that she worked for. And yes, I'm aware that some women and men will never be attractive no matter how hard they work at it, this is a small subset though (IMHO).

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Agree with most of the post, but the first part, at least as you get older, physical attractiveness is more about action than it is birthright. It takes a lot of time/effort/money to be physically attractive for both men and women as you get older; it's a big effort, not like intelligence that's a "gift", more like a reflection of your work ethic physically. Sure, some things are a given, your face, height, etc. But most of the "stunning" women I see who are my age (40) aren't stunning because they were born that way. They are stunning because they spend hours in the gym, eat healthy food (those 2 are about 80% of it) and dress well/good makeup/nice hair (the other 20%). And then there's the wildcard of surgery, which could make up some more "attractive" points.

 

I agree to a certain extent, but the gym only goes so far. It doesn't fix a face or wipe out had experiences that one has accumulated. It also really becomes a trade-off: Would you even want to be with a person who spends countless hours at the gym, or do you have other priorities in life?

 

As I am slowly approaching 50 the picture becomes even more black and white: Some people have just given up, both mentally and physically, while others carry on. But the focus shifts from beauty towards health.

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It would be both hard and odd to ''rate'' myself. I'm a 7 on a good day.

 

10 years ago, without the grey hair and minus 10 pounds I was probably a 8.

 

I wouldn't want to be super handsome, as pointed out before due to the competition and the ''there are too many women who want me''.

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I have been studying the ways that people discriminate against good looking men (and women) lately. I see a lot of times a good looking man who has qualities that a women enjoys getting subtly or overtly abused in social situations. It can be kind of humorous at times. It seems people mostly are acting from their own hurt feelings, perceptions and jealousy. ( Im great, why don't you like me?)

 

If a guy is attractive and confident, right away he is a suspect player. I notice women taking out their agressions and on guys like this without even knowing them. Trying to show him that his looks are not all that and trying to play it like he is a fake or something. And then the man needing to prove himself. It is so lame.

 

I think attractive people end up being being mirrors for everyone's insicurities about sex, attraction, love and the oppostie gender.

 

Another thing that I notice is people try to go out of their way to prove that an attractive person is unnatractive in other ways. What is the point in doing that?

I don't agree with anything you've said

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