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What's it mean when man says hookups make vulnerable


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Old 3rd October 2017, 7:19 AM   #1
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What's it mean when man says hookups make vulnerable

I asked a guy why he doesn't do hookups. He said that hookups make him feel....

"Empty?" I said.

He said "No, not that. Guarded...vulnerable?"

I don't get what this means because it's a guy. A lot of women feel vulnerable because they expect all the man ever wanted was sex. How would a hookup make a guy vulnerable??? I am am not going to hookup with this guy if he doesn't want it and I don't want him to feel bad about it and...vulnerable...later, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to hook up with this guy. I would have been willing to wait but I don't even know what I'm waiting for because I don't get what feeling guarded after a hookup means(I should have asked... I screwed up)

I think I pushed my luck and won't be getting a third date so this is just for future
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Old 3rd October 2017, 7:24 AM   #2
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Vulnerable to an STD maybe?

I don't know why it matters if he's a guy or not though. Some men are in touch with their emotions the same way that some women are.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 7:34 AM   #3
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I never thought of that... it could be an STD!!! He said he's done hookups before...maybe he got paranoid about it each time so it worth it for him. Thanks Amaysn

I feel like we got to know each other well and he was attracted but maybe not emotionally enough to sleep with me...hence no third date. That's so messed up. ( I mean no judgment, it's just pretty disappointing that a guy sucks your face off all night and touches you all over but decided he doesn't want to sleep with you, but that's fair)

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Old 3rd October 2017, 7:44 AM   #4
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I never thought of that... it could be an STD!!! He said he's done hookups before...maybe he got paranoid about it each time so it worth it for him. Thanks Amaysn
No problem. My first real boyfriend and I broke up off and on and I remember him saying that he met one girl and she was all sprawled out on his bed and he had absolutely no interest in being with her.

He said he figured if she was this way with him then he was probably not the only one or something like that.

He preferred a challenge I guess and I definitely was that lol
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:00 AM   #5
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Maybe he's used to women wanting sex with him because he's attractive and doesn't want to be seen as a sex object. There are a lot of women that just want a hook up.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:12 AM   #6
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Ty. I feel like if I was just looking for a s*x object I could go for another guy. I had been on 2 dates with him no sex and got to know each other quite a bit. If you are with someone for 5 hours and things are going well and you're kissing them all over and playing with their hands and they tell you they're physically attracted what's wrong with hooking up. I know I sound like I feel entitled to s*x but I certainly do not and totally respect the decision. I guess I'm just trying to understand it so in the future I don't waste my time. You're probably right.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:30 AM   #7
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Ty. I feel like if I was just looking for a s*x object I could go for another guy. I had been on 2 dates with him no sex and got to know each other quite a bit. If you are with someone for 5 hours and things are going well and you're kissing them all over and playing with their hands and they tell you they're physically attracted what's wrong with hooking up. I know I sound like I feel entitled to s*x but I certainly do not and totally respect the decision. I guess I'm just trying to understand it so in the future I don't waste my time. You're probably right.
Maybe he is just a regular guy who is looking for a girlfriend rather than a hookup. I mean, I tried a hookup once. Sex was great, everything felt good ... she moved in a month later. I guess I failed that one.

But yes, some guys really don't do that. Not all of us can separate sex from our emotions, and are therefore prone to feeling too much when being with somebody to just walk away afterwards.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:45 AM   #8
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I don't get what this means
Why don't you just ask him???

Goodness, it's so simple, yet you make it so complicated.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 8:52 AM   #9
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i see. well it's over now...it wasn't a complete waste of my life because he was a cool and interesting person but interesting in a way that I cant figure out so it feels kind of pointless in some regards (most of it was great)...

I cant ask him now it is over...and I couldn't ask him on the date because he seemed uncomfortable every time I brought up hooking up which was often and he said he just isn't into it so I didn't want to keep pushing and prodding


it's just so perplexing... I feel like I am attracted to these type which is very disappointing ... I mean it's normal to not like thirst in a man but there is a middle ground.
thanks so much!!!

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Old 3rd October 2017, 2:43 PM   #10
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i see. well it's over now...it wasn't a complete waste of my life because he was a cool and interesting person but interesting in a way that I cant figure out so it feels kind of pointless in some regards (most of it was great)...

I cant ask him now it is over...and I couldn't ask him on the date because he seemed uncomfortable every time I brought up hooking up which was often and he said he just isn't into it so I didn't want to keep pushing and prodding


it's just so perplexing... I feel like I am attracted to these type which is very disappointing ... I mean it's normal to not like thirst in a man but there is a middle ground.
thanks so much!!!
Your posts on this thread are confusing. If you're just venting because you are disappointed, that's okay. But if you really want some feedback, you would do well to clarify a few things. Why is if 'over' and why can't you ask him out? Did you and this guy explicitly 'break up'? Was he interested IN YOU to the point where you think he would want to keeping seeing you without the expectation of sex, at least in the short term? Would that be an acceptable dating relationship for you? What is 'these type' that you are disappointed being attracted to, guys who want to forego sex? What do you mean by 'middle ground'?
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Old 3rd October 2017, 2:50 PM   #11
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Lol.
I also don't get why it's over now.
Fill us in Cookies.

It's possible he felt vulnerable after sex because it's intimate for him.
Doubly so if he was just coming out of a breakup.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 5:31 PM   #12
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I for one am tired of...

I for one am tired of... being treated like a sexual object. I have feelings and...emotions. I am more than a sexual object!!!

No really, just kidding. I don't mind one bit.

But really, it gets tiresome sleeping around all the time, I am defiantly in relationship mode. And I have a great new girl friend that I am completely digging in every way. If she turns out to not be crazy this could be the one for a while.

My friends that are girls like her and they don't think she is crazy so who knows.

So I guess I can understand this guy... No, no I can't. If you were worth hanging out with you were worth sleeping with.

If I don't want to be with a girl at all, I don't go out with her.

Really is a little weird. May have dodged a bullet, who knows????
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Old 3rd October 2017, 5:37 PM   #13
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I wonder if he's experienced situations where a woman has gone to bed with him expecting more from him even if she said she would be OK with a hook up. When he didn't meet her expectations, she went off on him for "using her". Some women don't accept their own role for situations they find themselves in . . .

Lots of women say they are OK with a hook up just because they think that if they sleep with a guy he will want her more -- the guy will be "hooked".
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Old 4th October 2017, 8:46 AM   #14
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I have no clue what this guy means by "vulnerable".....but I will say that despite what most women are led to believe, not that many guys like a total laydown...It conjures up bad images in their minds...

TFY
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Old 4th October 2017, 9:27 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
"Empty?" I said.

He said "No, not that. Guarded...vulnerable?"
When you leave out the "............" you take the guarded
and vulnerable out of context which makes it impossible to
find the correct meaning.

That leaves you with possible meanings.

1. Guarded he is careful before he makes "that decision"
Which could be he does not want to send the wrong message.

2. Vulnerable he knows he gets to attached with sex and at
this time he does not want to.

3. He did not to have sex with and looked for a way to say
no without hurting feelings.


My message is that he did not want to have sex with you
and the reason does not matter. Just date men that do.
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