Cocoapetty Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 (edited) Why do I always run into men who only want to sleep with me? I’m an attractive woman in her late 20’s, smart, funny, outgoing, I can cook, I don’t party or drink, I have a very good job and my own everything. My personality is amazing, and I’m a very kind hearted person. But every guy I run into only wants a friendship or sex, and it gets old, very fast. I often attract guys who have girl friends, and want to have [an affair with] me. Is there something I’m doing wrong here?! Edited September 25, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Could be the image you project. Makeup, clothes, body language, how and what you speak of. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 You're meeting the wrong guys. You sound like a nice person. Link to post Share on other sites
Steve51 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 When my wife's girlfriend got divorced in her late 20's she was staying with us and going out a few nights a week. She said that now she knows why guys her age are still single. She could not find one that wanted a relationship. She even had sex with a few to try to keep them but they never called her back and she is a very attract Norwegian with long blonde hair and big boobs. She ended up staying with us for awhile and then joined a dating service where she met her husband of 25 years. He did not want kids and she already had one from her first marriage so it worked out for them. Plus he is a doctor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoapetty Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 I’ve actually tried dating sites as well and met my bf of 5 years on a dating site, but we broke up after he left me “for personal reasons.” We are still great friends though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoapetty Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 You're meeting the wrong guys. You sound like a nice person. This! You are very right. They all seem to be Mr. Wrong, and it’s a pain in the ass! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoapetty Posted September 25, 2017 Author Share Posted September 25, 2017 Could be the image you project. Makeup, clothes, body language, how and what you speak of. Well I don’t wear makeup, so that’s not it, my body language is a possibility, I often give off the “friend vibe.” and I often let them start the conversation, I’m very shy. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 The problem with self descriptions is that they are often inaccurate. You start off by saying that you've got an amazing personality. But you also say that you are very shy. I'm going to come right out and say 'very shy' and 'amazing personality' are a contradiction in terms. I know a lot of people who have good or even great personalities. But "amazing" personalities are very rare. Those who fit the bill for an amazing personality are fun and outgoing. They attract friends from both genders like moths to a beacon. They know just how far to push the line and when to stop. They are social butterflies who know how to enjoy a good party. The other posters seem to have summed you up well. You sound nice and I think you'd pair well with a good man. But you may have to lift your game a bit and get yourself out there if you want a man. Go to parties and meet people. It's through meeting others and extending your social circle that you will meet more men. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Why do I always run into men who only want to sleep with me? I’m an attractive woman in her late 20’s, smart, funny, outgoing, I can cook, I don’t party or drink, I have a very good job and my own everything. My personality is amazing, and I’m a very kind hearted person. But every guy I run into only wants a friendship or sex, and it gets old, very fast. I often attract guys who have girl friends, and want to have [an affair with] me. Is there something I’m doing wrong here?! You've clearly come to the right place. Every guy here who cannot get a woman is handsome, tall, smart, funny, and successful. Oh and has the heart of Mahatma Gahndi while still maintaining a masculine edge. So start fishing... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Are you showing a lot of skin? Are you sleeping with them right away? If so, they are considering you disposable. You said you have a lot of personality but then say you're very shy, so that isn't lining up either. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 (edited) why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.......that's what my dad used to tell me.....he didnt believe in sex before marriage......and in a lot of respects its true...having sex before marriage and then getting a case of the grass is greener syndrome is common for men and women..... when i was young.... a boss said to my father deb should get married and have a whole heap of kids around her.......that's what she is perfect for.....my dad was so pissed that was what my boss thought of what my future should be..... he got so angry with me....thinking like im some kind of gentle retard...soft...which i am minus the retard bit.... ...but...its not all of me.........and i guess my boss was really wrong because i ended up unmarried with five kids.......well my boss was half right.....i have sometimes felt that i am not marriage material... a lot actually.....due to my past....but.....i know in my heart i am marriage material....i know how happy i could make a special guy..... maybe you have looked for love in all the wrong faces......like me...so change the faces you look for love in ..... you sound like a lovely person ...hold true to what you belief and hold true to who you are and follow your heart...i hope your heart leads you to a guy who sees the potential in you to make a lovely wife...along your path ,your way,.....keep the toad kissing to a minimum(if possible avoid them altogether) and search for frogs' faces to kiss instead.......good luck..:bunny:.deb Edited September 26, 2017 by todreaminblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shellybing Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 Why do I always run into men who only want to sleep with me? I’m an attractive woman in her late 20’s, smart, funny, outgoing, I can cook, I don’t party or drink, I have a very good job and my own everything. My personality is amazing, and I’m a very kind hearted person. But every guy I run into only wants a friendship or sex, and it gets old, very fast. I often attract guys who have girl friends, and want to have [an affair with] me. Is there something I’m doing wrong here?! No, you are not doing anything wrong. You just need to look in different places and be up front and honest about what you are looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 No, you are not doing anything wrong. You just need to look in different places and be up front and honest about what you are looking for. And move on very quickly as soon as you realise they are not looking for the same thing. Don't waste time trying to change/convince them. Just NEXT! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoapetty Posted September 26, 2017 Author Share Posted September 26, 2017 Are you showing a lot of skin? Are you sleeping with them right away? If so, they are considering you disposable. You said you have a lot of personality but then say you're very shy, so that isn't lining up either. No and no. I’ve made it clear that I’m not interested in sex until I find the guy worth me opening myself up too. That could be a problem. And I see what you mean about the persnality and shyness. Let’s just say I’m shy when you first meet me. But when you get to know me, I have an outgoing personality and am I really good person. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 My guess is that you are giving off a nice, shy, kind, people pleaser vibe and that can attract sexual predators or, attached and married guys who tend to look for such "victims" and are chancing their luck, but for normal guys you are very nice but not quite sexy or interesting enough so they friend-zone you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 Most people I know who cannot find anybody are either looking for the completely wrong person or have a self-image that is nowhere close to how they are perceived by others. I used to know a woman who figured herself to be a rebel, but was working for the Catholic Church and dressed about as conservatively, and took a somewhat Victorian approach to dating. She was very much into artists with an alternative lifestyle. Not that it is always that obvious, but I had a similar point in my life where I seriously to adjust who I was looking for. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 Most people I know who cannot find anybody are either looking for the completely wrong person or have a self-image that is nowhere close to how they are perceived by others. I used to know a woman who figured herself to be a rebel, but was working for the Catholic Church and dressed about as conservatively, and took a somewhat Victorian approach to dating. She was very much into artists with an alternative lifestyle. This is spot on! At the end of the day, YOU are picking these guys and ignoring others. The issue is ultimately you, not them. Pick differently if you don't want every guy you speak with just wanting sex with you. Also, I suspect your impression of yourself is at significant odds with the impression you actually give others. People with "amazing" personalities don't start off shy and need to be warmed up. They suck you into their world immediately because they are so interesting and charming. They attract everyone to them. So that leaves me wondering about the rest of your self-description... Do you have a lot of friends? What do they say? What is their feedback on why you seem to interact solely with guys who don't see you as a serious prospect? Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 (edited) My guess is that you are giving off a nice, shy, kind, people pleaser vibe and that can attract sexual predators or, attached and married guys who tend to look for such "victims" and are chancing their luck, but for normal guys you are very nice but not quite sexy or interesting enough so they friend-zone you. My bet is on this as well; your shyness comes across as passiveness, and some men aren't going to be attracted to that, while more aggressive men tend to hone in on those qualities. If you're not interested in the guys that have been approaching you, you're going to have to put yourself out there more, as far as socializing and initiating conversation. Edited September 26, 2017 by O'Malley 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 OP, do you have female friends who are in the kind of relationships, marriage or otherwise, that you are seeking? If so, I suggest you ask them to act as your 'wingman'. Go 'out' together (whatever that means), have them watch you interact with men, get feedback from them, and maybe even get assists from them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 Guys your age are stupid... They just want to get laid. Most of them are man children if they are not married by now. You are going to have to change your dating pool. Older but not past the age where they want children. Probably 35 and up. These guys should have GOOD jobs and be ready to settle down. Most single guys before 30-35 are just want to be players. Try that... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 Guys your age are stupid... They just want to get laid. Most of them are man children if they are not married by now. You are going to have to change your dating pool. Older but not past the age where they want children. Probably 35 and up. These guys should have GOOD jobs and be ready to settle down. Most single guys before 30-35 are just want to be players. Try that... She is 29, so I guess her pool is 30-35. after 35 she is into real baggage territory, the divorcees, the kids, the hurt, the bitter and the disappointed... NO single women should have to deal with all that. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2017 Share Posted September 26, 2017 Can you identify any other commonalities about these men? So far all I see is you as the common denominator. But if you can ascertain some other trait they all share, perhaps you can avoid that in the future. For example in my 20s I was very aggressive. I ended up with bad boys & players. When I changed my attitude I got different men. A dear friend of mine realized her "picker" was off so when she would see a gorgeous guy that made her heart go pitter pat, she talked to his buddies. She's been happily married for 15 years now. You can't change them so you have to change your approach. Is it where you meet them? Is it some other characteristic? Ask a few friends if they noticed any similarities. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoapetty Posted September 26, 2017 Author Share Posted September 26, 2017 Can you identify any other commonalities about these men? So far all I see is you as the common denominator. But if you can ascertain some other trait they all share, perhaps you can avoid that in the future. For example in my 20s I was very aggressive. I ended up with bad boys & players. When I changed my attitude I got different men. A dear friend of mine realized her "picker" was off so when she would see a gorgeous guy that made her heart go pitter pat, she talked to his buddies. She's been happily married for 15 years now. You can't change them so you have to change your approach. Is it where you meet them? Is it some other characteristic? Ask a few friends if they noticed any similarities. I’ve met them through mutual friends, I think I come off as too friendly, always there offering advice, being a helping hand and that could be a huge part of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoapetty Posted September 26, 2017 Author Share Posted September 26, 2017 OP, do you have female friends who are in the kind of relationships, marriage or otherwise, that you are seeking? If so, I suggest you ask them to act as your 'wingman'. Go 'out' together (whatever that means), have them watch you interact with men, get feedback from them, and maybe even get assists from them. Unfortunately I no longer have friends, my only friend decided to get into a relationship with my ex and kicked me out of the equation. All of my close female cousins are all engaged or married; but they have their own issues and often tell me to not get into a relationship lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocoapetty Posted September 26, 2017 Author Share Posted September 26, 2017 This is spot on! At the end of the day, YOU are picking these guys and ignoring others. The issue is ultimately you, not them. Pick differently if you don't want every guy you speak with just wanting sex with you. Also, I suspect your impression of yourself is at significant odds with the impression you actually give others. People with "amazing" personalities don't start off shy and need to be warmed up. They suck you into their world immediately because they are so interesting and charming. They attract everyone to them. So that leaves me wondering about the rest of your self-description... Do you have a lot of friends? What do they say? What is their feedback on why you seem to interact solely with guys who don't see you as a serious prospect? I don’t have any friends, but one of my close cousins told me I come off too much as a friend because I love things like sports, video games, etc, I’m not as feminine (heels, makeup, girly crap.) as most girls my age and that’s why I’m often friend zoned. Link to post Share on other sites
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