Jump to content

Men don't care if women have common interests/interesting hobbies, do they?


Recommended Posts

PacificPlain

I've recently come to the conclusion that men do not CARE about whether women have common interests with them, or interesting hobbies on their own as a person, in order to be interested in the woman.

 

Example: Recently I was with a group of friends, and was talking to the young girlfriend of a guy I know well. The more I talked to her, the more it became obvious how few interests/hobbies they share--ranging from not liking animals (he loves them), to not being able to indulge in strenuous physical activities (this is one of my maniac friends--who is more outdoorsy than most of my friends), to not liking beer (he's a big craft beer fan).

 

In my own life, in my last break up, my ex boyfriend and I had many common interests and hobbies. Which made for having a great running and climbing partner, and someone who liked to try out the same recipes and movies I did, yet that wasn't enough to not get dumped for greener pastures.

 

Is my hypothesis correct--men, do you really not care if the women you date have similar interests and hobbies to yours? Is how she looks/makes you feel at the time truly the only two things that matter?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic

I'm not a statistician, but I did love statistics in college, and I'd say your sample group (of two) is way too small to be drawing an accurate conclusion.

 

But, I'm not a man.

  • Like 12
Link to post
Share on other sites

Obviously I don't care if a woman loves everything I do, but if we don't have common interests we have nothing to talk about with each other. I dated a girl 6 months she thought we had so much in common and when I sat down and thought about it, it made me realize that we had little to nothing in common and because of that I broke up with her. We just didn't see eye to eye and if I liked one thing she liked another .... it drove me crazy.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I do. If I am going to spending a lot of time with a woman I want us to have things we can enjoy doing together.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
I've recently come to the conclusion that men do not CARE about whether women have common interests with them, or interesting hobbies on their own as a person, in order to be interested in the woman.

 

Example: Recently I was with a group of friends, and was talking to the young girlfriend of a guy I know well. The more I talked to her, the more it became obvious how few interests/hobbies they share--ranging from not liking animals (he loves them), to not being able to indulge in strenuous physical activities (this is one of my maniac friends--who is more outdoorsy than most of my friends), to not liking beer (he's a big craft beer fan).

 

In my own life, in my last break up, my ex boyfriend and I had many common interests and hobbies. Which made for having a great running and climbing partner, and someone who liked to try out the same recipes and movies I did, yet that wasn't enough to not get dumped for greener pastures.

 

Is my hypothesis correct--men, do you really not care if the women you date have similar interests and hobbies to yours? Is how she looks/makes you feel at the time truly the only two things that matter?

 

In your first example it is both the BF *and* GF who decided to date each other without holding similar interests. So you could say the same about *her* as you could about *him*.

 

In the second case, it simply shows that common interests are not enough *in themselves* to sustain a relationship.

 

So, no, I don't think you are correct.

 

I'm a guy and for me at least common values are important along with certain ineterests. For example, I'm a musician so I at least want to be with someone who loves the kind of music I am involved in and understands the artistic side of me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My boyfriend and I don't have any common interests. Well, maybe hiking. He likes metal, dubstep, and sci-fi. All three make me want to jab a pencil into my ears/eyes. I like running, working out, and the NBA. I can't remember the last time he stepped foot in the gym, and doubt he even knows who KD is even though we live in the Bay Area. He's a brainy intellectual with a huge interest in astronomy and physics. My speech is peppered with the word "ain't" and my eyes glaze over when he starts talking about the next Space X launch.

 

When we first started dating, I was so aware of our differences that I asked him why he was dating me. He said that he really liked my easy-going personality.

 

And that I was hot.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, going by research, commonality is a great foundation for lasting partnerships.

 

Is it everything? Of course not.

 

But saying that men don't care about it? That's a very broad brush.

 

I'd love to have a girlfriend who was interested in my hobbies and interests. I think it'd give us a great place to bond over things.

 

That said, my current girlfriend and I *care* about the same things. We may have different hobbies and interests at a surface level, but we can talk for ours on things that interest us.

 

I think if you're going to have any long term, healthy relationship, you need to have something you can always come back to as a couple. I knew a couple who used to dance tango with each other every night. It was just their thing to do together.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember
I've recently come to the conclusion that men do not CARE about whether women have common interests with them, or interesting hobbies on their own as a person, in order to be interested in the woman.

 

Example: Recently I was with a group of friends, and was talking to the young girlfriend of a guy I know well. The more I talked to her, the more it became obvious how few interests/hobbies they share--ranging from not liking animals (he loves them), to not being able to indulge in strenuous physical activities (this is one of my maniac friends--who is more outdoorsy than most of my friends), to not liking beer (he's a big craft beer fan).

 

In my own life, in my last break up, my ex boyfriend and I had many common interests and hobbies. Which made for having a great running and climbing partner, and someone who liked to try out the same recipes and movies I did, yet that wasn't enough to not get dumped for greener pastures.

 

Is my hypothesis correct--men, do you really not care if the women you date have similar interests and hobbies to yours? Is how she looks/makes you feel at the time truly the only two things that matter?

 

Women are the same though.

 

I used to hold common interests pretty high as a priority until I realized that women didn't give a sh@t if we matched every single common interest if she wasn't attracted.

 

At one point, I wondered why Match.com even had common interests/hobbies on there. :p

Link to post
Share on other sites

There are some men who do care about commonality, but then there are a lot of especially younger men who really only care about having sex and get their social needs met through other guys, assuming they have any social needs.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it's very important for a couple to have similar life values. But it's a good thing to have somewhat different hobbies and interests, as you can introduce something new to the other person.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Most of my interests do not appeal to women. Most of women's interests do not appeal to me.

 

However, I very much appreciate when a woman takes an interest in what I'm doing because it's important to me.

 

The trick I've found is finding someone you enjoy spending time with so much it doesn't matter what you are doing.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

It depends.

 

For short-term flings, I wouldn't care about her hobbies or interests.

 

In long-term situations, I'd like for her to have something she's interested in. They don't have to be the same as my hobbies, but she needs to have something that inspires her. Or she'll look to me for all of her entertainment. And I don't have time for that.

 

Common interests and hobbies are even better. Doing things together is fun.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear

General life philosophies should be aligned...but....

 

Practically no woman really has much interest in some of the kinda stuff that I like in my spare time...Stuff like finance/investing, construction, inventing/engineering/gadgetry/hi performance cars/racing, etc, etc, I also like sports(esp combat sports), and while I suppose some women like to exercise, I take it to an extreme level..I have other interests like music, the outdoors, hiking, etc...And those things, sure, can be shared together with a SO..

 

Its kind of a good thing, anyway...Its not necessary for people in committed relationships to be on top of another 24/7..

 

That being said, some couples do everything together....That's great as well, but not likely to ever be anything that would happen to me,,

 

TFY

Link to post
Share on other sites

You're right, it doesn't matter.

 

Either they have the same interests as me, and we can talk about those interests.

 

Or they don't, and they can learn about mine, and I learn about theirs.

 

The only question is, does she and do I care to learn/appreciate/accept?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Is my hypothesis correct--men, do you really not care if the women you date have similar interests and hobbies to yours? Is how she looks/makes you feel at the time truly the only two things that matter?

 

Well, if you wish to indulge in a little bitterness, check out the Ladder Theory, which says that the attraction men feel for women is composed as follows:

 

60% Looks

30% Perceived probability that the woman will have sex with the man

10% The other stuff: hobbies, values, and personal characteristics

 

About women, the Ladder Theory says the attraction comes down to this:

 

40% Looks

50% Perceived wealth and power of the man

10% The other stuff: hobbies, values, and personal characteristics.

 

That said, it's not true. Of course things in common are important, and sharing things is important too. If one is into pilates and the other one into weight lifting, that's fine. It's harder if one is into fitness and the other is a complete couch potato, however. That difference will likely sooner or later create problems.

Edited by Robratory
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

My wife of 45 years and I have little in common. We share a few things like watching movies but our taste in them seldom overlaps. I engage in my hobbies with my male friends and have a man cave to do all the things I want to do. My wife goes out with her girlfriends three or four times a week to play cards, MahJong and Bingo. The only big thing that we shared was her best girlfriend. We both loved her for most of our marriage. :)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
SunnyWeather
Is my hypothesis correct--men, do you really not care if the women you date have similar interests and hobbies to yours? Is how she looks/makes you feel at the time truly the only two things that matter?

 

I do think these things matter most for many men, perhaps in the short term. After a while though, it would seem pretty important to find some common interests (beyond family/kids stuff) otherwise it would get pretty boring.

 

What would you talk about or do together besides sex? :D

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
SwordofFlame

Currently dating a woman with whom I have not much common interests with. I think the reason the relationship still works is because we both are open to new activities and enjoy spending time together regardless of the activity.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

When I was younger, I didn't care what hobbies the girl are into. But now I want a partner that is into the same things I do, like camping and fishing. it's a must. I want someone who I can explore the great outdoors with. That's important to me.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

It doesn't matter what men collectively want. What matters is what YOU want/like in a partner. In the end, there is much more to having a partner and it takes time to figure out what works between you and what doesn't.

 

I'd say that men and women generally need to have some things in common and yet have some things that they like to do by themselves or with other friends, etc. It's not really good to do EVERYTHING together all the time. There's something to be said for a little space even in a relationship.

 

I think there needs to be a little individuality between partners in order to keep it interesting, so to speak. But, it really is just a matter of what you need. Some people like a partner who is very similar to themselves and some people like a partner who is an opposite. What works for one couple may not work for another.

 

There is no real "formula" for this kind of thing. I'm sorry your Ex moved on. But you really don't know for sure that having so many similarities is what caused him to move on. So don't, try to change what you like or need to accommodate what you think all men want. It doesn't work that way either.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I've recently come to the conclusion that men do not CARE about whether women have common interests with them, or interesting hobbies on their own as a person, in order to be interested in the woman.

 

Example: Recently I was with a group of friends, and was talking to the young girlfriend of a guy I know well. The more I talked to her, the more it became obvious how few interests/hobbies they share--ranging from not liking animals (he loves them), to not being able to indulge in strenuous physical activities (this is one of my maniac friends--who is more outdoorsy than most of my friends), to not liking beer (he's a big craft beer fan).

 

In my own life, in my last break up, my ex boyfriend and I had many common interests and hobbies. Which made for having a great running and climbing partner, and someone who liked to try out the same recipes and movies I did, yet that wasn't enough to not get dumped for greener pastures.

 

Is my hypothesis correct--men, do you really not care if the women you date have similar interests and hobbies to yours? Is how she looks/makes you feel at the time truly the only two things that matter?

 

Of course I care! I don't want to be with someone who I have nothing in common with. Feeling good when talking to her is important, but if she has completely different tastes and ideas than me it's not going to work.

Link to post
Share on other sites
There are some men who do care about commonality, but then there are a lot of especially younger men who really only care about having sex and get their social needs met through other guys, assuming they have any social needs.

 

I think too it depends on how we define commonality. I think of commonality more in terms of core values, beliefs, communication styles, etc. The fact that I like alternative and he likes country or I like the beach and he likes the mountains....to me are surface commonalities that don't really matter in the long run.

 

It's interesting to see how much things have changed over the last 30ish years. I never really thought about a potential date's music tastes, even though music is important to me. Or whether they liked Mexican food or hiking or watching comedies, etc. To me, those are outside type things that we don't have to "share" or that we can "teach" or share with the one for whom it is new.

 

These dating sites with lists of hundreds of hobbies but very few questions on core values seem to perpetuate this surface style compatibility.

 

Just my 2 cents.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm a car chick. My best relationships were with car guys. The relationships ended because it's just what the dating process is. But it doesn't mean it's not important....to me for the long haul it IS important to have passions that are compatible.

 

For me and my husband, our lives revolve around the car hobby, and we love beer, we are both musicians, and have a love for music. But that isn't the whole reason why we are still together for over 27 years. It's a combination of things, like having space to do your own thing, having a life outside the relationship, and that's including having our own friends to hang out with. It's about creating a balance.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess it's important for both men and women to have some similar and some different interests / hobbies. Basically, a balance

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...