The no contact rule

[grazyexes]

So I have read books and watched videos about no contact rule, and understand how it works, but no one have ever mentioned how I should do it in social media.

Girl who I like and dated little bit chose her ex over me because she had still feelings for him. She tried to remain friends with me(backup), but I told her that im not interested in being just friends and if she changes her mind, she can give me a call if im still available.

I don't contact her, still getting ''gm'' messages on snapchat but I just ignore them.

My main problem is instagram. When she posts something, should I like her posts or is that breaking the no contact rule, because the main reason with NC is that I should not be part of her life at all.

I think you understand that NC is way better choice than hanging around like a sad puppy and hoping she will take me at some point. NC creates more attraction and gives higher value.

What would you do in this situation with instagram and facebook posts? Like them or not?

My main goal for all this, is that when she comes back when her ex leaves her again, I can happily say no thank you and have high value, so she will regret her decision she made choosing him over me.

[somanymistakes]

You should not be even LOOKING AT her posts, much less liking them. You should not know what she posts anywhere. That's what blocking is for, so you don't see them at all and are not tempted and tormented.

[PegNosePete]

no one have ever mentioned how I should do it in social media.

Did you read the NC guide on these forums?

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide

 

should I like her posts or is that breaking the no contact rule

The clue is in the name.

 

NO CONTACT.

 

My main goal for all this, is that when she comes back when her ex leaves her again, I can happily say no thank you and have high value, so she will regret her decision she made choosing him over me.

Hum. So your main goal is to cause her upset / get revenge. You're putting in a lot of thought and effort here, for a momentarily small payoff, which you won't even see if you're in NC properly.

 

You should really reconsider your objective here. They say when you start a journey for revenge you should dig 2 graves.

 

If you genuinely want to move on then you should start thinking about your own happiness more, and not hurting her.

[grazyexes]

I don't want to hurt her. Right now I don't want her back, but we never know what will happen in the future. To clear things, My main goal is to get highest value possible before she comes back. What ever happens after that doesn't really matter. I just want to feel like a man, and not like a pussy, when that happens.

[Cookiesandough]

If you're still seeing their posts, likes etc you are not implementing NC rule correctly, thus wasting your time

[PegNosePete]

What ever happens after that doesn't really matter.

Well, that's in direct contradiction to the last sentence in your original post.

 

If you really want to move on and feel the best for YOU, then you should never have any contact with her again whatsoever. Block her in every way you can. Don't even give her any way of asking for another chance.

[grazyexes]

Well, that's in direct contradiction to the last sentence in your original post.

 

If you really want to move on and feel the best for YOU, then you should never have any contact with her again whatsoever. Block her in every way you can. Don't even give her any way of asking for another chance.

 

I read the post you linked about NC but it is different than all the relationship coaches from united states teach.

They teach that NC is for moving on with your life and dating other women while leaving the door open for your ex girl you used to date. Walking away from women who chose someone else creates attraction.

 

If things don't work out with them two, she will most likely to come back if she has any attraction left. When that happens, you make a date with her and let her chase you. If she doesn't want to go out with you or makes some kind of excuses/wants to be your friend, continue NC.

 

If she agrees to date, act like its your first and have fun. Pursuing and texting should be 100% her job at this point. She has to earn you back.

 

Didn't find anything about social media, but I will take your advice not to like any of her posts right now.

[Bastile]

I contacted the last girl that I went no contact on, and that's what got me over no contact.

 

I'm unconvinced about no contact as a strict philosophy to abide by. Develop an abundance philosophy instead.

[Cookiesandough]

I read the post you linked about NC but it is different than all the relationship coaches from united states teach.

They teach that NC is for moving on with your life and dating other women while leaving the door open for your ex girl you used to date. Walking away from women who chose someone else creates attraction.

 

If things don't work out with them two, she will most likely to come back if she has any attraction left. When that happens, you make a date with her and let her chase you. If she doesn't want to go out with you or makes some kind of excuses/wants to be your friend, continue NC.

 

If she agrees to date, act like its your first and have fun. Pursuing and texting should be 100% her job at this point. She has to earn you back.

 

Didn't find anything about social media, but I will take your advice not to like any of her posts right now.

You wanna girl who thinks so little of you she rather have breadcrumbs from her ex? . High value guy would not even be thinking of a girl like that, much less getting some revenge. As long as your goal is getting back a girl like that you haven't become high value. So that's an antithetical goal. A better goal would be to be stop dwelling over her, go NC and work on yourself for you, and you'll truly develop a whatever happens, happens attitude in regards to her coming back and get point you won't even want her anymore. A mentality like her ex

Edited August 8, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[d0nnivain]

I read the post you linked about NC but it is different than all the relationship coaches from united states teach.

They teach that NC is for moving on with your life and dating other women while leaving the door open for your ex girl you used to date. Walking away from women who chose someone else creates attraction.

 

If things don't work out with them two, she will most likely to come back if she has any attraction left. When that happens, you make a date with her and let her chase you. If she doesn't want to go out with you or makes some kind of excuses/wants to be your friend, continue NC.

 

If she agrees to date, act like its your first and have fun. Pursuing and texting should be 100% her job at this point. She has to earn you back.

 

Didn't find anything about social media, but I will take your advice not to like any of her posts right now.

 

 

Those so called coaches are peddling snake oil -- leaving brokenhearted suckers with the false hope that silence will manipulate some dumper to return to the person they already threw away once. If the EX comes back it only means that they couldn't find anybody better out there & are now willing to settle for you. Why would you want that?

 

 

In a world before social media, you didn't have that kind of window into the other person's life once you broke up. Now you need to make sure that those social media windows are slammed shut & the curtains drawn, if not boarded up entirely when you break up.

 

 

So upon breaking up you:

 

 

delete their phone #, IM address, & email from your phone.

 

 

unfriend the person on ALL social media platforms. If it's a particularly bad break up you block them too so they can't see anything you do & info about them doesn't pop up on your feed through mutual acquaintances' posts.

 

 

throw away or box up all the mementos & photographs; download all electronic pictures to a thumb drive & put that in the box too so you can't see it

 

 

NC is about your healing. It's not about wooing the EX back through some misguided idea that "absence makes the heart grow fonder." In a break up the only axiom that applies is "out of sight, out of mind." You can't heal if you are still liking things on their social media. Seeing posts from the EX keeps the EX in the forefront of your mind & the algorithms will continue to rank them high on what you see. The minute you "like" something from the EX you have broken no contact.

[basil67]

In my previous relationships, NC gave me the space I needed to move on and forget them. What makes you think she'll come back to you one day?

[umirano]

I just want to feel like a man, and not like a pussy, when that happens.

 

Then stop liking her online crap.

 

no contact. What's so hard to understand about that? No contact = no information whatsoever exchanged. Move on. If you want to be a man, don't do anything or abstain from anything motivated by thoughts about her. Everything you do or abstain from should be motivated by thinking of yourself, of your friends or of your family.

[PegNosePete]

I read the post you linked about NC but it is different than all the relationship coaches from united states teach.

They teach that NC is for moving on with your life and dating other women while leaving the door open for your ex girl you used to date. Walking away from women who chose someone else creates attraction.

You're confusing me even more now. You're trying to use NC to attract your ex back to you? I thought you wanted to move on? Which is it?

 

Once you sort out what you actually want here, then you can take steps to get there. But at the moment you're changing the goal posts with every post you make.

[basil67]

You're confusing me even more now. You're trying to use NC to attract your ex back to you? I thought you wanted to move on? Which is it?

 

He wants both. Move on and then be able to thumb his nose at her when she eventually comes back to him. It's all about ego.

[grazyexes]

You're confusing me even more now. You're trying to use NC to attract your ex back to you? I thought you wanted to move on? Which is it?

 

Once you sort out what you actually want here, then you can take steps to get there. But at the moment you're changing the goal posts with every post you make.

 

Yeah it's both.

[Bastile]

I think he seems a bit confused with "the stuff United States relationship coaches teach".

 

I think they can be ignored. What they are teaching is how to pretend to be a man with options. Just get some options instead, and it'll come natural.

[umirano]

Yeah it's both.

 

Attracting her back to you can be a side effect. If there's a real basis for a renewed and better relationship. A lucky shot, one in a hundred. Don't count on it. NC works great at improving yourself after a BU/bad relationship, that's what you should strive for.

 

If you want to manipulate her into coming back to you only to turn her down as nastily as possible, you're being small minded, and new dating prospects can smell it a mile away. I don't recommend it if you want to become truly happy.

[grazyexes]

Attracting her back to you can be a side effect. If there's a real basis for a renewed and better relationship. A lucky shot, one in a hundred. Don't count on it. NC works great at improving yourself after a BU/bad relationship, that's what you should strive for.

 

If you want to manipulate her into coming back to you only to turn her down as nastily as possible, you're being small minded, and new dating prospects can smell it a mile away. I don't recommend it if you want to become truly happy.

 

Ofcourse I don't count on it. As you said it can be a side effect. Healthy relationship with this girl is not likely, but not impossible either. Other girls is my priority right now.

[grazyexes]

I think he seems a bit confused with "the stuff United States relationship coaches teach".

 

I think they can be ignored. What they are teaching is how to pretend to be a man with options. Just get some options instead, and it'll come natural.

 

"No Contact is standing for what you want by walking away from a situation that doesn't want you and allowing what you DO want to come to YOU''