spiderowl Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 (edited) Hello, I think I need an outside perspective here, especially a guy's perspective but any insights would be helpful, thanks. I got chatting to a guy online. He seemed nice, intelligent, polite - all good. I hadn't seen a picture of him but was beginning to think he sounded a nice guy. After a couple of chats, he made it clear he was interested in me and willing to travel. I thought that sounded nice but was only just starting to get to know him. He asked me if I was attracted to him. Difficult question to answer because although I liked his personality so far, I hadn't seen a pic. I'm not so shallow as to only be interested in a picture but at the same time I know if I am really turned off by a picture, that feeling will affect me and I can't ignore it. I said he seemed nice and of course I hadn't seen his picture yet. So I was fairly open-minded. He then said, if I liked his picture would I make love with him. Given that we'd only chatted a couple of times, this seemed a bit of a stupid question. I said no, I didn't know him yet, I was just getting to know him. He did not respond and then cut me off. I'm not too bothered by this as I had not become attached to him and was in an open-minded state about it all. However, I must admit I am wondering what he was thinking to put me in that situation with a question like that? And then his reaction seemed odd - to take it badly when I said no. Was he just trawling for an easy lay or was he genuinely hurt or shocked by my reaction? As far as I can see, he could not expect me to say anything else, given that I don't know him and was lacking information about how he looked too. Is it just me or is this behaviour weird? Edited July 21, 2017 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 I suppose we all have our own filtering methods. His seems to be as blunt as a mafia kick. I'd be surprised if his peek-a-boo, let's bump uglies, silliness actually worked well. It sounds like he's insecure about the way he looks or something. Consider yourself gladly filtered in this case 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 He was only looking to getting laid. Do not chat with people with no pictures, I know you don't want to be shallow but it's more about your security than being open minded. Most of them are married that's why they want to remain incognito. If they tell you stories about not putting pictures up because of work, it's BS. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Asking someone who has never seen you, or met you in person to have sex with you is WEIRD. Red flags flapping all over 4 Link to post Share on other sites
KBob Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Most likely a guy who has very little game and experience with women, is overly creepy and just straight up wants to get laid. It sounds like he did you a favor by going silent. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 Thanks so it is weird? I thought it was but wondered if I had been overly blunt or something. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Sounds like just a garden variety idiot.... TFY 5 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Yep, definitely weird. And I'd hazard a guess that his social skills are not strong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Thanks so it is weird? I thought it was but wondered if I had been overly blunt or something. You kidding , any half decent girl would've said that, well if she didn't just block him right there and then herself. He probably just keeps at it and when one says yes he's on it when she doesn't he's outa there. Believe it or not ,some will say yes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 This is neither odd or weird, it's plain dumb. He played the oh so nice bloke for a couple days then came out with this brainfart. If that is his online modus operandi, I suspect he hasn't had any girlfriends, let alone a date in years. All speculation aside of course. It could have been a 14 year old bored teen on the Internet though but who cares. Good you dodged this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Weirdo. Did he send a pic of Trevor Mcdonald? Then quids in;) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Seems he may have been trying to lead you into having a cyber sex experience (cynical comment, but still...). You have no idea who he was, could have been an old lady for all you know. Now that I think about it, though, you can see a photo of someone online and it's possibly not even the person you're chatting with, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beluckyinlove Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Here is what you need to know: There are 4 types of men searching online 1) looking for s.e.x 2) not sure what they are looking for 3) looking for a girlfriend 4) married/attached looking for action on the side As you have figured by now, he was a man from a category 1). (or perhaps 4). If you are looking for a relationship then you want to focus on men from category 3) only. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 He's a catfish and a game player and I wouldn't even talk to him, but that's me. He has no right to ask you those things. He's withholding the most important stuff and trying to trap you into feeling obligated to sleep with him. Next. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted July 24, 2017 Author Share Posted July 24, 2017 I did think it was an extreme reaction. I mean what did he expect, really? Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 I did think it was an extreme reaction. I mean what did he expect, really? To get laid, he's just not aware of the protocol to subtly try to get into a lady's sheets. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wookin Pa Nub Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 My current gf was on dating site for a few days and chatted with a few guys. She was surprised how many guys were inept. She said a couple guys asked her to be monogamous from the start bc they don't like competition. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 24, 2017 Share Posted July 24, 2017 He was only looking to getting laid. Do not chat with people with no pictures, I know you don't want to be shallow but it's more about your security than being open minded. Most of them are married that's why they want to remain incognito. If they tell you stories about not putting pictures up because of work, it's BS. I'm completely with Gaeta on this one. OP: Why didn't you ask for a picture first? During my very brief OLD experience (~3 weeks), I once replied to someone without a picture just out of curiosity (his first message actually sounded decent). My first reply consisted of one sentence asking if he got a picture to share, and he emailed me a couple. When I asked why he didn't post pictures on the dating site, he was giving me this crap that he's some finance guy in a very senior position, and he didn't want the junior people working for him to see his profile. Of course, upon probing a bit further, he disappeared. I could only conclude that he's married. Oh, and like your guy, this man lived a few hours away. He was also pushing me to talk over Skype (which we never gotten to). Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted July 25, 2017 Author Share Posted July 25, 2017 My current gf was on dating site for a few days and chatted with a few guys. She was surprised how many guys were inept. She said a couple guys asked her to be monogamous from the start bc they don't like competition. I agree with this, some just don't seem to have a clue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted July 25, 2017 Author Share Posted July 25, 2017 It was a chat site not a dating site. Most people don't have pictures. But there are some decent people there. I just thought his reaction was strange. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 He's manipulative. Red flag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I AM HERE Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 I am not a man, and it is not you, that man is looking for an easy lay. Good luck in the dating world Sis. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 I'm not too bothered by this as I had not become attached to him and was in an open-minded state about it all. However, I must admit I am wondering what he was thinking to put me in that situation with a question like that? And then his reaction seemed odd - to take it badly when I said no. Was he just trawling for an easy lay or was he genuinely hurt or shocked by my reaction? As far as I can see, he could not expect me to say anything else, given that I don't know him and was lacking information about how he looked too. -- I doubt very much that he was shocked or hurt. He cut you off because time's a wastin'. Troll for the next candidate as quickly as possible. And, sure he'd be a little bummed because he wasn't getting laid today perhaps. And, if he was hurt and/or shocked, there's something wrong with him anyway. The do this because it works often enough . . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
knabe Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 My current gf was on dating site for a few days and chatted with a few guys. She was surprised how many guys were inept. She said a couple guys asked her to be monogamous from the start bc they don't like competition. Honestly, one of the MAIN reasons many people are online is because they ARE socially inept, not emotionally intelligent, and they hope they can hide it online. These are the same people who insist they are "nice" and then blame the opposite sex for their lack of dating success (hint - they are NOT actually nice). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 I'm shocked you even responded to him with a "no" to his sexual request. Although I'm sure there are some women who would go for it, I can't fathom how a women would have sex with a complete stranger because he asked nicely. This method can't yield much success, but that never stopped guys before. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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