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Getting Over GF's Sexual Past


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I'm sure this is a common thread here, but recently found out my GF has been with 10 other guys. I thought it was more like 6-7, so it's bugging me. Just a huge disappointment. BUT, she is 30, so what I've been told and I do agree, 10 isn't bad for 30. She was with 5 from 17-26, she was in a long relationship in that time, but they were off and on so when they were off, she'd sometimes see other people. And hen 5 more from 26-30. So not all that bad. But it's still eating me alive. And I can't stop thinking about how there's been 10 others.

 

On the other hand, Im 25 and I've been with about 40-45. I know I know, double standards

 

Although I'm extremely confident with my skills in bed when it comes to pleasing a women, I can not stop thinking how she might enjoyed someone else in bed more than me, I know, extremely insecure thought. And that she's had 10 other guys to compare me too. That's annoying. But on the other hand, I have about 40 to compare to her and I've had girls that are way younger than her but better. But she is absolutely obsessed with me. More than I would have expected. By the way she reacts to the things I do in bed, the things she tells me, how often she initiates dirty talk with me, how much she does for me and smiles at me after sex and the intensity of her orgasms and how intense our sex is in general, and that basically all we do is have sex non stop and go out to eat, anddd the fact I've had many many women get hooked to me after sex and tell me how great I am, I could easily believe I'm her best. I know, again, very insecure thought, I can't help it.

 

So because of her having 10 others, when I thought 6-7, it's just been an enormous disappointment to the point I'm strongly considering ending it with her. I told her that this morning and just she started crying so much and said that in just the short time we've been together I've had a huge impact on her life and her happiness and I've given her a feeling that no other guy has and that she just can't explain. And I've never cared this much about a girls number, ever. I've been with a 19 year old who had 7 and that didn't bother me one bit which is obviously way worse than 10 at 30 years old. But this girl has just been able to bring this out of me and I just don't know why.

 

What do you guys think? End it? If not end it, how do I get over this.

 

Is 10 guys under her belt even relationship material?

Edited by Zxcvbnm123
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JuneJulySeptember
I'm sure this is a common thread here, but recently found out my GF has been with 10 other guys. I thought it was more like 6-7, so it's bugging me. Just a huge disappointment. BUT, she is 30, so what I've been told and I do agree, 10 isn't bad for 30. She was with 5 from 17-26, she was in a long relationship in that time, but they were off and on so when they were off, she'd sometimes see other people. And hen 5 more from 26-30. So not all that bad. But it's still eating me alive. And I can't stop thinking about how there's been 10 others.

 

On the other hand, Im 25 and I've been with about 40-45. I know I know, double standards

 

Is this for real?

 

Double standard is a bit of an understatement dude.

 

Again, I'm not really sure if you're joking or being genuine. But I guess you were looking for reactions and that is mine.

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Is this for real?

 

Double standard is a bit of an understatement dude.

 

Again, I'm not really sure if you're joking or being genuine. But I guess you were looking for reactions and that is mine.

 

Yes I'm serious. I know it's a double standard but that's way it is. Women get looked down upon and shamed for it, guys get praised. I didn't decide this.

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You didn't decide this, but you can decide who YOU are.

 

Get over it OR dump her. And you get over it by CHOOSING not to dwell on it.

 

Either remain a hypocrite or mature. It really is that simple.

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You didn't decide this, but you can decide who YOU are.

 

Get over it OR dump her. And you get over it by CHOOSING not to dwell on it.

 

Either remain a hypocrite or mature. It really is that simple.

 

I'm trying to get over it. I think it'll just take time. Choosing to not dwell on it is wayyy easier said than done. I couldnt sleep cause it just on my mind non stop. I'd wake up every 1-2 hours.

 

So what would you guys say if I had only been with 10 girls? Cause this isn't about my number, it's about hers. Whether 10 is considered slutty enough to make her not really worth committing to. And whether you guys would be bothered by a woman having 10 partners

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Didn't you just write another thread about this a month ago OP? :confused:

 

This thread does strike me as humblebrag, frankly. I mean, you first say who insecure you feel sometimes but then you felt the need to describe in some detail your sexual history and how obsessed she (your current girlfriend) is with you. Did you really post this thread just to brag about your skillz mate?

 

Your girlfriend's sexual past (what little has been mentioned so far anyway) sounds quite normal and healthy to me. I don't think you will find many physically attractive socially adept single women who have been with much fewer partners. Nevermind finding a woman like that who would be compatible with someone like yourself who HAS slept around.

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Didn't you just write another thread about this a month ago OP? :confused:

 

This thread does strike me as humblebrag, frankly. I mean, you first say who insecure you feel sometimes but then you felt the need to describe in some detail your sexual history and how obsessed she (your current girlfriend) is with you. Did you really post this thread just to brag about your skillz mate?

 

Your girlfriend's sexual past (what little has been mentioned so far anyway) sounds quite normal and healthy to me. I don't think you will find many physically attractive socially adept single women who have been with much fewer partners. Nevermind finding a woman like that who would be compatible with someone like yourself who HAS slept around.

 

Not a brag, just putting in some details of the relationship when it comes to sex. And hats what I'm realizing. She has an incredible body and very attractive in the face, amazing personality, makes a lot of money. Very goood loookg girls are going to have more most of the time cause their options are wide open.

 

The idea of being compared to is what bugs the hell out of me. And just that 10 others have been in there. But then again I've been with 15 different women in the past 13 months and I can't really even remember the details of them so it would be tough to compare amongst the 15. Maybe it's tough for her to compare with 10 stretched out over 13 years. Such a pathetic and insecure though but I just can't help having this run though my mind

Edited by Zxcvbnm123
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I've never understood this "problem" until now. The problem is not the number of people she's been with. The problem is insecurity. A potential mate may know better lovers exist and this knowledge may cause her to be dissatisfied or leave at some point.

 

That has never bothered me because I've been the guy trying his best to make sure those fears and insecurities are true.

 

I guess the question is what are you going to do about it? What are your options?

 

Developing rock solid confidence and security? Being the best man you can be for her? Minimizing the chances a memory of a "better" taking your place.

 

Being an insecure, miserable wretch? Threatened by a guy who is not there.

 

Or giving up and letting her go because ... really ... she deserves better.

 

There will always be somebody bigger, better, richer, more skilled, talented, entertaining, handsome or famous than you. A threat, whether she has experienced him or not.

 

The choice is yours. What are you going to be?

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I honestly can't understand why you have an issue here.

 

Does she have a problem with the fact you have put your penis inside 45 women?

 

Relationship material?

 

Please explain to us why 10 men would make her not relationship material, while you at 45 would be.

 

Also, WHY is this bothering you so much? I can't imagine losing sleep over such a thing.

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I've never understood this "problem" until now. The problem is not the number of people she's been with. The problem is insecurity. A potential mate may know better lovers exist and this knowledge may cause her to be dissatisfied or leave at some point.

 

That has never bothered me because I've been the guy trying his best to make sure those fears and insecurities are true.

 

I guess the question is what are you going to do about it? What are your options?

 

Developing rock solid confidence and security? Being the best man you can be for her? Minimizing the chances a memory of a "better" taking your place.

 

Being an insecure, miserable wretch? Threatened by a guy who is not there.

 

Or giving up and letting her go because ... really ... she deserves better.

 

There will always be somebody bigger, better, richer, more skilled, talented, entertaining, handsome or famous than you. A threat, whether she has experienced him or not.

 

The choice is yours. What are you going to be?

All very good points and true. With me being a fitness model and bodybuilder, I very very highly doubt anyone's been more attractivr or better body. Probably part of her obsession with me. Her hands are always on me. The looks I catch her giving me when we workout together. But yeah I can't be the best everything to her. Just the way it is.

 

Just like she's not the most attractive girl I've been with, I've gotten better head, I've had girls with nicer bodies.

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I honestly can't understand why you have an issue here.

 

Does she have a problem with the fact you have put your penis inside 45 women?

 

Relationship material?

 

Please explain to us why 10 men would make her not relationship material, while you at 45 would be.

 

Also, WHY is this bothering you so much? I can't imagine losing sleep over such a thing.

 

 

Nope, she knows my number is in the 40's and it doesn't bother her. And I really can not explain at all why it bothers me. I really can't. Like I said, I've fallen hard for a 19 year old who already had 7, which is way way worse than 10 at 30 and for her I was able to look right past it and it didn't bother me

One bit. No idea why

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Is 10 guys under her belt even relationship material?

 

Would you consider someone in their mid-twenties with 40+ partners relationship material? See how that kind of thinking works? Would you want to date someone you had to walk on eggshells around due to their insecurity about your sexual history?

 

I get some of the initial insecurity, since she has a lot going for her, but you're only fostering by thinking this way. Both of your pasts are relative and normal, even if you don't perceive them to be. Instead of being retroactively jealous, be happy that she's chosen to be with you.

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Would you consider someone in their mid-twenties with 40+ partners relationship material? See how that kind of thinking works? Would you want to date someone you had to walk on eggshells around due to their insecurity about your sexual history?

 

I get some of the initial insecurity, since she has a lot going for her, but you're only fostering by thinking this way. Both of your pasts are relative and normal, even if you don't perceive them to be. Instead of being retroactively jealous, be happy that she's chosen to be with you.

 

 

Since she has a lot going for her? Like? But I know hers is normal. And it's not like I should dump her and every girl I go after ask their number and keep dumping them if it's a number I don't like. That'd be ridiculous.

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All very good points and true. With me being a fitness model and bodybuilder, I very very highly doubt anyone's been more attractivr or better body. Probably part of her obsession with me. Her hands are always on me. The looks I catch her giving me when we workout together. But yeah I can't be the best everything to her. Just the way it is.

 

Just like she's not the most attractive girl I've been with, I've gotten better head, I've had girls with nicer bodies.

 

Being a model, bodybuilder, and having more attractive girls with nicer bodies has done nothing for your confidence.

 

All of that stuff is superficial. It plays no role in determining the quality of a relationship and its chances for success.

 

It seems like you need to develop some depth. Need to work as hard on the inside as you do the outside.

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Since she has a lot going for her? Like?

 

You said that she has a great personality, is quite attractive and is financially successful - so I'd say that she does have a lot going for her. Isn't that why you're interested in her and also a bit insecure about the situation? You need to focus less on the superficial aspects (appearance in this case) and determine why you're so insecure about her past. It might be that if you're more romantically interested in her than you were previous partners, you're afraid that you won't measure up (sexually, intellectually, personality-wise) in some way.

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Being a model, bodybuilder, and having more attractive girls with nicer bodies has done nothing for your confidence.

 

All of that stuff is superficial. It plays no role in determining the quality of a relationship and its chances for success.

 

It seems like you need to develop some depth. Need to work as hard on the inside as you do the outside.

 

I guess all I should really care about is the present. I didn't know her before all the other guys, she didn't know me. we hadn't met. When we first met I actually turned her down cause I was talking to another girl, then a bit later I decided to give her a shot.. But In between that time period she really chased me down. Added me on all social media, was messaging me heart eye emojis and hearts when I posted a picture, she did that multiple times, she really pursued me.

 

Itold her this morning that I'm not sure if I want to continue this relationship and she just started crying so much. She's been crying at work all day she said. and said no ones made her happier, that in just the short 3 months I've had a huge impact on her life and how happy she is, and that she just can't explain the feeling she gets when she's around me.

 

 

So that all means a lot. Especially immediately just bursting into tears. She's been blowing up my phone all day asking what she can do to keep me.

 

So she obviously likes me...a whole lot. And that's what should matter.

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You said that she has a great personality' date=' is quite attractive and is financially successful - so I'd say that she does have a lot going for her. Isn't that why you're interested in her and also a bit insecure about the situation? You need to focus less on the superficial aspects (appearance in this case) and determine why you're so insecure about her past. It might be that if you're more romantically interested in her than you were previous partners, you're afraid that you won't measure up (sexually, intellectually, personality-wise) in some way.[/quote']

 

Sexually is all I really care about as bad as that sounds. But like I said, I'm very confident about what I can do in bed. She said I've already done things to her that she's never had done to her, (she could be lying but she's an extremely

honest person, she's told me things that she really didn't need to) first time I gave her oral she just said how amazing I was and was by far one of the most intense orgasms I've ever seen a girl have. she always orgasms from bothe oral and penetrative sex, she jokingly talks about tieing me down to her bed so I can't leave, always initiates dirty talk, she initiates sex here and there, shes never turned down sex, she always goes down and cooks me food after sex, huge smile on her face, just kisses me and cuddles so much after sex or if it's a really intense session she'll immediately go to sleep and won't wake up till the next morning. I think the sex is what got her so hooked to be honest cause none of us really have a social life, neither of us drink or have many friends, we just eat and watch tv and have sex lol. But it's weird. I think part of it is her being older and me really caring fkr her. Cause I've never ever had these thoughts run through my head about any other girl I've been with.

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OP: Would you rather your gf be a virgin?

 

Definitely not a virgin. But 3-6 guysbwould be nice. But not 10, BUT then again she's 30, she's been having sex for 13 years. Ive racked up quadruple her number in just 7

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All women have likely enjoyed someone in bed more than you. The difference is bed is not the most important thing to them like it seems to be to you. Whether they love someone is what makes a man special. Of course, it helps to be competent in bed. I know for sure, having come of age in the seventies, that having a lot of partners doesn't not mean you've had anyone good in bed. Maybe about 2 percent. None of the three guys I loved were actually very good in bed. One had ED, one was very affectionate and got a lot of points for that but not technically good and the wrong shape for me, and the third was lazy but very good looking. The two who were really good in bed were passing fancies.

Edited by preraph
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When you told her that you wanted to end it, did you tell her is was because you're so insecure about her having had 10 guys before you? If so, does she know that your numbers quadruple hers?

 

I'm guessing that she either doesn't know....or doesn't have sufficient self esteem required to know she could do far better in the relationship stakes.

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