Past the Point of No Return

[aurelius99]

I've heard of this idea before. And now I've reached it. I neither think of it as good or bad. It's just a progression and I was going to get here sooner or later. It's almost like a form of death. I know that sounds morbid but we experience things like this all throughout life. We graduate school and don't go back. We reach the end of youth and don't go back. So all we can do is embrace where we are and be content.

 

I'm not sure if I always had signs of being this way my entire life or not. I never felt truly happy in a relationship. No...not happy. That's not the word. I should say "at home" or "in a normal state". Relationships always have put me on edge and I've not been able to just be myself. There's always pressure, always expectations, always expectations. Why can't people just spend time together when and if it's mutually beneficial and let the chips fall where they may?

 

My issue is I don't want a relationship. I don't pursue one. I even tactfully and subtly back off when a woman shows interest or flirts. I know where it all winds up. I've gone down that road. There are no unicorn women. It's all more or less the same. It's just a variation of degrees.

 

Now when I'm alone and at peace...in my quiet time where I can hear the eternal sounds of existence, I am so content. Why would I want more? Why fix what isn't broken?

 

Someone might say, "You just need to find the right woman." I've heard that before. But there IS no right woman. I know this because I can't even think one up in my head--let alone find one in the corrupt world where reality trumps ideals.

 

Has anyone else reached the point of no return? Maybe some older people, but I'm only in my mid-30s. Potentially I have decades ahead of me. If I'm going to go ahead with this, I need to make a full detachment for any possibility of ever having romantic relations with women again. This entails so many things and a chain reaction would start. No more dressing well to attract women. No more trying to increase my salary just for them when I'm prefectly content now. No more adjusting my speaking to better suit the palate of female ears. It would all be gone.

 

Has anyone taken the plunge? Either voluntarily or involuntarily?

[abitsilly]

I sometimes think like that. I've been single for almost 2 years, but in that time I was mostly clinging to hope my ex and I would be able to work it out. Now I just can't be bothered trying to meet someone. Getting to know someone just doesn't interest me at all. I don't think it really matters as long as you can have other things in your life, as well as good friends. I do think I miss a special companion at times though. I really like my own company and do find a lot of peace just being on my own without any of the other stuff. My ex sounds like you. He just can't see himself in a relationship long-term. He gets really tense about it and I was really laidback, but we had time constraints due to visa issues and we would have either had to get married or break up. It sucked.

Not sure if this really has helped, but the idea that relationships just aren't for everybody is not new to me.

[somanymistakes]

If you're happy by yourself be happy by yourself. Not everyone needs to be in a relationship, particularly a romantic one.

 

If you still want to have casual sex but not have a relationship, there ARE women out there who are okay with casual hookups (but be careful, because there are also a few sad souls who will pretend to be okay with casual but are secretly hoping it will turn into more. Some people, both men and women, are just not capable of being honest about what they really want.)

 

But then, not everyone needs or wants that, either. There's no shame in being happy on your own.

 

After my parents split up my mother never pursued the slightest hint of romantic interest for the rest of her life and seemed content that way. It's a little hard for me to understand how that's not lonely but it wasn't my place to make that decision obviously.

[Chilli]

Yeah ,it's a very weird thing all this.

One thing l';ve noticed even when women come to my house , like someones gf or wife, l can hear them , see them , thinking oh , he should have a women.

Huh , but for a start, if only they knew somma the sh@t l get up to.

But another thing is, ig it's anyone l know then they'll know l was married a long time, only divorced 4yrs ago and had a gf for quite awhile in that 4yrs also.

And basically , what's left of that 4yrs is really the first time l haven't been with a gf or wife , in my life.

l mean , do the maths for eff sake , 4 yrs after a 19yrs relationship , 1/2 of that with a gf anyway.

But right now 'm single - ahhh , so what !

You know , it's just mind boggling how people think about this stuff though.

 

And another thing that urks me is the way women seem to just assume Life is better with a women , but is it. ?

l had that today it was all over her face, with a couple that came over to pick something up, As she spoke straight over the top of her husband non stop , and spoke for him, he was good looking man too and still in great shape but she was double her natural weight , looks completely shot, speaking right over him non stop , assuming l need a women.

Husband looked like he'd like to back the car over her .

 

Ex w was a good women , heart of gold , great personality , but never the less, we were all up together 19yrs , much of it hard and not my own and everything that's happened in my life and where l am now, is mostly all due to that. and it isn't what l wanted or would have chosen if l coulda woulda as a single guy, no way in hell.

 

Later l met gf, and that was mind blowing for awhile but that too turned my life upside down.

 

So here l am single again and if there's one thing l can say about being single right now is, my God it's probably the most peaceful time of my whole life l think.

l please myself , do what l want when l want , buy what l want when l can, l can at last build a life the way l wanted it, and although l had to start again, l could be sitting very very pretty in just a few yrs, because l can for the first time do things the way l want too.

So yeah ,l hear ya, all over.

And l say if your happy then go with it . Be you live you .

Me , l would like to meet somebody new, one day, although gf and l aren't sorta quite done yet anyway and who knows right now with that.

But right now , this peace, is God damn beautiful.

Edited July 16, 2017 by Chilli

[Hoosfoos]

It's better to be alone than with the wrong person - I learned that the hard way. But, as a 47 year old, I do eventually want to find the "right" person. Do they exist? Or is it just a faulty construct of the fallible human mind? Whatever the case, I will not settle. I'll stay single indefinitely.

[aurelius99]

It's better to be alone than with the wrong person - I learned that the hard way. But, as a 47 year old, I do eventually want to find the "right" person. Do they exist? Or is it just a faulty construct of the fallible human mind? Whatever the case, I will not settle. I'll stay single indefinitely.

 

You're in a good position. I think it's actually pathological to "need" a romantic relationship. This is what creates expectations and eventually destroys what might otherwise be a beneficial relationship.

[Chilli]

You can take that plunge , just do your thing, be your thing.

Nothings in stone forever, or it might end up that way- whichever.

And it wouldn't surprise me one little bit that when you do resign to that and start living and being 100% you.

The perfect women just pops up anyway that likes that you.

[aurelius99]

You can take that plunge , just do your thing, be your thing.

Nothings in stone forever, or it might end up that way- whichever.

And it wouldn't surprise me one little bit that when you do resign to that and start living and being 100% you.

The perfect women just pops up anyway that likes that you.

 

Is that a poem?

[Gaeta]

Has anyone else reached the point of no return? Maybe some older people, but I'm only in my mid-30s. Potentially I have decades ahead of me. If I'm going to go ahead with this, I need to make a full detachment for any possibility of ever having romantic relations with women again. This entails so many things and a chain reaction would start. No more dressing well to attract women. No more trying to increase my salary just for them when I'm prefectly content now. No more adjusting my speaking to better suit the palate of female ears. It would all be gone.

 

Has anyone taken the plunge? Either voluntarily or involuntarily?

 

I was single from age 38 to 48. I did not look, I didn't want to meet anyone. I had my life in order, had a great challenging job, had my daughter in college, had loving family around me and friends. I did not need a mate at that time of my life. Nothing wrong with it.

 

I thought being alone was what I would wish for the rest of my life but, one day out of the blue, suddenly with no warning I decided I wanted someone in my life again so I did all I needed to do to accomplish that and I am now in a relationship.

 

My answer to you is do what feels good today. Tomorrow you don't know how you'll feel. Leave it to tomorrow.

[SevenCity]

....My issue is I don't want a relationship. I don't pursue one. I even tactfully and subtly back off when a woman shows interest or flirts. I know where it all winds up. I've gone down that road. There are no unicorn women. It's all more or less the same. It's just a variation of degrees.

 

I do not see an issue with this AT ALL. In fact, I envy you.

 

ANY relationship will have hard times. Bad relationships have more hard times than good.

 

There is ZERO wrong with your desire to be alone. Quite the opposite, you have reached a state that most people will not in life.

 

I see it all the time - society pounds in your head that you have to get married and find "The One". So you get married and it's not great.."Let's have a kid! That will fix things!"

 

Then you realize that is not enough and either leave or stay in a marriage that is wrong for you until you are too old to care.

 

Being self sufficient, as you state, is nirvana. I wish I could be ok without a RL.

 

Sadly, I do like being close with one person.

 

Go for it dude - you'll be happier than 90% of the people on the planet.

[Chilli]

ahhh, l might've missed my calling

[whatnot]

we don't see things as they are

 

we see things as we are

[SammySammy]

When men go their own way, they often seem to do so out of frustration with women, dating, and relationships.

 

Ten years ago, I decided to not pursue another committed relationship. My reason is a result of knowing myself. Knowing how difficult and demanding I can be in a relationship due to OCD.

 

I still believe relationships are worthwhile. Marriage is worth pursuing for the right people. Still enjoy spending time with women. Do it every day. Just not within the confines of a committed relationship. Though I'm also very comfortable spending time alone.

 

For me, it's the best of both worlds. Freedom and companionship.

[aurelius99]

we don't see things as they are

 

we see things as we are

 

True statement, but misapplied here.

 

Would you say that to a black slave in colonial America who was complaining about slavery?

[whatnot]

True statement, but misapplied here.

 

Would you say that to a black slave in colonial America who was complaining about slavery?

Do with it what you will. It's not a political stmt

 

 

Wrong thread wrong person....sorry....

[Eternal Sunshine]

I've heard of this idea before. And now I've reached it. I neither think of it as good or bad. It's just a progression and I was going to get here sooner or later. It's almost like a form of death. I know that sounds morbid but we experience things like this all throughout life. We graduate school and don't go back. We reach the end of youth and don't go back. So all we can do is embrace where we are and be content.

 

I'm not sure if I always had signs of being this way my entire life or not. I never felt truly happy in a relationship. No...not happy. That's not the word. I should say "at home" or "in a normal state". Relationships always have put me on edge and I've not been able to just be myself. There's always pressure, always expectations, always expectations. Why can't people just spend time together when and if it's mutually beneficial and let the chips fall where they may?

 

My issue is I don't want a relationship. I don't pursue one. I even tactfully and subtly back off when a woman shows interest or flirts. I know where it all winds up. I've gone down that road. There are no unicorn women. It's all more or less the same. It's just a variation of degrees.

 

Now when I'm alone and at peace...in my quiet time where I can hear the eternal sounds of existence, I am so content. Why would I want more? Why fix what isn't broken?

 

Someone might say, "You just need to find the right woman." I've heard that before. But there IS no right woman. I know this because I can't even think one up in my head--let alone find one in the corrupt world where reality trumps ideals.

 

Has anyone else reached the point of no return? Maybe some older people, but I'm only in my mid-30s. Potentially I have decades ahead of me. If I'm going to go ahead with this, I need to make a full detachment for any possibility of ever having romantic relations with women again. This entails so many things and a chain reaction would start. No more dressing well to attract women. No more trying to increase my salary just for them when I'm prefectly content now. No more adjusting my speaking to better suit the palate of female ears. It would all be gone.

Has anyone taken the plunge? Either voluntarily or involuntarily?

 

I am in mid-late 30s. I totally get your post. I have also never felt at home in relationships. Even after a year of living with someone, that feeling of being "on edge" and never being able to just be myself wore me out. It never went away. Single is my natural and peaceful state.

 

The only thing I feel different about is bolded. I enjoy looking well because I actually feel happy when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and look good. I like fashion and enjoy putting outfits together. The better shape my body is in, the nicer they look on me. So I will keep doing that forever. I also enjoy getting ahead at work, getting a higher salary. I don't do any of that to attract men.

 

I haven't give up on relationships forever but have for now. I may take a year off or I may take 5, depending on how I feel about it. I don't want children so that's not an issue. Despite what society potrays, romantic relationship are completely optional.

[Cookiesandough]

I am in mid-late 30s. I totally get your post. I have also never felt at home in relationships. Even after a year of living with someone, that feeling of being "on edge" and never being able to just be myself wore me out. It never went away. Single is my natural and peaceful state.

 

The only thing I feel different about is bolded. I enjoy looking well because I actually feel happy when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and look good. I like fashion and enjoy putting outfits together. The better shape my body is in, the nicer they look on me. So I will keep doing that forever. I also enjoy getting ahead at work, getting a higher salary. I don't do any of that to attract men.

 

I haven't give up on relationships forever but have for now. I may take a year off or I may take 5, depending on how I feel about it. I don't want children so that's not an issue. Despite what society potrays, romantic relationship are completely optional.

 

I feel the exact same way, although I am in my 20s. I like the idea of relationships, but am most comfortable being single.

[Andy_K]

You need to be comfortably happy single to be able to have a genuinely balanced relationship, so that's good.

 

As for the women that come into your live, they're all the same until you find the one that isn't.

[aurelius99]

You need to be comfortably happy single to be able to have a genuinely balanced relationship, so that's good.

 

As for the women that come into your live, they're all the same until you find the one that isn't.

 

Andy Kaufman?

[abitsilly]

I am in mid-late 30s. I totally get your post. I have also never felt at home in relationships. Even after a year of living with someone, that feeling of being "on edge" and never being able to just be myself wore me out. It never went away. Single is my natural and peaceful state.

 

The only thing I feel different about is bolded. I enjoy looking well because I actually feel happy when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and look good. I like fashion and enjoy putting outfits together. The better shape my body is in, the nicer they look on me. So I will keep doing that forever. I also enjoy getting ahead at work, getting a higher salary. I don't do any of that to attract men.

 

I haven't give up on relationships forever but have for now. I may take a year off or I may take 5, depending on how I feel about it. I don't want children so that's not an issue. Despite what society potrays, romantic relationship are completely optional.

 

This. I feel exactly the same. I'm also very disinterested in most men.

[I AM HERE]

No more dressing well to attract women. No more trying to increase my salary just for them when I'm prefectly content now. No more adjusting my speaking to better suit the palate of female ears. It would all be gone.

 

These things are some of the problems with finding a potential partner anyway. It's like you feel you need to be someone else to meet someone. Once you stop doing all these things to attract a woman you will probably actually attract someone you don't want to live without because she's going to meet and fall in love with the real you.