Would you rather have loved and lost or---

[carnelian]

What do you think of that old saying better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

And what if "lost" means unrequited totally?

Or a short unpleasing marriage and/or nasty divorce?

 

The author of this famous quote is saying that romantic love is a virtue and good in itself, intrinsically of value.

 

I disagree with it! Unrequited love is really no good love at all. It sucks.I know from experience. Bitter love is not a good by itself/

[salparadise]

I don't think Mr. Tennyson was talking about unrequited love. There really isn't any joy to balance the pain.

 

But fully reciprocated love, a good relationship? Yea, better to have loved and lost than not to have ever known that joy. It's sad that so many spend so much of their lives longing for it rather than celebrating it. Those who have really loved will agree I think.

[dichotomy]

How about loving - and finding out later you were never really loved back, or the person you loved was not the person you thought they were. Maybe you did not love them at all then. Maybe it was all unrequited after all.

 

I think if two people really love each other - really - then no matter the time it was worth it.

[mercy]

Tennyson was grieving the loss of his friend.

 

In Memoriam A.H.H. by Lord Alfred Tennyson

 

I lost my best friend years ago. If ever there was a soul mate she was mine, we could talk to each other with our eyes. Our h's would see us looking at each other and ask, what are you two talking about.

 

She was definitely a gift from God. Would I live through all of it again, knowing I was going to lose her? Yes, without a doubt. The pain of losing her, while devastating, was nothing compared to the love and joy she brought to my life.

 

I feel the same about my h. I'd do it all again just to experience his love.

 

Love is the bridge between you and everything. Rumi

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

I disagree with it! Unrequited love is really no good love at all. It sucks.I know from experience. Bitter love is not a good by itself/

 

It does suck. You get over it though.

 

In the situation where certain people (typically guys) face too much unrequited love, it can cause them to give up and make them permanently bitter.

 

In that case, it's better to have never 'loved'.

[takeoff]

Tennyson was grieving the loss of his friend.

 

In Memoriam A.H.H. by Lord Alfred Tennyson

 

I lost my best friend years ago. If ever there was a soul mate she was mine, we could talk to each other with our eyes. Our h's would see us looking at each other and ask, what are you two talking about.

 

She was definitely a gift from God. Would I live through all of it again, knowing I was going to lose her? Yes, without a doubt. The pain of losing her, while devastating, was nothing compared to the love and joy she brought to my life.

 

I feel the same about my h. I'd do it all again just to experience his love.

 

Love is the bridge between you and everything. Rumi

 

That is beautiful.

[SevenCity]

For me no. The pain of losing true love (with a romantic partner) is too great to bare. It's like a piece of me died each time.

 

I've been truly in love about 3 times in my life. At the time the feeling is euphoric but once it is taken from you (as in all three left me) the pain never really goes away. It's something you carry with you and it changes you as a person becoming much less trusting of others.

 

It was years between them but once the current one ends the pain of all three come back.

 

This doesn't mean I'm stopping my search (gluten for punishment I guess) but the experiences have fundamentally changed who I am as a person - and not for the better. I'm at a point now that if that woman does exist I will not meet her. Now I'm just on the search for someone I can can have fun with and tolerate...which is harder than you would think.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm one who agrees with the quote, even if love blows up in my face.

 

Do we all go into a relationship and fall in love hoping or expecting it to fail and break our hearts? Of course not but sh*t happens and that's just part of life.

 

Heartbreak sucks and Lord knows I've cried enough tears to fill a swimming pool after each loss, even the ones I ended.

 

But looking back on my past love affairs, each of them meant something at the time and despite how things may have ended, when it was good it was great. I can't let what happened in the end take away from what was at the time. My marriage and divorce included.

 

With each heartbreak, there is often an extended period of self reflection and introspection. In the end, it's a choice to remain bitter or see each experience as a gift to become a better version of yourself. I choose to walk away having learned something knew about myself, about life and about love.

 

And with enough time, my heart heals and I'm ready to risk everything to love and be loved again.

 

No regrets.

[Popsicle]

I don't think Mr. Tennyson was talking about unrequited love. There really isn't any joy to balance the pain.

 

But fully reciprocated love, a good relationship? Yea, better to have loved and lost than not to have ever known that joy. It's sad that so many spend so much of their lives longing for it rather than celebrating it. Those who have really loved will agree I think.

 

Yes.

 

Popsicle

[TheWoman]

Depends on how you define love. For me true love is selfless, it is to want the best for someone else even if that means not being with them. It is not grasping or possessive. I am not a Christian but 1 Corinthians 13 is some resounding prose on the topic:

 

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

 

True love is never lost, it resides within and the more of it you give the more you receive.

[CptInsano]

On this planet everything will come to an end. We're all living on time that is borrowed, just like everything else we think we own. We are destined to lose it all eventually. This does not mean that you shouldn't enjoy what you can have while it lasts, or at least try to do so, because there is no safety in avoidance when time is ticking away. Unrequited love is just an inherent risk you can never rule out, but a poor excuse for giving up trying.

[SammySammy]

Experiences are never fully losses to me. Even bad experiences can be an opportunity to learn. A time to grow.

 

I'd rather have the experience than not have it.

 

Rather love and lose, than not to have loved at all.

[BryanSmiley]

Depends on the relationship. I think the better to have loved and lost than never loved at all is like a lot of sayings, too simplistic.

 

In terms of how far back psychologically and happiness wise my most recent break up has put me - I'd say I'd have rather have done without that particular one. Of course it's forcing all kinds of lessons and introspective and improvement. But I wasn't all that bad before it to have deserved being put through that head and heart ache. And now even a few months post BU, I feel I'm behind the levels of grounded, all round happiness. So I feel I've lost a lot of time in being available to a newer better prospect.

[carnelian]

When I look back at my dates, affairs and so called loves, I would have been happier had I not met most of them, honestly. The good did not outweigh the split up and sadness that followed. We had little or nothing in common anyway.

 

But some people go through life without even trying at all and they have no idea what they are missing. I don't envy that; I am more sorry for them.

[vjk]

What do you think of that old saying better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

 

Well for me, it's not what you intended. I think of Pogo's Data & Picard video. Sorry for being such a nerd, but it's soo well done.

[RecentChange]

I absolutely choose to love.... Even though that will mean loss.

 

EVERY RELATIONSHIP WE HAVE WILL END.

 

Period. Perhaps you will drift apart slowly. Perhaps it will be a grandiose break up. Perhaps you will be holding hands in old age as you each prepare for death.

 

Any way you look at it, there will be an end.

 

And the greater the love, the greater the loss will be.

 

To love and accept this vulnerability takes courage.

 

(And I am not considering unrequited love.... To me that seems masochistic. I can't fall deeply in love with someone unless they show me love in return)

[carhill]

What do you think of that old saying better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

I believe the emotions of love and attachment have value in life. I've experienced pretty much the gamut and still feel experiencing the loss of love, or a loved one, and any associated pain or grief is far outshone by the value of that experience.

And what if "lost" means unrequited totally?

BTDT, and took away some valuable life lessons that are paying dividends way down the road now.

Or a short unpleasing marriage and/or nasty divorce?

My M wasn't really short, around a decade and the divorce wasn't really nasty, or even really rancorous, and I still consider it a valuable experience. I don't 'hate' my exW. I don't have any love or emotional feelings for her either. It was part of life, some good memories, and done now.

 

The author of this famous quote is saying that romantic love is a virtue and good in itself, intrinsically of value.

I think if one values such things, and feelings, then it's of value and virtue to them. Each of us lives our own lives.

 

I disagree with it! Unrequited love is really no good love at all. It sucks.I know from experience. Bitter love is not a good by itself/

I get where you're coming from and probably felt similarly early on in life when experiencing those things, not having the life experience and wisdom to see the value in them. So, IMO, disagree wholeheartedly but leave your mind and heart open to what life still has in store. All the plans in the world can't change it and the trip always ends. Every single time. Enjoy the ride.

[central]

You can't lose what you never had, so I don't count unrequited love.

 

Otherwise, I agree with the quote. At least you know what is possible, and can look for it in another relationship. However, you do need to be able to discern between delusional love, and real love, for this to matter in the future.

 

I lost an extraordinary love - until she came back. It would have been very difficult to find someone else as wonderful, but I was prepared to try, if necessary.

[Gaeta]

When I am old sitting in my rocking chair waiting for my last day I want to look back and see a woman that took chances and experienced love. I don't want to see a woman that stood on the sidewalk and experienced nothing by fear.

 

The most interesting people I came across in my life were people that lived and learn, people that loved and lost, people that broke down and rebuild themselves. They have a wisdom you don't find in people that lived their life in fear of hurting.