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Keeping your EX's Last Name


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Old 13th July 2017, 10:02 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
No woman that I date is going to be carying her ex's name once she is divorced and we get together and I marry her.
Well that's fine in theory, you can use whatever criteria you like to choose a partner. I wonder how that conversation will go, though? Will you ask them on the first date, "did you change your name back to your maiden name after your divorce?", and "hey if we get married will you take my name?"... hardly first date material, is it?

But if you don't ask then you'll be in the situation where you're considering marrying someone, and having to break it off because she doesn't want to change her name... seems very petty.
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Old 13th July 2017, 3:43 PM   #32
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My two friends DT and BD. BD got married to his wife SC in 2003. They had two kids. When her last kid was 8 months old in early March of 2008. She asked DB for a divorce and went back to her maiden name. Even tough she had two kids by him.

There was and is no hyphenated name. She is on guy # 5 since she left my friend DB in 2008. She was married before and did not have her ex's name. She did not carry DB last name when she got divorced from him as well. So the kids have DB's last name and go back and forth from DB to his ex, lHouse wise.

DT's GF has her maiden name and her ex's name hyphenated. Her kids have the same thing as well. In fact. DT told me that F's son was saying when his baby brother was born. He was going to have the same hyphenated name as he was. Not have DT's last name. If F got rid of the hypneated name. All she would be left is with her last name H. There is still a link with the kids name wise. The kids would be have her maiden name and their fathers name. She would just have her maiden name. I can't see the kids unnerved by that. As there still is a link.

I don't understand why BD's ex was able to change her last name back to C. While DT's GF-F can't just keep her maiden name on Facebook which she has control. Change Drivers/Birth certificate/library card. Is that really a big ordeal thats going to cost big money. Its not like They were married for long.

My thing is that at least DB's ex moved on and they divorced with young kids. DT''s GF F by keeping her ex's name to me and not at least going back to her middle name. To me its like she is playing this game of not wanting to get divorced. Year 7 of a separation and she gets invloved with DT in year 3 and has two bio kids with DT and still to this day no traction on the divorce.

I will say that if I meet a woman and she is separated and has her ex's last name. Until she gets divorced and we marry. Thats all I will tolerate. As I have said in other posts. The only woman I can really be involved with romantically and take her to marriage. She will have to be Single/Widowed/Divorced with or without kids. If she is Separated. She is going to have to show me that her divorce is being worked on and we are not having any bio kids/living together until that happens.

Last edited by Mysterio; 13th July 2017 at 3:46 PM..
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Old 13th July 2017, 4:10 PM   #33
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Let me add this factor in.

The two women I stated in the above post.
Is there not something fishy going on. Both women separate from their husbands who they had kids with.

The one that keep/goes back to her maiden name is compleatly divorced.

The other that keeps her ex's name is not divorced at all and she is on year 7 of being separated. Does that not sound strange. There is not child custody or property problems.

It just boggles my head to what people will go through just for love. Its not my life, but this is the type of situation I find myself having to navigate in the dating world. I guess for me. I might as well just stick to just single/widowed/divorced women, whenever it happens. I don't know why Separated women can't just take a break from dating and just get divorced, and clear themselves from any murky perceptions.
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Old 13th July 2017, 4:12 PM   #34
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As hard as relationships are these days, particularly when you're talking about people who have previously been married, often more than once, the last thing I'm going to be worried about is where her last name came from.
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Old 13th July 2017, 7:54 PM   #35
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My friend is conflict avoidant. I wonder how they are going to break it to D's Bio kids when they get older. Sorry mom and dad are not married, because they can't get mom's ex husband on the same page when it comes to the paper work getting divorced.

So whenever the ex decides to play ball and get the paperwork all figured out on his timeline. They are on year 7 f being separated. She went pretty fast with D. Contacted him in Dec of 2012. I guess they became a couple in Feb 2013 and he met her older kids by her ex in March 2013 and I just found out I met them the same time he met them.

They got pregnant in late 2014 and had bio kids in Aug 2015 and Feb 2017. He moved in with her in spring 2015.

I guess it does not matter to me, but wow. Some women have that power over their men. I guess I am different. No way would that happen to me.

My time line is being a couple for 2 yrs before marriage. Only woman I would date is Single/Widowed/Divorced. Separated I may give her a year to get divorced and I better see some traction with it. No bio kids at all with any of them until marriage.
She can divorce him without his consent! Especially since she's been separated from her ex for a long time.
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Old 14th July 2017, 7:09 AM   #36
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It's perfectly normal to keep your ex's last name especially if you have children together. Doesn't everyone do this?

Mine changed hers , but she has remarried.
l feel sick though at the thought my daughter is now one of those kids that has a different name to her own mother.
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Old 14th July 2017, 11:14 AM   #37
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Once again. I see keeping the last name of your ex as a form of submission that they still factor into your life. I could see if you were married for 20 + yrs. 7 yrs or less. You can go back to the maiden name. Maybe if your so professionally established I could maybe see it as a thing.

F can drop her ex's last name as she also has her maiden name on her ID. So there is no big contrast to her and the kids. I can't see those kids caring that there mother who is separated from their father and is living with ehr new BF-D and bio kids from him. Is going to be upset if there mom just goes by her maiden name. Also. When she does get divorced. D plans to marry her, so she would have a new name or a Hybrid of her maiden and D's last name.

So you all think that F not filing for divorce is suspect? Thats the real problem. What type of message is she sending out to D. It was she who really got them together and D ran with it. He did not have to do the work and he is more into his digital entertainment than scoping out for women. I just think if they don't get the Divorce under their belt and get married. Their bio kids that they have together, may be confused over their status.
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Old 14th July 2017, 12:12 PM   #38
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I would keep my husband's name if we ever divorced. I wouldn't want to have a last name different from my kids, but even more so---it's part of me. Part of my identity. I have had that last name longer than I had my maiden name for. My maiden name is also longer and hard to spell.
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Old 15th July 2017, 3:27 AM   #39
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To each their own in the end. Its just that I think that keeping the last name while your separated.

I can't see my friends GF being the driving force to get her divorced finalized. Seems like she was more concerned with getting a relationship with my friend and having kids with him. While not really dealing with her ex as much.
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Old 15th July 2017, 7:51 AM   #40
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Uhmmmmmm.... I think at this point we all get how you feel about this. You've told us over and over. Are you trying to change the minds of all the people (almost everyone in this thread) that don't feel the same way as you or what?
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Old 15th July 2017, 9:33 AM   #41
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My wife wanted to recover her maiden name after our divorce. In a strange way, I believe she thought it would be hurtful to me that she would want to do that...nope. I was more than happy for her to no longer possess my surname. We didn't have children together, so no problem.

Changing one's surname after divorce is not as difficult as some may share. It's really about contacting the right people, getting the proper court documents and voila. There have been some good reasons for holding onto ex's name, but it shouldn't be so difficult now days in the age of quick, online access to databases, documents, submissions, etc.
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Old 15th July 2017, 10:01 AM   #42
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I'm getting married in a week and I'm keeping my ex's last name. I'm 45 and published a lot of articles with this name so it's not sort of TM, I'm known by this name. I have a son who shares my last name . And see no point in going through all the pain of changing all the papers into another last name. I changed it when I was young now I won't keep changing it . Nothing to do with my ex.
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Old 15th July 2017, 10:29 AM   #43
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When I got divorced some 16 years ago my then wife of 5 years kept my last name and still has it.. no kids together.
She finally changed it on FB though.. just a few years ago but she has not had it legally changed back..

I could care a less.. no matter what it's her name and she can do with it as she feels fit..
Even if she has it legally changed back she will always be known as her married name, just look on credit reports etc etc... your names stay with you a lifetime and the legal side of it only if for signing documents.

My Mom kept her last name even though she divorced my Dad.. good for her and her kids.. we grew up with a lastname the same as my Parents.
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Old 15th July 2017, 10:44 AM   #44
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Originally Posted by BluEyeL View Post
I'm getting married in a week and I'm keeping my ex's last name. I'm 45 and published a lot of articles with this name so it's not sort of TM, I'm known by this name. I have a son who shares my last name . And see no point in going through all the pain of changing all the papers into another last name. I changed it when I was young now I won't keep changing it . Nothing to do with my ex.
Two of the best and various reasons not to...professional and children (from the relationship).
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Old 15th July 2017, 11:44 AM   #45
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Two of the best and various reasons not to...professional and children (from the relationship).
My soon to be husband was a bit disappointed but he understood, at least intellectually.
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