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Keeping your EX's Last Name


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Old 11th July 2017, 3:12 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
It's perfectly normal to keep your ex's last name especially if you have children together. Doesn't everyone do this?
Nope. I loathed my ex and went back to my maiden name immediately after we separated, but before I could file for divorce. I don't see the point to keeping the family surname of a person you have severed legal and familial ties with.
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Old 11th July 2017, 3:59 PM   #17
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I wonder whats F going to do when she eventually gets divorced. When D proposes to her. Is she going to have three hyphenated names.


For me it is none of my bussiness, but I feel because she keeps her ex's last name. Its a sign that she is not taking her current reality of being with D over her ex serriously. Even if its just a Facebook thing. What are they going to do when their kids get older. We were out two months ago and F' was talking about making Love last with a person. Her older daughter said something along the lines of You and dad only lasted 7 yrs before you split. F was speechless. Its situations like that that will arise. I see D stressed about it from time to time.

Its year 4 with them and I can't see one day F getting her Divorce from her ex happening soon. She was not able to get it when they split for 3 yrs before she and D got together and now with 2 bio kids. I have yet to hear her make it a prioirty. Its like she does not care if there is murlkiness with the status.

The power of some women just amazes me. Guys will fall for anything. D is so greatfull to be there that he does not think of the long term effects that his kids will have, when they are going to have to either lie about their status or tell them the truth. Mom and dad are conflict avoidant that they don't know how to get Mom out of her first marriage.
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Old 11th July 2017, 4:32 PM   #18
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Men tend to place more importance on their surname than women do. Traditionally a man will keep his surname forever, and pass it down to his kids. It's part of his identity. Whereas traditionally a woman will change her name to her husband's and her kids will not have her original surname. Surnames are transitory to a woman.

As a man you have to remember, when you marry traditionally, you are giving your wife your surname. What she does with it on divorce, is up to her, not you. It's not a gift you can take back.

To many women, her surname is transitory anyway. It's a huge hassle to change her surname, not to mention expense. She has to get a new passport, new ID cards, call every single utility, change it in probably hundreds of different places. And most people she tells will assume she's got married and say congratulations! Then she has to explain that no, she's going back to her maiden name. I can totally understand why a woman would prefer to just not bother changing it back, since if she remarries it will likely change anyway.
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Old 11th July 2017, 5:04 PM   #19
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Nope. I loathed my ex and went back to my maiden name immediately after we separated, but before I could file for divorce. I don't see the point to keeping the family surname of a person you have severed legal and familial ties with.
You may not see the point but lots of women do keep their married name when children are involved. They want the same last name as their kids unless of course they marry again.
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Old 12th July 2017, 7:06 PM   #20
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My friend DB got divorced 9 yrs ago. His ex went back to her first name and they had two kids. One of my friends is a 66 yr old female and after she got divorced she kept her maiden name. Now she just lives with her male partners untill it does not work anymore. Since I have known her. She has been with three men.

We all have out own paths to live. I just always look at the foundation of relationships. I feel like if certain things are not in place it won't last or there are bobby traps that are set up to explode.

I feel that if D and F don't address her status now while the kids are small. Then they when the kids get older and compare and contrast with their friends parents. Then it gets confusing. What are D/F supposed to do. Wait until F's ex says okay I am ready to divorce now. What if F's ex is ready to divorce when he is 60 or 70. Its been almost 7 going into 8 yrs. Should they not be divorced now.

F asked her ex about a year ago to get certain paperwork to get things rolling and he could not make it happen.



I now have to watch it when I date. I can tell you all this. No woman that I date is going to be carying her ex's name once she is divorced and we get together and I marry her. I don't think the kids care what their mom goes by. They watched their mom bring home her BF into their house. within 2 yrs and have two kids by him, and their parents are not legally divorced and its not likeD and F had to have kids at all.

Contrasting to my other friends the K's who met and married in yr 3 of being together. Had kids in yr 5 and 7. They are rock solid and they tell me everything. Their modal of getting together works well.

So I am all about building a solid foundation and keeping your ex's last name while your separated wanting to divorce is not a good sign or at least on facebook.

Adding another thing as I edit this post. At most. I think a 2 yr separation is fair than to go straight into divorce. Anything beyond that. The couple that broke up that is separated, is playing games with themselves, each other, and any new love interest that pops up.

Last edited by Mysterio; 12th July 2017 at 7:13 PM..
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Old 12th July 2017, 9:14 PM   #21
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My Ex's Last Name

I have been divorced from my ex for many years. Although we never had children, I kept his last name and still use it.

This has nothing whatsoever to do with any lingering affection or longing for him or regrets that we broke up.

The fact is that I always disliked my maiden name intensely; I got teased mercilessly about it as a kid and couldn't wait to get rid of it. I have now been know by my "married" name longer than I was by my maiden name! It's just a part of me at this point.

If -- when! -- I get married again, I will take his name and use it socially: Mrs. InvisiBlonde HisLastName.

For business, I will be InvisiBlonde MyLastName HisLastName.

As far as the rest of what I agree is a mess, if she wanted to be divorced, she would be. I wonder what the legal status is of D and F's children.
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Old 12th July 2017, 9:55 PM   #22
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When I divorced, I kept my married name despite having no kids. The things which stopped me from changing it were: 1: name changes are a PIA. 2: I didn't feel an emotional connection with my maiden name so it seemed pointless going back to that.

It bothered me for a while that I didn't feel a connection to any name that I had, so in the end I had my name legally changed to that of my now long term partner.
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Old 12th July 2017, 10:07 PM   #23
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She's doing it for the kids. It's a lot easier to have the same name as your kids in life. It's an unselfish act that a lot of women will do.
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Old 12th July 2017, 11:39 PM   #24
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She's doing it for the kids. It's a lot easier to have the same name as your kids in life. It's an unselfish act that a lot of women will do.
Born with one name, parents got divorced. Dad abandoned me. Adopted by step dad, new name. Married once. New name. Divorced. Married twice, new name. had child after years of infertility. One child...Divorced again....kept the name of MY CHILD (how I see it). No prospects in sight to think about what to do with current last name......just my story.
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Old 12th July 2017, 11:51 PM   #25
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I can tell you all this. No woman that I date is going to be carying her ex's name once she is divorced and we get together and I marry her. I don't think the kids care what their mom goes by.
What if the reason she hasn't changed her name is because she's got a professional reputation or research papers with her married name?

I'd hate to have to explain the name change each time I have to refer someone back to my previous work on a subject or ask for references. This is one of the reasons why women choose to stick with their maiden names these days. One name for now and ever. No messing about changing it all.
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Old 13th July 2017, 5:10 AM   #26
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Its not that I can't handle my Buddys current GF having her ex's last name. Its that I believe that her not getting rid of it is a sign of complacency.

Her big kids don't really care as her personal paperwork with bills and such come under her maiden/married name. All she would be doing is getting rid of one name. So its not like she exclusive with her ex's name only.

She come off like going to a lawyer is going to cost a fortune. I am a betting man. When they split. I feel like she was the one to say its over with the ex. Not her ex saying its over lets get divorced.

Just to have D her current BF move in with her. They had to put a window in the basement due to a fire hazard and a way to get someone out. It costed 1,500.00. So if she can do that. She can't find the cash to get divorced. Or if she wants to do it the cheap way. Go to her ex and say if we file it this way. We save money and don't have to put out major coin for lawyers on both sides.

Someone is playing a game its either F does not want to pay the money, but she has kids with her current BF, D. Or F's ex does not want to see her released from him legally. Even though he has a new GF.

Its not like there was a rush to have kids. To this day. D has no idea who is holding up the Divorce. Its like D could not say to her. We are not having kids and are living together until you are divorced. Which should have happend before she looked up D in Dec 2012 to see if there was still some magic between them.

Thats why I think that her keeping her ex's name is insulting to D. It shows that she has no consideration for his feelings and is not doing anything major to move forward with her Divorce.
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Old 13th July 2017, 7:13 AM   #27
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Is D actually insulted or worrying about any of this? Or is it just you who's angry on his behalf?
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Old 13th July 2017, 8:21 AM   #28
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Is D actually insulted or worrying about any of this? Or is it just you who's angry on his behalf?
Yeah this doesn't make a lot of sense.
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Old 13th July 2017, 9:51 AM   #29
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I think it's ridiculous that you wouldn't date someone because they kept the last name of their ex.

*When I get divorced, I will keep his last name because I intend to get married again and I'm not changing my name three times because it's the biggest pain in the butt. Worse than renewing your license. You have to submit it through social security, wait, then change your license, passport, bank account, etc. Why go through all of that to change it again in a couple of years.

Regardless, it's a NON-issue and it's not affecting you so why are you so upset about it?
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Old 13th July 2017, 10:07 AM   #30
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She has kids with her ex, AND she has two young kids with your friend? It would be great if she took your friend D's last name if they get married - but it's not an issue until then, and if they don't marry, keeping her exes name for her kids with him is fine, even if not ideal.


My wife kept her exes name for her kids, even though he's a POS. It would have also been extremely expensive to change her name on various documents (literally thousands of $$$, which she could not afford).
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