The 70% Relationship Rule

[The Urbanyst]

I think I might of cracked the code when it comes to dating.

 

Knowing when to compromise and how much crap to tolerate has always been tricky for me. I think the 70% rule might be the trick. Here is how it would work:

 

For you to be in a healthy and compatible relationship with a person, you must both be at least 70% on the same page. How did I come up with 70%? It goes back to school letter grades:

 

A= 90 -100%

B= 80 - 89%

C= 70 - 79%

D= 60 - 69%

 

The bare minimum grade you can get that is not considered a bad grade in school is a C, which is 70-79%. Therefore, a relationship is considered bad once you drop below 70% happy with a person. A person as a whole package to include looks, personality, behavior, etc.

 

When do you give up? When do you walk away? When do you dump them? You do it you have to compromise yourself more than 30%. This goes for any stage from the first date to being married. This means compromising your lifestyle, goals, hobbies, time, vices, behavior, etc.

 

I think if you have the discipline to stick to the 70% rule no matter what, you will never be in a bad relationship, because you will always know when to walk away.

[Imajerk17]

 

I think you are comparing apples to oranges OP. For starters there is no one grading you. Either your relationship is working well or it is not.

 

If you are thinking of marrying the person you better have strong attraction, mutual respect, and you better be on the same page when it comes to the big stuff--where to live and if/when to have children. You don't need to share "70%" of hobbies nor would sharing 100% of hobbies means it's a Grade-A relationship.

Edited June 23, 2017 by Imajerk17

[basil67]

I wouldn't accept below 90% compatibility. Though looks has never been part of my equation because they are only ever temporary.

 

And yes, I would rate my 25 year relationship above 90%

[SammySammy]

80/20 might be closer to optimal. The Pareto Principle.

 

However, the key is not the exact percentage that you agree or disagree, but how the couple deals with the differences and disagreements.

 

Do we fight fairly? Solve problems in a constructive and loving manner? Are we ble to love, trust, respect, and accept each other despite those things we will never agree on?

 

How well a couple handles the disagreements plays a critical role in the success of the relationship.

[Gr8fuln2020]

OP, grading system used in school does not work.

 

When grading, you have individual points. Each point is equal to the next. 60/100 or 60% is just passing (traditionally). But that does not translate in relationships. This should be obvious....

 

If I don't agree with my wife on finances. That's one thing. If I don't agree with my gf on sex. That's a second thing. If I don't agree with my gf regarding religion. That's three things. For the sake of argument, let's say there are 97 other things involved. Let's say I agree with my gf on the ohter 97 things. According to your grading system that would mean that our relationship is in the 97% range. That's a solide A+! Rockin'! Right? No.

 

The three things that we didn't agree on is more than enough to end any relationship. Relationships don't work on a school grading system.

[SammySammy]

bull women demand 100 percent

 

Are you a man or a mouse?

 

Even if women did demand 100%, does that mean we give in to them all the time? Or do we compromise? Even better, do we lead when appropriate?

 

Don't let a woman having expectations and standards be an excuse for you giving up your manhood.

[guest569]

That's an interesting concept but personally, i can't put it down to numerical value as much of it is about feeling. Although there seems to be some sort of "weighing up" going on in the background.

 

I can't put all the criteria on a score card out of 100. But i can get a bad vibe or see dealbreakers. I can only forgive someone a certain number (?) of times before deciding to walk away.

[guest569]

bull women demand 100 percent

 

What is a "bull woman"? you seek bestiality with hermaphroditic cattle. No wonder you are struggling.

[guest569]

stop lying. you women demand 100 percent

 

I didn't actually specify otherwise, but sure. 100% or forget it, you man, you.

 

p.s. i was talking to OP.

[mortensorchid]

I agree with this assessment. People have always aid I am a very verbal person and I see things in nothing but black and white. Well, that's the way they are. And I agree with this percentage scale.

[act00]

I get what you're saying, but how do you measure it? What is the point system? Do you and your mate equate the same points to the same issues? People think differently, and what may be a major, important thing to you could be less important to the SO and, therefore, it throws off the point system. I do agree that if a couple can be in agreement on a minimum of 70%, it's a good thing, but when it comes to major issues (religion, money, child rearing, sex, etc.), you really have to be up at 90%.

[Arieswoman]

smiley1 post #8

 

What is a "bull woman"? you seek bestiality with hermaphroditic cattle. No wonder you are struggling.

 

[LivingWaterPlease]

What is a "bull woman"? you seek bestiality with hermaphroditic cattle. No wonder you are struggling.

 

Thanks for the great laugh, smiley1!

[Arieswoman]

Urbanyst,

 

Hmmmmm, your post is interesting but I'm not sure if it would work in practice....

 

The relationships I have seen working the best, IMO, are those where they both had similar childhood experiences.

 

eg; Both adopted, both had parents who were teachers, both were sent away to boarding school, both lived on a farm etc etc.

In other words, both their early experiences of life have been seen through a similar lens. So they have similar viewpoints, conditioning, experiences, attitudes.

 

This can't help but facilitate understanding and agreement. (However, these are factors that neither party had any control over.)

 

Just my 2 penneth

[central]

OP, your analogy has some merit, but in the end, relationships are pass/fail.

 

Yes, you can have some things that don't go well, and still persist. But some things have more weight than others, or the weights change depending on context. For example, lack of sex in a good relationship carries more (negative) weight than good sex does in a good relationship. We mostly notice the lacks and failures, but any ONE of those could be the deal breaker.

[Chilli]

Yeah dunno if that one would wash . good theory though.

But l'd say , 70% is a bit high, you probably should be marrying them if you can find 70% because l doubt most long long marriages even have much more than 70%.

 

My gf and l use to talk about this a fair bit because we were a pretty bizarre match. Because in some ways we were identical , freaky,more freakier than anyone either of us had ever known, yet still, in others we were totally different,.

And we decided your really lucky if you actually get 50 or 60%. And we ain't kids, late 40-s and early 50s,both been married, so that's from life , not just a few yrs of bf's and gfs.

We often agreed that though , it all comes down to which 50 or 60% you have and which is important to you.

If your truly blessed , maybe you have 80 or 90% , but we thought that was pretty rare and then it depends on what the other 10 or 20% downside was too.

For me ,we had the two or 3 things that were most important of all to me so to me that was 200% because they meant so much to me and l wouldn't swap them for someone else's 90%, no way. Because l know that wouldn't have in the same degree things our 60% had, it'd all be milder , more spread out, maybe even boring.

Edited June 23, 2017 by Chilli

[Ashl]

The thing that comes across is balance. I think we shouldn't aim to agree on everything because obviously that's impossible and I think the best relationships are where a couple can disagree a lot but discuss and listen to each others views without wanting the partner to have the same point of view. Always agreeing signifies something wrong. No two people can have exactly the same view point.

 

I grew up in a family where I was bullied if I disagreed and I was so unhappy. I learnt to just agree and even stopped forming opinions at one point.

 

I don't want to be fighting with somebody but I value listening to other sides of things with someone who is also open to exploring other ways of seeing things. I thought I had this with my boyfriend but something has gone wrong.

Edited June 23, 2017 by Ashl
to be clearer

[Chilli]

My older brother and his w been together 30yrs. Matter of fact , they're the only ones still together.

Yet they'd probably only be about 30 or 40% max suited really , if that. Really , they're totally different types of people .

 

But the one big thing they both have in common is that they're both very very smart about the relationship. They talk sh@t out and work on it and never say die. And l'd say that's basically how come they've out survived everyone.

Be caUSE they're still totally different people and really, still don't have anything really in common, but here they are. Still in there.

[Chilli]

Yeah , you've definitely gotta be allowed to be different, disagree and work through. My gf's down fall , couldn't disagree with her, yet the most brilliant fun person l've ever known otherwise.

Edited June 23, 2017 by Chilli