wmacbride Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 Can your wife be too "ordinary"? I admit that I am not the most exciting person in the world. I'm not any sort of an "adrenaline junkie", and for me, a nice evening is maybe going out for dinner, talking a nice walk, sitting on the beach, maybe watching an old tv show or sitting out in my "night garden" ( I have a small section with plants that bloom at night, like moon flowers). I do like to take vacations, but I absolutely hate the resort in cuba/cruise ship idea. I have more fun renting a house and car and driving around the back country of wherever we are visiting. My days are filled with work, shuttling my kids to their appointments, looking after the house and my birds. My big dream in life would be to have a tiny little cottage on the beach somewhere on a tropical island. There'd be a small village nearby, and so long as I have internet access I can still work. We'd keep a small home here for the summers, and go there in the winter. In short, my life is average and probably sounds kind of boring to others. I'm happy though. My question is ( and I know no one can answer for my spouse), in general terms, is this enough excitement in life for the majority husbands? One thing that I have read sometimes on here is posts written by men who are looking for more excitement in their lives. Ours life together just isn't that "thrilling", but I'm happy. I'm not looking for pats on the back here, but honest responses. Is a simple life enough for you? I've asked my husband about it, and he tells me it is. I'm not doubting his honesty, but I would like to discuss the topic here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 Who cares if it's good enough for the majority of the husbands? The only Q is whether your husband is happy. If you are both happy, then you have more than most. Stop worrying about what others think & comparing yourself to them. 15 Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 Average is subjective. What may be an 'average' life to someone may be exciting to someone else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 most ppl plod on in predictable lives, day to day, day in, day out 1 Link to post Share on other sites
duncsvoice Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 My partner is calm, and peaceful and doesn't live an adrenaline fuelled life, and that is exactly the kind of person I want to grow old with. Each to their own. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Stuck2532 Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 I think going to a park with my wife and kids is exciting. We don't do anything...they play, come bring us things, we run around a little bit, grill, and just "hang out". Those are usually the most exciting days for me. Even when me and wife hang out alone, we don't go to night clubs, we either go to dinner alone/with friends, or a few times a year go to a concert or some kind of show (going to see Harry Potter in concert tomorrow night and she seemed excited about it - I bet many would find that boring). I think if your partner is like you, you will both find the same things "exciting", even if others won't. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 What would you consider exciting? My brother and his wife find camping in the wilderness with no water and electricity exciting....not me! My definition of exciting is different and it includes full equipped functioning bathrooms. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 I'd kill for more excitement in my life, but I don't have the money for it. I too always dreamed of a summer cottage on the water somewhere, something my parents usually had, though modest it was, and I do feel cheated I've not been able to ever make enough money, even with two jobs to have that. But I'm past the age it would do me much good being at the water now, with a bum knee, so I have to let it go and fortunately, I am easily enough amused by my dogs' antics and sitting overlooking my back yard most of the time, and a little tv. One makes do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 I think it only matters that you two are on the same page. Ex and I were definitely not on the same page. For him he was happy having a quiet night at hm. Or doing family things. I craved more time as a couple. Or adventures traveling etc. BUT we were not on the same page. We also had a 14yr age difference which may or may not have played into things. I also thinks I thought much more like a "man" and he a "woman" role on certain subjects. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 John and I live a very simple life. We enjoy simple things. We don't live flashy it is not who we are. We don't live to impress others... we have always lived in a house that fits us... driven a car we like... worn the clothes we are comfortable in. Boring? Well maybe to others.. but not to us. We love to travel and we love animals and we love to go out to eat in a quiet restaurant with a nice bottle of wine. I guess what I am trying to say is... as long as the two of you are happy.. who gives a flip what anyone else thinks. We have very good friends that have always lived large ... they are the exact same age... they have the same amount of children and grandchildren that we do. John is retiring soon... and we will live the same kind of life in retirement that we have always lived. I just found out yesterday... they are nearly bankrupt and cannot even begin to think of retiring. I have no doubt they lived the kind of life they wanted to live... but they lived for show... they lived to impress... and now... when life should be so easy they are broke Boring? Yes we are... thank god Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 Risking my reputation in sharing the information I'm about to, this morning I was watching The View (a VERY rare occasion for me but since Whoopi was not on today I watched), and they took a survey of the audience and asked what everyone thought the more important element of a good relationship was. People of course shouted out things like communication, honesty, loyalty, sex, etc. According to some new study, the answer is actually BOREDOM! So, I'd say your relationship is just fine if whatever study the ladies The View were discussing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 OP it seems like your post lately seem to be all asking the same thing in a different way. Did something happen recently to trigger these thoughts? If you think your H wants some spontaneity but is not telling you. Then maybe try something different or do something spontaneous. Then see how he reacts. Depending on the reaction after you can talk about it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 I find myself craving boredom when life is hectic. And when life is boring, I want adventure. It seems my H and I have different opinions on levels of hectic. When it seems we are always running in different directions, I want something where our attention is solely on each other. Which is those things that some people may call boring. When we have a lot of time for that, I then want adventure and "fun". But those things don't seem to bring as much one on one connection. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 I found this in one of your past threads: One thing he had said about her is that she was "fun" and spontaneous. Your husband had an affair with a woman he qualified fun and spontaneous and now you are worrying that 'you the wife' isn't enough fun and spontaneity for him? and you are not fulfilling that need? You cannot compare a mistress to a wife. A mistress will always be fun and spontaneous no matter what. Each time he saw her she was all made up, had her nails done, her hair perfect and wore sexy undies. It was always exciting because it was forbitten. If your husband had picked her and married her believe me the fun and spontaneous would have disappeared. She would have become the wife, the one that picks up after him, cooks for him, the one he sees with no make up on and in her old clothes on Saturday while she cleans the house. My BF tells me he's the most happy when we get up Saturday morning and I walk around in my old un-matching pg's with my hair in a mess and we enjoy the moment. If your husband cannot find happiness in moments like these he's not made for marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aurelius99 Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 Wanting a house on a tropical island doesn't seem average to me. It seems kind of extravagant and refined. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them." - Henry David Thoreau Most people are average and ordinary. Live average and ordinary lives. For most, that's all they have ever been and all they will ever be. It's comforting and familiar. Thus, desirable for many people. Yes, it's enough for most men and women. I remember when my last fiancée and I were breaking up she said she wanted a regular life. That's what she now has with her new husband. Regular and ordinary guy. Regular and ordinary life. I imagine they're happy and will be together for a long time. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 For me? No... But I don't think it's necessarily an asset...I find "average" people are often happiest and least stressed... TFY 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 It's not important what other husbands think or want, what's important is what YOUR husband thinks and wants. I'm not doubting his honesty -- Yes, you are. He is a grown man and, unless he's in the habit of just telling you what he thinks you want to hear, then you should take him at his word and drop it. written by men who are looking for more excitement in their lives -- If you are wondering if your husband may get to a point where that is true for him and that he may be dissatisfied with your relationship, yeah, that could happen but then again, it might not. Cross the bridges that need to be crossed if/when you get to them. If your relationship seems a little stale to you, do some little things to bring a little excitement into it. He's says he's content with the way things are so don't go overboard, but change things up a little bit once in a while and see how he reacts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aurelius99 Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them." - Henry David Thoreau Most people are average and ordinary. Live average and ordinary lives. For most, that's all they have ever been and all they will ever be. It's comforting and familiar. Thus, desirable for many people. Yes, it's enough for most men and women. I remember when my last fiancée and I were breaking up she said she wanted a regular life. That's what she now has with her new husband. Regular and ordinary guy. Regular and ordinary life. I imagine they're happy and will be together for a long time. How were you not ordinary? Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 How were you not ordinary? In many ways. She was far from the only woman to say I'm "different" from most men. In beliefs, interests, expectations, experiences, habits, and other things particular to me. I'm ... not normal ... and I embrace that. Truly march to the beat of my own drummer. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 For me? No... But I don't think it's necessarily an asset...I find "average" people are often happiest and least stressed... TFY I so much agree. I've got friends who's lives are super full and who arealways doing interesting stuff. But behind the scenes, it's not all happiness and fun. My life may be not so interesting. But it's happy, calm and without stress. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 It depends on each person but I think when men say they want excitement, means they want a little change up. I'm not saying you have done this but I've seen it a lot. Women forgetting they're women...not just a mom. Maybe bc I was a young mother & wife I never got into the pattern "I can't bc I'm a mom now"...& im not talking being irresponsible, just in general. Excitement can be, dressing up for your spouse like when you were dating & surprising them for dinner, taking a husband to a sporting event as a surprise & or a cooking class with wine tasting. Men usually are simple & exciting usually means different types of positions ;') 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmacbride Posted June 10, 2017 Author Share Posted June 10, 2017 OP it seems like your post lately seem to be all asking the same thing in a different way. Did something happen recently to trigger these thoughts? If you think your H wants some spontaneity but is not telling you. Then maybe try something different or do something spontaneous. Then see how he reacts. Depending on the reaction after you can talk about it. In all honesty, after years of being in the military and being used to being called up with not much notice, He's told me he's so happy to be retiring and becoming a "regular" civil servant . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmacbride Posted June 10, 2017 Author Share Posted June 10, 2017 I found this in one of your past threads: One thing he had said about her is that she was "fun" and spontaneous. Your husband had an affair with a woman he qualified fun and spontaneous and now you are worrying that 'you the wife' isn't enough fun and spontaneity for him? and you are not fulfilling that need? You cannot compare a mistress to a wife. A mistress will always be fun and spontaneous no matter what. Each time he saw her she was all made up, had her nails done, her hair perfect and wore sexy undies. It was always exciting because it was forbitten. If your husband had picked her and married her believe me the fun and spontaneous would have disappeared. She would have become the wife, the one that picks up after him, cooks for him, the one he sees with no make up on and in her old clothes on Saturday while she cleans the house. My BF tells me he's the most happy when we get up Saturday morning and I walk around in my old un-matching pg's with my hair in a mess and we enjoy the moment. If your husband cannot find happiness in moments like these he's not made for marriage. His happiness is painting, playing his guitar, working on our house, going for drives, etc. He's like me I guess. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 When I was young, I was truly an excitement junkie. I was miserable when the excitement waned -- but then I also wasn't anywhere near looking to settle down with a spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
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