Almond_Joy Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Hi everyone, Just trying to gage if my expectations here are unrealistic. Me and bf live together, been together for years. Bf ordered delivery for dinner which we do often. Food comes, my order is wrong. He leaves message with the delivery service the delivery service is independent of the restaurant. He then says to me he hopes someone can eat the wrong ordered because he spent xx much money on it. BF proceeds to eat his delivered food. Now there's other food to eat in the house and/or I can order my own food. But if I was in his shoes, I would have called the restaurant to see if they were willing to re deliver instead of leaving it to my gf since the order was under my name. Is it unreasonable for me to feel, I don't know not really cared about that my bf hasn't done what I would do in his shoes? Like I said, I get he has no obligation to do anything at all, so I kinda think I'm being over sensitive or feeling entitled maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 (edited) personally if i got the wrong ordered food i woudl ring up myself.....i dont understand why your bf has too.....its nto really anythong to worry about.....yoru bf was hungry he got his food he starts eating.....men and their stomachs....i would grab a fork and say ....share now and ill share mne when it comes.........and pinch his food..if he dared to say no...i would say no dessert hugs for you...food...shouldnt be fought over or become any sort of "thing"....because eventually food ends up in the same place together....even if it wasnt delivered together......as toilet bowl soup....hopefully flushed with the toilet seat back down if they had a large coke with their meal.......now theres a thing.........toilet seats....grounds for divorce...deb Edited May 31, 2017 by todreaminblue 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Hi everyone, Just trying to gage if my expectations here are unrealistic. Me and bf live together, been together for years. Bf ordered delivery for dinner which we do often. Food comes, my order is wrong. He leaves message with the delivery service the delivery service is independent of the restaurant. He then says to me he hopes someone can eat the wrong ordered because he spent xx much money on it. BF proceeds to eat his delivered food. Now there's other food to eat in the house and/or I can order my own food. But if I was in his shoes, I would have called the restaurant to see if they were willing to re deliver instead of leaving it to my gf since the order was under my name. Is it unreasonable for me to feel, I don't know not really cared about that my bf hasn't done what I would do in his shoes? Like I said, I get he has no obligation to do anything at all, so I kinda think I'm being over sensitive or feeling entitled maybe.Yes, that is completely wrong of you.... not because what you're thinking is not the thoughtful thing to do, but because men are often not very thoughtful, and apparently, you've chosen one of them. He may still be the right choice, on balance, but every choice does have its costs from time to time. This is who you have chosen. This is one of the costs. It is not his job to make you happy, that's your job. It is his job to be himself, and it is your other job to see if you can live with that. Oh, and it's gauge, by the way. gauge, gauging, gauged, etc. Not a knock, just so you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Almond_Joy Posted May 31, 2017 Author Share Posted May 31, 2017 Oh, and it's gauge, by the way. gauge, gauging, gauged, etc. Not a knock, just so you know. lol I thought about that for a split second but didn't bother to check. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author Almond_Joy Posted May 31, 2017 Author Share Posted May 31, 2017 Yeah I was leaning toward me thinking I'm overreacting or expecting too much. Thanks for responses. This is not a big deal at all but every once in a while something will strike me the wrong way so I just have to get an outside opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I don't think you're overreacting. It's bad on two levels, one being the fact he doesn't care that you don't have something to eat and two that he paid good money for something, was given the wrong stuff and just rolled over and took it. Weak and insensitive at the same time. Not a sexy combo. We use a third party delivery service and I wouldn't even think to try and get in touch with them about fixing it, my girlfriend would starve to death before they got around to it, I don't think ours even has a number you can call. I would just call the restaurant, get them to fix it and drive myself to get the replacement. If I somehow missed the mistake when they delivered it. Then deal with the delivery guys when she wasn't waiting to eat. Seems like men aren't expected to be proactive leaders like that anymore though. Nothing wrong at all with holding him to that standard however Almond. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I'd call the restaurant and find out how the order got messed up and get them to redeliver it. I mean, he made one phone call but apparently it wasn't productive, so maybe now time for you to make the other phone call. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I'd be annoyed but then would have fixed it myself. Unless this is a symptom of an overall pattern of no caring by your BF, it's one dinner order. Let it go already. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I'd just eat the wrong meal (or get something out of the freezer) and get on with life. Life's too short to get upset about a wrong meal. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I'd just eat the wrong meal (or get something out of the freezer) and get on with life. Life's too short to get upset about a wrong meal. Exactly! How much turmoil are you going to create over an infinitesimal thing –– seriously, you'd sit and wait another half hour or hour for another delivery, plus being upset because someone didn't leap tall buildings on your behalf, all because you ended up with lo mein instead of chop suey? You haven't experienced enough adversity in your life yet. There is a story about a man with no shoes that seems apropos... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 If this was a one-time thing, it's not a big deal IMO - and I'm saying this as someone who can be a total food snob. If I really can't eat the food, I'll toss a frozen meal in the microwave and tell the SO he can have my share. If there was a pattern of him not caring though, I can understand why you would be upset. Is there? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I'd call the restaurant and find out how the order got messed up and get them to redeliver it. I mean, he made one phone call but apparently it wasn't productive, so maybe now time for you to make the other phone call. Independent delivery services don't work like that. The restaurant isn't the one delivering the food, the 3rd party is. Calls to the restaurant won't work because they'll say they can't deliver, calls to the 3rd party will not usually result in a speedy response, you'll often get shafted down the managerial rat hole. You technically CAN make a fuss and insist to speak to the manager and everything, but (1) you won't be getting that done in time to rectify your hunger, and (2) for a $15 meal it's more trouble than it's worth. What I usually do is to just leave a bad review and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lucy_in_disguise Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I think you're overreacting. Yes, it would have been thoughtful if he had offered to call the restaurant to try to fix it, or offered to share his meal with you and/or fix you something else before diving in to his... But I don't think his response was unreasonable, and if it mattered that much to you that he try harder to ensure you are fed, you should have communicated this. Either way not something to get upset over imo. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I totally understand where you're coming from. I would be put off too if my boyfriend happily chowed down, while I had no dinner. Is this a one-off instance? Is he usually more considerate than this? Or is it typical behavior for him to focus on making sure his needs are taken care of with minimal regard for yours? Have other things changed about your relationship? Sometimes when we become bothered by something like this, it's a symptom of a bigger problem we have with the relationship. Bottom line: It bothers you. Don't minimize your feelings and sweep them under the rug. You have a right to feel the way you do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I totally understand where you're coming from. I would be put off too if my boyfriend happily chowed down, while I had no dinner. Whaaaaat? It wasn't that she didn't have anything to eat, she just didn't get what she ordered. I would've offered her her choice of the two and ate whichever one she didn't want... but on the other hand, what kind of woman would take my dinner such that both were eating something they didn't order? And why assume it's the boyfriends problem to solve and then get her nose all out of joint? I bet she's perfectly capable of making a phone call and saying what she wants. There is really only one appropriate reaction –– she mentions that she didn't get what she ordered, smiles and says "no problemo I'm thankful to have a good meal and be living indoors." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Almond_Joy Posted May 31, 2017 Author Share Posted May 31, 2017 I wasn't expecting a whole lot of people to agree with my initial mindset but I'm also surprised that my expectation seemed sooooo far fetched to some. To me if you offer to take care of something for somebody you do what you can within reason to take care of it, regardless of how big or small the task is. To me that's not a relationship thing, that's just seeing something through until it's done to the best of your ability. Obviously my expectation doesn't line up with most people's which is good for me to know for future little things. Him dropping everything and driving to the restaurant and picking up a meal would have been a disproportionate amount of effort to correct this. Making a phone call to the restaurant would not have been, to me. Especially when he made sure to take the time to put in a complaint with the delivery service to get refunded for the wrong order. I didn't think to call because the order was under his name, on his card. This....thing, in and of itself, is absolutely not something to hold a grudge/slighted feelings over. But these responses do tell me that my initial reaction wasn't entirely off the mark. There have been other issues that probably contributed to my emotional response but I'm not getting into them again on this thread. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Whaaaaat? It wasn't that she didn't have anything to eat, she just didn't get what she ordered. I would've offered her her choice of the two and ate whichever one she didn't want... but on the other hand, what kind of woman would take my dinner such that both were eating something they didn't order? And why assume it's the boyfriends problem to solve and then get her nose all out of joint? I bet she's perfectly capable of making a phone call and saying what she wants. There is really only one appropriate reaction –– she mentions that she didn't get what she ordered, smiles and says "no problemo I'm thankful to have a good meal and be living indoors." It's pretty normal for people to be unable to eat certain things, and for their friends/loved ones to try and rectify it if they were given an order they couldn't eat. When a colleague of mine who didn't eat a specific item for religious reasons received the wrong meal in our group order, one of us swapped him our meal instead. And that's a platonic relationship - it's normal and understandable to hold a romantic relationship to higher standards. So yeah, the OP's bf could've done something other than shrug, but like I said, if it's a one-off incident it wouldn't be the hill I'd die on. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 (edited) Him dropping everything and driving to the restaurant and picking up a meal would have been a disproportionate amount of effort to correct this. Making a phone call to the restaurant would not have been, to me. Especially when he made sure to take the time to put in a complaint with the delivery service to get refunded for the wrong order. Do you think the restaurant would really have done anything if he calls them though? I order delivery via 3rd party services a lot, and they've gotten it wrong a couple of times. If a wrong order is received, we get refunded, but there will certainly not be a replacement meal coming, especially when the restaurant doesn't have their own delivery service. The only way you could get a replacement would be if you drove there to get it. Edited May 31, 2017 by Elswyth Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I didn't think to call because the order was under his name, on his card. It doesn't matter if the order is to his name, you call the restaurant and say your order was under XX name and it was wrong and have them send the right one. If ever they need him to put in that request he is standing right next to you and you give him the phone. Maybe to him it's no big deal you got the wrong meal. Maybe he has a lazy personality and don't want to be bothered with it. To me he did minimal efforts to fix the problem but you also did as little as possible to fix it. You said you've been together for years and living together, I am sure you know his personality. You accept it or you leave it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I'd just eat the wrong meal (or get something out of the freezer) and get on with life. Life's too short to get upset about a wrong meal. Don't fight the small wars. This isn't the hill you want to die on. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 I wasn't expecting a whole lot of people to agree with my initial mindset but I'm also surprised that my expectation seemed sooooo far fetched to some. To me if you offer to take care of something for somebody you do what you can within reason to take care of it, regardless of how big or small the task is. To me that's not a relationship thing, that's just seeing something through until it's done to the best of your ability. Obviously my expectation doesn't line up with most people's which is good for me to know for future little things. Almond Joy: You get to set your boundaries and expectations. You set your standards for what you need and expect in a relationship. You don't date by committee approval! Some women stay in relationships with abusers. Obviously, just because that's their standard and their boundary of acceptable treatment, doesn't mean you, I, or someone else has to agree to accept that same standard. The same is true when it comes to expectations around a partner being thoughtful and considerate, or meeting your needs in a relationship. Set your bar based on your own comfort level. I feel very cared for and valued in my relationship. That's because a boyfriend who is thoughtful and considerate is important to me. I'm sorry, but your boyfriend made sure he got his refund for the incorrect order. His focus was on himself--his wallet and his belly--not you although ostensibly he was getting dinner for both of you. He got his money back. Then dug into his own dinner with no concern for whether you were going to eat. For me, if stuff like that happened more than once, I wouldn't be long in the relationship. My interest fizzles rapidly when faced with that type of behavior. It speaks to how I'm going to be treated moving forward as he becomes more and more complacent. You have to decide what's important to you. You alone get to decide how you want to be treated by your partner. Link to post Share on other sites
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