Jump to content

Have you been told by a date that they just want to be friends?


Recommended Posts

greymatter

...and then they changed their mind and wanted to pursue dating? Would you consider it if this happened, or would you think the person completely screwed up and there is no way that you would date after that?

Link to post
Share on other sites
...and then they changed their mind and wanted to pursue dating? Would you consider it if this happened, or would you think the person completely screwed up and there is no way that you would date after that?

 

Sure--I have and I have had it happen to me. It definitely doesn't mean the person "completely screwed up" though. Chemistry is illogical and unpredictable and, just as it can't be forced, it can manifest itself out of the blue. So I would consider whether I still felt attraction back.

 

There are many couples that fell in love where they didn't see each other "that way" at the beginning. Sometimes the spark suddenly comes on after some time in getting to know someone, instead of after a couple dates where people feel pressure to make something happen.

Edited by Imajerk17
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
TheParadox7

Yes, that happened to me once, when I went on a date with a friend in high school. I wasn't too disappointed, though. Not everything is meant to be.

 

Besides, he liked one of my other friends, who he ended up dating for a while. (He and my other friend and I were actually part of a group of friends.)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
greymatter

I am the one who said I only want to be friends. And then completely regretted it. We had a second date after that and I think it was indeed a date, in that he took me out for a meal, and we kissed at the end when he walked me to my car. But I'm not sure if he is wondering where we are with things. I would like to bring it up because I feel like I've really confused things and he must not know where I'm coming from. But don't know how to bring it up or if I should just let it be and see if he asks to see me again.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why did you say you only want to be friends in the first place?

 

It is likely fixable, but it depends on how he felt about you. There are so few details here though so it is hard to advise. Sounds like the ball probably is now in your court however. You most likely are going to have to reach out for another date, and clear up the (understandable) confusion your words caused.

Edited by Imajerk17
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
greymatter
Why did you say you only want to be friends in the first place?

 

It is likely fixable. There are so few details here though so it is hard to advise. Sounds like the ball probably is now in your court. You most likely are going to have to reach out for another date, and clear up the (understandable) confusion your words caused.

 

Because of a significant age difference, and feeling guilt about that, which I quickly realized is a useless and pointless thing to worry about, and that it is too early to even worry about when we are just getting to know one another. Ugh. That is why I feel like I screwed up.

Link to post
Share on other sites
...and then they changed their mind and wanted to pursue dating? Would you consider it if this happened, or would you think the person completely screwed up and there is no way that you would date after that?

 

I think it would depend upon how much I liked them and how open I am to being with them.

 

I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing for someone initially starting off wanting to be friends then deciding that they would like more. For me, it's more important that I like someone I love than just to run on love and find out later that I can't stand them. I know too many unhappily married people who love their spouse but can't stand them and are uncivil with them.

 

I do think it's bad when it's the other way around--that they went in wanting a relationship then decided to demote me.

 

Promotion is always better than demotion.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
SoThatHappened
...and then they changed their mind and wanted to pursue dating?

Yep. Pursued a woman for longer than I want to admit (she just wanted to be friends and "see where things end up in the future), then I finally gave up.

 

Now she wants to date me, 4 months after I'd given up.

 

My ship has sailed... sorry sweetheart.

 

OP, don't be so confusing to men. Those are your issues. You may miss out on a great thing because of those issues.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
greymatter

We just saw each other last weekend and this whole thing is new, so hopefully it is not too late to have a conversation about it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
We just saw each other last weekend and this whole thing is new, so hopefully it is not too late to have a conversation about it.

 

I'd just say act like you want something more and if he asks you about it, say that you discovered that you liked him more... then kiss him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
stillafool
We just saw each other last weekend and this whole thing is new, so hopefully it is not too late to have a conversation about it.

 

Is he a younger man? If so, he will understand your previous hesitation.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
greymatter
Is he a younger man? If so, he will understand your previous hesitation.

 

Yes, he is younger.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
greymatter

We will meet to talk this weekend. I hope this means he will consider moving forward with seeing each other, and that he wouldn't bother to meet me otherwise.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
greymatter

I really blew it. Just like me, he was going on dates with others and has decided to pursue a relationship with someone else. When I finally told him how I felt, he had just decided to date someone else exclusively two days prior, this week. He came in person to tell me, and was very caring and sensitive and clearly has integrity, to come tell me in person when he owed me nothing. I'm so bummed out and like him so much, and now that potential is gone. We only had a few dates so it's not like this is the end of a relationship, but I had thought it might be the beginning of one. But the way he handled it, with such open, caring communication, is part of the reason I like(d) him so much. I've learned a few lessons from this. Quite a few. :(

Link to post
Share on other sites
stillafool

So sorry. Maybe things won't work out with him and the other woman and he'll be back to date you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
greymatter

I'm such an idiot. I think that I'm in love with him.

 

We talked a second time by phone yesterday, and he admitted to being conflicted. But I haven't heard back from him so it's done. I feel like absolute crap. It really has me wondering why I'm even trying to date. It just leaves me feeling heartbroken.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...