Fresnite Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 (edited) Ok so several revelations for me. I realize i come off strong and quick. Is this common for most guys? If you like someone and they like you back and want to progress something forward and you reciprocate. You then want to spend as much time as possible with that person right? Like if you are both getting to know each other and are boy friend and girlfriend and are dating exclusively, you want to be around them as much as possible am i correct? Like at least in the beginning, like the first week or so. Well normally i am busy with work and school, but school is over for me for about a week and a half. So i have extra free time. The new girl i WAS seeing is now my ex.... Like she called me on the phone saying she wants to break up and than gave me a list why. She said I came off way to strong and spent to much time with her. There was even a text i got from my friend who asked me to hang out with him, while i was already with her, she told me to hang out with him. I said id rather hang out with you. She said it was weird and creepy that id rather hang out with her than a friend of mine. Is that really a bad thing? Ok so to rewind a little. My one friends girlfriend hooked me up with this girl who is her sister, she said lets be friends at first. I was perfectly fine with that. After 3 days of texting she started sexting me and the next day said lets skip friends and date, i jumped on that lol. But i felt she moved things along quick and was with it going full speed. Like even the times i was with her, i knew i was spending A LOT of time with her and i even asked if she would like me to leave and she would say no. We had great sex the 2nd day of meeting in person. I'm Like this is going quick. So she is out of work and not in college atm, so she has a lot of free time also. Apparently though after a week of texting than meeting in person and spending 7 days together in person, well two days of the 7 no. Me and her roommate even had to take her to the ER the day before she broke up with me, i stayed there waiting 7 hours for her, da heck? But after she got released she rid with me so we can get her meds. I bought her some expensive shampoo too or whatever. Before she left to go inside we talked in my car for like a half hour, apparently i said something that she had to think about. I brought up something that i probably shouldn't have, but we are both very intellectual and analytical, she says she likes honesty and me expressing my feelings. Well. ... I made mention that you never want to be the person in a relationship that likes the other person more. When she called me the next day she said it made her think and she slept on it and woke up contemplating it and said she wants to break up because i like her more than she likes me. She also said its because she feels like I smothered her and came off to much and spent to much time with her. This is what's messed up is because like i knew and was aware i was showing her a lot of attention and i even asked her about it and if everything is ok. She told me it was. But then threw it all up against me during the break up. I'm like what the hell? I know you are not supposed to make yourself so readily available and to even pretend you are busy and show you have a life outside a person. But because she had no job or anything else, I'm on college break. I Wanted to take advantage of spending time. We had so much in common. It sucks, because i didn't see this coming. She still has me as her friend on Facebook and Instagram, but has blocked me on Facebook messenger, but is still not talking to me. I Also haven't sent her anything since the phone call break up..... but still. But why don't people communicate honestly? Why don't they tell how they really feel? Why isn't communication open so that people have a clear picture or even a hint of what someone wants? Like i even flat out asked her if I'm doing anything wrong or if we are together to much. She said it was fine until the breakup day. ... Edited May 22, 2017 by Fresnite Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 From your other posts it's possible this may have been a more general 'it's not working out' and she just grabbed for the first harmless explanation of what the problem was, rather than leave you with nothing but "I'm just not that into you." Sometimes we scramble for 'logical' explanations to justify emotional impulses, and they may feel true, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're the real reason. Feelings are complicated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fresnite Posted May 22, 2017 Author Share Posted May 22, 2017 64 views and no more comments? I could really use different people's thoughts and feelings on this matter please. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 (edited) Hey fresnite, First off i feel its really unfair to break up with a guy because you have spent too much time together...ebcause thats a joint decision thing....she could have said hey i need some time to myself or lets make it a couple or days before we see each other again.....as far as coming across too strong...what is that? im sure you didnt force her.....mature couples know how to space things out.....takes two but having sex the second day of meeting huge mistake.....that is what i feel probably shifted the dynamic to a place that wasnt really good.....no mystery no expectation all done and dusted after two dates.....where do you go from there....a fleeting kiss on the lips would have been more appropriate for a second date..... i feel you gave ehr th eopportunity a breakup reason not by being open and honest.......but simply giving her a focal point.....it si probably better that it ended when it di than allow you to become deeper with feelings for her...and maybe she was thinking that.... as far as not being the person who cares or feels more....love is not quantifiable neither are feelings of emotional love and affection and you cant really measure a persons feelings ..yes i believe that it isnt ever equal in a relationship one person more than likely feels more than the other in every relationship inn my opinion emotional feelings cant be measured in an equal sense.....and to be the more vulnerable one in a relationship is actually not a bad thing....if you truly love someone its one of the risks fresnite..you gave your best..you cared...dont look at that as bad...... what should be equal in a relationship as much as possible is how you treat each other......how you behave should be equal.....that open and honest thing should be equal.....values standards morals respect...but love is tricky......to explain...to understand ...to get a handle on..you just have to let love be and do ...and feel.....you can only know how you love.....truly..... and being the one who loves someone more...is actually a priviledge.....honorable in being the most vulnerable to heartbreak and hurt by continuing regardless.........she should have felt ....flattered.....and special...and protective..... i think you took the sex way too early and all in all ..i felt it way laid a future with her.......sorry fresnite....but you have learned from her about knocking boots too early...do not ...i repeat..do not feel you shouldnt be honest and open in the future..she just wasnt one for you...the next one you date....may be the right one for you to date and to know adn have that grace of an honest open and deep relationship with............ be you...be that analyser open to the philosphical and the deep....and the next lady might not be the lady who uses a philosophical to worm her way out of a future with you..that lady will say hey buddy ...two dates and sex is too soon she will say fresnite you have to work way harder than that have known me much longer and for me to know you ......before i park my boots anywhere near your boots...;0)...then a true honest female philospher will say to you .....lets get philosphical with a walk and talk by the beach instead.....the moon has our names on it ......keep the faith....best wishes........deb Edited May 23, 2017 by todreaminblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fresnite Posted May 23, 2017 Author Share Posted May 23, 2017 Very much appreciated for your response and time @todreaminblue Thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 If you're into psychology of relationships, there's a book called "Mating in Captivity" to read. It talks about the need to balance closeness and space in a relationship. How having too much of one or the other will mess things up. I find this to be true, and some people, like you now ex, really can't handle it and will react to it quicker than others. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 No job, not in school. Makes me wonder why she was in the emergency room and what pills she got. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2017 Share Posted May 24, 2017 Ok so several revelations for me. I realize i come off strong and quick. Is this common for most guys? If you like someone and they like you back and want to progress something forward and you reciprocate. You then want to spend as much time as possible with that person right? You may want too but being too intense in the beginning is bad. You need to build a foundation. Genuine intimacy takes time. When you start out intensely you burn out just as quickly. I have one Q about the break up . . . why did your EX have to go to the ER that day? Is it possible that whatever was going on there caused her to reevaluate her life? You also had lousy timing. Why would you dump an emotionally laden heavy conversation on her the day she had to spend 7 years in the ER? Her reaction to your statement about not wanting to be the person who cares more was taken by her as you being upset that you care more & breaking up with you because she didn't want to do that to you. More importantly she said she felt smothered. You can't really come back from that. Going forward, build your relationships gradually. Spending 7 days per week with someone before you have been dating at least 6 months is too intense. Back off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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