ZayKayWill Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 For me personally, a genuine apology can fix pretty much anything. Call me crazy, but even if some crazy person were to kill my mom and his apology was *genuine* (meaning he actually felt awful and sorry for his actions) I can see myself forgiving him. Obviously he's not somebody I would go out of my way to be friends with but I can see myself forgiving. Forgiveness is a very powerful virtue I'm starting to realize. Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Yes and no, really. Though you took an extreme example. I haven't forgiven some people over things I won't divulge, like some never forgiven me over things more or less trivial. People aren't really great about forgiving, like they are greedy on genuine compliments but generous on insults. So it all boils down to the offense, killing someone especially a relative would be unforgiving for me but I am capable of forgiving over other different things. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 I have forgiven the unforgiveable...and yes...an apology from the heart should awlays be forgiven...not only for the asker...but to have that....apology given...should be one of release for the accepter....you might nto forget....but yes...forgive.....it is powerful...and allows freedom to live with peace.........deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZayKayWill Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 (edited) Yes and no, really. Though you took an extreme example. Yeah I definitely used an extreme example. I don't expect anyone to agree with that at all lol. There are people who are capable of forgiving like that, though, surlrisingly. O_o Edited May 31, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited quote of entire previous post. ~JC Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZayKayWill Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 I have forgiven the unforgiveable...and yes...an apology from the heart should awlays be forgiven...not only for the asker...but to have that....apology given...should be one of release for the accepter....you might nto forget....but yes...forgive.....it is powerful...and allows freedom to live with peace.........deb I swear every time you post I feel like I'm talking to a ghost xD Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Yeah I definitely used an extreme example. I don't expect anyone to agree with that at all lol. There are people who are capable of forgiving like that, though, surlrisingly. O_o i havent forgiven murder....but i have rape....and it wasnt easy..there was no apology and no earthly justice resolution.........but i am free from the ties that bound me to them......if you can understand that....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZayKayWill Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 i havent forgiven murder....but i have rape....and it wasnt easy..there was no apology and no earthly justice resolution.........but i am free from the ties that bound me to them......if you can understand that....deb If you don't mind me asking, was it you that was a victim or someone close to you? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 I swear every time you post I feel like I'm talking to a ghost xD is that a bad thing?.:bunny:..and heres soem bunnies if it is.... why am i ghost like to you?....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 If you don't mind me asking, was it you that was a victim or someone close to you? i was the victim more than once.......and so was my oldest daughter.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZayKayWill Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 is that a bad thing?.:bunny:..and heres soem bunnies if it is.... why am i ghost like to you?....deb Honestly I did find it a little weird, but weird isn't bad (at least not always). Weird is original. Do you. Doesn't matter if I think it's 'weird'. You're not hurting anyone. You're being you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZayKayWill Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 i was the victim more than once.......and so was my oldest daughter.....deb That's awful. How did you get to the point of forgiveness? Not sure how I would be able to forgive that if they showed no remorse...did you just kind of in your mind tell yourself, "They're crazy...that's why they did what they did...it was nothing personal..." and just went from there? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Honestly I did find it a little weird, but weird isn't bad (at least not always). Weird is original. Do you. Doesn't matter if I think it's 'weird'. You're not hurting anyone. You're being you. is it the ellipses....the disjointed sentences..i have tried to write..."normally" and my dyslexia is more pronounced and actually full on...tiring and confusing to go through all my posts...so i revert to ellipses...to break up the type so i can edit.....thankyou for reading what you find weird ...i appreciate that...and thankyou for accepting me......deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 That's awful. How did you get to the point of forgiveness? Not sure how I would be able to forgive that if they showed no remorse...did you just kind of in your mind tell yourself, "They're crazy...that's why they did what they did...it was nothing personal..." and just went from there? i blame drugs and alcohol..... try to shift that blame onto the really bad..... and in another case......he had issues.....huge ones.....i was only a child.....but he had some form of impairment mentally and psychologically to be attracted to a child....thats my belief...i gave my hurt to god......deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZayKayWill Posted May 21, 2017 Author Share Posted May 21, 2017 is it the ellipses....the disjointed sentences..i have tried to write..."normally" and my dyslexia is more pronounced and actually full on...tiring and confusing to go through all my posts...so i revert to ellipses...to break up the type so i can edit.....thankyou for reading what you find weird ...i appreciate that...and thankyou for accepting me......deb Yeah pretty much just not a writing style you see in every day life is all. Like I said weird is just original. The way I see it there's a difference in being weird and just being creepy...if that makes sense. Every one is a little awkward and weird. Not everyone is a creeper though in the sense that they make others feel uncomfortable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 is it the ellipses....the disjointed sentences..i have tried to write..."normally" and my dyslexia is more pronounced and actually full on...tiring and confusing to go through all my posts...so i revert to ellipses...to break up the type so i can edit.....thankyou for reading what you find weird ...i appreciate that...and thankyou for accepting me......deb I accept you and your ellipses deb. Sorry about the rape, I don't think I have ever read this story of yours. Or I haven't read all your posts, possibly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 (edited) I accept you and your ellipses deb. Sorry about the rape, I don't think I have ever read this story of yours. Or I haven't read all your posts, possibly. thanks shanex ...i respect you and it means a lot....as far as the rape goes...it wasnt one rape it was over more than a six month period just before i strted school which my mum got me in early.....i have told my story on here in other peoples posts about rape helping them....havent started really a thread about it.... when i first told my story on here....i wasnt believed....ridiculed and treateda bit like a troll....i know my history is often a little hard to grasp adn understand or i guess believe.....i think that disbelief hurt more than the actual memories...sent me crazy on here actually...and by my request to the mods a lot of my posts were deleted...i felt too vulnerable in what i had disclosed....i actually felt like it was my rapist on loveshack doing the ridiculing he had found me somehow.... trying to make me look like this pathetic attention seeking person.....it was traumatizing ...to not be believed......my mum and dad were right to not decide to get my rapist charged and go through the court system...doubt i woudl have handled disbelief as a child or exposure....media etc....and since then as an adult...i have never gone through a courts justice or sought charges on anyone who has assaulted me in any form....my girsl are the same....we deal our way.......so forgiveness...for me and my girls...is our ....justice....its in gods hands.......deb Edited May 21, 2017 by todreaminblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 All the best deb. I found that being a spiteful person full of resentment didn't help hence have forgiven people over much less serious things than rape, but still pretty nasty things. The best was to move on, leave some people behind forever, and not necessarily wishing them bad, but having a hard time really wishing them well either. That include men or women, some who've been girlfriends of mine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 All the best deb. I found that being a spiteful person full of resentment didn't help hence have forgiven people over much less serious things than rape, but still pretty nasty things. The best was to move on, leave some people behind forever, and not necessarily wishing them bad, but having a hard time really wishing them well either. That include men or women, some who've been girlfriends of mine. shanex i think when you forgive really hard things, forgiving little things and not so big things becomes second nature.....the more you forgive...the easier it is to forgive again the more you want to forgive...which can be a ...a point where you become vulnerable to people who take advantage of that....spirit that has developed within you...that forgiving heart.....it is something to be aware of...:0)...or try to be aware of......deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 To me, an apology doesn't fix anything serious that the person did. Apology fixes minor disagreements if and only if the apology is followed by changed behavior. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 For me personally, a genuine apology can fix pretty much anything. Call me crazy, but even if some crazy person were to kill my mom and his apology was *genuine* (meaning he actually felt awful and sorry for his actions) I can see myself forgiving him. Obviously he's not somebody I would go out of my way to be friends with but I can see myself forgiving. Forgiveness is a very powerful virtue I'm starting to realize. Nope. Almost everyone in the world is capable of conscious thought and decision making. If someone consciously chooses to hurt me or my fmaily, depending on the circumstances, I would not forgive them. For a long time I wanted to be able to forgive anyone and everyone, but I learned that really isn't possible for me, and I needed to stop beating myself up over it. I was more ticked at myself than the person who hurt me. I can live with not forgiving people, and in all honesty, it really doesn't matter. I am happy, productive, help others and don't need to make myself feel better by asserting that " i forgive you" to anyone. This being said, if someone came to me with a truly sincere apology, I would likely forgive them, but again, it would depend, and I can't say for sure as i am not in that situation. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 Yes and no. When someone says they are sorry and really mean it about something, now I tend to accept it and just move on. And moving on really does not mean taking that person back as my friend. I just say "We're good", and that's that. Once a serious infraction has been committed, it can never be healed completely. Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted May 21, 2017 Share Posted May 21, 2017 ( this is my edited post...I was to late to edit the original) For a long time I wanted to be able to forgive anyone and everyone, but I learned that really isn't possible for me, and I needed to stop beating myself up over it. I was more ticked at myself than the person who hurt me. I can live with not forgiving people, and in all honesty, it really doesn't matter. I am happy, productive, help others and don't feel any need to "heal" myself by offering apologies. Mind you, this is just me, and each person sees the situation differently and will do what is best for them. This being said, if someone came to me with a truly sincere apology, I would likely forgive them, but again, it would depend, and I can't say for sure as i am not in that situation. There is always what I'd like to think I'd do, and then what I would actually do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 When a friend of mine since childhood went after the guy I was in love with and dating, six weeks later, after I heard her sad reasons for doing so, I told her I forgave her but that I didn't want her in my life anymore. And that was that. I wouldn't have forgiven her at all but I felt she was honest with me about it. Whether I really forgive her in my heart is another thing, though. But I released her from my life by telling her I forgive you, but this is toxic. Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted May 22, 2017 Share Posted May 22, 2017 Yes and no. I forgave his cheating but I could not stay married to him. I did and still do believe his apology and attempts to make amends sincere and true. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted May 29, 2017 Share Posted May 29, 2017 For a long time I wanted to be able to forgive anyone and everyone, but I learned that really isn't possible for me... I was more ticked at myself than the person who hurt me. Do you mean that you were ticked at yourself for getting yourself into the position where you could be hurt in the first place -- and that it isn't possible for you to forgive the other person when you're still ticked off at yourself? More or less that if you could stop being angry with yourself then forgiveness of others would be more possible or easier for you? I am happy, productive, help others and don't feel any need to "heal" myself by offering apologies. <snip> There is always what I'd like to think I'd do, and then what I would actually do.. Ain't that the truth? I also am not always sure whether my self-perception matches how others perceive me. As far as offering apologies in order to heal the self, I agree that some people do need to take that step as part of the process of fully forgiving themselves but that it's not necessarily a necessary step. On the other hand, though, when we have hurt or harmed someone else, our sincere apology and genuine remorse can go a long way in helping that person heal and recover. Link to post Share on other sites
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