love can be so unfair at times, what did i get myself into now??

[jaynesnow]

This will look weird. To be precise, me and a colleague at work had something going on. He got a gf but he says he loves me . i love him but i am willing to break things up with him because he seems to be confused about leaving his girl who's still in college and they have dated for three months now. we are in the same office and as much as i want to forget about him i am not able. i feel so bad that i can't have him. he keeps telling to be patient and that he cant just leave her like that. this is destructing my work life and my life in general. what should i do??? please advise

[Brieanne]

This will look weird. To be precise, me and a colleague at work had something going on. He got a gf but he says he loves me . i love him but i am willing to break things up with him because he seems to be confused about leaving his girl who's still in college and they have dated for three months now. we are in the same office and as much as i want to forget about him i am not able. i feel so bad that i can't have him. he keeps telling to be patient and that he cant just leave her like that. this is destructing my work life and my life in general. what should i do??? please advise

 

Let's see... He has a girlfriend, yet he's telling YOU that he loves you. Does his girlfriend know about this? Why are you wanting a guy who's willing to treat his girlfriend like that? If they break up and you start dating him, chances are good that he will do the same thing to you. He seems to be sort of a player.

[elaine567]

How long has "something been going on" between you and you colleague?

[preraph]

At work, you need to fake being smiley and polite with everyone and doing your job.

 

Then you have to realize his goal isn't to narrow it down to one woman. His goal is to have more than one woman, which isn't uncommon if a woman will put up with it.

 

I suggest you start dating other guys immediately who you do not work with.

[swenann991]

At work, you need to fake being smiley and polite with everyone and doing your job.

 

Then you have to realize his goal isn't to narrow it down to one woman. His goal is to have more than one woman, which isn't uncommon if a woman will put up with it.

 

I suggest you start dating other guys immediately who you do not work with.

 

I am sharing your opinion...

[anika99]

He's only been dating this other girl for three months and he can't leave her? That is utterly ridiculous. Either he's lying to you about how long he's been dating her or he's using you for a backup plan. Meaning he's really into the girl he's dating and he wants her more than he wants you but he likes knowing that if things don't work with this girl you'll be right there waiting for him like a loyal dog.

 

You should realize that no man is some great prize that is worth sacrificing your self respect over. Stop pining for a guy who doesn't respect you or the woman he's dating. He's gross so why do want him? Go find a guy worthy of your attention and emotion.

[missdixie3333]

So many red flags- for yourself and your situation.

 

 

Red flag #1: He's been dating his girlfriend for 3 months, but is already cheating on her.

 

 

Red flag #2: He can't possibly be serious with this woman after only 3 months, but he's giving you some speech as if he has some serious dedication to her.

 

 

Red flag #3: You think he's confused. No, he isn't.

 

 

Red flag #4: You're letting this interfere with your career.

 

 

Red flag #5: Despite the previous flags, you're saying you love him.

 

 

None of this is good. Flags 1 and 2 show he's not ever- EVER- going to commit to you even if he left his girlfriend (of 3 months, sorry, can't get past that part). He'll never be what you want.

 

Flag #3- he's not confused. He knows what he's doing. He's pursuing his new-ish girlfriend, but keeping you on the backburner. He's got a (temporary) win-win situation. I say 'temporary' because at some point, something will give. Hopefully you'll be the one to 'give'- and stop this crappy situation with some chump that has no real feelings for you or his girlfriend. He likes this situation, no doubt, and doesn't want to stop it. A real man that cares about the women in his life wouldn't do this. He doesn't care about you.

 

 

Besides 1, 2, and3, #4 should be a serious wake-up call to you. Getting involved with a work colleague is already tricky, but if you're letting this become a problem that might lead to a major problem for you. If your work is suffering, this can end very badly for you- like being fired for poor performance. No matter what happens, never let work suffer over this because the only person this affects is you. It's hard enough to find work, but do you want some bad mark on your resume because of this? It's not worth it. He's not worth it. Some companies severely frown or limit fraternization- to the point where one person is let go or it interferes with promotions. What's worse is he's letting this happen. I'm not sure if he's junior or senior to you or on the same level, but you have to think about your career and how this can affect you for years beyond this situation.

 

 

Flag 5 shows you're kind of lost. You can't possibly, truly love someone who is like this. I think you're more confused than him- you're probably lost in the 'what ifs' rather than dealing with reality. This is a man that won't commit to you with a new-ish girlfriend. He's playing with you. You probably think more of him than his actual worth. You probably have a lot of thoughts about what you two could be together ('if only he'd leave his girlfriend), but he's showing you- he's TELLING you- this can never happen and he's not the guy you think he is. Most likely you love the idea of what he could be instead of what he is. And at work, this is just so much worse because you're letting it interfere with business.

 

 

I'd refocus at work. Cut him out because this will never be what you want and always remember he's a threat to your career. If it's awkward or hostile, just work your ass off and look for another position. Never get in the position where some one-sided relationship costs you a job/income/future opportunities. Don't let this get to the point that you could lose your job and your references question your performance. And beyond this, stop looking for the 'right' guy at work. Work is not an appropriate place to look for relationships unless you don't need to work and are independently wealthy.

 

 

I'm a professional in a technology field, been doing this 17+ years. We have several conferences every year. I can't tell you how many times I hear about or (literally see) someone cheating- we're talking wives, with kids- the minute they go away. It's disgusting. The worst stories are where co-workers go away together and have affairs. It never ends well, though. In many cases, the junior employee winds up leaving the company and sometimes under bad circumstances that causes them problems finding a new job. In a few cases, the affair becomes so disruptive to business that they fire him/her over it. That's a hard thing to discuss at the next interview for a position.

 

 

Don't let that happen to you. Don't have any illusions about what's really going on here. Remember he's playing with you, he's not what you want, he'll never be what you want, and that you need to take care of yourself and your career first and foremost.

[jaynesnow]

So many red flags- for yourself and your situation.

 

 

Red flag #1: He's been dating his girlfriend for 3 months, but is already cheating on her.

 

 

Red flag #2: He can't possibly be serious with this woman after only 3 months, but he's giving you some speech as if he has some serious dedication to her.

 

 

Red flag #3: You think he's confused. No, he isn't.

 

 

Red flag #4: You're letting this interfere with your career.

 

 

Red flag #5: Despite the previous flags, you're saying you love him.

 

 

None of this is good. Flags 1 and 2 show he's not ever- EVER- going to commit to you even if he left his girlfriend (of 3 months, sorry, can't get past that part). He'll never be what you want.

 

Flag #3- he's not confused. He knows what he's doing. He's pursuing his new-ish girlfriend, but keeping you on the backburner. He's got a (temporary) win-win situation. I say 'temporary' because at some point, something will give. Hopefully you'll be the one to 'give'- and stop this crappy situation with some chump that has no real feelings for you or his girlfriend. He likes this situation, no doubt, and doesn't want to stop it. A real man that cares about the women in his life wouldn't do this. He doesn't care about you.

 

 

Besides 1, 2, and3, #4 should be a serious wake-up call to you. Getting involved with a work colleague is already tricky, but if you're letting this become a problem that might lead to a major problem for you. If your work is suffering, this can end very badly for you- like being fired for poor performance. No matter what happens, never let work suffer over this because the only person this affects is you. It's hard enough to find work, but do you want some bad mark on your resume because of this? It's not worth it. He's not worth it. Some companies severely frown or limit fraternization- to the point where one person is let go or it interferes with promotions. What's worse is he's letting this happen. I'm not sure if he's junior or senior to you or on the same level, but you have to think about your career and how this can affect you for years beyond this situation.

 

 

Flag 5 shows you're kind of lost. You can't possibly, truly love someone who is like this. I think you're more confused than him- you're probably lost in the 'what ifs' rather than dealing with reality. This is a man that won't commit to you with a new-ish girlfriend. He's playing with you. You probably think more of him than his actual worth. You probably have a lot of thoughts about what you two could be together ('if only he'd leave his girlfriend), but he's showing you- he's TELLING you- this can never happen and he's not the guy you think he is. Most likely you love the idea of what he could be instead of what he is. And at work, this is just so much worse because you're letting it interfere with business.

 

 

I'd refocus at work. Cut him out because this will never be what you want and always remember he's a threat to your career. If it's awkward or hostile, just work your ass off and look for another position. Never get in the position where some one-sided relationship costs you a job/income/future opportunities. Don't let this get to the point that you could lose your job and your references question your performance. And beyond this, stop looking for the 'right' guy at work. Work is not an appropriate place to look for relationships unless you don't need to work and are independently wealthy.

 

 

I'm a professional in a technology field, been doing this 17+ years. We have several conferences every year. I can't tell you how many times I hear about or (literally see) someone cheating- we're talking wives, with kids- the minute they go away. It's disgusting. The worst stories are where co-workers go away together and have affairs. It never ends well, though. In many cases, the junior employee winds up leaving the company and sometimes under bad circumstances that causes them problems finding a new job. In a few cases, the affair becomes so disruptive to business that they fire him/her over it. That's a hard thing to discuss at the next interview for a position.

 

 

Don't let that happen to you. Don't have any illusions about what's really going on here. Remember he's playing with you, he's not what you want, he'll never be what you want, and that you need to take care of yourself and your career first and foremost.

 

 

this is good and i took hid of everything everyone said. I put a stop to everything by finding someone new out of the office....i am happy that i can talk to my colleague with no feelings attached..thanks alot