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I chatted with this girl online who I knew from school and I was interested in her, but then she told me she had 3 kids and that was the final straw for me. Was I smart, because I didn't want to end up taking care of 3 kids?

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Were you smart? For starters, you don't seem to understand what "the final straw" means. What was the first, second, or the third straw? You seemed to be pretty interested in her except for the one thing.

 

I somewhat agree with the poster before me in that you don't have to go out with someone you don't want to, but to dismiss someone you would otherwise be compatible with because of the simple fact that she has kids seems pretty dumb (and childish) to me. Maybe you're the bullet and she's the one who dodged it.

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I somewhat agree with the poster before me in that you don't have to go out with someone you don't want to, but to dismiss someone you would otherwise be compatible with because of the simple fact that she has kids seems pretty dumb (and childish) to me. Maybe you're the bullet and she's the one who dodged it.

 

I disagree with that. Lots of people don't want to get involved with someone else's kids and take the burden of raising them.

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Redhead14
I chatted with this girl online who I knew from school and I was interested in her, but then she told me she had 3 kids and that was the final straw for me. Was I smart, because I didn't want to end up taking care of 3 kids?

 

This is a very personal matter of lifestyle and dating preference. If you, yourself, is not interested in dating someone with children, that's fine. It is, however, not some kind of character flaw to be avoided at all costs. There are people out there who would be perfectly OK with dating someone with children and who likes children, etc.

 

If she had been lying to you about having children knowing you were not interested in dating someone with children, then you would have been dodging a bullet . . . If she had been lying and otherwise leading you on and you were suspicious of that and it all came to light, then you would have found the "final straw".

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normal person

Considering you only "chatted" with her I think to say you "dodged a bullet" is a bit of a stretch. It's not like you were engaged and then you found out she had kids. If raising someone else's kids isn't for you, fair enough, that's fine. To each their own. Hardly a bullet to dodge, though. Just move onto the next.

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GunslingerRoland

Are you hyper focusing on girls you used to know decades ago as possible romantic partners again? This is a pattern for you, that I personally think you need to break out of.

 

Anyway, if you don't like kids, then yes I guess you dodged a bullet. Although I question if you are were at the point where there was a bullet to dodge, or even a gun.

 

.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Are you hyper focusing on girls you used to know decades ago as possible romantic partners again? This is a pattern for you, that I personally think you need to break out of.

 

Anyway, if you don't like kids, then yes I guess you dodged a bullet. Although I question if you are were at the point where there was a bullet to dodge, or even a gun.

 

.

Just a decade ago, but you're right. Besides, I need to find someone who I have some common interests with.
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I chatted with this girl online who I knew from school and I was interested in her, but then she told me she had 3 kids and that was the final straw for me. Was I smart, because I didn't want to end up taking care of 3 kids?

 

I don't know how old you are but after a certain age you will pretty much always encounter women who have children. If you do not have children yourself than yes i agree you should not date a woman that has any because you just would not have the patience and the understanding to do so.

 

I don't like your tone. It's like single women with children are something to spit on. Just learn to say it's not suitable to you, no need to appear so judgemental.

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bluefeather

People seem to overuse that phrase. I almost married someone who tried to kill her previous partner. I dodged a bullet. You talked to a girl who has kids. Don't even.

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The OP often starts new threads and assertions only to leave us behind with speculations and rarely further replies.

 

Everything that needed to be said has been summed up. Personally and as Gaeta mentioned, when you reach 30 you'll encounter many women freshly divorced, out of relationships with of course children still in the nest. It's not the best age to be dating if you don't want to raise someone else children.

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I do reply to some of the threads I created, I just like listening to other peoples opinions, I don't mean to be rude or anything.

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I disagree with that. Lots of people don't want to get involved with someone else's kids and take the burden of raising them.

 

Raising children is not a burden.

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I chatted with this girl online who I knew from school and I was interested in her, but then she told me she had 3 kids and that was the final straw for me. Was I smart, because I didn't want to end up taking care of 3 kids?

 

It was the smart choice for you now as a college student. At some future point in your life somebody else's kids might not be a dealbreaker.

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greymatter

I am not freshly divorced, nor is any guy who becomes a partner going to be "raising my child." I am raising my son, who lives with me full time except when he visits his dad. His dad is also helping raise him by spending time with him, having visitation, taking him to appointments, and helping me when I need it. When I was recently in a 14-month relationship, my boyfriend spent time with me and my son at our home on weekends, but was in no way raising him or responsible for him in any way. That was not his role.

 

This whole negative attitude about "raising someone else's kids" is so detached from many real life situations and expectations of divorced moms. My ex-boyfriend loved my kid. I never asked for that, it just happened that they got along great and he ended up really caring about my son, and still asks about how he is doing. It was not a burden to him that I had a kid, and he has his own two boys so he totally doesn't see kids as a burden.

 

That being said, I've recently gone on dates with three different people who never have had kids and the fact that I do was apparently not a dealbreaker. It helps that my son is older (a teen) but no one will be raising my son except for me, unless I were to end up living with a partner in a family situation but I would always be the primary parent and his dad will always be his dad. I'm not looking for anyone to take on that role, that is so far outside of the realm of my expectations. If I had a partner who wanted to be involved, fine, but it would never be an expectation that he would take on parenting responsibilities, financial or other.

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I chatted with this girl online who I knew from school and I was interested in her, but then she told me she had 3 kids and that was the final straw for me. Was I smart, because I didn't want to end up taking care of 3 kids?

 

You and she are clearly not compatible. Nothing at all to apologize for.

 

I can see why you are taking some heat though, for how you are wording things. For example, "the final straw" refers to when someone does something WRONG to you (and implies a previous series of previous wrong-doings towards you). This woman did nothing wrong by you by having her third child, nor did she do anything wrong by you, by having kids one and twp.

Edited by Imajerk17
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I chatted with this girl online who I knew from school and I was interested in her, but then she told me she had 3 kids and that was the final straw for me. Was I smart, because I didn't want to end up taking care of 3 kids?
That is both an inelegant and inaccurate way of putting it, but yes you are smart.

 

Biologically, we are interested in seeing our DNA survive, which is why we impregnate women. But to do so and then get some other guy to pay the maintenance? From a biological perspective that's like winning the lottery. That's like you losing the lottery.

 

Relationship-wise, you would be priority #5.

 

Sexually, you might very easily become absent baby-daddy #4.

 

Emotionally, there's a decent chance that you get attached, she decides to ditch you, and you've not just lost your woman, you've lost a family which you believed was yours, but which never was.

 

Unless you are incapable of impregnating women, by far, the best way for a single man to introduce children into a relationship is either to create and raise them for himself, or to have a life of your own, then marry a widow later in life who has grown children, and enjoy the grandkids.

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