Imstillcrazy Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Ok so my ex is locked up n weve been NC since 2009. My question is if you were locked up would you want to hear from an ex..? Ill post the background later but im curious as how my communication might be recieved. I should note that i left him and we never talked about why or what my reasons were. He was my first and I still love him and i care about him. I dont want to be with him tho i cant do that now. It still hurts to think about him. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 The background is a pertinent part of the question. You'll get better advice if you tell the whole story up front. What is he locked up for? And for how long? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 You broke with this guy 8 long years ago. I presume you had a good reason. So now that he has completely screwed up his life & is an actual incarcerated criminal you want to reestablish communications with him? Your screen name is accurate. Forget what he wants. What on earth are you thinking? Love doesn't fix anything. How will this guy support himself when he gets out? What kind of life will you have? How do you know he doesn't have a girlfriend now? I can't see any good reason for you to reach out. This isn't some fairytale where your love transforms him into an upstanding citizen. But to answer your Q, no I would not want to hear from anybody if I was locked up. I can't imagine what I would have done to become a convicted criminal but if I did, I'd be so humiliated that I would be embarrassed that anybody from my past knew & I would not want the connection. On the flip side, I wrote to my BIL every week while he was in jail to try to keep his spirits up. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 No and if he's locked up why would ou want to bring him back into your life. ??? Sounds self destructive. Do you have a knight in shining armor complex? Do you feel better when you're fixing or saving people? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 He will only want to hear from you so he can take advantage of your giving nature.. don't let that happen. Keep up the NC and don't ever contact him, he will only say things to you so he can use you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I think most people who are in prison would like a letter from whomever will write to them. It isn't about love but getting mail. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Imstillcrazy Posted April 24, 2017 Author Share Posted April 24, 2017 I'm not sure what he's in for. The background is long but pretty much goes like this. I was 16 and he was my first everything. Would have done anything for him. But he came with a lot of baggage. A son a crazy baby's mom and drug problems. Went to jail 3 times while we were together the 3rd time I didn't wait for him and I moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Imstillcrazy Posted April 24, 2017 Author Share Posted April 24, 2017 No and if he's locked up why would ou want to bring him back into your life. ??? Sounds self destructive. Do you have a knight in shining armor complex? Do you feel better when you're fixing or saving people? I'm not trying to be with him again but as part of my life he'll pretty much always be. I'm in another state becuz I wanted to be with him. I was young and foolish. But I'll always care for him. There's just a lot of things left unresolved. And yes I have a tendency to be self-destructive. Helping people is what I do. I'm empathetic and compassionate. It also makes me feel valued Link to post Share on other sites
Lilyana76 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I think this would be opening up a can of worms you really don't want or need in your life. I would HIGHLY suggest you do NOT reach out to him. Not only would it possibly cause him more issues with his treatment/recovery process, but it could also do some serious harm to you in regards to your heart and healthy mind. Instead of pondering him, and thinking about him being incarcerated, are you doing anything for you? are you seeing someone else? are you pining over memories, but not the actual person? I think you could do well with some therapy. Figure out why you keep chasing something that you know will be self destructive to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I'm not sure what he's in for. The background is long but pretty much goes like this. I was 16 and he was my first everything. Would have done anything for him. But he came with a lot of baggage. A son a crazy baby's mom and drug problems. Went to jail 3 times while we were together the 3rd time I didn't wait for him and I moved on. you are romanticizing something that was a horror show even back then. Do yourself a giant favor & forget you ever knew this guy. Having him in your life was probably the worst thing that ever happened to you. Getting rid of him was blessing. If you write to him he will see you as an easy mark he can sucker money out of. Who needs that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 You should NOT contact him and get him stirred up. And believe me, he won't have anything else to obsess over in jail but you. It's not fair to yank someone's chain just to satisfy some need in yourself. And you'd be nuts to want this guy back anyway. He's in prison. I surely hope you can do better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Imstillcrazy Posted April 24, 2017 Author Share Posted April 24, 2017 you are romanticizing something that was a horror show even back then. Do yourself a giant favor & forget you ever knew this guy. Having him in your life was probably the worst thing that ever happened to you. Getting rid of him was blessing. If you write to him he will see you as an easy mark he can sucker money out of. Who needs that? Lol it made me laugh to read this "horror show even back then" because you're right. It was awful and includes the lowest and parkest moments I've ever lived through. Thank you for your honesty 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I'm not trying to be with him again but as part of my life he'll pretty much always be. I'm in another state becuz I wanted to be with him. I was young and foolish. But I'll always care for him. There's just a lot of things left unresolved. And yes I have a tendency to be self-destructive. Helping people is what I do. I'm empathetic and compassionate. It also makes me feel valued He doesn't HAVE to be in your life. Unless you have a kid together? You need therapy, not a prison friend. Please seek a therapist to help you with your self destructive ways Link to post Share on other sites
Author Imstillcrazy Posted April 24, 2017 Author Share Posted April 24, 2017 Im hesitate to say it aimed, but yes I'll admit therapy is long overdue. I suppose I'm lonely in my marriage and I miss being able to talk to someone who didn't judge me or berate me. Also I feel that it was a part of my life i just ran from instead of facing it and bringing it to a close. I'm not sure if that will make sense to anyone else lol. I've always had a difficult time letting things go and I'm know to be overly hard on myself for past mistakes or shortcomings. Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Oh god no. Stay off the radar of inmates. Google up some of the scams and ways prisoners seek to use people on the outside. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Holy cow! You're MARRIED???!!!! OMG. Do not write to your EX!!! It will ruin your marriage. Do get some therapy. Once you learn to set quality boundaries, volunteer somewhere doing some do -gooder thing that will feed your soul since you profess to want to help the downtrodden. Volunteering will also fill your day & diminish your loneliness. If you really want to have your heart ripped out, go back to school & become a social worker. That ought to jade you once & for all. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 Write a closure letter for yourself and burn it. Then call a therapist . You need to work thru a lot of things Link to post Share on other sites
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