GF's Weight Gain

[Otter2569]

Is there a tactful way to tell your SO that they should start trying to loose weight?

 

Before you jump all over me let me say shes a curvy girl to begin with. I love her and find her incredibly sexy and beautiful. In the last 6+ months shes gained about 20 lbs which has turned into a noticeable roll / FUPA.

 

I know shes stressed at work, has her daughter full time, is going back to school to finish her degree so I really don't say anything. I also don't see her eating a lot of junk BUT she does eat out a lot and we always have a few beers when we are together.

 

She commented a few times recently on her weight gain and how it makes her feel sluggish and seem to increase the frequency of headaches.

 

OK now you can tell me I'm an insensitive ass...

[basil67]

The fact that she's commented on her weight gain and how she's feeling sluggish because of it means that she already knows. Telling her what she already knows is just rubbing salt into the wound.

 

Wait till next time she comments on her weight and then ask if there's anything you can do to support her in trying to address it.

[NTV]

No there is no tactful way to approach it.

 

Possible alternatives are to begin an exercise program yourself and see if she joins you. Or push to do things that are more physical in spare time... I.e. let's take dancing class together., lets get into tennis/hiking/etc. Or to stop doing the activities that are letharguc, I.e. no more binge watching netflix, 'break' the TV (not literally but maybe disconnect something needed and feign ignorance, etc.)

 

Ultimately though she's gotta want to do it for herself.

[todreaminblue]

i dont think you are insenstive for starters you are asking on a forum....for advice on how to broach the topic secondly you seem more concerned for her headaches and sluggishness than you do actual aesthetics.....you dont call her fat ......or fat ass or yuck or say derogatory things or even say you are leaving if she doesnt lose it......so to me that equals actual caring and more about fitness and health than anything else....my ex was sort of liek this with me......he knew how good i felt when im fit and he would encourage and train with me.....he would keep me motivated when it got hard...and made me feel beautiful.when i felt like crap.....

 

i would just tell her that you want to start a program yourself and try not to eat out or buy junk if it isnt in the house it cant be eaten, beer also ....you want her to trim down dont go for drinks or find a low cal alternate.....her busyness could be a real issue so fast food is just easier maybe you could do some cooking..there are really healthy quick meals faster than takeaway....packing lunch too....maybe you coudl start doing walks together or quick trainign sessions.....start off easy build up.....it will actually help with stress of a busy life.... and confidence.....even immunity

 

 

i dont know about her hydration levels......but see if she can kick start her day with lemon water......cut back on caffeinated drinks...soda or fizzies..... and let the bodies natural endorphins and energy come into play .......to boost metabolism.......natural sugars instead of processed and more slow release carbs....its a body shock.....so expect grumpy periods...i have found and i have done extreme weight loss in my life im a yo yo though.....and the best times for me is when i trained with someone who understood me....who would encourage me ...when i felt down or reached limbos to keep going....by doing it side by side...im naturally athletic ....but live with depressive episodes.and sometimes....many times i have become housebound..........and having someone to train with makes a big difference someone who is committed....

 

so maybe thats where you might make a real difference by being super supportive and you also will reap the benefits..it will be a lifestyle improvement for both.........training together is also bonding.....especially when results are noticed and seen together....and its a lovely bond to have......i wish you and her well..you are not an ass...i also suggest a full physical check up for both of you before starting any exercise regime.......deb

Edited April 17, 2017 by todreaminblue

[basil67]

Todreaminblue makes a good point about eating. If you offer to cook healthy meals for you both instead of eating out, it could go a long way to reducing calorie intake.

 

Also, those who suggest all kinds of exercise may have missed your comments about how busy she is. I'm not sure how she'd fit it in.

[d0nnivain]

If she brings it up, you can ask Qs & offer to help. If she doesn't say anything again, you can take action. Plan active dates; cook healthy meals; do something other than drink beer together. Cutting out the booze alone will help her drop weight.

[Sloppyseconds]

I'm sorry. Can you not still get your arms around her, can you not still caress those curves and mounds and feel every goosebump your touch brings to her skin as the person she loves loves every part of her and ignites fires within that she cannot control? So long as you still love the person and not just the image, there should be no need to remind her of things that may simply be beyond her control at this juncture. A person's size has never been an issue for me personally, as it is usually a minute detail of the whole picture. Turn the tables. Say you yourself should add a few pounds, and you are well aware of the fact. Would you want someone to focus on that? Or would you rather they focus on all the other amazing things that make you, you? Unless she is having health issues related to the weight or is asking outright for help in losing it, ignore it. Else she loses a lot more weight than the few extra pounds on her hips

[GunslingerRoland]

Telling someone who is getting fat, especially a woman, that they are getting fat, is a whole lotta pointless. She obviously know that she is.

 

If she's commented on her weight gain and it's effects on her already. I think that gives you enough opening to suggest some healthier choices when you guys are together. Make her a nice healthy dinner instead of going out.

 

Or have an active date instead of sitting at a bar.

[Gaeta]

This weekend I was dressing up in front of my bf and realized my clothes were getting pretty tight. I said: gosh I need to lose weight. Instead of hurting my feelings with 'ya you're getting fat' my bf simply said: Honey would you like we get into biking together? and I replied I'd love to.

 

Problem solved.

[Mandy91]

Do not say anything. Just do.

 

Do what?

 

Instead of taking her to dinner and bowling, arrange a night that includes an active sport.

 

A romantic weekend away. Take her hiking to a secluded spot where you can picnic.

 

Join a mixed sports team together.

 

The list can be huge. So do not say, just do. Not only will she become naturally healthier as a result but it quite possibly strengthen your relationship.

[LurkerXX]

She knows, and yes it will hurt if you tell her what she already knows.

 

I think blues suggestion is good, because the real limiting factor in her life is time....if you are willing to do some health cooking. Or it can be a day here and there of prepping and freezing on-the-go meals for later, like stir fries and curries.

[Shanex]

I like a curvy, or chubby woman to a degree. Eating healthy rather than junk, exercise more, while we are at it, exercising could also be making out in the bedroom.

 

Nobody and not even men want to hear they are getting fatter. It's sensitive. So to bring this to the table even the gentleman way is going to hurt and only tell her what she already knows.

 

Wondering if there are other reasons she may be putting some weight? Many medications have this side effects. Beers doesn't help even in moderation yet the worse is junk food.

 

Help her gently by suggesting activities, and better diet.

[darkmoon]

unless she really wants to lose weight, she will not succeed

 

what kind of dieter is she?

 

devoted to looking nice or just kidding herself?

 

you have to watch what you eat indefinitely, am prone to weght gain, so I know what it takes to stay slim

[preraph]

There is never a need to tell anyone they are fat. They already know it and any further comments whatever will only be hurtful. No one wants to think their man only liked them when they were young and perfect, because for one thing, they don't want to believe their man is that shallow.

 

Keep your mouth shut on the subject and don't overdo it with the exercise and food hints either. And try to remember that a woman is built to put on weight as she gets older. This is the norm. You can't expect someone to starve themselves and change their whole life to try to keep looking 20.

[todreaminblue]

She knows, and yes it will hurt if you tell her what she already knows.

 

I think blues suggestion is good, because the real limiting factor in her life is time....if you are willing to do some health cooking. Or it can be a day here and there of prepping and freezing on-the-go meals for later, like stir fries and curries.

 

 

with curries also there's a real booster of metabolism in spices.....chilli in particular..if you have a sluggish system chuck chili at it.....)...i kid not.....deb

[LurkerXX]

Well...I know that when I was taking care of dad during his last days, that was when I was eating a lot of take out, and meals out too when running back and forth from work or doing a certification course. Take out or delivery when there was no time, eating out when just mentally and emotionally exhausted. Dad got to where ate pretty much here and there when he could and what he wanted, rather than fixed meals, and most stuff healthier than was I was feeding myself. The last thing on my mind was food until I was incredibly hungry, and eating out on occasion was really more just a mental break than anything. And I gained weight at a faster rate than any other time in my life.

 

I think burning the candle at both ends really can derail proper nourishment...that was why I was suggesting some sort of easy button. It could just as easily be some comfort foods too, casseroles and such, and you would STILL be better off than restaurants and take out, where the portions are huge.

[curiouslysearching]

it sounds to me like her weight is a direct result of her lifestyle.....

she is working a great deal, running herself down physically and

not getting much exercise....I would thread so LIGHTLY and instead

bringing it up HELP HER....help her find some time for herself...

maybe, you can find a Spin Class or something the two of you can

do together.....maybe say something like this..."baby, I need to

get myself (YOU) in better shape, would you want to work out with

me and help me"???????

[kiss_andmakeup]

I don't think you are insensitive...I give you credit for coming to LS to seek advice in order to avoid hurting your GF's feelings. That alone proves that you're a thoughtful partner.

 

That said, as most people have mentioned, if there's one thing we (women) are good at, it's being self-critical - especially with regards to our bodies. I'm sure she has noticed her weight gain and she already most likely feels badly about it.

 

It sounds like she has too much going on to adopt a rigorous workout schedule, so small changes that you can make as a couple will be the easiest for her. As others mentioned, cooking in together rather than going out and cutting back on the booze could both help.

 

If I were you, I'd frame it as YOU trying to make YOUR lifestyle healthier and bringing her along for the ride. I.E. "hey, I'm going to try giving up carry-out for a whole month as a challenge! Want to try it with me?" or "I feel like I need to cut back on the beer lately. I could use your support. Would you want to try giving it up with me?" My husband and I have both done this over the course of our relationship, not necessarily to lose weight, but because we recognize when one of us is hitting a wall. Everything is easier if you do it together - and your GF will feel less "accused" if you tell her you want to improve your own health as well.

[Arieswoman]

Otter,

What sort of "overweight" are we talking about here?

 

How tall is she and what does she actually weigh?

[Otter2569]

If she's commented on her weight gain and it's effects on her already. I think that gives you enough opening to suggest some healthier choices when you guys are together. Make her a nice healthy dinner instead of going out.

 

Or have an active date instead of sitting at a bar.

 

Yeah, we do go for periodic hikes and walks but then we got for drinks and appetizers (wings, nachos etc)

 

I would NEVER tell her shes getting fat but have suggested we drink less, eat healthier ad try to walk more when she comments about her weight. No we just gotta do it!

[Otter2569]

I think burning the candle at both ends really can derail proper nourishment...that was why I was suggesting some sort of easy button. It could just as easily be some comfort foods too, casseroles and such, and you would STILL be better off than restaurants and take out, where the portions are huge.

 

She is not big into cooking and tends to get take out more than she should. I'm going to work on planning some good meals and help her cook.

 

This morning when she commented on her weight I said we should try to eat healthier like we did last week (more salads, veggies and chicken). I try to offer suggestions on things we could do together.

[VeveCakes]

I effin hate he word FUPA

[Silverstring]

You can't out exercise a bad diet. Weight gain is all about what, and how much one eats. Learning to cook (and actually cooking for yourself) is probably the best thing anybody can do to maintain a healthy weight.

 

Eating out = Too much fat, too much sugar, too much salt, etc.

[Otter2569]

I like a curvy, or chubby woman to a degree. Eating healthy rather than junk, exercise more, while we are at it, exercising could also be making out in the bedroom.

 

Nobody and not even men want to hear they are getting fatter. It's sensitive. So to bring this to the table even the gentleman way is going to hurt and only tell her what she already knows.

 

Wondering if there are other reasons she may be putting some weight? Many medications have this side effects. Beers doesn't help even in moderation yet the worse is junk food.

 

Help her gently by suggesting activities, and better diet.

 

I like women with some meat on their bones so its not been a big issue for me but the change has been noticeable. We definitely need to be more active and eat better. Growing up her mom didn't cook a lot and shes a single mother with a busy schedule so take out is too convenient.

 

I am going to offer to shop and cook more. Plus I mentioned that we both need to do better (eating health, less beer and exercise) last time she mentioned her weight. Now we actually have to do it!

[Otter2569]

I effin hate he word FUPA

 

LMAO I didn't even know what that was until a few years ago when a co worker told me about it