Feeling insecure

[Mcc86]

Hello

 

I am in desperste need of help.

 

I have recently started feeling insecure and i have no idea why.

 

I have a wonderful loyal girlfiend who i know in a million years would never cheat, yet i cant help worry if she is looking at other men in admiration, not cheating, but maybe flirting and taking a shine to them. These feelngs have been getting worse , to the point where i am wondering who she is looking at walking down the street!

 

These feelings have also got the point where i am wondering about her past sex life, were he exes better than me,. Surely this isnt normal?

 

Any help is greatly appreciated

 

Mcc86

[preraph]

It's not normal and it will ruin your relationship if you don't get into therapy and get to the bottom of it. Insecurities stem from childhood usually, maybe having an absentee parent or a cheating parent, or maybe none of that but one of your parents was critical and damaged your self-esteem or it was damaged from being bullied.

 

This will utterly destroy a relationship, so do not show it or act out on it, but get into therapy and find out the root cause and work on it. Good luck.

[d0nnivain]

Most people have a past. Try to remember that people's EXs are EXs for valid reasons. They didn't work out. You are part of her present & hopefully her future. That is what is important.

 

 

Occasionally looking at a member of the opposite sex happens. You can't close your eyes to half the population. Drooling, ogling or being openly lustful are problems. A quick glance, is just that -- fleeting & meaningless.

 

 

Do not let these feelings destroy your relationship

[Mcc86]

I understand everybody looks at the opposite sex etc but i am worried it goes further in her head, there is no way of knowing if a glance turns into ogling ajd overstepping the mark

[NTV]

Dude, relax. Breathe.

 

Now tell us more about her. Has she said something that scares you? Talk of marriage or starting a family? Does she get drunk and dance for male attention? Has she said something like she always sabotages her relationships? Does she post 'look at me' photos on Facebook and not mention you? Is she close to some other guy who is 'like a brother'?

[Mcc86]

No none of that, she has the same morals as me, no close male friends, no pics looking for attention. She is amazing. I just worry that the odd glance might turn lustful.

 

Thanks for the replies.

[d0nnivain]

I just worry that the odd glance might turn lustful.

 

I understand everybody looks at the opposite sex etc but i am worried it goes further in her head, there is no way of knowing if a glance turns into ogling ajd overstepping the mark

 

You are not the thought police. If you don't stop being so paranoid you will ruin this & every other relationship you ever have.

 

 

You can't get mad at somebody for what they think. If you don't care for how somebody acts, end the relationship but know the difference

[mikeylo]

If she hasn't given you anything to think that she is going to cheat , then get a grip NOW.

 

We all feel insecure sometimes. The best of relationships have their moments. Have you spoken to her ? If she is hot and young , guys are going to hit on her, some even when you are next to her and even if she rejects them. That's something you've got to handle nicely so she knows you are not holding it against her or making her feel bad about it.

 

As for sex with ex. Well, they broke up for a reason. Great sex wasn't enough to keep them together.

 

Did some incident trigger this insecurity?

[Mcc86]

I have spoken to her a bit but im scared i will push her away.

 

To sum it up i am not scared of her cheating, i am more scared of if she pushes the limits of whats accetpable and me never knowing.

 

And the ex thing, i had an ex who used to tease she liked massively hung men, and while i have no problems in that department, she cheated on me.

[mikeylo]

I have spoken to her a bit but im scared i will push her away.

 

To sum it up i am not scared of her cheating, i am more scared of if she pushes the limits of whats accetpable and me never knowing.

 

And the ex thing, i had an ex who used to tease she liked massively hung men, and while i have no problems in that department, she cheated on me.

 

That is your issue. You probably haven't gotten over it. People who cheat, they are going to cheat no matter what you do or don't do and those who are not cheating material , will not cheat no matter how much temptation is there or whatever is proposed to them.

 

Your ex was a cheater. Your current gf is not cheating material. Don't punish her for what your ex did.