I was DENIED- best way to handle it?

[King Bowls]

So for the last three weeks I have had a major crush on this German girl. Long story short, I found and added her on Facebook.

 

She declined the request (because it said "add friend" again)...

 

I had a major crush on this girl, and mind you it took up a lot of my thoughts. Now I've been deflated. It took the wind from my sail. ALL of those thoughts/thinking/imagination/music miserably washed down the drain.

For three weeks, all wasted. Now I'm wondering why I was even attracted to her.

 

 

Welp

 

What would be the best way to move on and just forget about it?

[Bejangled]

Hi King Bowls

 

The best way to move on and forget about it is.....to move on and forget about it.

 

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but this girl is probably not interested in striking up a new relationship with you. But don't take it personally, perhaps she's not interested in general in encouraging any new love interests. It happens. It doesn't make you bad, neither does it make her mean. It's just the way it is.

 

You sound like a romantic soul. You imagined sharing all sorts of wonderful possibilities with this woman....however, you have also made the mistake of creating a fantasy love-bubble with someone you don't really know that well. When that fantasy bubble gets burst by reality, it can and will make you feel like you've lost a real relationship.

 

Before you start pursuing a new love interest, I would suggest that you try to keep things a bit more real next time. Fantasy is wonderful, the world depends on it, however it can become unhelpful and hurtful when used without any grounding in the real world.

 

I hope you can move on without holding a grudge against this girl. Afterall, she was an unwilling participant in your dream world. In the real world, she never agreed to any of your imaginary romantic fantasies. She is not responsible in any way for how you feel right now. She didn't do anything bad to you.

 

In the future, try to step out of your imagination a little bit more and begin laying the groundwork for a real life romance. Take it slowly, avoid building castles in the clouds and see your relationships as real-life situations that may not need a shiny coating of fantasy. There's absolutely nothing wrong about being a dreamer or a romantic, it can be a wonderful gift in any relationship, but just don't let it hurt you when the other person bursts that imaginary bubble by bringing in the real world.

 

Good luck!

[d0nnivain]

If you are not connected to her in real life, that may be why she chose not to be your FB friend. If you would truly like to get to know her, do that. Talk to her. Social media is not the barometer of much. However, the fact that you had to search for her tells me your friend request, which from her perspective came out of the blue from a stranger, was creepy. Do things in the correct order next time -- get to know somebody in real life before you expect them to open the window to their life & friends to you.

 

 

Otherwise just act like this never happened & go on with your life. It was 3 weeks.

[basil67]

How well do you know her in real life? If you've never spoken with her, it's completely normal for her to refuse your FB request.

 

Another thought - is she attractive in a traditional sense? If so, she's probably fed up with men chasing her. Especially if the chasing is based on her looks alone.

Edited April 14, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[mikeylo]

You can't be crushed over a 3 week crush , lol ! If it was 3 months then it would be understandable.

[ja123]

It sucks that she denied your friendship request, but maybe she knew you wanted more and she really didn't so she didn't want to give you any false hope.

 

 

Good thing is to cut your losses and be thankful that it was quick rather than a drawn out story where she was leading you on.

 

 

Concentrate on other things to help you move on, including other dating opportunities you might have.

 

 

And don't stalk the German girl on FB, it'll only make you feel worse.

[spiderowl]

Did your friends request have your own name and photo? I am wondering if it is possible she did not know who you were from the request. Is it possible to message someone on Facebook if not a friend? I don't know, I'm hopeless at understanding how it works. I guess you have to be a friend to send messages.

 

 

Regardless, it is painful to be denied when you want to get to know her. Wait until you have chance to get to know her in person. You might have to make an effort to speak to her, if you are brave enough. Is she a shy person? I would try to speak to her in person and see how she reacts. If she still seems uninterested in talking, I would move on and cut your losses.

 

 

It's hard to be rejected when you feel the person does not even know you. I rejected a friends request recently because I didn't recognise the name and thought it was a scammer. It turned out to be a cousin I hadn't seen in ages. It never occurred to me he might send a request so my mind was closed to that possibility. If this girl knows you as 'Mike' or some other first name, she might not even know your last name and could have assumed you were a scammer.

[reeseyummy]

What is your age?

Will you be able to see her in person?

 

If you are in school, and you can see her in person at some school activities, maybe try talk to her directly. For me, I would not add someone on Facebook if I'm not already friends with the person. It's just that I like my privacy. You are a stranger to her now, but that can change.

[King Bowls]

Some good stuff here, I'll begin replying shortly.

[Jason Van Jason]

You, my friend, have a very long road ahead of you.

 

If you'd like to bolster your online dating presence, try buying my book and giving it a read, its only 99 cents. Its only about 13,000 words, but it will get you on the right track, to begin your dating life.

 

I say, to begin your dating life, because I can already tell you are not an experienced dater. How? Simple.. Rejection. When it comes to dating, men must NEVER take rejection personally and the ones that do, often find themselves in positions of major insecurity, fear, resentment, anger, immaturity and about a thousand other potential feelings.

 

Let me be very clear.. You, are not a victim of rejection. You CHOSE to expose yourself to the chance of it and now your sitting there, stewing in the consequences of it.

 

Life is not about success. You learn nothing from success. Life is about failure. Do not allow yourself to be successfully rejected, instead, understand that the only failure you can experience, when facing rejection, is to allow yourself to take it personally.. When you take rejection personally, as a man, you are failing.

 

Learn to FIND rejection and only then will you find opportunity.

[King Bowls]

Hi King Bowls

 

The best way to move on and forget about it is.....to move on and forget about it.

 

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but this girl is probably not interested in striking up a new relationship with you. But don't take it personally, perhaps she's not interested in general in encouraging any new love interests. It happens. It doesn't make you bad, neither does it make her mean. It's just the way it is.

 

You sound like a romantic soul. You imagined sharing all sorts of wonderful possibilities with this woman....however, you have also made the mistake of creating a fantasy love-bubble with someone you don't really know that well. When that fantasy bubble gets burst by reality, it can and will make you feel like you've lost a real relationship.

 

Before you start pursuing a new love interest, I would suggest that you try to keep things a bit more real next time. Fantasy is wonderful, the world depends on it, however it can become unhelpful and hurtful when used without any grounding in the real world.

 

I hope you can move on without holding a grudge against this girl. Afterall, she was an unwilling participant in your dream world. In the real world, she never agreed to any of your imaginary romantic fantasies. She is not responsible in any way for how you feel right now. She didn't do anything bad to you.

 

In the future, try to step out of your imagination a little bit more and begin laying the groundwork for a real life romance. Take it slowly, avoid building castles in the clouds and see your relationships as real-life situations that may not need a shiny coating of fantasy. There's absolutely nothing wrong about being a dreamer or a romantic, it can be a wonderful gift in any relationship, but just don't let it hurt you when the other person bursts that imaginary bubble by bringing in the real world.

 

Good luck!

 

I think you hit the nail on the head, especially on the fantasy part. Shows you how much of this is purely mental.

[King Bowls]

If you are not connected to her in real life, that may be why she chose not to be your FB friend. If you would truly like to get to know her, do that. Talk to her. Social media is not the barometer of much. However, the fact that you had to search for her tells me your friend request, which from her perspective came out of the blue from a stranger, was creepy. Do things in the correct order next time -- get to know somebody in real life before you expect them to open the window to their life & friends to you.

 

 

Otherwise just act like this never happened & go on with your life. It was 3 weeks.

 

Yeah I think you're right, and it's logical. I mean, even if she accepted it, what was I going to do? I mean she lives in Germany. It would have been difficult. But again though, you're dead-on right.

[King Bowls]

How well do you know her in real life? If you've never spoken with her, it's completely normal for her to refuse your FB request.

 

Another thought - is she attractive in a traditional sense? If so, she's probably fed up with men chasing her. Especially if the chasing is based on her looks alone.

 

That's the thing lol, I never knew her. And I do agree that it's normal to decline someone you don't know. I mean, I've done the same thing. It does not mean that I would not like the person if I met them in real life, it's just that if I don't know them (and they're from another country) then it makes perfect sense-from her perspective - to decline it.

 

It just sucks because there is no way I'll ever get to know her. Facebook was my only chance. And yes she's beautiful. Near perfect. The only thing holding me back from saying "perfect" is the fact that I have not (and obviously never will) see her feet.

 

Damn! Oh well.

[King Bowls]

You can't be crushed over a 3 week crush , lol ! If it was 3 months then it would be understandable.

 

But here's the thing though...

 

I'm a big time music person (on top of many other things)

 

Over those three weeks, while I was studying every evening, I was listening to my iheart radio and had basically "dedicated" five songs or so to the thought of her. Songs from black sabbath and KC and the sunshine band.

 

That, among other things.

[King Bowls]

You, my friend, have a very long road ahead of you.

 

If you'd like to bolster your online dating presence, try buying my book and giving it a read, its only 99 cents. Its only about 13,000 words, but it will get you on the right track, to begin your dating life.

 

I say, to begin your dating life, because I can already tell you are not an experienced dater. How? Simple.. Rejection. When it comes to dating, men must NEVER take rejection personally and the ones that do, often find themselves in positions of major insecurity, fear, resentment, anger, immaturity and about a thousand other potential feelings.

 

Let me be very clear.. You, are not a victim of rejection. You CHOSE to expose yourself to the chance of it and now your sitting there, stewing in the consequences of it.

 

Life is not about success. You learn nothing from success. Life is about failure. Do not allow yourself to be successfully rejected, instead, understand that the only failure you can experience, when facing rejection, is to allow yourself to take it personally.. When you take rejection personally, as a man, you are failing.

 

Learn to FIND rejection and only then will you find opportunity.

 

You're absolutely right regarding failure. One of my favorite businessmen, Richard Branson, says the same thing.

 

I've been more focused on school and building wealth rather than dating, hence I'm behind in the game.

[King Bowls]

What is your age?

Will you be able to see her in person?

 

If you are in school, and you can see her in person at some school activities, maybe try talk to her directly. For me, I would not add someone on Facebook if I'm not already friends with the person. It's just that I like my privacy. You are a stranger to her now, but that can change.

 

Will not unless I take a trip there, which is probably not going happen. Too dangerous. Facebook was my only hope and chance to make something out of it because of the distance, now I've lost out.

[King Bowls]

It sucks that she denied your friendship request, but maybe she knew you wanted more and she really didn't so she didn't want to give you any false hope.

 

 

Good thing is to cut your losses and be thankful that it was quick rather than a drawn out story where she was leading you on.

 

 

Concentrate on other things to help you move on, including other dating opportunities you might have.

 

 

And don't stalk the German girl on FB, it'll only make you feel worse.

 

It'll take a while to completely cut it. The girls in my life right now are not dating-worthy.

 

But yes I'm thankful it was quick, rather than some big story.

[d0nnivain]

You are not going to find a GF through social media. No one you meet on the internet or through FB is going to want to move to Sugarland.

 

 

If your local circle doesn't include women you would like to date expand your circle but within reason. Don't go looking in Germany for heaven's sake. Try Dallas, Houston, Austin or San Antonio but not the other side of the planet.

[preraph]

This is the problem with focusing on someone you haven't met. It leaves your imagination wide open to attribute to them all the characteristics of your ideal woman -- and that woman doesn't exist.

 

No one should spend much time online getting to know someone before meeting or when you meet it will be a totally different person than who you imagined.

[King Bowls]

You are not going to find a GF through social media. No one you meet on the internet or through FB is going to want to move to Sugarland.

 

 

If your local circle doesn't include women you would like to date expand your circle but within reason. Don't go looking in Germany for heaven's sake. Try Dallas, Houston, Austin or San Antonio but not the other side of the planet.

 

You're right, not the best place to look at all. And looking to a place like Germany is not practical for obvious reasons. It's just I saw that picture, saw her in it (I'm talking about the first time I ever looked at that picture) and the rest is history. It just stuck then and there. It's like witnessing a miracle. You see it and never forget it. And despite the "decline," I still think about her. As I said, there's just something about her, on top of being gorgeous.

 

(Sigh)...

[King Bowls]

This is the problem with focusing on someone you haven't met. It leaves your imagination wide open to attribute to them all the characteristics of your ideal woman -- and that woman doesn't exist.

 

No one should spend much time online getting to know someone before meeting or when you meet it will be a totally different person than who you imagined.

 

This is so true. I'm going to save this post to my notes, because it hits the nail on the head. It puts my cluttered (and apparently accurate) thoughts into words. It's clear-cut and concise.

 

But I have things now like the songs to constantly remind me of this. They were already some of my favorites before this debacle.

 

My imagination is pretty powerful, lets just say.

[King Bowls]

Ok I have an update

 

My brother tried to friend her and now she's messaging him. She started off saying do I know you and I assume she thinks we're the same person because our first names are similar and our last names are obviously the same.

 

The conversation has gone along slowly, and he told her, to paraphrase him, that I'm a good guy, speak German, and was interested in her. He even went as far as to say that I tried to add her. Surprisingly, she didn't react badly to that at all. The conversation is at a standstill right now. I'm just hoping it doesn't crash miserably.

[d0nnivain]

I'm kind of in disbelief but happy for you. Maybe you will get to see if that new credit card is good for buying tickets to Germany.

[road]

Ok I have an update

 

My brother tried to friend her and now she's messaging him. She started off saying do I know you and I assume she thinks we're the same person because our first names are similar and our last names are obviously the same.

 

The conversation has gone along slowly, and he told her, to paraphrase him, that I'm a good guy, speak German, and was interested in her. He even went as far as to say that I tried to add her. Surprisingly, she didn't react badly to that at all. The conversation is at a standstill right now. I'm just hoping it doesn't crash miserably.

 

Time for your brother to step down and time for you to man up.

[King Bowls]

Time for your brother to step down and time for you to man up.

 

The problem here is that she messaged him first. If I send her a message, it may become really weird fast and it could come crashing down. As I said, I think she thinks we're the same person on Facebook because our first names are close (both start with a C) and it seems she thought it was me sending a request again. Hence why she said, in my theory, "hey, do I know you"