d0nnivain Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 DH & I belong to a national organization with local outlets. I joined the chapter my father had been a member of & so did my husband. There is a chapter in our town & we frequently go to events there. I thought we made a few friends & we always had lots of laughs. At the beginning of the year my husband decided he wanted to switch his membership from our chapter to the chapter in our town. We had been talking about doing this for a while & had mentioned it to members of that chapter including the leadership. My husband & the current chapter president had become friends. They talk on the phone & hang out once in a while. It's usually just a pro forma thing to change chapter affiliations. However, the switch is put to a vote of the membership in the chapter someone wants to switch into. Last week he got a letter from chapter in town saying that he was rejected. I'm FURIOUS. My husband doesn't seem to care. He's such an easy going guy. I never want to set foot in the local chapter in town again & I never want to talk to these people again. DH think's I'm over reacting. How would you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Did they give any reason? It sounds pretty rude. Although, the paranoia of hanging out on this forum makes me wonder if there's some specific thing they're holding against your husband that he might not want to dig into? Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 No they didn't give any reason. My husband is a doll. I'm the difficult one. My theory is somebody has something against me & is taking it out on him. Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 It would depend on whether someone can be blackballed by a single member or if it takes a majority vote. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 No they didn't give any reason. My husband is a doll. I'm the difficult one. My theory is somebody has something against me & is taking it out on him. That might actually explain why he's being laid-back about it too, if he doesn't want to get into it and have you hear stupid negative things said about you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 It would depend on whether someone can be blackballed by a single member or if it takes a majority vote. Theoretically somebody can be black balled my a single member. In all the years I have been around the organization on the rare occasion when a black ball is cast, the members in favor put tremendous pressure on the dissenter to change his or her mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BikerAccnt Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 Is this a motorcycle club by chance! LOL. sounds like the type if inter-chapter drama my old club used to have. That's a facetious questions btw. I don't blame you for being indignant on his behalf, but, take your Que from him, it he's letting it roll off his back, you should too. But I wouldn't blame you for not having much to do with the local chapter. I 1 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 It is their loss. I agree with you. I would not be investing my time or money to help the organization. Hope you find some peace. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 I'm not going to say anything . . .much. I'm just hurt. I'm also not going to do anything to help them or raise money for them. No it's not a motorcycle club. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 im not married bu ti can imagine how bad you must feel for him...i would want to know the reason why and see if there was something that could be done....but ...if my partner was an easy going guy ...i would ask him why it doesnt bother him how he gets to that place and by listening hope i could go there with him.......that place where ocd fix this now.....doesnt exist....... because no matter what...no matter who accepted my partner or didnt...i would be with him........with full acceptance and support.....i would love him even more.....fill in the spaces left by others..its their loss....and i would know that.... and if it were me they were blackballing i would ask if they would let my husband through...ill stay away...dont take it out on him..because of me....i would want to verify that it wasnt my fault....if my partner asked me not to .though and..to let it go...i would.........i would stand beside him............deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 and if it were me they were blackballing i would ask if they would let my husband through...ill stay away...dont take it out on him..because of me....i would want to verify that it wasnt my fault....if my partner asked me not to .though and..to let it go...i would.........i would stand beside him............deb Deb Of course we will stand by each other. Me staying away from the club if he got transferred wasn't the plan. This is something we do together as a couple. Neither of us has much interest if the other one isn't there. We'll just stay at the club we're in & not bother about the chapter in town. That one was closer to our house. We had hoped to be involved in both Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 (edited) Deb Of course we will stand by each other. Me staying away from the club if he got transferred wasn't the plan. This is something we do together as a couple. Neither of us has much interest if the other one isn't there. We'll just stay at the club we're in & not bother about the chapter in town. That one was closer to our house. We had hoped to be involved in both i knew you would stand by him donnivain i could only write what i would do ..and im not married....im sorry if i didnt help you......i wrote my perspective.......its pretty crap and im sorry you have had to deal with this..but you are as strong beautiful woman who stands by her man.....i already knew that..do you know exclusion for no given reason is actually quite abusive.... its a power trip for one person to hold a sway vote..... it sounds like here only one had to black ball...thats not....good ...or to me ...right....it should for starters be a commitee or joint decision where personal bias is not a possibility...the governing body to be in a perfect governing system woudl have to have a just and compassionate neutrality that follows rules and regulations to make such decisions.....that apply to all peoples...not individuals.........deb Edited April 7, 2017 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 If I didn't like a member bad enough to want to blackball them, I'd be more than happy for them to leave my chapter! So I don't think that's it. I think maybe it has to do with numbers and money and maybe this chapter not wanting to lose him. If he doesn't care enough to ask why, not much to be done about it. I bet it's something less dramatic and more pragmatic, though. Link to post Share on other sites
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