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Mixing Business and Pleasure


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Power_Forward

Hello everyone,

 

It's David again. Hope you are doing good, making money, and enjoying life.

 

I wanted to get some feedback from those who have experienced having relationships with people they work with. I'm feeling drawn into a relationship at work that I don't want to be in for professional reasons, but my irrational brain is getting the better of me.

 

I just started at this company part time as a paralegal intern. There is this girl at the office who handles all my admin stuff: my pay, my schedule, hours, etc. You could say she is my manager. She is about 2 years older than I am.

 

Anyway, the thing is she is really f**king hot. Every time I'm around her I want to rip her clothes off and you know what. Normally I would just keep my thoughts to myself at work, but I keep getting signals from her like she wants to have sex with me. She is being really obvious about it. She always smiles at me, has that look in her eyes, etc. She posts on FB how she really wants a BF. It seems like she's giving me the green light to ask her out.

 

One of the things my Dad always says to me is you never mix business with pleasure. He says there is no quicker way to screw things up in your career than to start having sex with people you work with. It will only go right for so long, before it turns bad and creates a big mess that will f*** up your money.

 

The thing is, I understand this very well, but still I am feeling pulled towards this woman. It's like I lose all sense of perspective and logic when I think about hooking up with her. I have started to avoid her as much as possible at work, because of this.

 

I did a PROs and CONs about hooking up with her and here is what I came up with:

 

CONs

  • Things go wrong and she takes away my hours
  • Things go wrong and she tries to get me terminated
  • Things go wrong and she claims sexual harassment
  • Things go wrong and she sabotages my chances for returning to work there after I graduate
  • We hook up but she wants a LTR
  • I ask her out but she says no, from then on my reputation as an employee at the company is tarnished
     

 

PROs

  • Things go right and we have amazing sex for an undetermined amount of time

 

Have you ever hooked up with someone at work such as a supervisor? How did it work out? Am I being too cautious? Should I allow myself to have some fun? What happened in your situation?

 

Thanks

Dave

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BryanSmiley

I would be very cautious if she’s effectively your boss and has that much control over your work overall. I dated a girl who raised my PO’s (I’m a contractor). Now things never got so messy in that regard, but overall it stinks having to see the person (even if only for a short period) whom you’ve concluded dating. They’ll likely be more feelings on one side, and thus resentment. There lies a whole arena of potential for grief that can quickly undo the positives.

 

I would say give it a go maybe if she wasn’t you’re supervisor or whatever, and if you sensed some serious potential there. But not for a casual thing with a manager, that has danger written all over it.

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Law firms really frown on this sort of thing. They will overlook it between 2 rainmakers but there is a double standard for the staff. Be very careful.

 

 

You say this is an internship. When is it over? About a month before you are set to leave, if they haven't offered you a F/T job, ramp up your game & be prepared to ask her on a real date for the Saturday after you officially no longer work there.

 

 

BTW, as a paralegal, brush up on sexual harassment -- it goes up not down the chain of command in the work place. You can't sexually harass a manager because you don't have the ability to alter the terms & conditions of her employment.

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Power_Forward

Good advice. Thanks guys.

 

One other thing my Dad says is to keep things separate. He calls it "compartmetalization". That way, if something goes wrong in one area, you can control the damage and it won't contaminate other areas of your life.

 

To this end I think I'm gonna pass on her. I will tell her I have a GF if she keeps it up.

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If your career defines your life, always put it first. Whatever grows and protects it, that's the mission. Relationships of the sexual and romantic sort are subservient. Important, sure, but don't lose focus of the mission.

 

Also, don't lose sight of workplace politics and trojan horses. People can play games just to screw your pooch and those in the legal and corporate world are experts at it and ruthless about it. Sex is a huge tool. Huge. In general, women are the masters of the tool. They're the professionals. Respect them and the power they wield with it, including in the workplace.

 

Up to you. You know your milieu better than anyone. I tend to align with your dad after decades on this planet and trying a lot of stuff. Good luck!

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Have you ever hooked up with someone at work such as a supervisor? How did it work out? Am I being too cautious? Should I allow myself to have some fun? What happened in your situation?

 

Thanks

Dave

 

I have over 40 years in the restaurant/nightclub business, notorious for the activity you're considering. I've done it a few times, seen it done many times.

 

Not. Once. Did. It. Turn. Out. Well.

 

You'd have a better chance of success/happiness embezzling from the office petty cash fund...

 

Mr. Lucky

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DrReplyInRhymes

With not having been in a relationship for a while, I'd probably mix business and pleasure. I'm also known for not making the best decisions and not following my own advice, even if my advice sounds logical.

 

I mean, she could be your future wife.

 

If I had a great paying job ( $100k+ / year) and could make a difference.....then I'd probably want to protect my job.

 

As a paralegal intern and she's smoking hot?

 

Do it.

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Scarlett.O'hara

You said that she states on Facebook that she wants a boyfriend, and if all you want is sex then you are just asking for trouble. (Trust me, when someone posts that online for everyone to see, they mean it!)

 

If you get her into bed on the pretense of a relationship, it will not end well. If she feels deceived and hurt, she has the ability to make you pay for it.

 

If you value your job and reputation, don't go there. There are plenty of other attractive women out who will be open to something casual.

 

Listen to your Dad.

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Power_Forward
I have over 40 years in the restaurant/nightclub business, notorious for the activity you're considering. I've done it a few times, seen it done many times.

 

Not. Once. Did. It. Turn. Out. Well.

 

You'd have a better chance of success/happiness embezzling from the office petty cash fund...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I hear you. This is what my big brain tells me: stay clear of romantic interests at work, they are a disaster waiting to happen. However, my little brain would like nothing more than to bend this woman over a desk and rail her senseless.

 

I don't know. It's weird being a man sometimes. Women should be glad they don't have to deal with this.

 

I started chatting with her on FB today, venturing into flirting territory. I need an EVAC quick.

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Springsummer
However, my little brain would like nothing more than to bend this woman over a desk and rail her senseless.

 

I don't know. It's weird being a man sometimes. Women should be glad they don't have to deal with this.

 

It's not true, I think. Women have fantasies too. otherwise the Fifty Shade thing won't be so populous.

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