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I'm a shy guy and I have trouble with talking to women,initiating simple conversation. How do I get over that stigma?

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I'm a shy guy and I have trouble with talking to women,initiating simple conversation. How do I get over that stigma?

 

Being proactive about it is the place to start. There are plenty of books on the topic. And I dare say a psychologist could help. What research have you done and what methods have you tried so far?

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I have tried initiating small talk like what classes are you taking and what's your major, but I stop talking after that.

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somanymistakes

Some women find shy guys incredibly cute / a challenge to crack, you know.

 

Do you stop talking after your initial small talk because you feel awkward, because you're afraid they don't like you, or because you don't know what else to talk about? If you're meeting people that you have things in common with it might be easier to have things to discuss.

 

If all else fails take part in organised activities that will let you get to know people as fellow participants without having to address them as strangers.

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Do you have the opportunity to talk to girls in your classes? At least then you already have something in common to talk about.

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TunaInTheBrine
I'm a shy guy and I have trouble with talking to women,initiating simple conversation. How do I get over that stigma?

 

You might find it hard to believe, but being a shy guy you actually have an ADVANTAGE over other men. Shy guys are naturally more introspective, thoughtful, deep, and all of the other qualities that typically act as glue in a woman's attraction. Where shy guys stumble though is simply initiating the beginning of the conversation (like you already know). Once you can make it into the first couple of minutes of conversation, you should be okay. So, all you really have to do is 1) think about how to pull off a good first couple of minutes of conversation, 2) trust that your introspective qualities (i.e. being yourself) will be charming, and 3) jump in and do it.

 

Good luck.

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Well, also I'm on a diet, should I even try to approach a girl at all until I lose the extra weight?

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WaitingForBardot

Initiating and making small talk is a learned skill and the way to get better at it is practice. Don't just practice on women you're interested in though, practice on everyone; male, female, young, old, whether you find them attractive or not.

 

Over time it will get easier, not necessarily easy, but easier.

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Shy people get along with either shy people like themselves or completely opposite, the extroverts but with lots of patience and genuine liking for the shy person. Same ' rules' apply for shy men and women. Some hate them while some love them.

 

Shy have qualities that are hard to find in others.

 

The stereotype problem that you are faced is that you are a guy, someone who is ' supposed ' to initiate. So you might as well push yourself out or get yourself set up with an extrovert woman who has the patience to pursue you. In 2017 , you can easily find such women. Even we'll into 50s !

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While you're losing weight, practice talking to people and women. Then when you lose weight you'll be even more confident.

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CaliforniaGirl
Well, also I'm on a diet, should I even try to approach a girl at all until I lose the extra weight?

 

I don't think you should wait - you never know - but just as you'd probably want a girl who looks attractive to you, the girls want someone attractive, too, so you may not have much luck until you get a bit fitter.

 

How overweight are you? If that's okay to ask.

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salparadise
Initiating and making small talk is a learned skill and the way to get better at it is practice. Don't just practice on women you're interested in though, practice on everyone; male, female, young, old, whether you find them attractive or not.

 

True. You can learn to engage people. I am a former shy guy due to having been late maturing. I could write a novel on my awkward experiences when I was young. Anyway, I think there are three main adjustments you need to make.

 

1. Learn not to be self conscious. You can't engage in banter and chit chat when you thinking only about how you're being perceived by the other person. You gotta get outside of your own head to interact spontaneously.

 

2. Don't be invested in outcomes. Just think of the interaction in that moment as all there is. Don't think ahead, don't imagine what to say next, just respond and interact. If you have to initiate, don't be mundane –– be observant and a little quirky. Gradually work your way inside her hoola hoop.

 

3. Don't put women on a pedestal. I'm not saying not to respectful, but you need to be feeling your own competence and confidence and not give a phukk. You can adopt a persona and inhabit it, and eventually integrate it. It should be part of who you are, an alter ego perhaps (did you see the movie Fight Club?).

 

**develop your skills on women who DON'T make you weak in the knees first, then when you know you're ready....

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Springsummer

I am shy and a woman. So I find aggressive men manly and sexy, other things equal. sorry to this OP. but I am sure there are other women who like shy guy. people have different tastes.

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as a somewhat shy guy myself (and when I was young I was extremely so), shyness with most girls or women can be death. Sorry to say this. No chance, that's my lifelong experience. People online or offline will be nice to you and suggest that you should be yourself or make a few changes. No. Some shy girls will like you for that, I suppose.

Your conversation with them will improve with much more effort. Ask her some polite questions (not yes or no) and just talk about anything. Talky guys don't have much to say really but they keep going. And smile a lot.

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I am shy and a woman. So I find aggressive men manly and sexy, other things equal. sorry to this OP. but I am sure there are other women who like shy guy. people have different tastes.
I'm sorry about that, I hope you change your mind and look at all guys the same.
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Well, if I don't have confidence in myself, I know I'm not going to get anywhere. I know why most women don't like men who are extra chubby, because they think when men don't care about their weight, they don't care about their health? Am I sort of right on this?

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I have tried initiating small talk like what classes are you taking and what's your major, but I stop talking after that.

 

Brad, I remember you saying that you're aspie. This conversation fail could happen with so many of my son's aspie mates :)

 

I would suggest that is more about needing the tools to continue a conversation. Thing is, after she tells you about her classes and major, you're supposed to make another comment. Like "That's great. What got you interested in that subject?" She answers and gives you more fodder for conversation.

 

I'd suggest you contact your local ASD organisation and ask them where to find groups who teach conversation skills to those on the spectrum. Or grab some books from Amazon.

 

It's also really important to talk to people who you don't want to date. Male and female. It will not only give you practice, but could add some more friends to your social life.

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