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" he pursued me until I had to give in" ?


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This is just a discussion and not aimed at any one person in particular...

 

I was speaking with my brother yesterday, and we were talking about his ex-w and how she had cheated on him. Their relationship had started out as an A on both their parts, and he told me that, while he still really cared for her, he knows she had cheated on him several times. He told me that one of the excuses she used for her behavior is that these om had perused her until she just gave in.

 

I've heard that line used before, and I have never understood it. It doesn't make any sense to me. If someone was pursuing me and wouldn't stop, and I told them I wasn't interested and they still kept it up, I would call the police. If it was at work, I'd talk to my HR dept. I wouldn't just go " oh well, he won't stop so I have no choice but to get into a relationship and then jump into bed with him". It seems to me the only one who could use that excuse with a straight face would be someone who really wanted the R in the first place but didn't want to take any sort of responsibility for their actions and choices.

 

I am the only one who thinks that excuse is a lame duck?

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I agree with you also. What? She has no mind of her own? I would never admit to being so weak a person could lead me around by a collar. Complete BS!

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Me too.

That's ridiculous and weak , Sure it can happen but f your in a relationship then that's a piss poor excuse for screwing around on someone.

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understand50

Yes, I agree. One can be pursued , but having sex is your own decision. Nothing can mitigate that decision. You own it completely.

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somanymistakes

There's lots of different ways to interpret that kind of thing, and most of them are explanations but not excuses.

 

The worst possibility is when you have someone who just has low willpower and can't resist temptation if it goes on long enough. If she likes the attention, and the attention keeps being offered to her, eventually she'll give in.

 

Slightly better possibility: A lot of women are socialised to say yes to everything. Always be polite, always be nice, always be helpful, don't hurt anyone's feelings. If as a child you're constantly praised for being nice and thoughtful and agreeing with everyone, and punished strongly if you step out of line, this can lead to a personality that finds it incredibly difficult to disappoint anyone. This sort of person has a hard time turning away a persistent admirer, particularly if the admirer lays a guilt-trip on them about how much pain they're causing by not returning the affection. This sort of person may get into an affair because of not wanting to let anyone down, and then be horribly tormented by the mess they've gotten themselves into, but be too afraid of causing pain to someone to know how to end it. This sort of person needs to grow up and realise that it's better to make the choice and face the consequences than to drift weakly along forever.

 

The last usual possibility for 'he pursued me until I gave in' is someone who actually felt afraid to say no for some reason. Sometimes this can be a miscommunication. If your boss is hitting on you, even if he isn't outright saying "sleep with me or you're fired" people sometimes pick up that possibility and get scared into making bad choices.

 

 

There actually are single women who sleep with persistent men that they don't even like, just in the hopes that he'll GO AWAY afterwards and stop pestering them - or because they're afraid he'll handle rejection violently.

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" he pursued me until I had to give in"

 

I knew one couple that got together like this and I always felt bad for both of them. Many years ago I had a platonic female friend that hated dating and hated being alone. She met a guy she wasn't attracted to and didn't particularly like. She thought he was boring. But he persistently asked her out and she finally "gave in". For the next few years she complained about him but married him anyway. I don't know what went on behind closed doors but knowing the way she spoke to me about her husband I doubt their sex life was what he wanted. I've since lost contact with them but know they have a kid or two. I can't imagine they are any happier now than they were ten years ago.

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I am the only one who thinks that excuse is a lame duck?

 

No.

 

If someone's resolve is so weak that it can be worn away with mere perseverance, rather than conviction, it's not resolve but posturing.

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Weak people Or people who want to cheat and like having any excuse. To be fair, I've seen more men use that excuse than women. If a woman tells a man no strings, no one has to know, a lot of them have a hard time turning that down.

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I pursue the love of my life until she has to give in :p, but yeah, at the end of the day we're together because she wants it too. It's always a two way street.

 

Probably makes your brother feel better to think the responsibility lay on the guys and not her. Whatever helps you sleep at night I guess.

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curiouslysearching
Weak people Or people who want to cheat and like having any excuse. To be fair, I've seen more men use that excuse than women. If a woman tells a man no strings, no one has to know, a lot of them have a hard time turning that down.

 

NSA.....is a fantasy

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No.

 

If someone's resolve is so weak that it can be worn away with mere perseverance, rather than conviction, it's not resolve but posturing.

 

^^^Couldn't be said better.

 

There are men pursuing taken women and women pursuing taken men but there are just a handful of people who are strong enough to hold on to their values. If they are being loyal , it doesnt mean they are not desired by others or they dont desire anyone else.They just have their priorities right.

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Somanymistakes answered for me ! Lol

 

So why is that exclusive to being single? If someone cannot tell someone no why wouldn't that also happen when they are married as well? Why would they be able to find their voice then?

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This is just a discussion and not aimed at any one person in particular...

 

I was speaking with my brother yesterday, and we were talking about his ex-w and how she had cheated on him. Their relationship had started out as an A on both their parts, and he told me that, while he still really cared for her, he knows she had cheated on him several times. He told me that one of the excuses she used for her behavior is that these om had perused her until she just gave in.

 

I've heard that line used before, and I have never understood it. It doesn't make any sense to me. If someone was pursuing me and wouldn't stop, and I told them I wasn't interested and they still kept it up, I would call the police. If it was at work, I'd talk to my HR dept. I wouldn't just go " oh well, he won't stop so I have no choice but to get into a relationship and then jump into bed with him". It seems to me the only one who could use that excuse with a straight face would be someone who really wanted the R in the first place but didn't want to take any sort of responsibility for their actions and choices.

 

I am the only one who thinks that excuse is a lame duck?

 

Two cheaters get together and they are surprised when one or both of them cheats again????? Paleeze. Whatever excuse they used for "justifying" their own affair was just as unacceptable as her excuse now.

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Betrayed&Stayed
... om had perused her until she just gave in.

 

I am the only one who thinks that excuse is a lame duck?

 

It makes sense if human mating practice mimics that of animals on the Serengeti. Was she in heat or something?

 

It is lame excuse

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