Why would she hurt me over and over?

[Wickedstang]

Hello everyone i needed help and I decided to try this out. I'm new here. In advance I would like to thank all of you for any advice you provide. I'm a 25 year old guy in the states. I fell in love with a girl I knew from high school. We found each other on Facebook and messaged each other for 5 months. We were friends and started to know each other for exactly one year and were an official couple for 7 months and for the past 2.5 years I been chasing after her. Our relationship at first was amazing and perfect. I noticed some lies after a while that she would tell me and we argued about it constantly. We would spend every moment of everyday together and were involved in each other's families.

 

The lying from her continued so we would argue about it. once she got a job she met this guy and ended cheating on me. For the past 2.5 years I have been trying to have the relationship we use to have and bring her back. she eventually came back. I forgave her in all her faults and cheating and lying and she ended up cheating again. She would tell me she loves me wanted to marry me and would come visit me and wanted sex and i realized after that she was still seeing the other guy behind my back on certain nights. I was stupid to forgive her. She then came back again and we started new again and she did the same, cheated. She would say he's only a friend but later she admitted to having sex with him and admitted the dating. I was so stupid to take her back. I had strong feelings for her and adored her and I would forgive her every time. I'd get so mad at her and she would break up with me every time when I'd catch her cheating and call on me with the other guy or asking her why she hurts me so bad if she loves me and she'd get upset that I would try to open up my feelings and end up leaving me and go back to the other guy every time.

 

Even when she would come back she would still see him behind my back. I told her if you love me you wouldn't hurt me like this you would be committed and would show me you love me and her response was always negative. The last time she came back she said she wanted to start new and fresh and I gave it a shot. She would say I love you and wanted to move in together and It was going well and from one day to another she started acting distant as always and I knew it was happening again. I would ask her what is wrong and to communicate with me and she would get upset and she told me she didn't wanna be with me anymore and doesn't love me.

 

A few days later I found out she dumped me for another guy again. I loved this girl so much and adore her in every way and treated her like a princess, spoiled her, told her every day how much I loved her and showed her in a million ways and forgave her in everything. I'm so devastated and heart broken I know she's no good to me (she's 24 by the way). I don't know why I let her play me stupid and use me as s door mat. I don't know how I let her treat me this way. I didn't respect my self at all. One time for her birthday I took her on a romantic weekend getaway dinner by the beach and the next day she told me she was going to go out with the guy she cheated on me with to a ball game because he had bought the tickets already n that I could leave her if I didn't like it. And I left her. And I couldn't be without her so I took her back after a few weeks and gave into her after she promised she wouldn't do it again.

 

As you could see it's been bad. I know she's no good to me and marrying her would have been a mistake and i feel I dodged a bullet but why did she come back just to hurt me? Will she be come back to try to contacted me once she's tired from the other guy again? Her own family said I was the best thing that happened to her. Everyone in my family after they noticed what she does, dislikes her and are happy she left me before she ruined my life. Did she even love me? Care about me? Y would someone hurt a person like this who adores them? Her excuse every time was she's confused and won't work. But the reason we'd fight every time I took her back was because I would tell her she isn't putting effort and leaves me every time out of no where n goes off to another guy. It's so sad and I feel I lost all my dignity as a man to ever put up with a woman like this but I'd listen to my heart and gave in to her lies every time she said to trust in her.

 

Right now she's seeing another guy and is back to the whole "I don't wanna know anything about you leave me alone and move on" stage and is saying the usual " you deserve to be loved the way you love back and to move on" yet she says this every time she goes to another guy and eventually comes back saying she loves me. It's the same stupid game. Are these guys just a pass time and fun moment for her? Why doesn't she want to be in a committed relationship with someone who loves her if according to her " im everything she ever asked for in a guy and everything she ever wanted" and was "blessed to have such an amazing guy" and according to her every time she comes back she loves me beyond belief yet 2 days later she bounces off to the other guy n leaves me lost and broken and confused and apparently doesn't love me anymore. Am I the problem?

Edited February 26, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[preraph]

Yes, once you take someone back who has hurt and betrayed you, it is only a matter of time before they do it again, and usually even worse. They know you will put up with it. And their ethics are what makes them do mean things like cheat. Not you. It's not about you. It's about her ethics are not good. She'll likely do this to everyone.

 

To me, it's a bit of a red flag that you pursued her for 2.5 years before she dated you, if I'm understanding right. That means she wasn't really very interested to begin with. Which isn't how you want a relationship to be.

 

You deserve someone with better ethics who is eager to be with you. So please take a couple week to mourn but then get busy being social and don't just sit in your room. You have to make yourself get active as soon as possible for the fastest recovery. Don't let her ruin a year of your youth. Good luck.

[bubbaganoosh]

I read your post. Then I did it again. I know the answer to the problem. Ready?

 

Your fault. Yep your fault. You can put lip[stick on a pig but it's still a pig.

 

How many times now that she lied to your face and cheated on you and you keep taking her back? She has your number and knows that she can do what she wants, when she wants and with ever who she wants to do it with and you'll take her back after she sweet talks you.

 

Your fault and your the only one that can do anything about it. If this is what you want then good luck friend because your like sucks as it is but will only get worse. You need to tell her to take it someplace else and kick her to the curb ASAP. Your choice.

[Marc878]

Yep, you stick your hand in a fire and get burnt. Do you continue to do it?

 

Better start learning from your mistakes or you'll just keep repeating them