Really Bad Situation

[Kaygee]

Hello,

This may be rather long, but if you hang in there and read the story, I could really use some advice.

 

My wife and I met in 2007 and were married in 2010. We both have adult children from previous relationships, so that is that.

 

I am 43 yrs old.

She is 38 yrs old.

 

My wife has always been very emotionally abusive to me. It has nearly ended our relationship so many times, I cannot even come up with a number, but I posted about it on another forums years ago and put some voice recording of what she would do to me and everyone said the same thing:

 

"GET OUT NOW"

 

I kind of wish I listened to that advice.

 

At that time, I lived in a house that her mother owned. I could have walked away and just dealt with the divorce, but dumb me went ahead last March and bought a house for us.

 

My wife's name is not on the mortgage because, at the time, her credit was really bad.

My wife's name is not on the title/deed due to a clerical error that I did not realize until tax time about a month and a half ago.

 

I was going to fix that, but then this started:

 

Everything was going fine and then one night, actually it was election night, November 8th, she was out with her friends until 5:15am.

 

You will see a lot more of this in this thread, but it is not just all about her going out.

 

My wife has always gone out, but this was very late for her.

 

Then, on November 21st, she was out until 5:30am.

 

On November 26th, she went out and, for the first time, never came home until 1pm the next day. To this day, she refuses to tell me where she was on count of "she shouldn't have to tell me everything."

 

She went out again that very day, November 27th, and stayed until 11pm.

The next day, on November 28th, she was out until 2:15am. Again, refusing to tell me where she was and who she was with.

 

On December 1st, she went out and stayed out until 1:50am.

 

Now, she is a manager in retail, so things get crazy for her around this time of year, so things slowed down and nothing happened until December 18th. She went out that night until 12:30am.

 

Nothing at all happened in January, but she was extremely distant. No more phone calls during the day. I was reading an article the other day about wives having affairs and what signs to look for, and one said, "she stops asking you how your day was."

 

She never has asked me that, which I never thought about until I read that. I ask her all of the time.

 

But nevertheless, she had such a nasty attitude towards me and would flip out on me for the dumbest things.

 

In mid February I had had it! I confronted her and told her that she needs to either devote herself to this relationship, or end it because it is killing me.

 

Her attitude changed!

 

She went to Atlantic City, NJ with her friend shortly afterwards and was so nice to me. She was calling me the old pet names she used to call me and everything.

 

Things looked great!

 

Enter Saturday, February 18th:

It was unseasonably nice out. I asked her if she wanted to sit out back with me in the yard and burn a fire, drink some beers and grill up some dinner.

 

She told me that she didn't feel like doing anything like that.

 

Not ten minutes later, she told me that she was going out with her friends to a bar. She was showered and dressed and out the door in 20 minutes.

 

I stood there in shock. I had no idea what to say or do. Later, she texted me and told me that she understood that I was upset and she just wanted to go out with her friends for a little bit and would make it up to me..

 

Okay. I can deal with that! But that night, around 10pm, when I was getting out of the shower, I noticed her car parked across the street. I went outside, but before I could get to the car, she started it and drove off.

 

I immediately texted her and told her, "you do know that I know your license plate, right?"

 

She didn't respond. Which, might I add now, was the common thing WHENEVER she was out. She never responded to my texts or phone calls when she was out, which would sometimes make me an emotional wreck if I was leaving for work the next morning and she still wasn't home.

 

She came home that night at 3am. I slept on the couch. I went upstairs and asked her why she drove away from me, but she simply stated she never even saw me.

 

I do not know if that is true or not, and I never will. So I have no other recourse but to take her word for it.

 

But that brought up another issue.

 

I asked her what she was doing, and she said she was on the phone with her friend Tim and she was making plans to go back out.

 

Tim is married, but he is a sleezeball. He has two kids with two other women outside of his previous marriage, which he had three kids with that wife, and that wife never even knew he had these children.

 

He is married again, and the best part, he lives in the neighborhood I moved into.

 

But the issue at hand was not Tim, it was, to me, the fact that she gave me a whole song and dance about how she was sympathetic to how I was feeling about her choosing her friends over me, and here she is, actually HOME, IN FRONT OF OUR HOUSE, but she is planning to go back out again.

 

She simply said, "I wasn't ready to come in yet."

 

So that night, Sunday, February 19th, she comes downstairs around 7pm after being up in bed all day and I was making dinner. I noticed she was dressed up again and she said, "I'm going out."

 

I asked her where. She responded, "None of your business mother-f'er. Peace out."

 

And she left.

 

Well now I was angry, and I wound up getting quite drunk that night. I put a post about her on Facebook about her going out all of the time and banging other guys.

 

Now, I know it was wrong, but take into account, I only have 5 Facebook friends. My wife has had me blocked on Facebook since December 19th.

 

But this will be a testament of how drunk, angry, and DUMB I am! I actually took a screenshot of the post I put up and texted it to her...

 

Yup........I am an idiot.

 

Now the post was up for as long as it took me to take a screenshot, and I strongly doubt any of the three remaining people that I asked saw it. As I stated I only have 5 Facebook friends and one is my brother, and one is my daughter. I asked them if they saw the post, and they had no idea what I was talking about.

 

So she freaks out and loses it on me. We go back and forth via text and she comes home that night at 2am.

 

She left for work around 5:30 am that morning (I don't know how she does it) and woke me me up with a text, with the screenshot of the post that I put up stating, "this is absolutely unforgivable."

 

I felt horrible. I stared at it and tried to remember why the hell I put it up because, as I stated, I was very intoxicated.

 

I was ashamed, and I was sorry, and I told her this. But, this was the first time I have ever really "fought back." This woman has been treating me like crap for quite a while, so although I was ashamed of what I did, I took pride in the fact that I actually fought back for once.

 

So this is Monday, February20th. She tells me later via text that she is going to stay at her mother's house to try to "figure things out". Her mother is in Florida until the spring.

 

I objected, because I told her that I was not able to emotionally handle not knowing where she was every night, because I KNEW she would take advantage of the time away and go out every night.

 

I told her that I would move all of my stuff downstairs and she could stay upstairs and "figure it out." We have two full bathrooms and two bedrooms on both floors.

 

She refused and that night, she did not come home.

 

On Tuesdays, I work from home. She came home around 1pm to do "laundry, pack clothes and take a shower."

 

I bought her a pistol for Christmas, and she wanted to know where it was at. I told her it was locked away because it is registered in my name and she shouldn't be taking it with her if her plans are to move out. I told her I would be more than happy to go with her around the corner and transfer ownership.

 

She flips out. Starts throwing things at me and tells me that I should "take her gun and blow my brains out."

 

Now, another side note here, I was in a mental institution for attempted suicide. I am also on medication for it. And it doesn't take much to push my buttons to get me suicidal again, but I kept cool.She started making fun of my condition, saying in a sarcastic voice, "Oh, I'm depressed, poor me, I have anxiety, waaah. Loser!"

 

I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.

 

She threw her wedding rings and all other jewelry downstairs and said she didn't want them. I told her that I would really appreciate if she kept them.

 

She left, and took her rings, but came home at 10pm. She slept upstairs, I slept downstairs.

 

On Wednesday February 22nd, She went to work in the morning and never came home. She texted me and started a fight. I told her she needs to stop beating the dead horse and come home and deal with this like an adult.

 

She put up the post again, and I responded by telling her that I should tell everyone how she told me to kill myself with her own gun.

 

She responded, and I quote. "Go ahead. I'll say it again. You loser".

She then responds by saying, "maybe I should blow my brains out."

I responded by telling her that if that is her train of thought, then I am beyond happy that I hid the gun and that she needs to talk to someone.

 

I didn't know what to say and had to go to work the next morning so I ignored the rest of her texts for the night.

 

She never came home that night, but she did text me the next morning and said, "I wanted to let you know that I am safe, in case you are worried."

 

She came home on February 23rd straight from work, went upstairs, and then was getting ready to leave. I was trying to talk to her and she started throwing words around like "restraining order" and started walking into me and asking me if I was blocking her path. This scared the hell out of me because she was taking this to a whole new level.

 

She came home about two hours later, was on her phone, but wasn't talking, and she went upstairs, and I still heard no talking. As she was leaving, I asked her where she was going, she told me to "F off."

 

She came home that night at 10pm I tried to talk with her, but she refused.

 

Now, yesterday, in work, I tried to explain what she was doing to me via text. She is driving me absolutely crazy keeping me in this "limbo" state.

 

I told her that "Going out every night and coming home is not going to work out well."

 

Her response?

 

"It is working out great for me."

 

I started thinking she was playing mind games with me at this point, and she came home about 10pm last night and went right upstairs. She came down around 11:30pm and without me uttering a word, she said, "relax, I am just going to Wa Wa."

 

She did, and she came back. I fell asleep.

 

Around 5:30am, I woke up and noticed that I had messages. It was my home alarm system, informing me that the alarm was turned off at 12:42am. I looked outside and her car was gone.

 

I now went from this being mind games, to this woman just doesn't care anymore.

 

She texted me about two hours ago and asked me if I could take a picture of something for her that she forgot to renew.

 

I did it, because I do not want to escalate anything.

 

Now, I appreciate if you stuck through all of that, but what the hell should I do? I feel like I am going psycho with this treatment.

 

I cannot afford this house alone! I would need to have the bank do a short sale or just walk away, and I will need to get an apartment again.

 

Now, to me, this is a real punch in the gut! To make a short story short, I lived on the streets when I was 15 years old, and slowly made my way up by working and renting rooms from various people, until I was able to get my own apartment.

 

I love this house! I always wanted a single house in the suburbs and I got it. The feeling of that every day when I pull up from work is something that I cannot describe.

 

I tried to get a loan to pay off the mortgage which would lower my monthly payments, but my credit is horrible now, while my wife's is fantastic.

I tried to ask for a raise at work, and was denied.

 

When my wife got paid on Thursday, she DID transfer me the regular amount that she has always given me towards the mortgage. We have separate bank accounts. So for now, I am okay, financially, but not emotionally.

 

Let me end by adding that we have not had sex since October.

 

I don't know what to do......

 

EDIT: I have literally no family and no friends to go to for help. I am an introvert and have social anxiety, so I fail when it comes to making friends.

 

Help please!

Edited February 25, 2017 by Kaygee

[Raena]

It's high time for you to go see a lawyer about filing for divorce. The way she is treating you is abusive and there is no reason for you to put up with it. File for divorce and then deal with the fallout of getting out from under a mortgage you can't afford alone. I don't know if it matters whose name is on the mortgage if you are married, it might be considered marital assets. A lawyer would be able to help you with that part of it.

 

You said you both have children. How old are the kids? Do they live with you? Is she leaving you to take care of her kids while she goes out gallivanting around with every Tom, Dick and Harry out there?

 

I know it hurts, but you have to get out of this situation. It's not healthy.

[Kaygee]

It's high time for you to go see a lawyer about filing for divorce. The way she is treating you is abusive and there is no reason for you to put up with it. File for divorce and then deal with the fallout of getting out from under a mortgage you can't afford alone. I don't know if it matters whose name is on the mortgage if you are married, it might be considered marital assets. A lawyer would be able to help you with that part of it.

 

You said you both have children. How old are the kids? Do they live with you? Is she leaving you to take care of her kids while she goes out gallivanting around with every Tom, Dick and Harry out there?

 

I know it hurts, but you have to get out of this situation. It's not healthy.

 

As far as the children go, no, they do not live with us. Her son lives with his girlfriend and their daughter, my daughter is away at college.

 

Filing for divorce is expensive and I know I sound like a beaten man, but if I start spending money on a lawyer, I will be so broke I won't even be able to get an apartment.

 

Not to mention, my wife's mother is a bank! A never ending bank! Whatever I spend on legal fees, she will beat it with a better lawyer, 100 fold!

 

I appreciate the response and advice, and I am not shooting it down, I am just very concerned (to the point where I can't sleep, eat, and am throwing up blood) about my financial situation and where I am going to live.

 

Let me state that my credit is so bad now, that apartment places look at your credit rating before letting you sign a lease, so I may not have many options open to me.

[spiderowl]

I am really sorry to hear of your situation. You do need to get out of this relationship because it is damaging. Your wife is being rude and abusive. She has checked out of the relationship. I think trying to make anything work with her would be pointless, to put it bluntly.

 

Your question now is what next. If you could get an apartment, maybe this would not be such a bad thing as putting up with this awful behaviour. It must seem like a great loss to you and I appreciate that, I really do. Do you have a local authority of some sort that can house homeless people? If so, would it be better to go to them for help and maybe get something temporary and not too expensive? I know this might be difficult or impossible depending on where you live. Is a trailer/mobile home a possibility? It might sound awful but some of them are actually very nice and it could give you chance to recover from this awful relationship. Please do not take any risks with yourself because you are distressed. You will get through this; take it day by day.

 

If you do not have children living with you, a divorce lawyer should split both your assets equally. I know this is a long way down the road but maybe more positive things could happen along the way and opportunities arrive. You need to believe this is possible. Could your children help at all, maybe by finding you temporary accommodation if you do need to move out?

 

Please keep posting because that support can help things not to seem so awful. You have obviously been a very resourceful guy and you could be again. You are suffering from this relationship but you will feel so much better once a proper separation has taken place and you are not worrying all the time what she is up to. I know it is easy for me to say, but it sounds a very unnerving and anxious place to be at the moment. Not having made a decision about how to separate is stressful in itself.

 

Please take care of yourself and let us know how you are getting on. Hugs xx

Edited February 25, 2017 by spiderowl

[Poutrew]

This is a simple one. You have the texts where she threatened you? Where she is telling you to blow out your brains with her pistol? Take them all to the local police department. Tell them you are afraid for your life and get a restraining order on her. Then Sell the house, divorce the monster, and go live your life in freedom.

[Kaygee]

So I take it that no one sees a good ending to this?

 

Today for instance, she came home to get more clothes and when I did not answer any question that she asked me, she seemed to get shaken,

 

Is it mind games?

Or is it past that?

[Abhainn]

So I take it that no one sees a good ending to this?

 

Today for instance, she came home to get more clothes and when I did not answer any question that she asked me, she seemed to get shaken,

 

Is it mind games?

Or is it past that?

 

In your first post, you said that you didn't know what to do.

 

But you did say that your friends have clearly said for a long time what they think you should do, that you should get out. And when you said that you wished that you had listened to them, I'm wondering if you're feeling ambivalent. Like there is a part of you that knows that there is a problem, and that you need to end this relationship and leave, but that there is a part of you that is not ready yet? And if so, can you tell me more about why you are not ready yet?

 

If you were advising a friend going through everything that you just described, what would you tell them to do?

[Chilli]

l'm sorry for what your going through but yeah, afraid it is long long past that.

l think there is suck lack of respect there that it could never possibly be repaired and even if by some long shot she was to come good for awhile, the minute she's pissed off it would all come screaming down on you again. Really ,you can't live like that and you can't change what she is with you, it's past past past that.

And besides as if the way she is isn't bad enough she isn't even being loyal to you, you don't wanna be treated like that do ya ?

 

If it was me l'd only be thinking about one thing in all of this and that is how to get out and how to keep my house if you decide you want to keep it.

lf you can't keep it , could you look out of town and into the bordering acreage areas for a place and commute to work.

They're usually much cheaper and don't worry about the normal bullsh@t the places in town put you through.

A lot of farms have 2 houses for instance. l drove an hour to work for a few yrs and l actually got that way l always looked forward to the drive and down time.

 

Also , do you really need a lawyer , separate kids, and if you'd be losing the house anyway if it went that way well, what do ya want a lawyer for just leave the damn women,. My ex and l didn't use a lawyer , fk wasting money on them.

Or maybe there's a way you can keep the house.

Or maybe you tell her you want out and ask her if she wants the house , that way she'd have to buy you out and you come out of it with some cash maybe. She'd probably just get her mum to pay it.

 

But one way or another, focus your energy on looking at the future and where to from here.

Don't wast any more on her.

 

Good luck with everything.

 

PS , btw , plenty of good women out there would love a sensitive guy like yourself.

Edited February 27, 2017 by Chilli

[Kaygee]

In your first post, you said that you didn't know what to do.

 

But you did say that your friends have clearly said for a long time what they think you should do, that you should get out. And when you said that you wished that you had listened to them, I'm wondering if you're feeling ambivalent. Like there is a part of you that knows that there is a problem, and that you need to end this relationship and leave, but that there is a part of you that is not ready yet? And if so, can you tell me more about why you are not ready yet?

 

If you were advising a friend going through everything that you just described, what would you tell them to do?

 

Ambivalent is an excellent word. If I had a friend going through this, I would actually tell them to do what they can to save the marriage, because it is supposed to be forever.

[Kaygee]

l'm sorry for what your going through but yeah, afraid it is long long past that.

l think there is suck lack of respect there that it could never possibly be repaired and even if by some long shot she was to come good for awhile, the minute she's pissed off it would all come screaming down on you again. Really ,you can't live like that and you can't change what she is with you, it's past past past that.

And besides as if the way she is isn't bad enough she isn't even being loyal to you, you don't wanna be treated like that do ya ?

 

If it was me l'd only be thinking about one thing in all of this and that is how to get out and how to keep my house if you decide you want to keep it.

lf you can't keep it , could you look out of town and into the bordering acreage areas for a place and commute to work.

They're usually much cheaper and don't worry about the normal bullsh@t the places in town put you through.

A lot of farms have 2 houses for instance. l drove an hour to work for a few yrs and l actually got that way l always looked forward to the drive and down time.

 

Also , do you really need a lawyer , separate kids, and if you'd be losing the house anyway if it went that way well, what do ya want a lawyer for just leave the damn women,. My ex and l didn't use a lawyer , fk wasting money on them.

Or maybe there's a way you can keep the house.

Or maybe you tell her you want out and ask her if she wants the house , that way she'd have to buy you out and you come out of it with some cash maybe. She'd probably just get her mum to pay it.

 

But one way or another, focus your energy on looking at the future and where to from here.

Don't wast any more on her.

 

Good luck with everything.

 

PS , btw , plenty of good women out there would love a sensitive guy like yourself.

 

Thank you! Your post was quite inspiring to me, it had me all hype saying "yeah, why would I want that?"

 

But, on will come the lonely nights. The hard parts!

 

I don't think we need a lawyer here, although I am sure her mother will get her one. I don't want to lose the house, so I am going to see if the mortgage company can assist in any way.

 

But, if she gets a lawyer and tries to take the house, I won't fight it. Also, she can have the bed and the bedroom set her mother bought her as that is sentimental to her and I appreciate that.

 

And being the sensitive guy never seems to work out in the end, but thank you!

[Abhainn]

Kaygee,

 

I can hear that you believe marriage is forever. But I'm wondering, given how you said that she had been going out all the time, and your fears about her adultery, and the way she treated you, if though a large part of you still believes that marriage is forever, if there is maybe a small part of you that also thinks that marriage is between two people, and that she has done little to uphold her end of it, and maybe is thinking that it would be okay to end it?

[normal person]

Ambivalent is an excellent word. If I had a friend going through this, I would actually tell them to do what they can to save the marriage, because it is supposed to be forever.

 

Yeah, it's supposed to -- just like your wife is supposed to respect you and enrich your life, not make it a nightmare. I'm guessing you thought your first marriage was supposed to last forever too, why is this one any different? Just because it's supposed to under ideal circumstances doesn't mean it should under these ungodly ones.

 

Life isn't a fairy tale, you're holding it to unrealistic expectations in the face of obvious, absolutely abhorrent conditions. The sooner you realize that you're only fooling yourself, the better. Marriage should only last forever when it's enjoyable for you. Otherwise, it sounds like hell on Earth. Please do yourself a favor: get far away from this woman in any way you can and never look back. I guarantee you'll be much happier to be free of her than to have the insignificant pride of knowing you could make a putrid, masochistic marriage "last forever" by sheer force of will. Why would you ever want to live like that? You sound like a saint. You deserve better.

[Kaygee]

Yeah, it's supposed to -- just like your wife is supposed to respect you and enrich your life, not make it a nightmare. I'm guessing you thought your first marriage was supposed to last forever too, why is this one any different? Just because it's supposed to under ideal circumstances doesn't mean it should under these ungodly ones.

 

Life isn't a fairy tale, you're holding it to unrealistic expectations in the face of obvious, absolutely abhorrent conditions. The sooner you realize that you're only fooling yourself, the better. Marriage should only last forever when it's enjoyable for you. Otherwise, it sounds like hell on Earth. Please do yourself a favor: get far away from this woman in any way you can and never look back. I guarantee you'll be much happier to be free of her than to have the insignificant pride of knowing you could make a putrid, masochistic marriage "last forever" by sheer force of will. Why would you ever want to live like that? You sound like a saint. You deserve better.

All good points, but not to take away from them, but this is my first marriage. I had a child with a woman out of wedlock 20 years ago.

[Chilli]

PS ,l hope l didn't sound insensitive to beliefs in marriage, as l went through it myself 4yrs ago and l had those beliefs.

And lots of those lonely nights later too.

Problem is, we can't save it on our own, we just can't. That's the thing.

[supernova32]

OP, it's time to file for divorce. Your wife has clearly lost her **** mind and does not care one bit about you or your emotional health. My divorce was $2,000 and that included custody arrangements, so possibly you can get a better deal. Talk to as many lawyers as you can find; some will allow you to pay in installments. Go buy Dave Ramsey's book *The Total Money Makeover.* This book saved my financial life, and it's easy to follow and rewarding as your debt is reduced. Get a second job if you have to.

 

 

I am so sorry that your wife is using your mental illness as a weapon against you (I have similar issues). Try to remember that just because she says something, it doesn't make it true. If you have good health insurance, try to find counseling.

 

 

Search for domestic abuse resources in your area. They offer free legal advice and can possibly help you find affordable housing.

[Kaygee]

 

I am so sorry that your wife is using your mental illness as a weapon against you (I have similar issues). Try to remember that just because she says something, it doesn't make it true. If you have good health insurance, try to find counseling.

 

And therein lies a huge problem. I am on HER medical benefits because the benefits at my work suck. Once we divorce. no more meds, so I have been starting to ween myself off. It is not working out well, but I am hoping that in the end, it will.

 

I have not spoken to her since she came in and got some stuff on Sunday afternoon. This is the longest I have ever gone without speaking to her.

 

Should I reach out to her and ask her if she has officially "checked out" of the marriage?

 

Thank you all for your help and support!

[Mr Scorpio]

Should I reach out to her and ask her if she has officially "checked out" of the marriage? Thank you all for your help and support!

 

Nope.

 

First you should address the divorce. Find the nearest Legal Aid clinic. They should be able to provide you with basic forms and references to websites that can explain the process in detail. They might also be able to refer you to attorneys (especially new ones) who will handle your case on the cheap. I charged $1,000 for my first divorce case.

 

Second you should address the house. You said your wife has been contributing to the mortgage payments. That is commingling my friend. Your wife has a legal interest in the house.

 

On the other hand, one could say she has a legal interest to the cost of that house. If her Mom wants to shell out for a lawyer and buy the house? So long house. You lose the house but gain in the end by getting away from this succubus.

 

You should also start going to the gym while all of this is going on. Especially if you're weaning off of meds.

[supernova32]

And therein lies a huge problem. I am on HER medical benefits because the benefits at my work suck. Once we divorce. no more meds, so I have been starting to ween myself off. It is not working out well, but I am hoping that in the end, it will.

 

I have not spoken to her since she came in and got some stuff on Sunday afternoon. This is the longest I have ever gone without speaking to her.

 

Should I reach out to her and ask her if she has officially "checked out" of the marriage?

 

Thank you all for your help and support!

 

 

I think it's pretty clear she is checked out in general and she's just not a very nice person right now. I know that sounds kinda lame, but in both my marriages, I have found myself saying that I could put up with a lot as long as he was just nicer.

 

 

I agree, start the divorce proceedings asap. There are some herbs available in the vitamin section of the grocery store that can help with depression (5-HTP, St. Johns Wort, SAMe). Also have your vitamin D tested (low levels can cause depression).

 

 

I also agree on the exercise. If you can't afford a gym membership (that's me), start running with Couch 2 5K program. I did this myself and lost 25 pounds and eventually ran 3 marathons. There is a t-shirt that says "Running: it's cheaper than therapy." Totally true.

Couch to 5k - C25K Running Program

[supernova32]

And therein lies a huge problem. I am on HER medical benefits because the benefits at my work suck. Once we divorce. no more meds, so I have been starting to ween myself off. It is not working out well, but I am hoping that in the end, it will.

 

I have not spoken to her since she came in and got some stuff on Sunday afternoon. This is the longest I have ever gone without speaking to her.

 

Should I reach out to her and ask her if she has officially "checked out" of the marriage?

 

Thank you all for your help and support!

 

One more thing, I found this site for help with your meds: http://www.needymeds.org (I feel your pain on crappy insurance; at one time I was spending over $600 on monthly medication).

[Chilli]

Funny nova, l started running too , although it wasn't so much about my marriage breaking up. Around that time l just couldn't , though l did try.

But yeah your damn right, it amazed me that something you could just start doing that was totally free and involved nothing more than a pair of runners and getting your ass out that door, had such amazing effects and benefits.

l haven't ran for a few yrs now but l know l need it again right now, trying to get my ass onto it.

One of my problems is that l don't actually like it, But l loveeeee the effects it has.

 

You know , what you said about as long as he was nicer . If you feel like like it l'd love you to read through my thread - "Another one bites the dust " , about my new girl, see what you you think.

She's an absolute dream in a million ways mostly, but she turns nasty when she gets pissed and l'm at cross roads in it myself right now.

 

Cheers.

Edited March 1, 2017 by Chilli

[Kaygee]

So this is still in the same place. My wife hasn't been home for weeks, and she stops home only to get stuff and take it to where she is staying.

 

I tried being civil with her. When she came home tonight to take the crock pot and other things, I asked her where she was taking all of this stuff.

 

"To where I'm staying" she replied.

"And where is that?" I asked.

"I'm not telling you."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to."

 

I told her, that it's been three weeks now, doesn't she think I deserve some answers?

 

She said, "No. I haven't decided what I am doing yet."

 

So, it appears that she is just living life while I sit here and contemplate some very bad thoughts, what I am going to do with my house and my life.

 

She has still been giving me the money that she would normally give me so I can afford the house, but I think after she gets paid on the 23rd, and she gives me the money, I will pay the April Mortgage and than TRY to file for divorce and see if the lender will help me keep the house.

 

I say "try" because there seems to be nowhere on the internet that has forms. I am not getting a lawyer, I cannot afford one, as I stated before, I want to file this on my own.

 

Anyway, in case anyone cared where this stood, there ya go.

 

Thanks!

[Bfef]

It's no fun staying in and brooding about it. Whatever you end up doing - formulate a plan and stick to it. For what it's worth, my divorce (in the UK) cost me nothing. Zero. Zip. She got the legal aid and I just signed a couple of papers. Dead easy. Might be for you too.

[Kaygee]

UPDATE: To those of you that care:

 

She came into the house two weeks ago and took my cat.

She came in and took a 60 inch flat screen TV as well this past Thursday.

 

I called the cops and they said I really should change the locks and get a lawyer. I did both this past weekend.

 

Now I am just waiting for the paperwork to be filed. I was going to try to do this on my own, but it is just too complicated.

 

As soon as I told my wife via text that I had to get a lawyer she responded:

 

"But what if I have a change of heart."

 

Even though I would be open to whatever she had to say, I told her that we are way past that now that she has been gone for 5 1/2 weeks.

 

Thank you for reading and any advice anyone can give me on what I can do while the divorce is created, during the 90 day"cool off" that I will have to get thru, all the while I am sure my wife will play head games during it.

 

And how do you move on at 43 years old and divorced?

 

Thank you!

[Kaygee]

Hello. In case you are not familiar with my situation, I urge you to check out the thread here:

 

<threads merged by moderation>

 

Welcome back!

 

My lawyer told me on day one that because my soon to be ex wife makes more than me and her 401k flourished during this time, I should go after everything I can.

 

I refused, informing him that I am not out for blood or to make anyone suffer. To his displeasure he drew up the divorce complaint to start the process.

 

Now after speaking to multiple people about this situation they all seem to say the same thing:

 

"You will regret not taking her for everything you can."

 

This is coming from all age groups, both genders, married, divorced and single people.

 

Should I do it? What do you think? My lawyer is telling me because of her desertion and because i am stuck with the house and mortgage, I have such an upper hand that I am severely underplaying the situation.

 

I just don't want anymore fighting and I do not want anyone to suffer any longer.

 

Thoughts?

Edited April 4, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
merged 2 threads and moved to Separation and Divorce ~6

[Telemachus]

Your orignal position seems to me a wise course. The opinions of others do not much matter - who among them has offered to pay for your legal bills, or to represent you himself/herself pro bono?

 

If you want to fight, then go ahead and listen to them. If you want peace more than conflict, then go with your original position.

 

Sometimes when you lose, you win. Sometimes when you win, you lose.

 

Your marriage failed. Do you want to end the conflict or continue/escalate it? Put her and this period of your life behind you. If you lust after a 401(k) account, then you have bigger problems than a failed marriage.