Another one bites the dust !

[Chilli]

And right when l thought it was safe to come out

 

l've been in a LD thing 12mths now although we have spent about few mths together as well in that.

The goods are almost surreal , the best l've ever had and she can be an incredible person.

 

But she also has this very short fuse and turns into a loose canon in seconds,anywhere anytime in front of anybody, and usually from things she's totally misunderstood anyway/

But instead of being sure first she'll fly off, even though she's usually got it totally wrong.

Although she's Italian she does speak perfect English but l'm just never quite sure if it's a language thing or just her personal thinking and twisting.

But the problem is whatever it is there's just no way of straightening it out with her once she goes off. And she goes off, in a big way.

Even in the very forum we actually met in for example, where you'd think would be one place your safe, no one there knows we're together yet one day l answered about something she wrote, and this was actually stuff we talk about all the time privately so she should know, but she absolutely flew of the planet.

Right there in the very forum we'd met and didn't want anyone knowing we were together.

She did this huge rant, absolutely letting fly with both barrels, she gave us away and everything.

Yet bad enough on about 4 fronts there but one of the biggies was that again , she had totally misunderstood and twisted and flown off her nut. Right there.

She flew of so bad that l had a dozen private pm's , asking me wth was wrong with her and that they couldn't even see why she'd gone off, there was nothing bad in anything l'd said, she must be a man hater, one said what a crazy b@tch, one said she didn't realize she was a man basher she's always been so nice,

another said l should've let that crazy b@tch have it for that, that was insane.

There was dozens of other people in that thread and no one else even batted an eyelid at the convo.Yet she does that.

And , it was a fairly gentle place to that one with every good people in it yet she'd basically upset the whole theme of it and you could tell it was all on edge for wks after that.

 

On the bad side, she's a lot worse privately and it can be absolutely maddening trying to straighten it out.

While at that same time she'll turn into a crazy.

 

Such a shame, we have so much.But l just can't do anything with that stuff and although she's much better than she use to be, just today she went totally mental , again.

And you know what, l was actually trying to make her feel better at the time about something that had happened, not with us, someone else.

 

l.m thinking l better except that l don't think there's anything l can do.

What a waste.

[Downtown]

She also has this very short fuse and turns into a loose canon in seconds,anywhere anytime in front of anybody, and usually from things she's totally misunderstood anyway.... she'll turn into a crazy.

Chilli, perhaps she is "crazy" as you say. That is not what you're describing, however. Instead, you're describing behavior that is so immature that the woman is unable to regulate her own emotions. This behavior -- together with the verbal abuse, lack of impulse control, and extreme oversensitivity to imagined criticism -- are red flags for strong traits of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).

 

I therefore suggest you take a quick look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs to see if most sound very familiar. If so, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you.

 

Learning to spot these warning signs will not enable you to diagnose your GF's issues. Although it is easy to spot strong occurrences of BPD symptoms, only a professional can determine whether those symptoms are so severe and persistent as to constitute full-blown BPD. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a very painful situation -- e.g., avoid taking her back or avoid running into the arms of another woman just like her. Take care, Chilli.

[Chilli]

Thanks very much Downtown , appreciated.

l'll certainly take a look at that tonight when l've cleared my head a little.

We have so much on the good side , even more so than the first 15yrs with ex w.

And on the good side l feel as though l must be the luckiest guy in the world to have found something again even more so than ex and l and not only, but she's gorgeous.

l feel as though surely l could never be lucky to get a 3rd chance in life now at something so mind blowing, if it doesn't work out.

 

The problem is though, her bad side not only is just reckless and damn upsetting but it's also really messing with my head and has since day one.

l found a way of sort of laughing it off and stirring her up a bit for a long time there and believe it or not we'd usually get back on track and she'd end up laughing about it.

But , it's not always that easy and sometimes she's just way too extreme for that.

The other night , which is what brought this on, again, we'd been full of so much between us,so much of everything,just beautiful for a few wks now. Yet something had popped up for her the other day and of course l tried to help and make her feel better.

But she absolutely flew of into one of her things abusing me and saying l didn't know wtf l was talking about, it went on and on for hours. l couldn't have been more sympathetic though. l may not have got it right but l was there for her and l tried.

 

Another time , and this was only a few days after we actually met.

She said l was wobbling about her and flew of into one.

Well , we'd both just been through a divorce and we'd only met 3 days, of course l was cautious l admitted that. But willing.

But she wrote me this crazy one page email thing all in block letters, saying she wants a man like this she wants a man like that , she wants a man that'll take a bullet for her.

It went on and on.

l showed that to a professor mate of mine that's a pretty bright bloke and he said holy hell run man run. Maybe he was right. That was 12mths ago and l must admit , man l've been through a few of them with her since.

 

l've worried day one her history could be telling me everything.

She's 48 , divorced early 20s, he hates her, had a son with him and she's never lived with the son and he hates her.

Then a 5yr thing with a new guy, he left.

And then a 9yr thing with another guy and he left and apparently the last 3 yrs of that was really bad. She say's it was him him him but tbh through so much she's told me about it and from what l've dealt with just on her bad side, l'd actually say he just wound up hating her by the way he acted in the end. He certainly hates her now whatever happened, that's for sure.

 

The weirdest thing is, normally she can be such a funny and beautifully passionate person, brilliant to talk to and so much fun.

Yet she can go off like a shot gun.

Damn waste.

Edited February 26, 2017 by Chilli

[Downtown]

The weirdest thing is, normally she can be such a funny and beautifully passionate person, brilliant to talk to and so much fun.

Yet she can go off like a shot gun. Damn waste.

Chilli, if she exhibits strong BPD traits, that wonderful passionate side is exactly what you should expect. BPDers (i.e., those with strong traits) exude a childlike passion, purity of expressions, exuberance, and spontaneity that makes them very easy to fall in love with.

 

Indeed, two of the world's most beloved women -- Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana -- both exhibited full-blown BPD if their biographers are correct. I therefore will be interested in hearing your response as to how many of the 18 BPD warning signs sound very familiar.

 

I caution that, if her rages are often triggered by anyone (e.g., other drivers on the freeway), you are describing red flags for IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder). In contrast, with nearly all BPDers, the only people who trigger their rages typically are their partners or very close friends or family members. BPDers have great fears of abandonment and engulfment.

 

Those fears can be triggered only by people who have drawn close. They usually are not triggered by casual friends, business associates, clients, or total strangers because there is no close R/S that can be abandoned -- and no intimacy to cause the suffocating feeling of being engulfed.

Edited February 26, 2017 by Downtown

[Chilli]

Chilli, if she exhibits strong BPD traits, that wonderful passionate side is exactly what you should expect. BPDers (i.e., those with strong traits) exude a childlike passion, purity of expressions, exuberance, and spontaneity that makes them very easy to fall in love with.

 

Wow, would you believe you just described her to a T right there. lf l had your vocabulary that would be exactly how l'd describe her.

Her good side is soooooo lovable.

And she's incredibly spontaneous, talking by the second here. Like a little kid popping all over the place as their brain darts and weaves every which way with ideas and enthusiasm.

Sometimes l'd laugh and say babe wth, 2 seconds ago you wanted to do that, now you wanna do this. She'll say soooo, l've changed my mind.Then she'll go back again or onto something totally different again,all 3 in minutes.

 

Anyway l'll surely let you know about the rest and thanks again Downtown.

[bluefeather]

And she's incredibly spontaneous, talking by the second here. Like a little kid popping all over the place as their brain darts and weaves every which way with ideas and enthusiasm.

Sometimes l'd laugh and say babe wth, 2 seconds ago you wanted to do that, now you wanna do this. She'll say soooo, l've changed my mind.Then she'll go back again or onto something totally different again,all 3 in minutes.

 

That used to describe someone I was deeply in love with. I no longer find those traits attractive in a romantic partner. It's a strange realization. Kind of sobering.

[Chilli]

Welllllll , just read all of that.

But first l'd like to add to that the crazy is just an expression , l don't mean it literally although a few in that forum pm'd me saying she was crazy but again l think more as just an expression, acting a bit crazy but not as in actually crazy crazy.

 

Anyway, pretty well all of those Downtown and many to extreme actually.

 

1 . about as black and white as you could get.

sees and hears nothing else once she thinks something.

2. a definite tick

3. tick , very controlling , and no one except me or her mum gets into her world.

4. tick. extremely entitled and double standard.

5. tick, exactly .

6, not sure , does love a bit of drama but whether the issue is genuine or not, sometimes hard to tell.

7. not sure, she can actually be extremely arrogant but with her man history, she could def' also hide low esteem, no one could blame her she's had a helluva run whatever ever the causes. .

8. tick , exactly , she can fly off in seconds, no matter how good things were a minute ago and they do actually last a few hours . usually then she starts to soften up again.

10. tick. she is very victom'ish- all men have been *******s and her sitch is 10 times worse than mine even though we were together 20yrs and have a daughter involved and a house and finances.

11. tick . zero impulse control although she is very careful with money and food.

But sexually, convo, thoughts, it's a minute by minute thing.

12, tick , always claims the ex's were abusive, she was perfect , but she loves the way l treat her.

13- a sort of tick. She's said we're soul mates since day one because of all our bizarre idiosyncrasies and has sent me dozens of things about it.

But at the same time nope if she doesn't like something l'm the first to know

14.... 50/50 but some.

15, mostly tick. loves me being there and most views but if she disagrees look out.

16. tick. exactly. Work and phone friends that don't really know her , but no one, no one , except me and her mum, are allowed to her place or to hang out with her in RL.

17- 50/50 with women , she's all for the girls and as nice a s pie , gentle , understanding, supportive, all agreeing , but def not with guys.

18- tick. Exactly . Her way or the HWY.

Edited February 26, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

l feel a little bad about going into so much detail with those answers because if she knew it would really ,really , upset her. and l still care deeply for her .

l just don't know if l can or should even try dealing with this stuff anymore so l was hoping the detail might help.

 

There is a couple of things though after reading some of your links further.

And yeah , she def' makes me feel a bit crazy at times , simply trying to make sense or deal with some her twists and thinking, about flips.

 

But you know ,l'm not sure if she actually purposely starts any of this stuff. it seems to more so just come about, in some sort of tangle we'll get into every few wks,

it use to be every few days and some were my fault but l'm happy to say at least we have both been conscious of it and talked a lot about misunderstandings and we've both worked at all that and come a long long way we think.

Rebels and yours seem to just go looking for it and starting it and rebels seemed to just basically treat him like sh@t all round.

Mine is nothing like that, she treats me like a God actually and tells me also many many beautiful things she adores.

She also really looks after me too and will happily spoil me rotten and do all sorts of special treats.

That's basically her day in and out really , she is very very loving usually.

Most of any trouble only start if we end up in a bt of a tangle and they can flare up from there.

That's really the only time actually she'll get nasty and throw logic out the window.

The thing with mine is , it doesn't take much and when she does go off , she goes off.

 

But it will still just flare up if she doesn't agree with what l've said about something, especially if it's about something she's said.She gets very serious instantly and start twisting, or hurling accusations, or basically going from adoring me and me being the love of her life to someone that has no clue and no logic in the world will change it, she'll go extremely black and white and one minded- hers

 

She is also just basically a loner too by nature too so l wouldn't be sure if the questions about friends and people really apply to her.

One thing that's always worried me is what she might do or fly off about around other people like my family or a few friends.

 

As far as abandonment , that's actually how she describes her ex's. As if they just turned and abandoned her and it's a huge huge thing for her.

We've talked a lot about that stuff too and in this last few mths l've really tried to step it up and show her that l'm not wavering and there has been big changes in her but,,,, something goes wrong and she can still back flip in seconds non the less and as bad and rudely as ever.

 

Tbh , l'd basically given up again this last few days but ,,, again, wondering if there is something. Mainly because the goods are just so damn rare and mind blowing. l do love her to bits and she's about the most loving person you can get on good days and we've made all sorts of plans.

But unfortunately l also often do feel that l might have no choice but to walk away.

And then l read in one of your links that this stuff is usually too serious for a partner and really requires yrs with a professional.

There's no way in hell she'd do that though

Edited February 26, 2017 by Chilli

[Downtown]

Welllllll , just read all of that.... Anyway, pretty well all of those Downtown and many to extreme actually.

Chilli, you identify 12 of the 18 BPD warning signs as being strong. Moreover, based on what you've said here, it sounds to me like three others may be strong too. Below, I explain why you may want to reconsider those three behavioral traits.

 

6, not sure , does love a bit of drama but whether the issue is genuine or not, sometimes hard to tell.

Chilli, I suggest you reconsider this one. You say that she has a strong trait of flipping on a dime from adoring you to devaluing you -- and then flipping back just as quickly -- over very minor issues. You also say that she throws temper tantrums and hissy fits over minor differences of opinion. People who do that are frequently creating lots of drama.

 

7. not sure, she can actually be extremely arrogant but with her man history, she could def' also hide low esteem, no one could blame her she's had a helluva run whatever ever the causes.

Arrogance does not rule out low self esteem. On the contrary, it is common for people having low self esteem to try to hide it by behaving arrogantly.

 

13- a sort of tick. She's said we're soul mates since day one because of all our bizarre idiosyncrasies and has sent me dozens of things about it. But at the same time nope if she doesn't like something l'm the first to know.

This one sounds like a strong tick to me. You are reluctant to count this one as a strong trait because she is quick to disagree with you. Please keep in mind, however, that this warning sign is "Mirroring your personality and preferences so perfectly during the courtship...." BPDers typically stop the mirroring following the courtship period because, when their infatuation starts evaporating, their two fears return and you will start triggering them. The result is that there will be many days when she will be devaluing you and abusing you, if she is a BPDer. Significantly, a BPDer feels like she is "your soulmate" only while splitting you white, not while splitting you black.

[Chilli]

Thanks again Downtown.

l'm wondering if a lot of these traits can just a part of a personality too.

The problem is she's so hard to explain.

For instance , l def' wouldn't say she mirrors me,very much her own person.

Or for example we even chuckle at how 50/50 we are, so opposite yet so alike. And most alikes just sort of turn out that way not really things you could fake.But we both mention differences too and she won't pretend, it's just not her. So l'm not sure how big the mirroring part is in BPD but l def' woudn't say she mirrors.

 

Another what looks like very big part of it, the changing later once the honeymoons over. l just couldn't see because she's so consistent normally. The flip on a coin is usually only if we get into a disagreement.

Other ways are just changing her mind , thinks or wants this one minute 2 seconds later that , 10mins later anything. Italian maybe ?

 

The nastys are often ex's related when l think about it too ,she's very sensitive about her ex and went through hell. Yet she knows l disagree with some of her thinking on it and that does hurt her bc l think she needs to believe things about him because it got her through the break up.

And her son , they've been shaky for years and she carries a ton of guilt about it . Or things about my ex but thats understandable l think. Although getting nasty, is uncalled for but could it just be defensiveness.? She is very touchy on all those.

 

But she's actually not bad on just everyday things though like she's a veterinarian but l'm not living on rabbit food and she laughs about that as too most everyday stuff when l think about it. Keeps the house spotless but l hurl stuff everywhere which she often stirs me about.So some she's actually pretty good about.

 

l guess a lot of that sounds like excuses but no the relationships on the line right now so l'm just trying to get a grip on all this.

Edited March 1, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Thinking more , she's such a mix and an extremely unique person, that it's near impossible to pin it all down let alone into words.Also being 70% a LTR at the moment, if only we were together more , to tell better.

 

Some would def' call that side of her a real b@tch though, at the very least and l have myself plenty of times that's for sure.

 

We haven't spoken for a wk now and l'm trying to figure out just where too from here.

Something about her ex turned up and really upset her but when l tried to help she took things l said totally wrong and started turning and twisting and coming out with crazy sh@t.

ln the end l gave her some back and then told her l can't trust her and l'm gonna think about whether l want this.

l know she's waiting for me, but l just don't know bc of that stuff in her.

 

Damn shame , we'd had a mth or so of absolute heaven before that and were making all sorts of plans, things were just beautiful. So much to throw away.

 

Anyone else got any thoughts ?

Edited March 1, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Just a note

Edited March 5, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Ooops, sorry about that.

Anyway just for anyone following or whatever.

After finishing all the articles and stories l do see huge differences in my gf to any of that l must admit and although yeah she is pretty hot blooded at times and does carry a lot of the traits in the list, compared it's actually nothing, man some of those were downright scary.

Thankfully she is absolutely nothing like those extremes and quite minor compared.

l'm starting to think also it's as much her nationality and language differences as anything too, after a yarn with my brother last night who's wife is the same nationality, their ways, as much anything. plus gf's ex factors. She does have trust problems no doubt but they are improving.

 

She also does work on things and issues too, quite a lot actually which l also didn't see any of in the info and stories.

And over all she is a very loving and giving and does put a helluva a lot into us which is another thing l didn't see much of.

Funny thing though, my brother reckons ahh, it becomes quite funny after awhile, it's just how they function. Said her whole family is the same and it's not personal but they do blow of steam. It was bloody funny actually the way he said it. He's sounds a lot worse than mine, but in quite a funny way.

 

Anyway we've talked a lot just in the last few days and considering , l'm happy to say we're soldering on andddd, see how things go.

Edited March 5, 2017 by Chilli

[Downtown]

Chilli, as I said in TheGirthMachine's thread, I'm very glad to hear that you believe your GF's BPD traits are only mild to moderate. The fears underlying strong BPD traits are so painful and self destructive that BPD is something I would not wish on my worst enemy.

[Chilli]

Thanks DT .

But yeah all l can say is gf does have some things , but it is different from those stories and also nowhere near as severe.

 

 

And actually here is something from just today actually , but it's one that l can explain here , most l couldn''t , so l'll give this a go,

.And mind you in telling this , the really bizarre thing is that we've had this amazing connection in all sorts of the chart ways , since day one, yet this sort of thing happens. And it'll sound ridiculous and petty but believe me , with her these little things can blow up into world war 3.

And there's usually nothing you can say or do , she won't take it in.

 

The first one was , and this wa safter we'd been talking all morning , 5hours or so.

her, how's the weather there this wk anyway?

me , ahh still hot but it's actually first wk of autumn now .

her , ahh and then winter , not far off now hey.

me , yeah 4ths or so .

her , wtf are you talking about , what's 4mths ?

me, winter

her . oh.

you see anyone would know what the 4mths was after saying that, but that was her response - wtf are you talking about, what's 4mths ?

She does that alllllll the time and it can actually turn turn into a fight and in the end her accusing me of god knows what. All bc she couldn't follow the convo. and often a convo she started.

 

Then another one later.

She's moving in a week right.

She says , oh man l've been reading reports about my new apartment, l didn't see these before. l'm really worry about this there's even been a few rapes there, robberies.

me , -- trying to make her feel better , l say babe ahh, don't worry too much about reports.

there's bad reports about everything out there in internet land now. 1/2 the time it's just bored people b@tching .

her- ,yeah that's true , god l hope your right chilli , this stuff has really got me freaked.

me , ahh look babe , l wouldn't worry just yet. Besides they actually fairly posh apartments really and they've got security gates, cameras the works.

your old place had none none of that it's just all open but you've been fine there , no trouble at all.

her- wtf are you saying , my old place is a dive , wtf , there's nothing wrong with my old place , gee thanks a lot chilli , that real fkg nice.

me , babe , what are you on about all l tried to say was that the new place has all this security so l wouldn't worry about those reports.

her , bullsh2t your hanging it on my old place. l always knew you hate dthis place . that's a really low blow chilli , wtf are you being like this for.

me. babe , l'm not being like anything , l was only trying to make you feel better.

her , bullsh@t you were running this place dpwn l knew you didn't like it .

Andddddd , would you believe that lead to all sorts of stuff and went on another half an hour , no matter what l said.

which l won;t ramble on any further with , but stuff like this , is exactly what keeps happening with her.

Totally innocent comments just blown up into something and she'll get mean from there too and start insulting .

 

And that's our thing. She's about the most loving person you will ever meet . we can talk till the sun comes up or for wks on end.

But silly little things like this can flare up out of no where with her and there's no way to explain once she gets wound up , what you damn well meant in the first place.

l dunno if it's language or paranoid or defensiveness or what it is but she will end up going off her nut with stuff like this and accusing me and then dragging up other things and the aggression will just blow up .

Silly little things , just like this , can start a damn war .

Edited March 6, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

And then a day later or whenever the dust settles,

lt'll come out that she thinks it was all my fault and l was being an *******.

 

And l'll say but babe , l didn't even raise my voice. l was trying to calm you down.You started you think l insulted your place but all l tried to do was make you feel better about the new place .

Then you got all aggressive and started throwing bullsh2p and insulting me.

And l was still trying to calm you down.

Her , oh whatever, l'm sick of talking about this !!!!!!!! .

 

But then she'll do the exact same thing a day or a wk later. She doesn't go looking to start fights but she;; sort of click into defensive mode or something like that over the stupidest things.

Then she'll blame me again.

Edited March 6, 2017 by Chilli

[Downtown]

Chilli, as we discussed earlier, you again are describing classic symptoms of BPD behavior, which we all exhibit to some degree. Despite its name, BPD symptoms do NOT describe a disorder or disease itself. Rather, they describe only a pattern of behavioral symptoms that all humans exhibit to some degree. When you see that particular pattern of behavior, you are seeing BPD traits by definition -- i.e., that group of behaviors, by definition, is called "BPD."

 

As to whether you're seeing strong and persistent BPD traits, I cannot help you with that. I've never met the woman. I therefore am trying to help you learn how to spot BPD warning signs so you are able to decide -- for yourself -- whether you're seeing a strong and persistent pattern.

 

In that regard, I have two major concerns. One is that you're seeing all of these red flags so early in a relationship that is not only short (12 months) but also long distance. This makes me wonder how much worse her behavior may be once the infatuation period has subsided and once you two are actually living together -- at which point you likely will be triggering her fears far more frequently.

 

My other concern -- one that I share with you -- is her troubled history with a string of exBFs who hate her. You state:

l've worried day one

her history could be telling me everything

. She's 48 , divorced early 20s, he hates her, had a son with him and

she's never lived with the son and he hates her

.... And then a 9yr thing with another guy.... He certainly hates her now whatever happened, that's for sure.

Are you saying that even her own bio-son hates her? Or is that son her step-son? Why has she "never lived with the son"?

[Chilli]

And l appreciate it to thank DT.

l certainly see a lot of the symptoms and as l say the check list.

But just going on the stories she doesn't do most of things those partners do and the few she does do are much milder, so far.

like these things l just described seem like child play compared to those but they are a pain non the less.

But it never seems to happen in person , she gets everything and very easily.

So l do often put those things down to the whole LD thing especially of we were texting.

But never the less she shouldn't react the way she does.

l've been trying the patient approach lately but admittedly it doesn't seem to help much.

 

Later, living together, yep also def; something l've thought a lot about as we can only get 2 and 3wk stints together so far. But l do wonder and have gathered mentally lots of little things in convos about ex's too.

Another thing is that she's perfectionist fussy and yet also very impatient and that combo alone can be really bad news to l know,add a fairly short fuse and yep, l've thought about it alright and it has sounded like ex's had a lot of trouble with that stuff.

The ex situation, yeah, also a worry. Although l only have her version but they def' do not sound too keen that is for sure.

 

The son, yeah her bio son. She left in Italy with her parents while she went to the states to study. But he didn't wanna leave Italy later to come live with her.

And again it's a little hard to tell for sure but l think he resents her, although l wouldn't admit that too her as it'd only upset her of course but he does. Why apart from being left with the parents, l do think he has a lot of trouble with her personally too.

last time she went home though, he's 26 now, and yet again she did invite him back to live with her but he first said yes but then there was a big fight and he later said no. He did look like he was making an effort with her for a few days but sadly, it turned nasty in the end.

 

l do feel really bad with myself having concerns about her relationship history because l guess anyone can just plain old be unlucky in love or have ex trouble, but l also must admit hers does sound like a bit of a worry.

Edited March 6, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Although too , there's a few things l also should mention in all fairness.

 

She was all booked and packed to come over again about 7wks ago. We were sooooo looking forward to it and things had been beautiful for mths and we were so exited.

But, l had to cancel her trip last minute. l 'd just bought a house and l have a business too but things hit the fan everywhere at work and l just couldn't take the time off in the end and there wasn't a damn thing l could do about it.

Felt so guilty and she's been really downhearted and a a bit niggley since. It really upset her.

 

But she's also just sold her place and she's in the middle of moving to the other side of the country too.So she's been under a lot of stress with all that as well.

But there's more to that. A big part of moving so far is so that she's 6 hours closer to me and so it's a lot easier to come over from there.

The plan was she could come and go a lot easier then until she can get another transfer and move over here in 12-18mths time.

 

God , anyone would've been a pain in the ass, that's huge stuff.

Edited March 6, 2017 by Chilli

[Downtown]

The son, yeah her bio son. She left in Italy with her parents while she went to the states to study. But he didn't wanna leave Italy later to come live with her.

How old was her son when she left him behind? In his late teens? I ask because it would extremely unusual for a mother to willingly leave a child in Italy so she can do studies in the States. I can see someone doing that, however, if the son is nearly out of high school and doesn't want to move away from his friends.

[Chilli]

Yeah right. His 26 now but he was only 2 or 3 when she moved over to study.

We haven't talked about his early yrs much but she's in the airlines and flies everywhere for 2 and 3 day stints but was also offered a very high position early in with her company in the states and that all had a lot to do with things too later on as he wouldn't leave Italy.

She has asked and asked for years now and actually again just a few wks ago, but he still won't leave.

One of the big issues she has with him is also that he won't work. And living with his grand parents he can get away with it.

We're hoping he isn't dealing on the side but admittedly l think he is.

 

But again l really should stress that although she sure does have her quirks and perks she is on average a brilliant and loving person also.

And guts, never known a girl with so much guts, blows you away over and over again and so do her good sides which admittedly , even with her down times, are still in abundance.

 

She's a funny mix, near impossible to put into words.

Edited March 7, 2017 by Chilli

[Downtown]

[Her son] was only 2 or 3 when she moved over to study.

Chilli, when she moved 5,000 miles away from her 3 year old son, how long was she gone? Was she attending a 2-week class in the States? Or was she abandoning her son for years?

[Chilli]

No she became a pilot and was flying a lot too but there is more to it which l can't say too much about here.

But a psycho crim x H and in with very nasty people. He abused and was threatening her and the son which went on for years. They were living in the states then and she took him to Italy for protection.

 

But yeah, l see where your coming from but sadly,there's a lot more to it. And unfortunately, the son couldn't be told so he blames his mum, but if only he knew.

Edited March 7, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

But here's a small piece of progress.

She apologized the other night for going off a bit and l said thanks babe that's appreciated.

But you know,if you think l've said something bad will you bloody ask me about it first next time.

She says yeah love, good idea, l promise

[Chilli]

Downtown , l was just reading more and l completely forgot the abandonment thing which seems to be at the core of BPD.

And you see , this is yet another part in this that just doesn't quite fit with gf. yet it seems to be at the core of it with the others,

 

Because you bet , she doesn't want another guy effg off on her but on that front , she's still all systems go , that's not really a worry. She wouldn't be with just anyone but with us she has been right through because of the freaky good sides.

And yeah she does need to know and believe that l will always love her and that l truly do love her , you bet , but then most women would at this age, they don't wanna end up in another bs thing.

 

But there aren't many things with her that actually stem from that. Most of her things come from stuff like her impatient side or the fact the 1/2 our relationship is online and things can be very easily messed up or misunderstood , especially when she already speaks 3 languages, plus she also has her Ferrari side as she calls it and l'm from another country again too.

That doesn't happen in person though , she knows what l'm saying before finish it and we just flow like water.

And yes , she does have a paranoid edge but again most women her age do and that is better and better the more secure she feels about how l feel . So is her impatient side.

She calls it my wobbling and she admits that if l do start wobbling about us , that's when she does get thrown into a spin and it is true.

But really , who could blame her.

She hasn't faded or wobbled on me once though, not once , even when we've had a fight or a big let down like her visiting, even about the distance and moves and hurdles we;d face, she holds dead true, never budges.

 

So again , l'm not quite sure because yeah she ticks a lot of boxes but again the rest just doesn't line up.

Edited March 8, 2017 by Chilli