Guy's vs. women's expereience with OLD flakes

[SevenCity]

I've been finding a lot of women flake out on me on OLD (stop responding after I responded to their first message, agree to setup a date and stop texting, etc.) and I'm curious as to the experiences with flakes from men vs. women.

 

As a man I am entertaining all possibilities with OLD and will keep conversations / dates going with other girls even if better ones come along (as they may flake as well).

 

I assume they are no longer interested / found someone they like better when they flake. But I'm curious as to why they keep you matched in their profile?

 

So I had some questions:

 

• Are you a man or a woman?
  
• How often do you have people flake (stop responding in the middle of a conversation, etc.)?
  
• Do you flake on people? What are your primary reasons?
  
• If you have lost interest for whatever reason, do you still keep them in your "match" queue or just delete / block them? If so, why?
  

 

 

I'm not butt hurt at all - just curious. I get the impression that women may like to see a long list of guys in their profile with which they have matched. I have some recent Bumble examples of what I consider flakes and am open to the idea that I've done something wrong:

 

 

Girl 1: "Hi! How are you!"

Me: "Hi Girl 1! I'm doing great. How are you? What part of X are you from?

Girl 1: "I'm well thanks. I'm in X part, where are you located?"

Me: I'm in Y. What type of X career do you do for a living? I have friends who do X career as well"

- silence

 

 

Girl 2: "Hey! How are you?"

Me: "Hey Girl 2! I'm doing great - how about you?"

Girl 2: "I'm doing well. How was your week? Do you live in X?"

Me: "My week was good thanks. How about yours? Yes, I live in X where about are you?

Girl 2: "My week was good. I live in X too. Do you work here as well?"

Me: "Glad to hear it. Yes, I work in X as well. Hey you're pretty close - let me know if you like to meet up for a drink this week".

- silence

 

 

I could go on but you get the point.

 

 

 

Again, not looking for "She's not that into you" I get that. What I'm curious about is why go back and forth with the convo and / or setup a date then flake? And why keep me "matched" if she's no longer interested?

 

I understand this is part of OLD but I find that it makes me less interested in doing it and I don't take any of them seriously anymore.

 

And I should state that I am not opposed to meeting IRL - I just don't run into women I like during my daily routine. I'm just more curious about the behavior - that and if I'm doing something wrong I'm open to learning.

[Gaeta]

• Are you a man or a woman?
  

I am a woman

 

 

 

 

 

 

• How often do you have people flake (stop responding in the middle of a conversation, etc.)
  

Rarely

 

 

• Do you flake on people? What are your primary reasons?
  

No I did not. I told them I didn't think we were compatible and went on my way.

 

 

• If you have lost interest for whatever reason, do you still keep them in your "match" queue or just delete / block them? If so, why?
  

No, I did not keep them. When I was online I had 1 mission and it was to find a mate for a serious relationship. I had no place in my life to entertain loose ends.

 

 

 

 

 

That being said I know most women online do not act like I did. I did my online dating with the most integrity I could. I did not lie, did not mislead, did not flake or ghost. I know I am not the norm.

[Weezy1973]

I'm a male. Did OLD for over a decade. I don't consider anyone flaking until a first meet has actually been set up. Before that, I don't have any expectations as people are doing OLD for so many different reasons, only one of which is to actually date people...

 

And just keep multi-dating - to me that was the key. You don't get overly invested in the early stages of dating and so aren't to concerned when people lose interest because there's always someone else around the corner.

[Shanex]

 

[*]Are you a man or a woman?

 

[*]How often do you have people flake (stop responding in the middle of a conversation, etc.)?

 

[*]Do you flake on people? What are your primary reasons?

 

[*]If you have lost interest for whatever reason, do you still keep them in your "match" queue or just delete / block them? If so, why?

 

Man.

 

The numbers are almost unbelievable. Probably 80% or so. It usually follow the same path as what you've described as examples in your OP. Now why do they flake? They either dislike my profession, my location, or grass is always greener and some other hotter dude came along. Or their appartement blew up in a gas leak.

 

I rarely do. The reason I'd ''flake'' is primary because she has no conversation or the other way around: She talks a lot online and doesn't seem interested in a real date.

 

No. I delete the convo, unless the person stalk my profile or is being annoying then yes I block her.

[love4me1991]

I am a woman. I flake a lot to be honest. I usually only go on OLD apps when I am bored . Sometimes it is a bit of a confidence boost, sometimes I'll go on when I'm feeling down . ie just out of seeing somebody/ getting out of a relationship

[SevenCity]

Ok so far it looks like I'm not alone here. I would say 80% sounds about right in the flake ratio.

 

I guess with Bumble forcing the woman to reach out in 24 hours (or lose the connection) they send a message to keep you in the queue and then once you respond you are there until you unmatch.

 

I've gone through with dates even if I didn't want to for two reasons 1) you never know, 2) If I say I'm going to do something I do it.

 

I know that most people likely are not like that. But in talking to women I find that guys don't flake on them as much as women do to men. I attribute this to being one message among hundreds in her queue.

 

What's funny is in my age range women often say they want kids and a family yet they are flaking like crazy and running out of their biological clock time

[smackie9]

Like most people these women are messaging more than one guy at the same time. And like most who use OLD are instantly weighing their options in a sea of options. It is what it is.

[SoThatHappened]

I am a woman. I flake a lot to be honest. I usually only go on OLD apps when I am bored . Sometimes it is a bit of a confidence boost, sometimes I'll go on when I'm feeling down . ie just out of seeing somebody/ getting out of a relationship

These ^^^

... are the EXACT reasons why I've found women to flake on OLD.

 

- They're FRESH out of a relationship

- They're bored

- They're looking for an ego-boost

 

There you go. Asked, and answered.

[SevenCity]

I am a woman. I flake a lot to be honest. I usually only go on OLD apps when I am bored . Sometimes it is a bit of a confidence boost, sometimes I'll go on when I'm feeling down . ie just out of seeing somebody/ getting out of a relationship

 

I think a lot of women do this to alleviate their insecurities / boredom. Too bad as it gives the few good ones a bad name - it's hard not to group them all like time wasters when most are.

 

I wonder how many guys do this? I'm sure there are some but I don't think the number would be as high.

[SevenCity]

Like most people these women are messaging more than one guy at the same time. And like most who use OLD are instantly weighing their options in a sea of options. It is what it is.

 

I think most women have a sea of options, most guys have a puddle

 

I was going back and forth with this one and we were trying to setup time to speak on the phone. This went on for weeks and she disappeared.

 

A few months later she texted me (presumably after things didn't work out with whomever) and asked if it was ok to text me again. After a week or so of that she finally said she's "too busy" now. Lol!

 

I didn't care but found it amusing.

[GemmaUK]

I'd have to state about 3 different scennrios to answer this.

 

1. Me having been a newbie to OLD.

2. Me not being a newbie.

3. Difference in my age when I was off and on OLD.

4. What was going on for me in my life when I was on OLD.

 

The responses vary quite a lot.

[kendahke]

I think most women have a sea of options, most guys have a puddle.

 

Up to a certain age, then this reverses.

[Gaeta]

I did not deal with a lot of flaky men while online because:

 

Right from a first conversation if the person

 

* was out of a relationship

* had just created a profile

* was not looking for the same as I

* was not available to meet within the next few days

 

I dropped them right away.

 

The common denominator to all people on here is giving too many benefits of the doubt.

 

She is not a good conversationalist, she is shy, she is afraid, she wants to get to know you more, she is busy, she does not respond promptly: Gentleman ALL these women should be dropped on the spot.

[SevenCity]

Up to a certain age, then this reverses.

 

60's? 70's?

 

I'm 45 and dating 35 - 45. It certainly has not reversed.

[SevenCity]

I'd have to state about 3 different scennrios to answer this.

 

1. Me having been a newbie to OLD.

2. Me not being a newbie.

3. Difference in my age when I was off and on OLD.

4. What was going on for me in my life when I was on OLD.

 

The responses vary quite a lot.

 

Please share.

[SevenCity]

I did not deal with a lot of flaky men while online because:

 

Right from a first conversation if the person

 

* was out of a relationship

* had just created a profile

* was not looking for the same as I

* was not available to meet within the next few days

 

I dropped them right away.

 

The common denominator to all people on here is giving too many benefits of the doubt.

 

She is not a good conversationalist, she is shy, she is afraid, she wants to get to know you more, she is busy, she does not respond promptly: Gentleman ALL these women should be dropped on the spot.

 

You are coming from a woman's perspective. From a guy's perspective this would lead to zero dates. We do not have limitless options to chose from.

[Gaeta]

You are coming from a woman's perspective. From a guy's perspective this would lead to zero dates. We do not have limitless options to chose from.

 

You will not run out of women to date. Unless you live in Nunavut. There is actually more women online than men.

[SevenCity]

You will not run out of women to date. Unless you live in Nunavut. There is actually more women online than men.

 

I don't doubt there are more women online then men. But the sheer numbers women get vs. men is considerably more.

 

It's hard to understand unless you've experienced it. I might get one match every week or every other week. I'm not a bad looking guy either.

 

Weren't you the one who said your daughter put up your profile and you got a match in 3 minutes? Ask how many guys get that.

 

I'm not saying they are all great, but it allows you to be a lot more selective.

[Dis]

I am a woman. I flake a lot to be honest. I usually only go on OLD apps when I am bored . Sometimes it is a bit of a confidence boost, sometimes I'll go on when I'm feeling down . ie just out of seeing somebody/ getting out of a relationship

 

Seriously lacking in integrity, respect, character and substance

 

I dont feel bad for the men you end up passing on, they should consider themselves lucky

[Gr8fuln2020]

Once a time, place has been agreed upon, I've never had anyone flake nor have I flaked. The closet I've come to being flaked on was when we had agreed to meet, but no particulars were talked about. She said that she'd get back to me and 'definitely' setup a date and asked which days/hours I was free, but nothing. I don't count that.

[Philosopher]

Man here. I only consider it flaking if we have both agreed to meet up. On this basis, I rarely get flakes, probably only one in ten women on average. I have never flaked. There have been a few times when I have been tempted to do so though, typically when it either seems obvious they have little interest in meeting up or that we do not have that much in common. The reason I have not flaked is mainly as I hate it when people flake on me.

 

Using the wider definition of flaking when someone stops responding after messages have been exchanged, then I would say the majority of women will flake on me. Much of the time it is obvious. If they reply to your initial message with a one liner and do not ask any questions, then they will probably will stop responding. However sometimes I find they stop replying out of the blue. I sometimes stop replying during the conversation prior to suggesting meeting up, but do not do it that often. I will normally only do it if their replies suggest they are not interested, e.g they reply with a one liner and do not ask any questions.

 

For the final question, sometimes I will delete the conversation if one of us stops replying, sometimes I will leave it. If they flaked after a date had been agreed I will usually delete the conversation.

[anduina]

Are you a man or a woman?

Woman.

How often do you have people flake (stop responding in the middle of a conversation, etc.)?

None.

Do you flake on people? What are your primary reasons?

Yes. Because they say something that either offends or freaks/creeps me out and I'm a bit concerned that if it's courteously ended, they will become abusive.

If you have lost interest for whatever reason, do you still keep them in your "match" queue or just delete / block them? If so, why?

No.

[rushed]

Girl 1: "Hi! How are you!"

Me: "Hi Girl 1! I'm doing great. How are you? What part of X are you from?

Girl 1: "I'm well thanks. I'm in X part, where are you located?"

Me: I'm in Y. What type of X career do you do for a living? I have friends who do X career as well"

- silence

 

 

Girl 2: "Hey! How are you?"

Me: "Hey Girl 2! I'm doing great - how about you?"

Girl 2: "I'm doing well. How was your week? Do you live in X?"

Me: "My week was good thanks. How about yours? Yes, I live in X where about are you?

Girl 2: "My week was good. I live in X too. Do you work here as well?"

Me: "Glad to hear it. Yes, I work in X as well. Hey you're pretty close - let me know if you like to meet up for a drink this week".

- silence

 

I've had these conversations. In the first one I stopped replying because the guy was just too far away (usually I'll say that, though).

 

In the second convo I've disappeared because the guy asked me out immediately instead of trying to get to know me first.

 

Other reasons I could see dropping the convo is that it's pretty bland. The guy is just going through basic talk and there's nothing to make him stick out (like charm or humor). When a woman is talking to several others it's important to try to stand out in some way.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I've been finding a lot of women flake out on me on OLD (stop responding after I responded to their first message, agree to setup a date and stop texting, etc.) and I'm curious as to the experiences with flakes from men vs. women.

 

As a man I am entertaining all possibilities with OLD and will keep conversations / dates going with other girls even if better ones come along (as they may flake as well).

 

I assume they are no longer interested / found someone they like better when they flake. But I'm curious as to why they keep you matched in their profile?

 

So I had some questions:

 

• Are you a man or a woman?
  
• How often do you have people flake (stop responding in the middle of a conversation, etc.)?
  
• Do you flake on people? What are your primary reasons?
  
• If you have lost interest for whatever reason, do you still keep them in your "match" queue or just delete / block them? If so, why?
  

 

 

I'm not butt hurt at all - just curious. I get the impression that women may like to see a long list of guys in their profile with which they have matched. I have some recent Bumble examples of what I consider flakes and am open to the idea that I've done something wrong:

 

 

Girl 1: "Hi! How are you!"

Me: "Hi Girl 1! I'm doing great. How are you? What part of X are you from?

Girl 1: "I'm well thanks. I'm in X part, where are you located?"

Me: I'm in Y. What type of X career do you do for a living? I have friends who do X career as well"

- silence

 

 

Girl 2: "Hey! How are you?"

Me: "Hey Girl 2! I'm doing great - how about you?"

Girl 2: "I'm doing well. How was your week? Do you live in X?"

Me: "My week was good thanks. How about yours? Yes, I live in X where about are you?

Girl 2: "My week was good. I live in X too. Do you work here as well?"

Me: "Glad to hear it. Yes, I work in X as well. Hey you're pretty close - let me know if you like to meet up for a drink this week".

- silence

 

 

I could go on but you get the point.

 

 

 

Again, not looking for "She's not that into you" I get that. What I'm curious about is why go back and forth with the convo and / or setup a date then flake? And why keep me "matched" if she's no longer interested?

 

I understand this is part of OLD but I find that it makes me less interested in doing it and I don't take any of them seriously anymore.

 

And I should state that I am not opposed to meeting IRL - I just don't run into women I like during my daily routine. I'm just more curious about the behavior - that and if I'm doing something wrong I'm open to learning.

 

I am male.

 

IF I get a response, they pull the disappearing act frequently at the mere suggesting of meeting and/or getting her #.

 

I don't flake, but had discontinued conversations with women that appeared to be catfishing or fake profiles.

 

I don't block them or anything, I just move on.

 

Recently, I actually had a woman go "dark" by completely deleting her OK Cupid profile while we were corresponding. Funny thing, I saw her popup in one of my local Meetup groups and figured I'd contact her there to surprise the heck out of her with, "Hey, small world! Funny meeting you here! ;-)"

 

I know of one woman that demanded that "I give my phone # when I am ready! I meet when I AM ready to meet!" Of course, after trying to respect her wishes, I moved on after 2 or 3 meet up requests and with her saying, "I'm not ready yet." to me all those times.

 

Of course, that may be seen as flaking on my part because I didn't want to be a pen-pal to her?

[Logo]

I've had these conversations. In the first one I stopped replying because the guy was just too far away (usually I'll say that, though).

 

In the second convo I've disappeared because the guy asked me out immediately instead of trying to get to know me first.

 

Other reasons I could see dropping the convo is that it's pretty bland. The guy is just going through basic talk and there's nothing to make him stick out (like charm or humor). When a woman is talking to several others it's important to try to stand out in some way.

 

If that's the case then is it safe to assume that you are more interested in a man for entertainment purposes, for amusement, than someone with whom you can have a meaningful conversation?

 

So right off the bat, you expect the man to be funny and amusing, instead of charming, mature and have good manners?