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Do we find people more attractive than they objectively are when we like them?


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Old 17th February 2017, 12:30 AM   #1
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Do we find people more attractive than they objectively are when we like them?

I was wondering if it was possible for you not to see people clearly and assess their real attractiveness sometimes. For example, I have liked this guy for four years (secretly). We are friendship and FB friends. He's one of the most attractive men I've ever seen. I think he must have girls all over him. I see him occasionally and we look at each other and that's it. I showed pictures of him from FB to my friends and they didn't see what I saw. They thought he was ugly. But he's just flawless to me. He's so perfect to me. Is it possible I am seeing through rose colored glasses? How is this possible ?
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Old 17th February 2017, 2:12 AM   #2
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beauty lies in the hands of the beholder"like they say.
though there are some people who are handsome ,beautiful and the biggest majority can agree on that,but those ppl are very rare to see apart from some celebs ofcourse.
about the like thing,it depends on what you liked first,was it there looks or personality?
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Old 17th February 2017, 6:20 AM   #3
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You are just infatuated at this point. Even the most good looking people will lose their appeal if there is no material in them except the looks. People who are perceived to be very attractive are usually without much content in them.
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Old 17th February 2017, 6:24 AM   #4
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When you care about someone, you see them with your heart as well as your eyes. One of my EXs was what we'll call chunky. To me he was sexy as hell even with the excess weight.
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Old 17th February 2017, 6:34 AM   #5
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There's not really any objectivity when it comes to attraction, so if he's attractive to you and not to your friends, it doesn't mean he's not objectively attractive - just that you and your friends have different tastes and are attracted to different things.

Totally normal, especially as attraction ebbs and flows depending on how well you know the person.
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Old 17th February 2017, 7:47 AM   #6
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How does one even "objectively" measure attractiveness? Whose opinion would be the gold standard?
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Old 17th February 2017, 9:08 AM   #7
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This goes to why on OLD sites folks mislead, women either hiding their pictures, or only posting face shots (weight) or men lying about their height, posting grossly outdated pics. They think “if they just get their foot in the door” folks will look past their flaws and love them for who they are…. No.
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Old 17th February 2017, 9:21 AM   #8
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For me, definitely. Sadly, I don't feel instant attraction. I can notice if someone is very attractive, but don't feel attracted to them, if that makes sense. It's one of the reasons OLD doesn't work for me, I'm not excited by anyone.

I need to get to know someone to feel attracted to them. I fall for their personality and how they make me feel. There are some people I've disregarded but the more I've got to know them, the more they've appealed to me. I'm sure there has to be some hidden physicality there but I couldn't tell you what it is. I usually get to know them as a friend and suddenly, usually after a dream haha, I realise I like them as more than a friend. Sadly, it usually takes too long, which is why I don't have many romantic interests!

Some of the guys I've fallen for in the past have been gorgeous! To me haha. According to others, they are objectively on the less attractive side. I still don't see it.
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Old 17th February 2017, 9:52 AM   #9
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Yes it's normal and thank godness otherwise we would all want the same guy. There is a saying in my language: He is so nice that it makes him handsome. That's what happen when I met my boyfriend for the first time, there was nothing physically wrong with him but not the man I'd have a second look at and now I think he is gorgeous and his smile turns me up side down.
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Old 17th February 2017, 10:54 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I was wondering if it was possible for you not to see people clearly and assess their real attractiveness sometimes. For example, I have liked this guy for four years (secretly). We are friendship and FB friends. He's one of the most attractive men I've ever seen. I think he must have girls all over him. I see him occasionally and we look at each other and that's it. I showed pictures of him from FB to my friends and they didn't see what I saw. They thought he was ugly. But he's just flawless to me. He's so perfect to me. Is it possible I am seeing through rose colored glasses? How is this possible ?
There is a line in a song from Disney's Cinderella that the Prince sang -- "Do I love you because you're beautiful or are you beautiful because I love you?"

When I first met my SO, I thought he was kinda cute, but now I find him to be very handsome and sexy

I had also met men who I thought were incredibly handsome . . . then they opened their mouths . . . ugh.
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Old 17th February 2017, 11:43 AM   #11
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I think both yes and no. Most people find a certain percentage of the population repulsive and another percentage of the population to be "head turners". But the majority are in between and it's personality that drives them either up or down in perceived attractiveness.
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Old 17th February 2017, 1:00 PM   #12
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Everybody is different to some extent on what they think is attractive. Sometimes if a person is interesting, they are more attractive to others. Sometimes people are attracted to someone who basically looks similar to themselves. Once in awhile, a person will have a subtle beauty that you will notice more once you see them in action up close.
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Old 18th February 2017, 1:39 PM   #13
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Attraction and thinking someone looks good are separate things for me.

Meaning that, there are people I may think look good objectively, but I am not attracted to them. I can see they look good, they have good features, they are pretty or handsome, but they do nothing for me. Therefore, I'm not really attracted to them.

Then the people I actually like, are people I am attracted to, sexually or otherwise I'm just drawn to them and usually end up thinking they are sexy or hot, and usually it's a combination of personality, intellect, other things that sometimes I can't even put a finger on, even if physically I would say they are not the most good looking.

That's part of liking people and why different kinds of people can be a match, because liking people/relationships/love/infatuation isn't just a physical thing and yes, I do think liking them or loving them changes how you see them or at least how you feel about their looks.
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Old 18th February 2017, 2:31 PM   #14
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Feelings absolutely affect attraction.

My ex wife is objectively physically attractive - almost very man would say she is attractive - but I am repulsed when I look at her. The only thing I see are her flaws. All her good features are devalued in my mind because of all the abuse I received from her.
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