asperger women?

[bradt93]

As a guy who has aspergers, do any of you know any women who has or not and have they been successful at relationships?

[basil67]

As a guy who has aspergers, do any of you know any women who has or not and have they been successful at relationships?

 

I have a handful of female aspie friends. All have found love and been married. That said, they all tend to lack the ability to recognise abusive behaviour of a spouse and get out of there quickly.

[ZayKayWill]

Just an FYI...Aspergers isn't in the DSM V anymore...as of now it's categorized into General Autism. So if anything, the girl has Autism Disorder not Aspergers. Aspergers just means you have trouble being social or communicating with people...pretty much it. I was diagnosed it when I was young, but I have literally no trouble making connections with people at all...never have really. So yeah. Some people still consider it a disorder, but basically it was taken out of the DSM V because to them it just doesn't make sense to diagnose people like that because think about it. Communication disorder...we're not born communicators. We learn to change our communication methods with people every day as we evolve. At least, some people do. Idk. If anything Aspergers could be labeled as a Level 1 type of Autism...but this would apply to so many people in that case. Here: https://www.verywell.com/does-asperger-syndrome-still-exist-259944

[basil67]

Aspergers just means you have trouble being social or communicating with people...pretty much it.

 

What about the aspies who have sensory issues? For many, it is much more than a social or communication issue.

[ZayKayWill]

What about the aspies who have sensory issues? For many, it is much more than a social or communication issue.

 

Good point. The point I guess I'm trying to make is that it was diagnosed back in the day and now around 75% of people that were diagnosed in the past now would fail to meet the new criteria. Some people still like to use the label, but generally it's just categorized as Autism if anything. People with Autism generally need some extra level of support...people with Aspergers were considered high functioning Autistic people with very little need of support. People with Aspergers are basically categorized as having a very low level of Autism. With the example you provided it would probably be a low level type of Autism. Level 1 or 2 type of Autism maybe, but you very well can still use the Aspergers label if you wish to. Some people like having that label since so many famous people apparently had Aspergers (Einstein, Bill Gates etc).

[basil67]

It's really tricky. My 20yo autie son goes to a (post high school) transition to work program which has many aspies. Almost all of them have a degree of learning disability and also sensory and anxiety issues.

 

The high and low functioning labels are so confusing to the masses. For example, the way that one can have high intelligence but also have enormous struggles just to cope with day to day life and need ongoing support.

[ZayKayWill]

It's really tricky. My 20yo autie son goes to a (post high school) transition to work program which has many aspies. Almost all of them have a degree of learning disability and also sensory and anxiety issues.

 

The high and low functioning labels are so confusing to the masses. For example, the way that one can have high intelligence but also have enormous struggles just to cope with day to day life and need ongoing support.

 

I mean intelligence and needing ongoing support would be a high level of Autism. People with autism are generally very smart. It all just depends on how much support they need for every day life, social interaction etc. The example you provided sounds like a high level of Autism. Doesn't sound all that tricky to me.

[basil67]

I mean intelligence and needing ongoing support would be a high level of Autism. People with autism are generally very smart. It all just depends on how much support they need for every day life, social interaction etc. The example you provided sounds like a high level of Autism. Doesn't sound all that tricky to me.

 

Sorry, I meant that high and low functioning labels are tricky. One can be highly intelligent but still need a lot of accommodations in other areas. Or they can function quite well but have a mild learning disability.

 

I disagree about people on the spectrum being generally very smart. While I know a number of people on the spectrum who have a very high IQ and how the science and academic world flounder without auties, I also know plenty more who have learning disabilities or regular learning ability. I know them because I've been a teacher's aide and am also an autie mum who has many friends in the same situation.

 

Did you have a support unit where you went to school? You would have seen loads of ASD kids who have learning disabilities.

 

My autie son is 20and has an IQ of 50. He taught himself to read as a toddler and thanks to his massive non fiction library and Google, he is a walking encyclopaedia. His general knowledge is extraordinary. But he can't cross a road safely and his math skills are non existent. His social skills are poor and needs support everyday. I avoid using HF and LF labels

[bradt93]

Sorry, I meant that high and low functioning labels are tricky. One can be highly intelligent but still need a lot of accommodations in other areas. Or they can function quite well but have a mild learning disability.

 

I disagree about people on the spectrum being generally very smart. While I know a number of people on the spectrum who have a very high IQ and how the science and academic world flounder without auties, I also know plenty more who have learning disabilities or regular learning ability. I know them because I've been a teacher's aide and am also an autie mum who has many friends in the same situation.

 

Did you have a support unit where you went to school? You would have seen loads of ASD kids who have learning disabilities.

 

My autie son is 20and has an IQ of 50. He taught himself to read as a toddler and thanks to his massive non fiction library and Google, he is a walking encyclopaedia. His general knowledge is extraordinary. But he can't cross a road safely and his math skills are non existent. His social skills are poor and needs support everyday. I avoid using HF and LF labels

My IQ is 100 and maybe a little higher now since I'm attending college and learning more. Life is a little tough for my social life, but generally I'm a happy person who strives to success.

[bradt93]

I played football in high school and was well liked. Middle school was the toughest time for me. My social skills were really bad back then, but I guess that is a part of going through puberty.

[GunslingerRoland]

My autie son is 20and has an IQ of 50. He taught himself to read as a toddler and thanks to his massive non fiction library and Google, he is a walking encyclopaedia. His general knowledge is extraordinary. But he can't cross a road safely and his math skills are non existent. His social skills are poor and needs support everyday. I avoid using HF and LF labels

 

And this is why IQ tests can be bogus, clearly someone who taught themselves to read as a toddler does not have an IQ of 50 regardless of how many other struggles they have.

[eye of the storm]

I've met HF and LF Aspie kids. My son happens to be a HF.

 

It is all a spectrum. Some kids are smart, some aren't. Some have issues other than social, some don't. And the degrees vary also. I have seen some Aspie kids that need a massive amount of aid and some that need little to none.

 

I know the guides no longer separate Aspie kids from Autistic kids. I've heard the arguments from both sides.

 

From my view, my son has some sensory issues and some motor skills issues in addition to massive social issues. We worked on the sensory issues, we used meds to calm him and then de-sensitized him by constant exposure. It was horrible. I felt like I was torturing him. The motor skills were treated by a therapist and a coach. We also got him into wrestling, which in the beginning he hated, but later loved. He hated the touching, he hated the sounds, and he hated the constant communication and chaos around him.

 

But, he learned a social language of the group. He was accepted by the group. He became immune to the touching and the sounds. He developed a peer group that he maintains to this day.

 

With the exception of some quirks that we have all learned to live with and he can hide to some extent (when he is focused on it) he passes as neurotypical most of the time.

 

Autism is one of those conditions where it is really hard to give advice (IMHO) because it is so unique depending on the individual.

 

When my son was in JR High, a mom asked me about wrestling. Her younger son was autistic. I told her how it helped my son and how hard it was in the beginning. She tried it. Her son had a melt down that was so epic he ended up breaking her arm.

 

I know another couple who painted their house calm colors and all furniture was soft colors and soft fabrics with no hard edges. Food was very bland and soothing to the stomach. Noise and lights were all muted.

 

These kids all have the same condition. But there is a million ways to deal with it.

 

As a parent, as a friend, and even as a person with the condition, you have to find what works best.

[JustGettingBy]

Keep in mind aspergers is also much more uncommin in women then men, so finding an aspie woman is likely going to be difficult.

[Popsicle]

Yes actually. I know one who is married to a super hot guy.

[basil67]

Keep in mind aspergers is also much more uncommin in women then men, so finding an aspie woman is likely going to be difficult.

 

Current research says differently. Aspie women present very differently to men and so they slip under the radar.

[JustGettingBy]

Current research says differently. Aspie women present very differently to men and so they slip under the radar.

 

Well, I was referring to diagnosed cases, but fair enough. I could believe that there's enough undiagnosed women to balance out the numbers.

[SwordofFlame]

Current research says differently. Aspie women present very differently to men and so they slip under the radar.

 

Care to elaborate on this? Very curious.

[basil67]

Care to elaborate on this? Very curious.

 

Sure. Bear in mind that some of these articles are a few years old and still use the term Aspergers.

 

There's a great podcast with Dr Tony Attwood on this topic. It's a long podcast, so if you don't have the time for it all, start listening at 26:00 when the conversation changes to aspie girls. You can also find this podcast series on iTunes Dr Tony Attwood turns his focus to women and girls with Asperger's - ABC Conversations with Richard Fidler

 

Tony Attwood again Tony Attwood - Author of The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome

 

Newsweek Why Girls with Asperger's Might Not Be Diagnosed

 

There's a load of good blogs out there on the topic too.

[QuietDan]

Good question here. Which has me thinking. One of my sons definitely has Aspergers. He and my mother have a lot in common. My mother is not an easy person to live with. She is almost like a female version of the Jack Nicholson Character from "As Good As It Gets". I know my son has a lot of sensory issues. He is... Hi...Low...Mix...Functioning. Definitely leads an almost Hermit type lifestyle. Same as my mother... Highly self contained isolated life styles. I just never took the time to take a look at my mother with this perspective. When you grow up with it, all of the unusual stuff is normal. I will have to pay attention and search my memory to see if I recognize any of the classic trade marks. (the sensory issue???) Then again, tightly managed environment regulated to reduce and eliminate undesired sensory issues. They both very much relate to other people more as alien objects to be studied or ... I guess... feared. My son's perception of reality is different. My mother is Hi Functioning.

[cocorico]

As a guy who has aspergers, do any of you know any women who has or not and have they been successful at relationships?

 

I am an aspie, and have several aspie friends of both genders. Many are married - some to other aspies, others to neurotypicals. Only one relationship seems problematic; but because of the non-aspie partner's issues (BPD and body dysmorphia).