OhhhhNooo Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Long story short went out with this girl the other day. Went to a museum, got some food(dutch), walked around a bunch, and then saw some music...about 11 hours in total. Had great conversations and a great time. She sent me a message when she got home and we texted a bit the next day. Next to no physical contact though. I'm not sure if it was a date or just "hanging out". I'm trying to figure out if this girl is just friendly or if there is something happening. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 I think you'll need to spend more time with her to find out if she is just being friendly. You could suggest hanging out again and see how things go. You could ask her out on a date and see what she says. I know a guy risks rejection by doing that but it shows strength of character (which women do admire) and at least you will not look back with regret at your inaction. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Eleven hours???? Cut it shorter next time...I'm just one person, granted, but if I were the girl my take on this (marathon "fun" togetherness with no moves whatsoever) would have been that you wanted to be buddies. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Long story short went out with this girl the other day. Went to a museum, got some food(dutch), walked around a bunch, and then saw some music...about 11 hours in total. Had great conversations and a great time. She sent me a message when she got home and we texted a bit the next day. Next to no physical contact though. I'm not sure if it was a date or just "hanging out". I'm trying to figure out if this girl is just friendly or if there is something happening. Bolded your problem right there. ALWAYS go for the kiss. Even if you are not getting signals at least try to kiss her at the end of the date. If you get the one cheek sneak or she freaks out you have your answer. Ask her out again and this time go for the kiss. If you are getting signs during the date go for it then. At a minimum do it at the end of the date. If she kisses you back you'll have your answer. If you don't at least try and she wants you to you will be quickly friendzoned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Long story short went out with this girl the other day. Went to a museum, got some food(dutch), walked around a bunch, and then saw some music...about 11 hours in total. Had great conversations and a great time. She sent me a message when she got home and we texted a bit the next day. Next to no physical contact though. I'm not sure if it was a date or just "hanging out". I'm trying to figure out if this girl is just friendly or if there is something happening. Well, how did you two decide to 'go out?' You ask? She asked? What were the words used and what is your history with her? Link to post Share on other sites
oneinamillion93 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 i wouldnt hangging out with a guy that long if im not interested. so it sounds good for you at the moment Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 In my experience first dates can feel very platonic sometimes. However it's good to try and test the waters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frozensushi Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 You probably had so many opportunities to make a move. 11 hours is crazy bro. You blew it. Hopefully, she's willing to give you another chance. If she does, seize the opportunity. Take charge, show confidence .. you know, be a man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 You need to ask her on a date, using the word "date" and see if she goes. If so, you pay and drop her off and kiss her. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 OP, what attempts did you make to initiate physical contact in those eleven hours? Did she do things like remove your hand or pull away from touch? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 You need to ask her on a date, using the word "date" and see if she goes. If so, you pay and drop her off and kiss her. I don't think that's really necessary. It can also come off as kind of forced and makes you seem desperate. It's like telling a girl "So it's a date?" Just don't do it. Meet up and MAKE it a date. Flirt and push boundaries (respectfully) Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 11 hours jeez...lol What did you guys call it when you were setting it up? One of you has to create the sexy vibes. You have to escalate. Flirt. After laughing together get serious and look into her eyes.. then slowly down her at lips..gauge her reaction.. brush her arm "accidentally".. I don't know how to do it, but c'mon, be seductive... Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 If it was 11 hours and you didn't try to initiate any physical contact or kiss her at all she probably thinks you aren't interested. Hope you didn't miss your window. Go out with her a second time if she's willing and flirt with her this time. Make sure she knows that you are not interested in the friend zone. Watch some you tube videos on how to flirt. It's not rocket science. If she's receptive, then kiss her. There is a an imaginary wall between you and a woman when you first meet. Beyond that wall somewhere are her boundaries. They change over time. They are a function of how she feels about you. And even the phase of the moon. Does she trust you? Is she attracted to you? Is she in the mood to be close to someone right now? If you are interested, it's up to you to probe those boundaries. Too bold and you are a creep. Too timid and you will not make it past the friend zone. The way you show her respect is to respect her boundaries once she shows them to you. To never pass that wall to test those boundaries is TOO respectful. It shows you are either timid or disinterested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FastHands Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 (edited) imho if you haven't made any attempt to kiss because you are shy or just nervous, depending on the girl, she might take it as being to gentlemen or just not experienced. I think showing genuine interest-questions and answering are good too. You'll know if she wants to do anything with you and might give you another chance (if she is a lady) and do things again. If she's the player girl she will just string you along and make you feel bad when you try to get close to her (friend zone or less). GL I think its like the poster above. The trick is too much and you scare her away and do too little and she might get the clue that your too slow or not interested in her-that way? Edited January 21, 2017 by FastHands Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 In my past experience, I started out liking the guy, but when he did make a move the whole day we were together, I slowly lost interest. I didn't like guys that were too afraid or were too awkward around me.....turn off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author OhhhhNooo Posted January 23, 2017 Author Share Posted January 23, 2017 Alright this time we went for coffee for 8 hours. Great conversation and all that. Still no contact, I clearly have a problem initiating contact. We did spend about an hour texting after we parted in which I aknoweleged my awkward non-touchiness and vowed to change it(humorously of course). We laughed about it...for now it's all good, but I'm pretty sure I need to do something next time. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 How did this "meeting" come about? Did you ask her if she wanted to go with you? Did you want it to be romantic? Did you make sure she knew you asked her with romantic intent and that it wasn't platonic? If you set it up because you like her, then it's your responsibility to define whether the interaction is romantic or not. It's very rude for you to do something like this ambiguously and then make her decide whether or not it's a date so you don't feel rejected. You need to accept responsibility and make decisions like an adult. Not just make some vague gestures and then try and sort through them while hiding behind a wall of ambiguity. If you like spending time with her, tell her directly. Don't drop her in some weird scenario and make her decipher your code. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OhhhhNooo Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 The first "meeting" came about because I asked her if she wanted to go to a museum the second "meeting" came about because I asked if she wanted to grab some coffee. I totally agree that I could be a lot more direct, but I wouldn't characterize what I'm doing as "rude" and I'm not dropping her into "weird" situations(I don't even really know what that's supposed to mean) Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 In my past experience, I started out liking the guy, but when he did make a move the whole day we were together, I slowly lost interest. I didn't like guys that were too afraid or were too awkward around me.....turn off. Most guys don't get this. They have been scared strait by the media showing them to act like a wuss rather than a real man. The other side women may not get is guys are terrified of rejection. They don't get it because they don't put themselves in a position to be rejected and would never. How many women do you know that ask guys out or go for the first kiss? After learning from Corey Wayne, I go for the kiss on every single date where I am attracted to the girl. I'm still shocked at the percentage who kissed me back (all of them) since in several cases I thought they had no interest in me. One in particular ended up in a heavy makeout session in my car and I honestly thought she was not into me. OP - She will lose attraction for you if you don't kiss her. You have nothing to lose except not wasting your time and money and everything to gain by going for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OhhhhNooo Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 I'm certain that you are cu 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author OhhhhNooo Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 Sorry *correct Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 The other side women may not get is guys are terrified of rejection. They don't get it because they don't put themselves in a position to be rejected and would never. How many women do you know that ask guys out or go for the first kiss? Yep, there are a lot of scared guys out there.... But keep in mind women get a lot of... Interesting advice. "Make him chase you" " don't seem too needy or into him" "don't be forward or agressive it will turn him off" "if you get physical with him, he will think you do that with every guy" so on and so forth. I am of the rare will ask him out, and will go in for the kiss catagory. And sure, I have been rejected on the date request (never the kiss though ) I am pretty damn confident and forward, and not terribly scared of rejection though. I remember on a date once - squeezing his hand and saying, "you can kiss me you know!" He was thrilled to be given the green light And I STILL remember the first kiss with my husband. I remember he was wearing a baseball cap - I grabbed the brim, turned it around, and kissed him! He took it, and escalated it from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Yep, there are a lot of scared guys out there.... But keep in mind women get a lot of... Interesting advice. "Make him chase you" " don't seem too needy or into him" "don't be forward or agressive it will turn him off" "if you get physical with him, he will think you do that with every guy" so on and so forth. I am of the rare will ask him out, and will go in for the kiss catagory. And sure, I have been rejected on the date request (never the kiss though ) I am pretty damn confident and forward, and not terribly scared of rejection though. I remember on a date once - squeezing his hand and saying, "you can kiss me you know!" He was thrilled to be given the green light And I STILL remember the first kiss with my husband. I remember he was wearing a baseball cap - I grabbed the brim, turned it around, and kissed him! He took it, and escalated it from there. Women are given conflicting advice. Men are given conflicting advice. I always try to be myself and not worry about what others think I should do or not. If my prospect doesn't like the way I handle things it's just fine with me. It might be hard to find a great abiding love but it really is easy to find companionship (*) I might as well find someone who is ok with who I am and how I like to do things instead of pretending to be someone I am not. *I did not always believe this but I have learned over the years that the scarcity I feared was a sham and a direct byproduct of my insecurities. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Women are given conflicting advice. Men are given conflicting advice. I always try to be myself and not worry about what others think I should do or not. If my prospect doesn't like the way I handle things it's just fine with me. It might be hard to find a great abiding love but it really is easy to find companionship (*) I might as well find someone who is ok with who I am and how I like to do things instead of pretending to be someone I am not. *I did not always believe this but I have learned over the years that the scarcity I feared was a sham and a direct byproduct of my insecurities. On the surface what you say makes perfect sense. No one should play games or be something they are not. If a date doesn't like you walk and no biggie. However, it stings A LOT more if your behavior has pushed away someone you truly love which developed after years of being together. Or a new girl you really like who has qualities you haven't found in others you have dated. I have been on a journey of self growth and understanding relationships since my girl left me. I NEVER want to be in this position ever again. I'm not changing who I am, I'm making myself a better version of me. What you perceive to be innocuous behavior can ultimately push away the girl of your dreams. If you know what to say / do / how to treat them you can have a rewarding and lasting relationship. An example would be your insecurities. They will push women away like crazy. That was who you were but you overcame that and now are a better version of you. The cool thing about being human is you can grow and not change the essence of who you are. Link to post Share on other sites
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