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Hi guys,

 

So my boyfriend and I seem to not get along at all. He majored in philosophy in college and his way of thinking is extremely different than most people. I majored in Political Science and although im a thinker I kind of live my life a bit simpler rather than trying to explore the deepness of such concepts. Honestly these are subjects where I could hold a conversation, however not something that interest me at all. Requires alot of thinking which is great, however not many facts.

 

He is interested in concepts like good and evil, he doesn't believe in right or wrong and the list goes on.

 

He wants me to understand him but I really don't know how I can understand certain things without facts and whatnot. Im a pretty black and white person although I believe in the grey area as well. Most of the things I believe in are related to facts not to the UNIVERSE. Seems very stupid to me anyway. Not wrong just stupid.

 

Anyone ever had a philosopher boyfriend or dated a philosopher?

 

Can someone give me some insight?. How do you "understand" these people who never seem to be "wrong" because they don't believe in right or wrong?

 

He always finds a way to say that he is right based on the reasoning behind it as where to me the reasoning is not important it was WRONG.

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Hi guys,

 

So my boyfriend and I seem to not get along at all. He majored in philosophy in college and his way of thinking is extremely different than most people. I majored in Political Science and although im a thinker I kind of live my life a bit simpler rather than trying to explore the deepness of such concepts. Honestly these are subjects where I could hold a conversation, however not something that interest me at all. Requires alot of thinking which is great, however not many facts.

 

He is interested in concepts like good and evil, he doesn't believe in right or wrong and the list goes on.

 

He wants me to understand him but I really don't know how I can understand certain things without facts and whatnot. Im a pretty black and white person although I believe in the grey area as well. Most of the things I believe in are related to facts not to the UNIVERSE. Seems very stupid to me anyway. Not wrong just stupid.

 

Anyone ever had a philosopher boyfriend or dated a philosopher?

 

Can someone give me some insight?. How do you "understand" these people who never seem to be "wrong" because they don't believe in right or wrong?

 

He always finds a way to say that he is right based on the reasoning behind it as where to me the reasoning is not important it was WRONG.

 

His beliefs have nothing to do with philosophy. There are a lot of people like him. He lacks a moral compass.

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Hi guys,

 

So my boyfriend and I seem to not get along at all. He majored in philosophy in college and his way of thinking is extremely different than most people. I majored in Political Science and although im a thinker I kind of live my life a bit simpler rather than trying to explore the deepness of such concepts. Honestly these are subjects where I could hold a conversation, however not something that interest me at all. Requires alot of thinking which is great, however not many facts.

 

He is interested in concepts like good and evil, he doesn't believe in right or wrong and the list goes on.

 

He wants me to understand him but I really don't know how I can understand certain things without facts and whatnot. Im a pretty black and white person although I believe in the grey area as well. Most of the things I believe in are related to facts not to the UNIVERSE. Seems very stupid to me anyway. Not wrong just stupid.

 

Anyone ever had a philosopher boyfriend or dated a philosopher?

 

Can someone give me some insight?. How do you "understand" these people who never seem to be "wrong" because they don't believe in right or wrong?

 

He always finds a way to say that he is right based on the reasoning behind it as where to me the reasoning is not important it was WRONG.

As a philosophy guy, he's inclined to give two or more positions equivalent weight and tease the good and bad out of each position. It's kind of an empathetic point of view, where all views have some validity.

 

As a political gal, you have a tendency to demonize, or at least to dismiss positions other than your own to a certain degree. That degree is probably best measured by your level of partisanship. In other words, you choose sides.

 

In the final analysis, all you really need to understand is that he'll never be like you. Oh, and I guess also, whether or not you can live with that.

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I taught philosophy for many years, including ethics, and I can tell you that almost all philosophers (with rare exceptions) believe in right and wrong,

even nihilists. This is cross cultural in the world.. He sounds confused to me,

or perhaps he is baiting you to get a conversation started, and he enjoys arguing. Tell him to name specific philosophers or thinkers that agree with him

or books that he has read. Probably no one and no book. He needs to be very specific or he is just jabbering. Philosophy is a very deep subject, but if it is not your cup of tea, say so.

 

You could ignore him and talk about what you want, say you don't have the

time or even that you don't care, if you want to be firm.

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So my boyfriend...

 

The only question here is why are you wasting your time?

 

Whatever his personality or philosophical traits are YOU chose him. In situations like this folks need to look in the mirror and ask themselves why you chose this person and in the future DON'T DO THAT!

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CaliforniaGirl

I love philosophy and I constantly question the world, and even given this, I have to say...

 

...Wow, what a pretentious jerk.

 

:)

 

I think you're just not that great a match...you have entirely different (wait for it) philosophies.

 

But with that aside, yeah.

 

Big pretentious-jerkage going on here.

 

IMO, of course.

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I taught philosophy for many years, including ethics, and I can tell you that almost all philosophers (with rare exceptions) believe in right and wrong,

even nihilists. This is cross cultural in the world.. He sounds confused to me,

or perhaps he is baiting you to get a conversation started, and he enjoys arguing. Tell him to name specific philosophers or thinkers that agree with him

or books that he has read. Probably no one and no book. He needs to be very specific or he is just jabbering. Philosophy is a very deep subject, but if it is not your cup of tea, say so.

 

You could ignore him and talk about what you want, say you don't have the

time or even that you don't care, if you want to be firm.

 

He doesn't enjoy arguing but he wants to force me to understand his point of view. When I say it was wrong he will continue to discuss the "intentions" behind it that don't make it wrong.

 

Yeah stressful

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People with one fresh semester of Philosophy under their belt are unfailingly annoying and boring. He'll probably get over it, especially if he gets no compliments or praise or reward for doing it. Fall asleep on him a couple of times. Get up and go to the kitchen.

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He doesn't enjoy arguing but he wants to force me to understand his point of view. When I say it was wrong he will continue to discuss the "intentions" behind it that don't make it wrong.

 

Yeah stressful

 

"I'm sorry, this relationship isn't working out for me. We think too differently. I want someone who I can relate to more easily"

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Hi guys,

 

So my boyfriend and I seem to not get along at all. He majored in philosophy in college and his way of thinking is extremely different than most people. I majored in Political Science and although im a thinker I kind of live my life a bit simpler rather than trying to explore the deepness of such concepts. Honestly these are subjects where I could hold a conversation, however not something that interest me at all. Requires alot of thinking which is great, however not many facts.

 

He is interested in concepts like good and evil, he doesn't believe in right or wrong and the list goes on.

 

He wants me to understand him but I really don't know how I can understand certain things without facts and whatnot. Im a pretty black and white person although I believe in the grey area as well. Most of the things I believe in are related to facts not to the UNIVERSE. Seems very stupid to me anyway. Not wrong just stupid.

 

Anyone ever had a philosopher boyfriend or dated a philosopher?

 

Can someone give me some insight?. How do you "understand" these people who never seem to be "wrong" because they don't believe in right or wrong?

 

He always finds a way to say that he is right based on the reasoning behind it as where to me the reasoning is not important it was WRONG.

 

He is right and you are wrong... but in reality (the universe) there is no right or wrong.

 

What your boyfriend is trying to convey is that people have created a system of good and bad. Right and wrong.

 

The universe does not know right and wrong.

 

This is not a lack of moral compass its just him seeing things on a sight or view not parallel to normal average human thought.

 

He is simply saying the only reason you know not to steal is because as humans we made this idea that stealing is wrong. Nothing else in the planet or universe does not care about stealing. It is something we made up as humans.

 

I think your concern is that you believe he might not exercise good intentions based on that belief. Well only you and him can answer that.

Edited by Sweetfish
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I taught philosophy for many years, including ethics, and I can tell you that almost all philosophers (with rare exceptions) believe in right and wrong,

even nihilists. This is cross cultural in the world.. He sounds confused to me,

or perhaps he is baiting you to get a conversation started, and he enjoys arguing. Tell him to name specific philosophers or thinkers that agree with him

or books that he has read. Probably no one and no book. He needs to be very specific or he is just jabbering. Philosophy is a very deep subject, but if it is not your cup of tea, say so.

 

You could ignore him and talk about what you want, say you don't have the

time or even that you don't care, if you want to be firm.

 

 

Sure, but he's probably arguing some form of ethical relativism. There is right and wrong but it is relative to particular societal norms so they are not absolute. That's my guess anyway.

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CaliforniaGirl
Sure, but he's probably arguing some form of ethical relativism. There is right and wrong but it is relative to particular societal norms so they are not absolute. That's my guess anyway.

 

Who cares? He's trying to force his philosophy on her, not discuss it, and not surprisingly, she hates it.

 

Dump him, OP.

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His beliefs have nothing to do with philosophy. There are a lot of people like him. He lacks a moral compass.

 

Not always believing in the gray area doesn't always mean one lacks morels unless I guess one takes it that far..then again one persons morels might seam absurd to another.. shades of gray unless were talking about absolutes? like life and death even then if one person killed a mass murder before he could harm anyone else and saved many would that really be seen as evil?...some believe myself included there cannot be good unless there is evil in the world the prob comes when there isn't a decent balance between the two...

 

Just like in the OPs relationship they are not in balance some times opposites attract and work and some times not sounds like the OP kinda just went along for the ride maybe they were inshialy attracted to the BF but now the honey moon phase is over and their black and white self cant stand the shades of gray..eh it happens..

 

I dont get how the "universe" could ever be stupid I dunno to me politics are kinda lame I mean a bunch of old rich people all jockeying for power one lie after another to simply impress each other but hey to each their own..:D

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Who cares? He's trying to force his philosophy on her, not discuss it, and not surprisingly, she hates it.

 

Dump him, OP.

 

That's not what she said. She said,

 

 

"he wants to force me to UNDERSTAND his point of view. When I say it was wrong he will continue to discuss the "intentions" behind it that don't make it wrong."

 

 

SHE is saying HE'S wrong and he's trying to get her to see his point of view.

 

 

OP, maybe he would lay off a little if you stopped telling him he is "wrong". I find it pretty rude of you.

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Hi guys,

 

So my boyfriend and I seem to not get along at all. He majored in philosophy in college and his way of thinking is extremely different than most people. I majored in Political Science and although im a thinker I kind of live my life a bit simpler rather than trying to explore the deepness of such concepts. Honestly these are subjects where I could hold a conversation, however not something that interest me at all. Requires alot of thinking which is great, however not many facts.

Obviously philosophy isn't fact based the same way say physics or biology is. Your own field, politics, isn't a natural science either. I don't think it's unreasonable of your BF to expect you to participate in a conversation about his personal interest, the same way he listens to what you talk about.

 

He is interested in concepts like good and evil, he doesn't believe in right or wrong and the list goes on.

I'm pretty sure he's referring to ethical right and wrong, not the logical. Later in your post you seem to confuse the two.

 

He wants me to understand him but I really don't know how I can understand certain things without facts and whatnot. Im a pretty black and white person although I believe in the grey area as well. Most of the things I believe in are related to facts not to the UNIVERSE. Seems very stupid to me anyway. Not wrong just stupid.

I have a very hard time understanding what you're trying to say here. I wouldn't call someone stupid if I couldn't put into words why I believe he's stupid.

 

Anyone ever had a philosopher boyfriend or dated a philosopher?

A friend of an ex dated a guy who majored in philosophy. It wasn't exactly a healthy relationship, but of these there are many.

 

Can someone give me some insight?. How do you "understand" these people who never seem to be "wrong" because they don't believe in right or wrong?

If he doesn't believe in the ethical right and wrong he can still be logically wrong. I doubt he doesn't believe in logic.

 

He always finds a way to say that he is right based on the reasoning behind it as where to me the reasoning is not important it was WRONG.

Again, this sentence makes very little sense. Why would reasoning not be important for an argument? When his reasoning is wrong, i.e. logically incorrect, it should be fairly easy to point it out to him?

 

In conclusion I believe the two of you are incompatible. You're talking past each other in philosophical discussions. Your interest in the subject is minimal and your counter arguments are superficial at best. He on the other hand seems to be quite dedicated to this subject, and all of that together makes your conversation a frustrating experience.

 

If you could agree to not have philosophy in the daily conversation you would immediately improve your relationship, but in the long run having taboo subjects doesn't seem to indicate a healthy relationship.

 

To be completely honest I believe you are not as smart as you think you are, and it upsets you especially when you get the short end of the stick in the debate with your BF. You could take an active interest in what's on his mind and engage him on a level playing field. That way you'd also show him that you truly care about him and what it is that makes him tick. You don't have to be debating philosophy exclusively and your boyfriend should respect that not everyone has the same interest in the subject. But if you don't ever want to hear about it it's probably better if you find more equally interested partners.

 

I disagree with those who demonize the boyfriend. He's not a jerk for wanting to engage his significant other in a subject that interests him.

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Cookiesandough

Some people are abstract thinkers and like pondering deep stuff and other people like these simple and practical. Sometimes you'll drive each other crazy to the point of it being a deal breaker , other times you can admire and learn from each other because each way of thinking has its strengths. Decide which it is for you. Never try to change them:) GL!!

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So I used philosophy as a way to try to describe him because he is a philosopher but by no means this is all about philosophy.

 

Here it goes. We attended his sister's weeding two weekends ago and he was the best man. Well there happened to be a girl who has interest in him although she is well aware he has a gf. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and a half and have already been through a large number of problems.

 

Anyhow, this girl got his number from somewhere and began texting him. His words were that he could talk to her and so on. My issue came from the fact that he knows this girl has interest in him yet he told her we are having issues. He claims he doesn't want our families to know our issues and that he prefers talking to someone who's opinion is irrelevant. He claims he did this to vent to someone and help our relationship because he felt attacked by me. In a way he believes he is right because the intentions were "good". I felt disrespected at the fact that he is sharing our problems not with a friend but just a woman who has interest in him. I left the house and took some space for myself because I was livid.

 

He did apologize, however he does not believe what he did was wrong which is cool but then my concern comes from what else is he going to do that is going to be based on intention in the future. We love each other very much but we do seem to have a compatibility issue.

 

Hopefully someone understands me.

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So I used philosophy as a way to try to describe him because he is a philosopher but by no means this is all about philosophy.

 

Here it goes. We attended his sister's weeding two weekends ago and he was the best man. Well there happened to be a girl who has interest in him although she is well aware he has a gf. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and a half and have already been through a large number of problems.

 

Anyhow, this girl got his number from somewhere and began texting him. His words were that he could talk to her and so on. My issue came from the fact that he knows this girl has interest in him yet he told her we are having issues. He claims he doesn't want our families to know our issues and that he prefers talking to someone who's opinion is irrelevant. He claims he did this to vent to someone and help our relationship because he felt attacked by me. In a way he believes he is right because the intentions were "good". I felt disrespected at the fact that he is sharing our problems not with a friend but just a woman who has interest in him. I left the house and took some space for myself because I was livid.

 

He did apologize, however he does not believe what he did was wrong which is cool but then my concern comes from what else is he going to do that is going to be based on intention in the future. We love each other very much but we do seem to have a compatibility issue.

 

Hopefully someone understands me.

 

That's the kind of thing that leads to emotional affairs, which in turn often leads to physical.

 

You do have a significant compatibility issue . . . you are NOT compatible.

 

Hopefully someone understands me -- What's important is that HE understands you and you understand him. If he's going to someone else for that understanding it indicates that you two do not/cannot communicate effectively.

 

I'd let this guy go.

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That's the kind of thing that leads to emotional affairs, which in turn often leads to physical.

 

You do have a significant compatibility issue . . . you are NOT compatible.

 

Hopefully someone understands me -- What's important is that HE understands you and you understand him. If he's going to someone else for that understanding it indicates that you two do not/cannot communicate effectively.

 

I'd let this guy go.

 

We spoke after this and we understood each other. Problem is we don't know how to calm each other down when we are angry.

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My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and a half and have already been through a large number of problems.

 

Ok, so there are a lot more issues than just his proclivity to debate philosophy with you.

 

he told her we are having issues. He claims he doesn't want our families to know our issues and that he prefers talking to someone who's opinion is irrelevant.

 

That's an absolute no-go and you have every right to be mad about this.

 

He claims he did this to vent to someone and help our relationship because he felt attacked by me. In a way he believes he is right because the intentions were "good". I felt disrespected at the fact that he is sharing our problems not with a friend but just a woman who has interest in him..
I completely agree with you. That's a ludicrous excuse.

 

He did apologize,
Oh, great!

 

however he does not believe what he did was wrong
Err, but then he didn't really apologize, did he?

 

Apolgoy:

 

noun, plural apologies.

1.

a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another

[...]

 

which is cool
No! It's not cool! It's insincere.

 

 

Hopefully someone understands me.
I do understand you, but philosophy isn't the problem here, it's that your BF is dishonest and disrespectful.
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We spoke after this and we understood each other. Problem is we don't know how to calm each other down when we are angry.

 

You don't calm each other down. If you upset someone you sincerely apologize and correct yourself. If he doesn't see how it's wrong then none of that will truly happen. He just tries to talk you into believing it, in order to keep you around until he has secured a soft landing with the girl from the wedding.

 

He runs to a wedding acquaintance with your dirty laundry only to show her that there's a possibility of them hooking up in the near future. If you don't see it and call him out on it no one can help you.

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We spoke after this and we understood each other. Problem is we don't know how to calm each other down when we are angry.

 

It's your responsibility to calm yourself down. When things get heated, you create the example -- "hey, this is getting out of hand. Let's come back to this and have a calmer/more level-headed discussion. Can we talk again at Xtime or tomorrow?"

 

If it becomes an argument again . . . there is a really serious communication/understanding issue between you. If he's "imposing" his views on you, that's unacceptable.

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