SingleDad82 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Hey all, So my ex wife (divorced since June) has subsequently engaged and married (she moves quick) her affair partner. We have 2 kids together, so "no contact" isn't feasible, but I do the best I can in not communicating with her, especially since shes now married. I've moved on with my life.. really want nothing to do with her. Recently, shes been having a hard time accepting the fact that parenting our kids from two separate households means that she loses control of what techniques are used to raise our boys when they are with me. I am stern with them, but loving. She doesn't agree with that. As a result, she has used her disagreement with my parenting style to bad mouth me to my kids. Calling and texting me constantly to discuss trivial BS that should be able to be communicated in a text. It's relentless. I'm not longer at a place where I seek her approval or particularly give a crap about her opinion.. This isn't sitting well. How do I rid myself of this broad? She needs to go somewhere.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Yeah, so here is the deal, you will have to deal with it and let it go for now. At least until they are grown. That is how women are in a lot of cases. My STBXW, got pissed that I spent the night with one of my GF's this weekend. I had to inform her that what I did and with who are no longer any of her concern of any of her business... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 I just wonder if this is a difference in parenting styles or an exercise of control/power. Even though you all are divorced, I believe that family counseling is in order cuz the kids still need you two to be able to co-parent and this is destroying the kids. If she won't agree to it, then maybe you should do it on your own with the kids and/or simply let them know that when they're at your home, it's your rules and that you're doing this cuz you love them...and you want them to respect her rules when they are at her home...but still, kids sometimes take advantage of these situations to work both parents to get their whims fulfilled. Also, another way to possibly tackle it is get the a lawyer to help you build a case of the damage this is doing to the kid's development (get a counselor to document this too). But really, can't you both meet half way and/or compromise? Maybe by extending an olive branch she may get a false sense of you bending to her will and she'll be more open to working this out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 She needs to go somewhere.. lol...someplace hot and led by a horned creature? Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 How old are your kids? When they're with you, let them talk to her. When they're not & she tries to engage in anything you don't feel is an important, don't engage. It's really that simple, she pulls anything crazy, date & document then use it against her in court. There's no law that says you have to listen to her..picking up, dropping off & I'm assuming money dealings are your only requirements...you can also say "I don't have to listen to you" & hang up...nothing she can do Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 You haven't healed yet. That's why it bothers you. Once you heal , you will not be emotional and take it as just another call. It will take time. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 A family court judge would tell you two to both take parenting classes, the same one, and get on the same page, and that IS important. You might have a word with your lawyer about it. Parenting classes would no doubt benefit both of you, but you both need to go -- and really, your new spouses, if any -- and that would probably only happen if you begged the Court to make it happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Is the parenting style you use now, the same as when you were married? If so, did she question it then? If you are the same as you were, tell her, nothing has changed in your parenting and that from now on, you're not responding to messages where she's questioning your parenting. Then follow through with it. With her calls. Ignore them. She can leave a voice mail if it's a urgent. When dealing with your kids, always explain why you're doing what you are, so they understand the reasons behind it... Otherwise it'll be easy to make you look like the baddie. I'm not sure how she knows what happened and what she's questioning, but if your sons have told her... Then it probably bothered them a little and it could become a problem. There are some divorced couples, where one parent will do something (regarding the kids), they know will annoy the other parent and they do it for that very reason. Haircuts is a common one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopefuleddie Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 (edited) Your approach to raising the boys will now have to solely be according to your discretion; However, I can understand the challenge she will have trying to stay out decision process for both of your kids. Have you considered counseling for this particular issue? The boundaries can be better set in a counseling session; as ultimately, the welfare of your boys is most important. Please post here if you want recommendations. All the best. http://bit.ly/2koMMjb Edited January 24, 2017 by Hopefuleddie adding more info Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Think of a naracisst in regards to as the Joker. Batman wants to get rid of the Joker. The Joker wants to get rid of Batman. But the Joker needs Batman. The Joker believes the Batman is an extention of him self. This is what a naracisst thinks. Every individual they come across is a reflection of them self... so a naracisst can't live without people... they need enablers. To them people are property. The only way to win the naracisst game is cut the supply. Reacting is a supply. So to win this game you have agree her parenting style is superior to yours.. that it is better and you defuse any argument by not responding. This ends the game... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Minimal contact. Never answer her calls directly. Let them go to voicemail. If they aren't about the kids that you need to address delete. Same with texts. Delete anything irrelevant. You own your phone and have control over it. Pick ups and drop offs should be a 5 minute exercise. No shared holidays, birthdays, etc. keep them all separate. Stop any type of interaction unless it's needed. You'll find that 98% isn't. Once you've got those boundaries in place she'll fade. It's not written anywhere you can't do this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 We ended up sending one of our kids (my step) to a child counselor to deal with the affects of two families fighting (ex and us) We attended some sessions but mostly it was one on one. We told the counselor to help stepson - and we would support the counselors suggestions. Later on when some **** hit the fan - legally - we got support from the counselor that we were concerned and supportive parents- on our side anyway. Which we were. Link to post Share on other sites
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