True love. Parent-Child Vs Romantic

[Mrlonelyone]

Reflecting on a rainy day listening to the song "Teardrop"* made me think love of a parent for their child vs romantic love.

 

Which of these is really real? I mean 99% of parents love their children no matter the circumstances.

 

On the other hand 99% of the people we "fall in love with" we fall out of love with. Even when we get married that 1% of the time 1/2 the time that ends not in love but in passionate hate dying to indifference.

 

Not many ever become indifferent to their children.

 

This presents the question which of these is really actually love?

 

Lets discuss.

[Lilyana76]

They are both actually love, just very different kinds of love.

 

For example, I would do anything for my children. Lay my life down, get their names tattooed on my body, take a bullet for.

 

Would I do all that for a man I love, no.. i would never tattoo a mans name on my body.

 

you say "true love" multiple times, I think the love for my children is the purest and most true love in my life. And they always will be. But again, its a very different kind of love for a child versus someone you are in a relationship with.

 

I think you can be deeply in love with a romantic partner, but I don't think its as true as a love as with your children. Romantic love changes, its an evolving thing, sometimes not as passionate as other times.

 

The love of my children has never changed, its never waxed and waned, its always been strong and perfect, and always will be.

[mikeylo]

Both are real in their own way.

 

In general , all you need is love. Very true.

[preraph]

They're just different types of love. Love for a child or even a pet is a responsibility you have and you feel protective and like you must provide, and it adds a dimension, plus of course, giving birth, knowing a child is part of you, is a closeness like no other.

 

Romantic love should never cross over to parental love, but I've seen people make their kids replace their spouse in many ways, even if not sexual ones, and unhealthy things like that that are not fair to a child, codependence, that sort of thing.

 

On a lighter note, I was leaving the grocery store today when I saw two pidgeons identical except one was smaller and one was larger. They both even had an unusual large nuclear green spot on their chests in the same place. The big one was chasing the little one around in "that" way. I said "You two stop chasing each other. You're OBVIOUSLY related."

[basil67]

Do you have children? Have you ever loved a partner?

 

I'm wondering if you're asking this because you've never experienced both types of love.

[amaysngrace]

The love you have for your child is instant, or should be, from before they're even born while love for a partner needs time to grow.

[Mrlonelyone]

Do you have children? Have you ever loved a partner?

 

I'm wondering if you're asking this because you've never experienced both types of love.

 

Yes I have that is why I am reflecting on them.

 

Due to social reasons beyond my control I have not been a part of my childs life since he was one. The mothers family disappeared her for a long while after that point. They are pakistani muslims I am a gender non-conforming black male. Never been sued for child support so don't anyone speak of that. Not a deadbeat just had my child ripped away and can't afford to sue myself.

 

All of that said the love I felt and still feel for my son who will be 12 is far beyond anything I've ever felt romantically. As others have said it does not wax or wane. It does not diminish. They are a part of who we are.

 

On the other hand... how often do people end up disliking the other person who is a part of that kid. My own case in point.

[Sweetfish]

Reflecting on a rainy day listening to the song "Teardrop"* made me think love of a parent for their child vs romantic love.

 

Which of these is really real? I mean 99% of parents love their children no matter the circumstances.

 

On the other hand 99% of the people we "fall in love with" we fall out of love with. Even when we get married that 1% of the time 1/2 the time that ends not in love but in passionate hate dying to indifference.

 

Not many ever become indifferent to their children.

 

This presents the question which of these is really actually love?

 

Lets discuss.

 

Your child is considered an extension of your self... to not love your child is like to not love your self.

[Gaeta]

Yes I have that is why I am reflecting on them.

 

Due to social reasons beyond my control I have not been a part of my childs life since he was one. The mothers family disappeared her for a long while after that point. They are pakistani muslims I am a gender non-conforming black male. Never been sued for child support so don't anyone speak of that. Not a deadbeat just had my child ripped away and can't afford to sue myself.

 

All of that said the love I felt and still feel for my son who will be 12 is far beyond anything I've ever felt romantically. As others have said it does not wax or wane. It does not diminish. They are a part of who we are.

 

On the other hand... how often do people end up disliking the other person who is a part of that kid. My own case in point.

 

I am very sorry your child was taken away.

 

My ex-husband had a child taken away from him. She disappeared for 15 years. When the child reached 21 she found him on her own. Their relationship father-daughter picked up from there and had a good relationship together till he died. I hope you get to reconnect with your child one day.

 

You never hate the other part of your child no matter what. Your child is his own person and only inherited of both your DNA. He has nothing to do with your past history.

[blueskyday]

Romantic love is thinking you would die to save your love interest.

 

Parental love is knowing you would die for your child.

[Cookiesandough]

First of all, not all parents love their children. Some abandon them, use them, even murder them for financial gain. The I see it is that the love a parent has for a child typically is more 'unconditional' and stronger because there's a bond between a parent and a child that you don't have with a romantic partner. Parents and child are bound by blood, years of raising them, that cannot be changed. There are many people you can enter into romantic relationships with and most people are cognizant that if one person doesn't work out you can find someone else. I know my parents are much more forgiving of me than a significant other would be. This is because they had me, raised me, I am part of them, come from them... That doesn't mean that I can't find someone who loves me as much as my parents do... It's just not as likely. Just my opinion.

[burnt]

I do not have children. I never intend to. I have known that since I was quiet young. I am one of those women who do not feel this "natural" instinct to reproduce.

 

I intellectually understand what people mean by "parents' love for their children is unconditional". I don't understand it emotionally, as I have never felt it.

 

But I have felt romantic love. The intensity I have felt was overwhelmingly strong. I have felt that I would do anything for the person I loved. It's funny, it was at the height of that relationship I once told him that I could almost get a glimpse of a mother's love for a child through the way I love him.

 

Just a thought: perhaps the ones who have experienced both romantic love and parental love, the parental love becomes stronger. But for those without children, as myself, the romantic love becomes strong enough to come from a very deep place. Think about it: if you have a child, your life centers around that life. If you don't have a child, then your romantic partner can almost become the center in your life that fills that void in you.

 

So, can it be unconditional? Yes it can be. It depends on the person and what they have in their lives that they consider as precious.

 

If all you have felt nothing but loneliness on and on and on, and then find someone you are in love with who can fill the emptiness in you--you ask yourself, what would you be willing to do or lose to keep that person in your life?

JUST ABOUT ANYTHING.

[Lady2163]

You're assuming those are the only two types of love that matter.

 

I loved my parents very deeply.

I never had children, but I still grieve horribly for the last pet I had to put down.

I'd unhesitatingly move heaven and earth for my military buddies.

 

I had to do tough love with a former foster child when she was in her 30s. It hurt like hell for months. I just couldn't handle it anymore. She was just using me and avoiding all adult responsibilities. The drugs, alcohol and joblessness were more than I could stomach.

[Mrlonelyone]

I am very sorry your child was taken away.

 

My ex-husband had a child taken away from him. She disappeared for 15 years. When the child reached 21 she found him on her own. Their relationship father-daughter picked up from there and had a good relationship together till he died. I hope you get to reconnect with your child one day.

 

You never hate the other part of your child no matter what. Your child is his own person and only inherited of both your DNA. He has nothing to do with your past history.

 

I don't hate my child's mother. Someone I wrote on here long ago and called "S". S gave me one of the greatest gifts one person can give another.

 

That may have to be a Luke I am your father situation. At the age he is now he has to be asking questions.

 

Romantic love is thinking you would die to save your love interest.

 

Parental love is knowing you would die for your child.

 

Certainly there is a much greater surety with parental love.

 

 

First of all, not all parents love their children. Some abandon them, use them, even murder them for financial gain.

.......

That doesn't mean that I can't find someone who loves me as much as my parents do... It's just not as likely. Just my opinion.

 

IDK that I would want to love a SO the way I love my child. I think the analogy we use in the west or really all over of "brother in law" "father in law" "Mother in law" applies.

 

My ideal situation would be to love and be loved by an SO who could eventually fit in my family and I in theres like another sibling of sorts. For our families to become one.

 

So in that sense I can see a familial like love developing.

 

 

I do not have children. I never intend to. I have known that since I was quiet young. ......

 

If all you have felt nothing but loneliness on and on and on, and then find someone you are in love with who can fill the emptiness in you--you ask yourself, what would you be willing to do or lose to keep that person in your life?

JUST ABOUT ANYTHING.

 

Not really. Maybe it is because in my situation it has been concluded after much agonizing that the best thing I can do is keep my distance from my child's mother...keeping an ear open and eye out for something like abuse. Children need stability more than they need both parents having acrimony and recriminations. My heartbreak at not being there, or the stigma of being a "deadbeat" (She does not even want my money...and hasn't sued anyone else for support I've checked.)

 

You're assuming those are the only two types of love that matter.

 

She was just using me and avoiding all adult responsibilities. The drugs, alcohol and joblessness were more than I could stomach.

 

The love of a child for a parent i'd say is included in the idea of love of a parent for a child. The way I love my parents is beyond what I have ever felt for 99% of people I felt romantic about. Only a few have been nearly equal and even then ... if it is a choice between my family and a lover family all the time.

 

There are other kinds and levels of love but as we approach the month leading up to the most anxiety filled day for many singles I wanted to start a thread where we can reflect on those.

 

Valentines day is a day where those of us who are single and looking but not finding anyone of interest can feel great angst. However maybe we can think of those loves we have in our life which are available to all of us and prove no matter how single and left out we might feel.... we are all lovable....every...single...one of us.

Edited January 17, 2017 by Mrlonelyone