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Why do women get attached after your intimate with them?


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One thing I have noticed that seems to work, at least for me. Is if you want a girl to be a keeper get her to have sex with you. At least the females I have dated seem to get very attached to me after sex and want a relationship. If we never had sex things may have ended up different.

 

My current girlfriend for example at first seemed hesitant to even want to date me. Wouldn't returned texts, was always too busy to meet for a date, cancelled on me on dates. Seemed to be giving me hint not interested.

 

Then after our second date I talked her into sex, hoping this would get her attached to me because I really wanted a very long lasting relationship with her that could lead to marriage.

 

My theory worked out. After we had sex I saw a change in her behavior toward me. Very clingy. Wants to see me everyday. Sends me 20+ texts a day. Extremely needy. Wants to get married, which is good I do too.

 

It just seems females get very attached after sex. So if you really like a girl and want her as girlfriend or even future wife one day, by having sex with her might get her so attached to you that you improve your odds of her becoming your girlfriend. Is this true?

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Because a woman's body releases the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin which mimic feelings of a strong connection. Science!

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Large amounts of the hormone oxytocin are released during sex, for men and women. It's the same hormone released during childbirth and breast feeding. Growing evidence points to this hormone reinforcing bonding between people, and even certain animals.

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Interesting. I have turned women down a few times, but I have not once in my life "talked a woman into sex"

 

If I have to talk her into it, I can't imagine her wanting me enough for it to be good sex. IME, the best sex happens when you both want it so badly you almost can't help doing it right there and right then. Clothes in a pile on the living room floor, etc.

 

But in answer to your question, women do seem to get more attached afterwards but then so do I. I can pretend it's casual, but I always feel closer and more attached afterwards. If it's not appropriate to feel that way, then I fight it. Otherwise, I just go with the feeling.

Edited by Jj66
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I also want to submit, that if you have to talk a women into sex she is likely not enjoying it. If you feel you have to convince someone, then you probably shouldn't do it.

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This is half true. We don't get attached to everyone. I've had some weak experiences after being intimate with some and I never pursued. Now the ones that were "good in bed" there was a higher chance of becoming attached.

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CaliforniaGirl
This is half true. We don't get attached to everyone. I've had some weak experiences after being intimate with some and I never pursued. Now the ones that were "good in bed" there was a higher chance of becoming attached.

 

I feel the same way.

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Sooner or Later

I've 'heard' of this happening to other women but it doesn't happen with me.

 

I also take issue with "talking" someone into sex because you want them to become "attached". Who wants someone who needs convincing to go to bed or use sex as a means to procure their attachment. <raises eyebrows>

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One thing I have noticed that seems to work, at least for me. Is if you want a girl to be a keeper get her to have sex with you. At least the females I have dated seem to get very attached to me after sex and want a relationship. If we never had sex things may have ended up different.

 

My current girlfriend for example at first seemed hesitant to even want to date me. Wouldn't returned texts, was always too busy to meet for a date, cancelled on me on dates. Seemed to be giving me hint not interested.

 

Then after our second date I talked her into sex, hoping this would get her attached to me because I really wanted a very long lasting relationship with her that could lead to marriage.

 

My theory worked out. After we had sex I saw a change in her behavior toward me. Very clingy. Wants to see me everyday. Sends me 20+ texts a day. Extremely needy. Wants to get married, which is good I do too.

 

It just seems females get very attached after sex. So if you really like a girl and want her as girlfriend or even future wife one day, by having sex with her might get her so attached to you that you improve your odds of her becoming your girlfriend. Is this true?

 

That is very skewed and somewhat manipulative thinking. Most people do not want a partner who is needy/clingy and rushing into a relationship anyway.

 

Very clingy. Wants to see me everyday. Sends me 20+ texts a day. Extremely needy. Wants to get married, which is good I do too. -- Most saavy daters who experience this scenario early on from a man or a woman, view that behavior as a red flag . . .

 

Some women do get very attached after sex, because they associate validation from a man with being intimate. "This man had sex with me, he must really, really like me", when in fact, most of the time, that couldn't be farther from the truth.

 

It's good to hold off on sex for a while with a new dating partner you are thinking you want as a serious partner just because it's better to get to know a person more deeply on other levels, but it's not a tool of manipulation just to get any girl to get attached to you.

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So, talking someone into sex turns them into psycho stalkers that won't leave you alone. You must have a magic wand.....

 

This post perplexes me, and repulses me.. and has me looking forward to other responses lol

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Some women can tap into their masculine and override nature for a time. I can the first few times having sex but after that I get very attached.

 

The hormones change for women. After menopause, it becomes easier for many women not to attach chemically.

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That's terrible advice.

 

Yes of course women get attached after sex, if it didn't happen evolution would not occur, procreation.

 

Women, it's safer to date a guy for some time to make sure he is not abusive. If he is safe and you know him well, then sleep with him.

 

Do not sleep with him on the 2nd date as you could become attached to a perpetrator of domestic violence.

 

Put your safety 1st.

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I don't buy the whole oxytocin theory. It's never been the case with me that just because I have sex with someone, I start getting mushy. And if it were true, wouldn't this mean we'd fall for our rapists? I think the brain has to already be on board for the oxtocin to kick in with women, and that means she has to already have interest.

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I need to meet these women. Haven't had that experience so far, even with the one I married. Sure, they became bonded over time but nothing remarkable after any particular sexual encounter. My rotten luck I guess. Need to work more on that killer lover stuff. Live long enough and maybe vertical and ambulatory will be enough :D

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That's terrible advice.

 

Yes of course women get attached after sex, if it didn't happen evolution would not occur, procreation.

 

Women, it's safer to date a guy for some time to make sure he is not abusive. If he is safe and you know him well, then sleep with him.

 

Do not sleep with him on the 2nd date as you could become attached to a perpetrator of domestic violence.

 

Put your safety 1st.

 

Exactly, cuz even though sex bonds us to men - sometimes and if we don't really took the time to get to know the man, we're feeling a "false" sense of bonding...hence, some women becoming psycho - cuz they jumped to sex with someone they barely know and are now in overdrive to make it work (clingy) cuz the biology bonded her to him.

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Eternal Sunshine

I don't get attached after sex. Never did. Sex doesn't change anything for me. I get more attached after having a deep conversation where I feel that a man really "gets me" than after sex. In fact, sex often solidifies the feeling of lack of chemistry if I am on the fence about someone and can lead me to end things.

 

I see sex as such a non-event, that I don't need to get any reassurances about the state of the relationship before or after.

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I don't think it is true, unless you really like the guy in the first place. Making love adds another dimension to knowing him and if it is good and he seems to really care about your needs as well as his own (emotional and physical), then it could boost attraction.

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I'll give you a perfect example of how I know the oxytocin theory doesn't work on me. When I was in my 20s, there was a guy in my circle of friends I liked to have sex with but would strenuously avoid having any actual relationship with or letting him become attached or hang around. The reason for that is he was like a bull in a china cabinet in bed, which I liked, but he was also like a bull in a china cabinet not in bed. Like he was working delivery and took the top off his employer's truck running it under too low a bridge.

 

I'm very glad the insidious oxytocin did not make me get starry eyes over him because he eventually ended up in prison, after which he was deported.

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I can feel the attachment hormones working their way after sex. But nowadays I don't let that override any logical decision I can make about the potential of the relationship. I mean I walked away from a couple of things over the past few years. One was with a guy I'd had sex with. It wasn't because of the sex, it's just that the sex made me reassess and think I'd got in too deep and that we were never going to work out in a practical sense. So I had to walk away despite the drama.

 

Also in my experience, sex hasn't made me more attached when I don't have the emotional attention too. If the guy isn't giving me enough emotional reciprocation, I reserve myself a bit so as not to get hurt even if we do have sex. So basically I'm not quite fully into the relationship because I'm not sure how much I can trust him in the early stages. If I still feel a lack of emotional attention after more time spent with the guy, I just leave. I mean I've been celibate for about 3 years now. The last guy I dated I didn't have sex with because I didn't have that emotional reassurance.

Edited by thecrucible
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I don't get attached after sex.

 

After a really good, screaming orgasm though, I will leap tall buildings to keep the energy going in the relationship, only because I want that sscreaming O again. And again.

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thefooloftheyear

I won't totally discount the hormone theory, but there is something else here that's a larger factor, IMO...I mean, as a healthy guy with a healthy testosterone level, then I should be taking down every woman in my path, remotely interested...We are humans, not animals, so hormones are factors, but they don't explain or direct our behavior, or everything we do..

 

As most are aware, in the majority of cases, women are the gatekeepers of sex...I think women are conditioned to assume that once a guy gets what he wants, he may not hang around...Or he may only be staying around for the sex..Especially if she gives a green light early in the R...Point is, they really don't know what direction its going in, until they become attached and get reciprocal feelings from the guy...I won't say all women are this way, but most are...

 

.So, as a "test" to the guys intentions/motivations, to gauge the "quality" of the relationship, or perhaps to relieve any insecurity after the event, they become attached...At that point, they can gauge the level of commitment by the guy by how he reacts...If they don't seek this "higher level", then they are, in essence, giving the guy the out, if all he wanted was to get some sex......

 

.02

 

TFY

Edited by thefooloftheyear
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Trust me, that's not always true, even if you give them the greatest pleasure. However, if they are only having sex with you, it certainly increases the chance that they will get attached.

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