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Interesting discoveries...possible hope for dumpees.


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I have been collecting data that is pretty surprising. I did a quick poll on 50 random strangers on a group question website, the question was "Have you ever been dumped? If so, did they try coming back later on after you moved on?" 34 answered yes, 11 no. 4 people said they still haven't moved on. 3 answered "I have never been in a relationship." and 2 said they have experienced this as the dumper. After asking family and friends, I received promising numbers also. Usually cheating and abuse made the ex never look back, I haven't seen one case. I will continue to try to ask more and more people, and gather more info. (I only took their answer as a "yes" of every single of their dumpers wanted them back, it was a no if not all were interested." Any more questions I should try to gather data and numbers on? I'm still not finished with this, and hope to get more info.

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The only caveat I want to put out there is that some people are in this forum right now at a time when they are extremely vulnerable and clinging to hope. There's nothing wrong with being vulnerable, but in a lot of these cases, clinging to hope will only keep them stuck to people and relationships that are either dead or should ultimately be let go.

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Of the people who tried to come back later, how many of them managed to change what caused the breakup in the first place and re-establish a successful relationship?

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Of the people who tried to come back later, how many of them managed to change what caused the breakup in the first place and re-establish a successful relationship?

 

Exactly.

 

I'm in my thirties, so I've got some experiences along with being the observant type. Very few relationships that long more than a few months end on the first try. Usually it takes two (or more breakups) before it'll finally stick.

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I have been collecting data that is pretty surprising. I did a quick poll on 50 random strangers on a group question website, the question was "Have you ever been dumped? If so, did they try coming back later on after you moved on?" 34 answered yes, 11 no. 4 people said they still haven't moved on. 3 answered "I have never been in a relationship." and 2 said they have experienced this as the dumper. After asking family and friends, I received promising numbers also. Usually cheating and abuse made the ex never look back, I haven't seen one case. I will continue to try to ask more and more people, and gather more info. (I only took their answer as a "yes" of every single of their dumpers wanted them back, it was a no if not all were interested." Any more questions I should try to gather data and numbers on? I'm still not finished with this, and hope to get more info.
If I were you, I'd probably try to clarify what "coming back later" means. You know the dumpee mindset, right?

Oooooh, she texted me, sent me a birthday greeting, what could it mean? Is she still interested? ..... etc.

 

I take "coming back later" to mean that the dumper returned from LC/NC to unequivocally express an interest in romantic reconciliation. I find it difficult at best to believe that almost 70% of people you polled had that experience.

 

Also, you ask two questions, but you only get one answer?

 

Have you been dumped? Did they come back? How does one answer if the answers are Y and N? Is this universally understood? You said "I took..." which could mean that was the way you interpreted it.

 

Your results are shocking, frankly. I think you could stand to tighten up your methodology.

Edited by mightycpa
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If I were you, I'd probably try to clarify what "coming back later" means. You know the dumpee mindset, right?

Oooooh, she texted me, sent me a birthday greeting, what could it mean? Is she still interested? ..... etc.

 

I take "coming back later" to mean that the dumper returned from LC/NC to unequivocally express an interest in romantic reconciliation. I find it difficult at best to believe that almost 70% of people you polled had that experience.

 

Also, you ask two questions, but you only get one answer?

 

Have you been dumped? Did they come back? How does one answer if the answers are Y and N? Is this universally understood? You said "I took..." which could mean that was the way you interpreted it.

 

Your results are shocking, frankly. I think you could stand to tighten up your methodology.

 

I will try to ask more specific questions. As in come back, I meant they had interest in them. Of course I'm not sure about the strangers, but my family and friends mentioned they wanted a possible reconcilation. I will ask more people in real life, and have more follow up questions. I found it difficult to believe too, but it's what I got. I will have follow up info later on with more specific questions.

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Of the people who tried to come back later, how many of them managed to change what caused the breakup in the first place and re-establish a successful relationship?

 

For the people I gave follow up questions to, they said they have moved on. My original question, I mentioned did they come back AFTER they moved on, which I believe that would mean they said no. I will be asking more specific follow up questions. I believe there should be some hope on here...of course the dumpee should always move on first.

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The only caveat I want to put out there is that some people are in this forum right now at a time when they are extremely vulnerable and clinging to hope. There's nothing wrong with being vulnerable, but in a lot of these cases, clinging to hope will only keep them stuck to people and relationships that are either dead or should ultimately be let go.

 

The dumpees should always move on first. Moving on seems to be the way your ex will find interest in coming back.

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Exactly.

 

I'm in my thirties, so I've got some experiences along with being the observant type. Very few relationships that long more than a few months end on the first try. Usually it takes two (or more breakups) before it'll finally stick.

 

Just like quitting a bad habit

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The dumpees should always move on first. Moving on seems to be the way your ex will find interest in coming back.
Yeah, but in that case,

 

a) who cares?

and

b) is that a proper motivation? Wanting something you can't have?

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WHATEVER.

 

Bullcrap. Exes rarely come back unless they are horny and lonely or desperate:sick:

 

My ex REALLY thought I was the Love of His Life.

 

Guess what? Even someone who once loved me that much and would once do anything to be with me - has not/will likely never come back.

 

Feelings usually change!

 

This is not the Notebook or fairytale! In REAL LIFE they do not come back, professing their undying love.

 

Stop giving people false hope peoples, desperate people who are undergoing mental torture, having nightmares then waking up with that dreaded empty feeling of waking up without them and realising their life still feels like they are living in their nightmares.

 

These threads annoy me so much, sorry but they are not coming knocking on our door declaring they cannot live without us, we ARE NOT the 2% this actually happens to.

 

Feel free to join Lotto, you all have about as much chance.

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The dumpees should always move on first. Moving on seems to be the way your ex will find interest in coming back.

 

So why is any of this "hope for dumpees"?

 

If a dumpee has moved on, they aren't going to want to be bothered by the ex. They will have a new life and new love and be quite happy without the ex.

Edited by basil67
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I will try to ask more specific questions. As in come back, I meant they had interest in them. Of course I'm not sure about the strangers, but my family and friends mentioned they wanted a possible reconcilation. I will ask more people in real life, and have more follow up questions. I found it difficult to believe too, but it's what I got. I will have follow up info later on with more specific questions.

 

Again, I think you need to clarify exactly what this means.

 

Having an interest in someone could range from wanting to meet for coffee to catch up, to hooking up for another roll in the hay, to actually asking for another chance at the relationship.

 

I also think you need to ask more detailed follow-up questions. If the dumper came back, and the couple resumed the relationship, was it a successful reconciliation? Are they still together now? If not, why not? How long did the reconciliation last?

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My ex cheated on me and we got back together and have been back together for over a year now.

 

I know most people will say I was just lonely or desperate but actually I was going ok. I still loved him but I was getting on with my life. I actually thought he would never come back and he did.

 

I had other offers from men who wanted to date me but I wanted that time to find out who I was and 15 months later I was traveling, enjoying myself at last and he started persuing me again.

 

We took it slow and we have been back together for over a year now.

 

The good just outweighed the bad in my case and we are in a very good place right now.

 

So yes it does happen.

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Mine have come back. But in turn, me as the dumper I've never come back. Was it men that come back more than women with your poll?

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WHATEVER.

 

Bullcrap. Exes rarely come back unless they are horny and lonely or desperate:sick:

 

My ex REALLY thought I was the Love of His Life.

 

Guess what? Even someone who once loved me that much and would once do anything to be with me - has not/will likely never come back.

 

Feelings usually change!

 

This is not the Notebook or fairytale! In REAL LIFE they do not come back, professing their undying love.

 

Stop giving people false hope peoples, desperate people who are undergoing mental torture, having nightmares then waking up with that dreaded empty feeling of waking up without them and realising their life still feels like they are living in their nightmares.

 

These threads annoy me so much, sorry but they are not coming knocking on our door declaring they cannot live without us, we ARE NOT the 2% this actually happens to.

 

Feel free to join Lotto, you all have about as much chance.

 

Your a dumper... if your exe fixed his issues would you go back.

 

Exactly!

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The only caveat I want to put out there is that some people are in this forum right now at a time when they are extremely vulnerable and clinging to hope. There's nothing wrong with being vulnerable, but in a lot of these cases, clinging to hope will only keep them stuck to people and relationships that are either dead or should ultimately be let go.

 

Your posts are dead on.

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Mine have come back. But in turn, me as the dumper I've never come back. Was it men that come back more than women with your poll?

 

Yes, men would come back more often.

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Your a dumper... if your exe fixed his issues would you go back.

 

Exactly![/quote

 

It was mutual.

 

It's ok if you believe that there's a 2% chance dumpers will find interest again, your life is different from everyone else's. No one can make a 100% accurate statistic on how many exes come back, because EVERYONE is different. Feelings change, you can never want to talk or see your ex again one month, then the next want them really bad. No one can tell someone what they will feel or do. The poll I ran had a lot of people saying their ex tried coming back, that doesn't mean the dumpee wanted to, or if the interest was for sex or genuine. I will do more questions to get better info. Have a good day.

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This thread is similar to another being circulated. It would be impossible to standardize data due to the range of experiences and differences in people.

 

For me, I chased the exwf back (somewhat).

 

I've been reached out to twice, one by a short term gorgeous doctor who ended up ghosting me again, and by my first love 11 years later. I declined her, but boy I thought about it.

 

Although my comrades's swear differently, I highly doubt if I will hear from the most recent exgf ever again. If I did, honestly I'm not sure what I would do. For now, may the urine of 1000 camels soil her bedroll at night.

 

An attempt to collect this data seeks to examine trends and exercise control. You simply cannot control emotions, especially when combined with peoples daily lives. Too many variables.

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This thread is similar to another being circulated. It would be impossible to standardize data due to the range of experiences and differences in people.

 

For me, I chased the exwf back (somewhat).

 

I've been reached out to twice, one by a short term gorgeous doctor who ended up ghosting me again, and by my first love 11 years later. I declined her, but boy I thought about it.

 

Although my comrades's swear differently, I highly doubt if I will hear from the most recent exgf ever again. If I did, honestly I'm not sure what I would do. For now, may the urine of 1000 camels soil her bedroll at night.

 

An attempt to collect this data seeks to examine trends and exercise control. You simply cannot control emotions, especially when combined with peoples daily lives. Too many variables.

 

Yep, everyone is different. You can't really say who will come back and who won't, you can't make it a statistic really. It's too complicated. I just did this to see what others have experienced

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Your a dumper... if your exe fixed his issues would you go back.

 

Exactly![/quote

 

It was mutual.

 

 

It wasn't mutual. Their is no such things as a mutual split.

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