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Is he really all in?


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First time posting here but I figured I might get some advice from you guys.

Alrighty, so my boyfriend and I have been together for a few months. I'm completely head over heels for him but it seems as if he's only got one foot in the relationship. Now this may just be my mind playing tricks on me but I'm not sure.

There was an instant where the first few weeks we were "official" I caught him on a dating site and he said it was just that he was so used to being on them that he just did it when he was bored. He deleted them afterwards.

He says all the time he really loves being with me and everything that comes with it. But then he also says he's not 100% sure we're right for each other. He wants to spend everyday and night with me but he says he's not sure I'm the right one. He told me at the beginning of the relationship that he was looking for someone to settle down with, marry, and start a life. So he wouldn't still be with me if he didn't think there was a chance of this working, would he?

I love him but I'm way too scared to tell him at this point with him being so in and out of the relationship, emotionally.

What do you guys think?

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yes, you're right that he wouldn't be wth you if he didn't think here was a chance. But you must remember that there's a huge difference between a "chance" and "100% sure"

 

You've only been together for a few months. You're still getting to know each other, so it's unrealistic to expect him to be sure about anything at this stage.

 

Has he told you about anything in particular which is making him wary of a relationship with you?

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That's a little unfair to you if you ask me. If my girlfriend said that to me that would make me think, "Hmm...she doesn't really seem to be all that into me." But on one hand he could very well just be overanalyzing what it means to have a 'perfect relationship' and is still 'keeping his options open' in that manner. But either way that's not very fair to you. If you're with someone you're committed to them 100%. If someone were to say to me, "I'm not sure if we're right for each other or if we'll be able to get married in the future." then it seems to me he's not fully devoted to the relationship and is still keeping his options open. How old are you guys? If you guys are fairly young and are still in high school/college then it's somewhat normal to think that I guess.

 

You can either stay with him and see if it works out in the future or you can move on to someone who seems more 'sure' and devoted about his relationship with you. Your choice. Again you guys just started dating so it's not completely uncommon for people to wonder these things.

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I'm 22 he's 25.

I know we're young but that's always been a common goal for both of us. I think he does over analyze a bit which makes me a bit nervous too.

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I know there's a difference between a chance and 100% but to be jumping between the two hurts me. Yes he has told me a few things that bother him and I have too. We've agreed together to work on them but no matter what I do, it always comes back to the same comments.

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CaliforniaGirl

No, he's not all in and therefore he may not monopolize your days and nights. You are giving him all, and allowing him to take what he wants when he wants it, while effectively cutting yourself off from other, stronger possibilities.

 

How about, you scale back to twice a week? If he whines, he whines. Tough darts. You're not married. He doesn't get to tell you you will be available to him day and night. (Not that married people can "tell" one another what to do or demand one another's constant presence, but you get the point; now make him get the point, too.)

 

He wants all of you? Then he gives all of him. Nope? He's not sure? Then you're not sure. And that's the truth, not a game...you're NOT sure. You're on this forum right now telling us flat out that you're not sure what the hell is going on. So there you go.

 

Pull back. Take back some of your independence. He hasn't earned your exclusivity yet because he is not giving you his. Exclusivity is a mutual thing. Just one person can't do it. Pull back, fill your time with friends who lobe you and remember who the hell you are.

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